Since My Last Confession: A Gay Catholic Memoir (27 page)

Marauding Lesbians Snatch Boston’s Children

Sean’s opposition to gay marriage didn’t squelch my spiritual uplift from the sacred heart of Saint John. No, that happened when he targeted the most vulnerable children in the commonwealth. On February 28, 2006, following the recommendation of Archbishop Gabriel Montalvo Higuera, the papal nuncio to the United States, Sean banned the archdiocese’s social service agency, Catholic Charities, from placing orphaned children with gay parents. Not two weeks later, he ordered Catholic Charities out of the adoption business entirely.

Keep in mind, Catholic Charities had placed just 13 children, out of 720, with gay parents. That’s less than 2 percent. But rather than tolerate these placements, Sean decided that the archdiocese would help no children at all in the future.

Why? Archdiocesan officials referred to a 2003 statement from the Vatican’s Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith. The Rat wrote “allowing children to be adopted by persons living in [gay] unions would actually mean doing violence to these children, in the sense that their condition of dependency would be used to place them in an environment that is not conducive to their full human development.” According to the Rat, placing children in gay households was therefore “gravely immoral.”

The clearest proof that lesbian parents are not doing violence to their children is that none has ever chosen me as a godfather. But even if you believe that straight parents provide a better atmosphere for raising children than gay parents, that was not the appropriate comparison. The question was not whether a child got straight parents or got gay parents; it was whether the child got gay parents or
none at all
.

Archbishop Sean believed it was better to leave the kids with no love at all. Indeed, in a 2006 interview, a
Boston Globe
reporter gave O’Malley three chances to disavow, nuance, or more fully explain B16’s “violence to children” comment. Each time, O’Malley held the party line, saying the teaching “would not admit of dissent.”

The Language of Love

Dear Reverend Kick-Me:

What’s up with Sean’s language problem? It seems odd that a man who speaks 13,000 languages fluently has difficulty translating the exact philosophical’ and theological language of the’ Church into everyday concepts that (A) people can understand and (B) right-wing nutjobs won’t be able to use gratuitously and unjustly against us.

Leper kisses,
Scott

Kick-Me left me a phone message in return, saying an old dog can’t learn new tricks, even if the old tricks drive people away from the Church in droves:. “The Archbishop tends to use formal language, probably because he has been so long in a theological setting. He’s unlikely to shift toward colloquial or conversational language. It’s more of a personal preference and not something he has taken on lately;”

Not every prelate stays inside the theological comfort zone, Francis Cardinal George of Chicago stated that the “concern that language can make it difficult to welcome people is one I share* The Church speaks, in moral and doctrinal issues, a philosophical and theological language in a society that understands, at best, only psychological and political terms. Our language is exact, but it does not help us in welcoming men and women of homosexual orientation. It can seem lacking in respect. This is a pastoral problem and a source of anxiety for me.”

To me — and seven members of Catholic Charities’ board who resigned in protest — the archbishop’s decision regarding adoption caused unspeakable cruelty. It contradicted the scriptures I read from the ambo of Saint Anthony Shrine. A profound sense of spiritual dislocation and estrangement washed over me. That O’Malley would insist on rules that — like B16’s description of gay adoption as a form of violence to children — fell so far outside reality as to mark a spiritual ghost town, population zero, boggled the mind. As one priest said, “The Church used to be the biggest supporter of adoption…. Its stance [on gay adoption] is a vivid example of the sickness in the Church right now, … It’s not based on good theology, not on Gospel; it’s based on pure oppression.”

The archdiocese hosted a gathering of clergy at Boston College at which Archbishop Sean invited priests to come to an open mike and ask questions. Father Butterballino asked for some pastoral advice. “How would I present to the people in my parish what you just said [about gay marriage and adoption] in light of the fact that in my parish are gay and lesbian couples who are committed to each other, who are faithful churchgoers, and are raising their children in the faith? How do I tell them what you just said?”

“Preach the truth,” said Archbishop Sean. “Tell them what the Church teaches.”

Father Butterballino described his reaction to me a few years later:

I was so angry. I wanted to scream out, “Do you have any idea what it’s like to be in a parish?! Do you know who these people are? Do you know what their lives are like?” How sad that, walking out of the [Q&A session], I should get clapped on the back by so many [priests] thanking me for what I had done. And all I did was ask my bishop a question for some pastoral advice, “How do I do that?” And I got nothing. Nothing…. I didn’t say, “I disagree with you.” I just said, translate that for me for my people. And it was clear he couldn’t do that.

Surely puppetry was to blame. Surely some evil force was pulling O’ Malley’s strings — a group of wooden, tone-deaf political bullies at the MCC pushing him into ugly, graceless pronouncements of which no mother could ever be proud. I wanted to gather the bishops around and say: Guys, how about some kinder, gentler package pulling? How about some more honesty? Run it by me first — I’ll review it gratis. You don’t have to change your fundamental opposition; just say it with love. For example, instead of attributing gay people’s desire for equal marriage rights to an “exaggerated sense of entitlement” motivated merely by “personal wants,” you might acknowledge that love motivates their commitments to others. Instead of calling gay adoption “gravely immoral,” you might characterize it as “not ideal” Don’t lie about the history of marriage, and don’t conflate civil marriage, recognized by the state, with sacramental marriage, recognized — at least since the twelfth century — by the Church. Have facts on your side. The Church could do better. O’Malley could do better. B16 could do a lot better.

Make Your Own O’Malley Homily Kit

Archbishop Sean took the Vatican’s paperwork reduction initiative seriously. He so excelled at recycling that you could predict exactly when Sean would throw the Flannery O’Connor story about how boring but compelling the Mass is into a homily or when he would drop the next firecracker about same-sex marriage and the mendacity of the homosexual lobby.

In- fact, you can build your own authentic Archbishop O’Malley homily from scratch in nine easy steps:

Step 1
Begin with funny story. (Choose one.)

(A) Martha’s Vineyard “Go and sin more” story

(B) Call from receptionist to Fanny Cardinal Spellbound story.-(R: “There’s a man at- the door who says he’s Jesus Christ and wants to speak to you* What should I do?” C: “Look busy.”)

(C) Story about JFK’s 1963 visit to Ireland, during which a general amnesty of the local jail was pronounced. When officials discovered the jail was empty the constable rounded up townspeople the night before the visit in order to have prisoners to release.

Step 2
. Sprinkle anecdotes throughout. (Choose two or three.)

(A) Namaan the-Leper, who refused to follow Elisha’s instructions because they weren’t sufficiently bombastic.

(B) Soccer team in Andes air crash who survived by eating the ‘ flesh of their dead friends, (Analogize to Christ offering his body.)

(C) The conversion of Saint Francis, who began kissing lepers.

(D) Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn complaining that men have forgot ten God.

(E) Don Quixote, whom people thought crazy but who was actually more sane than others because he saw what was noble, important, and good.

(F) Mother Teresa pushing a wheelbarrow- containing dying, man filled with maggots.

Step
3. Add some deep reflections on marriage. (Choose two.) 

(A) Let the people vote,

(B) Gay people have an “exaggerated sense of entitlement” motivated merely by “personal wants.”

(C) Gay marriage is a “national tragedy.”

(D) “The institution of marriage has been the same since time immemorial: one man and one woman.”

(E) The Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court “blithely” swept aside the true meaning of marriage.

Step 4
. Insert clever theology, (Choose one.)

(A) “The Eucharist is God’s invention.”

(B) “The Gospel tells us to be fishers of men, but too often we become keepers of the aquarium.”

(C) Christ is the bridegroom, never the widower. He does not exist separate from the Church.

(D) Technology is wonderful, but we have lost our sense of sin.

Step
5. Note the persecution of Church in the culture of death.

Step
6. Reflect on obedience and show a deep respect for the conscience and maturity of the flock. (Choose one. Now.)

(A)
Quodcumque dixeritfacite
.

Step 7
. Remark on the constancy, of Church teachings. Disregard the Assumption, Immaculate Conception, the divine appointment of kings, sacramental marriage, the innateness of homosexuality, etc.

Step 8
, Insert joke about
Da Vinci Code
and Mrs. Jesus Christ.

Step 9
. Sprinkle with a blessing. Bake five minutes.

Serves thousands.

Here’s the article I wanted to see in yesterday’s
Boston Globe:

Cardinal Sean Pushes New Measure to Strengthen Marriage

BOSTON, Mass. — Today Cardinal O’Malley announced that the Archdiocese of Boston will back a petition drive for an amendment to the Massachusetts Constitution to ban divorce. Noting that divorce constitutes a grave threat to marriage in that it tends to end it, O’Malley promised that churches across the Commonwealth would give parishioners a chance to sign the petition. “The legalization of divorce is a national tragedy,” Cardínal Sean said. “Divorce is contrary to the constant teachings of the Church and to God’s plan. Divorced people have an exaggerated sense of entitlement motivated merely by personal wants and that doesn’t consider what is good for children and society.” O’Malley added, “People have redefined marriage as if it were merely for the entertainment and benefit of adults, but it is really about the children. And the best place for raising children is a family with one mother
and
one father. That’s what those children are going to get, or we’ll ship them off to a Romanian orphanage, goddamnit.”

As O’Malley put his signature to the petition, he added, “By the way, the Church’s political efforts should not be construed as discrimination against divorced people. Even divorced people have human dignity worthy of respect. They’re big quitters, nonetheless.”

Then I woke up and put aside the bottle of rubber cement. It was time to face facts.

How Treat the God That Made an Asshole Like You

Father Bear-Daddy paled when it came to enforcing the rules. Far more potent and poisonous are orthodox Catholic bloggers, a strange subculture of Pharisee snitches linked in a self-approving Internet circle jerk. They take their chief pleasure in life from spying on parishes and denouncing perceived liturgical deviants to the local ordinary. These people got beat up even on the parochial-school playground.

Rather than Christ, they worship rules, canons, laws, edicts, and the General Instruction of the Roman Missal — the official playbook for saying Mass. According to the league of snitches, liturgies everywhere didn’t count because jazz friars like our Father Justin strayed from the game plan. The snitches frequently twisted their knickers in a knot over:

• holding hands during the Our Father
  

• children on the chancel during consecration
  

• ingredients in the holy wafer recipe
  

• glass vessels for the sacred species instead of metal
  

• priestly handshaking during the exchange of peace
  

But for our snitchery, the bloggers intimated, renegade Catholics would be making burnt offerings, worshipping golden calves, proclaiming our allegiance to Gaia, and maybe even permitting gay folks on the altar.

Quodcumque Dixerit Facíte

Vatican II expressly rejected the rules-based, strict-obedience model of Archbishop O’Malley and the league of snitches: “[Christ] fulfills his prophetic office not only through the hierarchy who teach in his name and by his power but also through the laity. He accordingly establishes them as witnesses and provides them with an appreciation of the faith and the grace of the word so that the power of the Gospel may shine out in daily family and social life.“ Accordingly, among those venerated as saints are those who dissented from then-current Church teaching and stood up to episcopal bullying: