Silence and the Word (26 page)

Manda giggled. “Silly teddy. I let you.”

“Yes, Amanda.” The teddy hugged her tight—and
then it started to kiss her lips. Manda tried to pull back, but
there was nowhere but floor and Teddy’s warm arms. She almost got
scared…but nothing hurt. After a minute, she relaxed. Teddy’s
kisses were kind of nice. His mouth didn’t move, so it was like
having a tiny furry pillow pressed against her lips. She let Teddy
kiss her for a little while, and then commanded, “Teddy, stop. I
have to go to sleep.”

“Yes, Amanda.” Teddy obediently stood up,
reaching a hand out to help her to her feet. Manda let him help her
up, but when she changed into her pj’s, she did it in the bathroom.
This was kind of a strange teddy bear. Maybe there was something
wrong with its programming—but Manda didn’t want to give it up. It
was the last present her mom had given her, and if her mom came
back, she might be hurt if Manda had thrown it away. As long as the
bear still obeyed commands, it should be okay. Manda had never
heard of a teddy bear hurting anyone.

The next evening, they played “Catch Amanda”
again. Manda didn’t run as hard this time—she was curious. When
Teddy caught her and kissed her, she closed her eyes, the way they
did it in the grown-up holos. Manda’s mom had watched those a lot,
especially late at night, when she thought Manda was asleep. It was
hard to sleep through all the funny noises, though, and once Manda
had snuck out of her bed and down the hall to watch the shadowy
figures moving around her mom. It was kind of creepy, though, and
after that time Manda had just pulled the blankets up tighter and
put the pillow over her head so she could sleep.

Teddy kissed her lips for a long time, and
then started kissing her face. Then her neck. Little shivers went
through Manda. When Teddy’s paws started rubbing her sides, Manda
didn’t say stop. When the bear’s hands moved to her chest, where
small breasts made lumps in the fabric of her dress, Manda didn’t
say stop. For a long time Teddy kissed her, his paws rubbing gently
at her breasts, and it was only when her dad called down the hall,
“Hey, kiddo—bedtime!” that she commanded the bear, “Teddy,
stop!”

The next night, Manda went straight up to her
room after dinner. By this time, she had realized that her mother
hadn’t bought this bear for her. Manda had found her mom’s present
in the hall closet—a set of fairytale holos, full of princes and
princesses living happily ever after. Boring, like all the other
presents her mom had ever given her. The teddy was a much better
present. Manda guessed her mom had bought it for one of her
grown-up friends. Manda didn’t know why someone would make a
teddy bear
that did sex stuff—but she wasn’t dumb. She knew
what Teddy was doing. And added to the shivers from Teddy’s paws
was a little thrill—she was doing something that she knew both her
parents would disapprove of. Served them right.

That night Teddy’s paws moved from her
breasts to her thighs, and then slid between them. One paw rubbed
back and forth, until his lush fur was wet and matted. Manda
whimpered, and her back arched. Teddy’s broad paw curved and pushed
against her, gently at first, then harder and harder. Eventually,
Manda’s small body twisted as strong shivers raced through her, and
her vision blurred for a long, sweet moment. After that, the game
changed.

Now they played “Catch Teddy” as often as
“Catch Amanda.” Manda would laugh when she caught him, demanding,
“Kiss me, Teddy.” And Teddy would. Manda took good care of her
Teddy, washing his fur and drying it, brushing it till it shone.
When Manda was almost eleven and a half, the game changed
again.

Teddy was on top of her again, kissing her,
his paws busy against her. Manda shivered and twisted beneath him.
It wasn’t quite working that day, and Manda didn’t know what to do.
She didn’t know how to tell him what she wanted—especially when she
didn’t know what it was. Manda started reciting lines from her
mom’s holos. “C’mere, baby.” “God, yes.” “Do it, darling.” Teddy
ignored all of these, the way he ignored anything he didn’t
understand, playing by the rules of “Catch Amanda,” until finally
Manda tried “Take me now!”

Her eyes fixed on the ceiling, Manda couldn’t
see the long penis that extended from its concealed furry sheath.
But she felt it, sliding inside her, almost like a thick finger
might. For a moment she was afraid—but it went so quickly that
before she could blink Teddy was sunk deep inside her—and it felt
good. There had been a slight twinge, but nothing as bad as what
the health class holos had warned them about. The bear began
moving, still kissing her face with furry lips, and the movements
felt so good that Manda put her hand in her mouth and bit down.
When Manda came this time, she felt like her head was exploding.
And when Teddy stopped moving, the bear said softly, “I love you,
Amanda.”

Manda hugged him tight. “I love you too,
Teddy.” Then he stood up, and his penis slid smoothly back inside
him—the slit was practically invisible. Manda put on her pj’s and
fell contentedly asleep.

The next day, Manda was late to dinner
because she was playing with Teddy and lost track of time. When she
finally arrived at the table, her father roused from his daze long
enough to ask a few questions.

“Sweetie, what do you do in your room all
evening?”

“Homework.”

Her father frowned, his eyes fixed a few
inches above her head. “I don’t remember homework taking you so
long.”

“Sixth grade is harder, dad. I have a term
paper due next Friday, and we’re doing worm dissections now in
science.”

“Dissections, huh?”

He hesitated, and Manda tensed, knowing that
he was going to try to
talk
to her. She hated these
talks.

“Honey, I know your mother leaving has been
hard on you… .” He was having trouble talking; the words came out
separately, almost like sobs. After a few breaths, he continued, “I
keep hoping that she’ll come back to visit you like she said she
would, but you know how it is. Interplanetary calls
are
awfully expensive…and I’m sure she’s really very busy with…well… .”
He trailed off, then started again. “You haven’t brought any of
your friends from school over in a while…that nice Janet, or
Chantal… .”

Manda was silent.

Her father blinked red eyes. “Well, if you
need any help, or just want to talk, you know you can ask me.” Her
father blinked past her through his glasses.

Manda held back a sigh. It was a little late
to try to do the good dad thing. It had been too late since the day
her mom left, the day her dad had stopped looking at Manda’s face.
He had even stopped saying her name, maybe because it was the same
name as her mother’s, Amanda. He called her sweetie, or kiddo, or
honey—never Manda. But she didn’t want to hurt his feelings by
telling him she didn’t need his help anymore, now that she had
Teddy.

“Sure, dad.” She came around the table and
patted his hand, once, and he smiled, still looking past her face.
Then she took her dishes into the kitchen, stacked them in the
cleaner, and went down the hall to Teddy.

“Do you love me, Teddy?” she asked him that
night. She had started taking him to bed with her, and he made a
comforting lump beside her.

“Of course, Amanda.”

“Really love me?”

“Yes, Amanda.”

“And you’ll never leave me?”

“No, Amanda.”

“Good.”

In science class, dissections gave way to
studying rocks, and rocks gave way to electricity. In May, Manda’s
class started studying robots. After three days of lectures, Manda
came home furious. She slammed through the empty apartment until
she was in her room, two inches away from the bear, glaring.

“You don’t love me, do you, Teddy?”

“I love you, Amanda.”

“You don’t care about me at all.”

“I care about you, Amanda.”

“You don’t feel anything. You’re just a
machine. You’re programmed to say that stuff. Who programmed you to
say you loved me?” Manda’s voice had risen into a wail.

“You did, Amanda.”

Manda stared at the bear. It had no reason to
lie—but she hadn’t programmed it.

“Teddy,” she asked carefully, “when did I
program you to say ‘I love you’?”

“July 13th, 2018. Three years and seven
months ago, Amanda.” Teddy’s voice was the same as ever, warm and
fuzzy.

Manda sat down hard on the edge of her bed,
thinking. She hadn’t had the bear that long ago—but who knew how
long it had been sitting in her mom’s closet? Manda had thought her
mom had maybe bought it as a present for someone else, some
grown-up—but her mom’s name was Amanda, just like hers—and the bear
wasn’t really all that smart. When Manda first talked to it, the
bear had said that she had changed, but Manda hadn’t really thought
about it. If it had thought then that she was her mom…then this was
her mom’s bear. And her mom had probably done all that sex stuff
with it, and told it to say it loved her, instead of doing it with
Manda’s dad like she was supposed to… . Manda’s stomach churned,
and she wrapped her arms tight around it, trying not to throw
up.

“It’s your fault.” The bear stared blankly at
her, not programmed to respond to that phrase. Manda screamed the
next words. “It’s your fault they broke up! She probably loved you
more than she did him. She loved a stupid teddy bear more than my
dad…” Manda was crying now—huge, ugly sobs. Teddy moved to hold
her, his fuzzy arms coming up, and Manda struck out wildly, hitting
him. This didn’t slow Teddy, and he wrapped her in his arms,
leaning to kiss her until she shouted, “Teddy, stop!” He stopped,
freezing in place. “Get away from me, Teddy—back up!” The bear
stood up and backed a few steps away, still looking straight at
Manda with its slowly blinking eyes. Manda cried until her head
ached and her nose was dripping. Finally, the tears slowed and
stopped, and she looked back at the bear. It was standing perfectly
still, the way it had been programmed. Programmed by her mom.

Manda stood up shakily, staring at the bear.
“It’s not really your fault, is it, Teddy? You didn’t get any say
in it. She just told you what to do, and you did it. She didn’t
love you. She just used you, and then she left.” Manda walked to
the door. She paused in the doorway, and without turning, she said,
“Go into the closet, Teddy. Stay there.” Then she closed the door
behind her, and went down the hall.

Manda’s dad seemed happy that she was playing
more and studying less. When she handed him a report card with two
C’s in June, he just shook his head, muttering, “Poor kid.” That
summer, she stayed out all day, coming home for dinner and then
going out again. Her skin got brown and her hair turned blonder,
under the dome’s simulated Earth-type summer sunshine. Her growing
breasts strained against the fabric of too-small tops and dresses,
but her dad didn’t notice. He did notice when she started coming
home after nine.

“Kiddo, don’t you think you should be coming
home earlier?”

“You said to be home before they turned down
the lights.”

“I know, but 9:15, 9:30—that seems awfully
late.”

“It’s not dark yet at 9:30.”

“That’s true, honey.” He hesitated before
speaking again. “You’re just going over to the schoolyard to play
with Janet and Chantal, right?”

“Right, dad.”

“I guess that’s okay.” He patted her on the
head and went back to his desk, which had more bottles than books
or papers on it these days.

Manda had barely seen Janet and Chantal in
the past months, and her supposed best friends had eventually
stopped calling. Now she hung out with Mike and Jimmy, two of the
freshman from the high school. They didn’t treat her like a little
kid. They told her she was pretty. They flirted with her—and Manda
flirted back. Things were okay.

Once she had opened the closet and brought
Teddy out.

“Teddy, do you miss me?”

“Yes, Amanda.”

“Teddy, do you love me?”

“Yes, Amanda.” The bear’s voice was
absolutely steady, and his furry arms had extended towards her.

Manda’s eyes were hard, and her fists
clenched at her sides. “Go back into the closet, Teddy. Go to
sleep.”

June moved to July, and July into August.
School started again, and Jimmy and Mike introduced her to some of
their other friends. They were all sophomores, and Manda was a
seventh-grader now. She didn’t wear a bra—her father hadn’t thought
to get her one. The girls talked about her in the bathroom, but
Manda didn’t care. She knew the boys liked her. She knew why the
boys liked her.

When Mike asked her to come to the high
school Christmas dance, she said yes. Her dad smiled, and said it
was nice to see her having fun. He instructed the car to take them
to the dance and bring them home again at eleven. Mike had gotten a
hacked program from Jimmy, though, and the car was soon completely
under the teenager’s control. They skipped out on the dance after
half an hour.

In the backseat of her dad’s car, Mike did
all the things to her that Teddy had done—though not as well. His
skin was sweaty instead of furry, and his hands were clumsy. His
body was even warmer than Teddy’s, and when he put his penis inside
her, she could barely feel it, it was so small. But when he
spurted, and said he loved her, Manda smiled. Even if he didn’t
mean it, at least he hadn’t been programmed to say it.

Mike told Jimmy, and Jimmy told some other
guys. Soon there were lots of high school guys hanging around
Manda. She enjoyed the attention, and if the guys said she was
easy, at least they usually tried to be nice to her; they
talked
to her. Some of them were better at sex than Mike,
though none were as good as Teddy. One or two sounded like they
meant it when they said they loved her. Manda didn’t really care,
but it was nice to hear.