Sidechick Chronicles (2 page)

THE EDUCATED GIRLFRIEND

"I want to have sex with your words. I want to bang your brain. My insides quivers from your touch as your linguistics tantalize the heat from within.  Your fingerprints leave traces of evidence that passion was felt. Our rapidly beating hearts proves that ecstasy was explored and pleasure ruled as we found ourselves lost in the depths of our moans. The fire burns so hot the very touch you place upon my skin ignites a blaze unable to be contained. Your breath falls on my neck leaving remnants of how you taste. I swallow pieces of your soul and at that moment, I feel like we are one......"

Ever wonder if this could be you?

Did you ever think you could fall for someone who said things like this to you?

These words, his words played in my mind over and over again. Made me question my morals, standards, and even the way I was raised. Every day I fought this daily battle I knew deep down was self-destructive. I was your all American girl. I grew up in a two parent household, middle class neighborhood and attended really great schools. I graduated at the top of my class in both undergrad and grad school. I pledged DST and at this point I would consider myself very successful. I belonged to a few community organizations and I was a well-known Public Relations professional.

I even attended church every Sunday and had a very close relationship with God.  Sadly, none of that matters when it comes to this situation. I have learned that all of these accolades are irrelevant.  They have no merit when it comes to feelings or better yet,
the heart
.

See the thing is; I have a dark secret.

A secret that on the surface you would never guess I could even have.
Why you ask?
Well, it’s because I don't fit the typical ghetto persona that sometimes embodies this position. I come from a great background so no one, and I mean no one would ever think that the daughter of a well-respected doctor and law professor who have been married for almost 40 years could wear the label that is used so loosely these days.

The thing is; I've been in a relationship with my boss for a year and a half. Despite our situation, I'm in love with him. Unfortunately, I don't think we will ever be a forever kind of thing. I found out the most disturbing news about him. I should walk away, cut all ties and move on with my life. Sadly, it’s not that easy. As women we're all the same when it comes to dealing with toxic love relationships. 

The heart wants what it wants.

Your body feeds off the ecstasy its being given.

Your soul is connected to the core of his being.

We all have a story as to how we find ourselves in these situations. A story as to why we can't walk away at the very moment we find out. My story may be different from yours, but the outcome is still the same.

Welcome to the Side Chick Chronicles…

D
estiny

1

"You are so full of shit and it’s so not funny anymore!"

I was so pissed at him I couldn't fight back the tears. We had 20 years together.  The last ten of them were full of constant bullshit, lies and drama.  Part of me knew I should walk away from this constant heartbreak cycle he seemed to put me through.  Unfortunately, I loved him and that was my problem. We were high school sweethearts. The Byron I knew then was not the Byron I loved now.

"Des; please calm down and let me explain," he said.

I looked at him because I was far beyond the point of calm. I was tired of this situation and I was definitely tired of his ass. I should've ended this the day he told me he had been in a relationship with another woman and they were engaged to be married. At the time, all I could do was swing on him. I was angry, hurt and heartbroken. I felt all that we had been through he would think not to do me like this. We had a beautiful daughter together. We had history. So to throw all of that away because he couldn't get over the fact that I cheated on him when he cheated first was beyond me.

I believe his actual words were, "
I could forgive you if it was just simply cheating.  I hate that we are at this point. You are pregnant and I cannot look at another man's child for the rest of my life."
 

Not his child, another man's child. 

Another secret
, I thought.

"Byron, save me your false sense of caring bullshit. I don't want to hear it anymore. You come here and feed me the same lies every damn week.  I'm tired of it.  I'm tired of you!"

He looked stunned.

He had seen me pissed and even hurt. He had never seen me emotionally broken and mentally exhausted. Twenty years with a person who constantly placed you on an emotional roller coaster was too much.  There was too much damage to fix. I was at an end with him. I knew I needed to cut these ties for the sake of my sanity. Plus, I knew I needed to be a better example for my daughters.

I loved him though. 

He had my soul in the palm of his right hand and my heart in his left.

"Des, I love you. Believe me when I say I'm leaving her. I just need you to give me until I get back from this trip.

I rolled my eyes.

There was always a need for a little more time.

Always one more trip to come back from.

It had been ten years’ worth of one more times.

2

"So who's keeping you company on your trip this time, your wife?" I asked. I knew it sounded like I had an attitude. I didn’t care because I did.

"No she’s a business colleague. We're just going to close this deal and that's it. It’s not a big deal, nothing special and strictly professional."

"I'm sure it is," I replied sarcastically.

I knew better. He wouldn’t know professional if it was tattooed on his forehead.  He stepped closer to me.

"Baby you are the only woman I love. You have had my heart since we were 17 years old. You have my daughter and as soon as I get her to sign these papers, we will finally be together."

He had never brought up papers. He was blabbering about leaving her and no real action to follow. Maybe
this time
he was serious. He seemed to have put all of his anger surrounding Karter aside.  Maybe this time we really were going to be a family.

I rubbed my hand up his arm over the tattoo of my name.  A spontaneous date night we will never forget. The things you do when you are young, foolish and in love. At one time he'd threatened to get it removed when
I
broke his heart. I knew he would never do it though.

We were soul mates.

Connected and intertwined in places his wife Valentine could never be in. Yes they were married, but that was just a paperwork issue. 

"Byron I have no more room in my heart for you to come in and then leave again.  I want a real relationship. I want to be with you.  I don’t want to just be your
baby mama
anymore."

"Baby what did I tell you about saying baby mama? I hate that term. You are so much more than a baby mama to me. I promise I won't hurt you anymore. We are going to be together once she signs the papers."

There goes that papers lie again. Sometimes I felt he told that divorce lie to keep me from filing child support papers on him.  The only reason why I didn’t jam him up was because he took care of his daughter. 

"You don't even have any papers.  This is yet another lie you came here to tell me again."

I was getting pissed all over again. I was no stranger to heartbreak and a regular member in the drama club thanks to him. I started backing up because I felt like I was going to hit him again. We had moments in the past where I had put my hands on him. He never hit me back and I promised him I would never do it again. Youth and raw emotions were a dangerous combination.

"Why are you backing up Destiny?"

My eyes started to get watery again.

"I think you should go. I need time to think and I can't think when you're here.  We need some time apart. Maybe we should chill for a few weeks.  You should take some time to yourself and I'll do the same.  It will give you a chance to really think about where you want to be.”

He had a puzzled look on his face. Like he couldn't comprehend what I was saying.  He stepped away from me and walked over to his briefcase. I wasn't sure what he was going to grab so I put a little more distance between us. A sistah could never be too careful. Men were taking out their girlfriends on a regular these days. He pulled out some paperwork and walked back over to me.

"Here," he said as he handed me the papers.

"What's this Byron?"

"Open it and see since you think I'm such a liar."

I snapped my head back at the fact he had the nerve to be offended. As if he hadn’t told this same lie for years. I unfolded the paperwork and read the top,
PETITION FOR DIVORCE.

3

I smiled.  I wanted to jump up into his arms. He was expecting that reaction and I knew it.  I wouldn't dare give him the satisfaction.  I couldn't lie though.  I was happy to see he was moving forward with it.  He finally did it.  I had the proof right here in my hands. No more nights of me sometimes feeling like I was only a booty call.  We were finally going to be a family.

I could finally have him to myself. 
Mrs. Byron McDaniels,
that was finally going to be my name.

"So you don't have anything smart to say?" he asked.

He wanted to gloat.  I would let him have this tiny moment.  I smiled at him and held my arms out for him to come closer.  I wanted to hold him.  Feel his heartbeat next to mine.  They would finally be able to beat in sync.

"I know baby.  I told you a lot of lies in the past.  Not this time.  This time it’s real."

I kissed him.

"January is going to be happy you're coming to live with us for good."

He stepped back.

"What's wrong Byron?"

"Nothing is wrong baby. I think we should wait until everything is finalized before you tell her.  I don’t want to get her hopes up.  This process may be a while and I don’t want to upset her."

I didn't like the way he said that or what he said. I detected a sense of uncertainty which equated to some more bullshit around the corner.  I mean if you have talked to an attorney and everything is legit, what's the problem?  I could feel my chest getting tight again and I knew I needed to calm down.

"What do you mean? I thought you would want the girls to know. You know they get excited every time you are here."

"I do want to include them. I just want to make sure everything is straight before we get their hopes up.  It’s Christmas time and I just want them to be excited about that.”

I was torn between being excited and unsure if this was really going to happen. We have ridden this ride before and I was at my exit point. I've lied, he's lied and there has been a lot of hurting on both ends. We will always share January, but that's not enough anymore. I want to come home to my own man for once. I was tired of sharing somebody else's husband, even if I had him first.