Single Wide Female: The Bucket List Mega Bundle - 24 Books (Books #1-24) (51 page)

I tried to convince myself that it was no big deal—that it was just something I couldn’t do, no matter how hard I tried. But I knew better. I knew myself well enough to be certain that if I had just pushed a little bit more, I would have succeeded.

Luckily it wasn’t long before my first customer came in. I was overly cheerful as I greeted the woman.

“How can I help you today?”

“I just want to do a quick load of laundry.” She had a small basket of clothing with her. “Do you have a gentle cycle?”

“Absolutely. We do also offer full service. But if you just want to do it yourself, you’re welcome to pop it in and check out the shop.”

“Sounds great.” She smiled and walked over to one of the washers.

After tossing her clothes in, she set her basket down on the floor. As she set down the basket, what was hidden underneath of it was revealed—a tote bag from the blood drive. I gulped and wondered if she had been there for my epic disaster.

“Mind if I relax a bit?” She walked over to one of the upholstered chairs. “I just gave blood and I’m feeling a little worn out from it.”

“Oh sure, of course. Can I get you some water or something?”

“I should be okay. I had some juice. I love being able to donate, but sometimes it seems like they’re getting every last drop.” She laughed and I shuddered with fear. “Have you gone yet?”

“Uh, no—well, I’m working.” I stumbled over my words and busied myself with the register even though I had nothing to ring up.

“Well, you should go, because they give you this great tote bag for free. I donate whenever I can. It makes such a difference, you know. I think about what would happen if I or one of my kids was in a terrible accident and there was no blood available. What a horrible thought. I mean, if people don’t donate, then it could happen.” She shook her head. “I never understand people who don’t. Of course there are always medical reasons, but otherwise I think that everyone should donate.”

I frowned as I continued to stare at the register. I knew that she was just chattering to pass the time. I knew that she wasn’t trying to offend or upset me, but I was a little offended and upset.

“What about people who have a fear of blood or needles?” I blurted out the question. I really needed to feel reassured.

“Look, I know there are people out there with those phobias. Kids, I can understand. But once you get to be an adult, I think you should be able to control that. If not, then maybe some therapy is in order. Really, how does one get through life with a fear like that?” She laughed a little.

I decided I did not like her. In fact, in my mind I was letting her know just how I felt. I knew that wasn’t fair, as I’d asked the question, but I didn’t care.

I hoped her laundry shrunk. I felt horrible for thinking it. As a laundromat manager, it was one of the worst things that I could think. But it was just how I felt in that moment. I knew I needed to find an escape before I exploded.

“I’m just going to check on something in the back.” I excused myself in an attempt to keep from saying anything that might cost Fluff and Stuff a customer.

As soon as I was alone in the storage closet I felt a surge of tears forming.

“Don’t you dare. Don’t you cry, Samantha. You have no right to cry.” I spoke sharply to myself. “You aren’t the one lying in a hospital bed, wondering if there will be enough blood to keep you alive, now are you?”

I closed my eyes and realized I wasn’t going to make it. I wasn’t going to be able to get through the entire shift without losing it on someone. I decided to call one of the employees to come in to cover me.

Chapter 6

I never flaked on work because I loved my job. But I just needed to hide out and lick my wounds. I wanted to forget about what had happened that morning, and there was a good chance that there would be a flow of tote-bag-toting do-gooders coming in and out of the laundromat. I knew I had to go back out whether I wanted to or not.

When I stepped back out of the storage room, the woman seemed caught up with something on her cell phone. I was relieved that she was occupied. I felt a little silly for having to go home, but I needed to hide out and recover.

It wasn’t long before Sheila, a new employee, showed up to cover my shift.

“It’s pretty slow so far. Thanks for doing this.” I switched the register over to her log-in.

“It’s no problem. I was just going to head over and donate blood, so I was in the area anyway. I’ll just do it tomorrow.” She smiled at me.

I did my best to smile back at her.

While making my quick exit, I did my best to avoid the woman with the tote bag. She looked up just as I was stepping out.

“Don’t forget to donate!”

I bit back my scathing response and began slinking my way back to my apartment. As I walked, I felt as if everyone was staring at me. I wondered if somehow someone had stuck a note to my back that declared,
Did Not Donate
.

I tried to keep as close to the buildings as possible. However, in doing that, I was making every indoor dog go flying to the front window. I was being followed by a chorus of judgmental stares and loud yapping dogs. I was almost to the corner before my apartment building when one of those rather large barking dogs slipped right out of the open gate of his tiny front yard.

When I heard the barking gaining on me I looked back over my shoulder. All I saw was snarling and drool. Earlier I thought I’d run as fast as I could, but it turned out that I could run faster!

As I ran, my mind filled with images of being torn to shreds by a massive dog. Then, of course, I thought about the fact that I would likely need a blood donation when all of this was over. What if they found out what had happened earlier? Would they still give it to me? Or would I be placed on some kind of “did not donate” list?

I heard a loud growl and snapping from behind me. I just knew that dog was about to sink its teeth into my meaty rear end. To my surprise, in the next moment the dog veered off around the corner after a very swift squirrel.

I gasped for breath as I reached my apartment, hurrying to unlock the door. I didn’t want to see a single person. I just wanted to hide.

As soon as I was inside, I flopped down on the couch. I huddled up and tried not to think about my morning. I was going to camp out on the couch and not answer my phone or my door.

Just when I started to get settled into this idea, I heard a chime from my computer. I cringed and burrowed deeper into the couch. I tried to pretend that I hadn’t heard it. After several minutes had passed, I couldn’t stand it. I knew that sound meant that I had a new message and that it was likely from Blue. I knew that he would be asking me about the blood drive, but I still wanted to see what he said.

I crawled off the couch and walked over to my computer. When I opened it, I saw that I had left my blog site up and running. The newest comment was from Blue.

SWF,

How are you, brave warrior? Any update on the blood draw?

Blue

As if they were synchronized, my cell phone beeped to alert me to a text message. I checked the text to see that it was from Max.

What’s going on? Did you get arrested?

I sighed and sent a text in return.

I’m home.

He didn’t text back. I wondered if he was disappointed in me or just busy.

I didn’t send a message back to Blue. I wanted to put off admitting my defeat for as long as possible.

As soon as I closed my computer I heard a light knock on the door. I recognized that knock right away.

“Come in, Max!” I called out.

He didn’t usually knock. He must have thought that I needed time to prepare for his entrance.

Max opened the door and stepped inside.

“So? Where’s your battle wound?” He looked into my eyes with concern.

I knew that he already knew, but he was trying to be polite.

“I couldn’t do it.” I hung my head.

I felt Max’s arm slip around my shoulders.

“What happened?”

“I was trying so hard to be brave. I climbed onto the bus and I was ready to get my free tote bag. But when I saw people already in there with the needles hooked in, I just couldn’t. I pretty much fell off the bus and knocked out a poor innocent bystander in the process. But I did try.” I lifted my eyes to his.

“You fell off the bus?” Max’s lips twitched in an attempt to disguise his amusement.

“Almost. Well, I landed on someone.” I sighed. “It doesn’t matter now, Max. The point is that I simply cannot donate blood.”

“But you must.” Max grasped my elbows firmly. “If you don’t do this now, Sammy, you might not ever get over this fear. What if I need your blood one day?”

I raised an eyebrow. “Are you planning on becoming a vampire?”

“What I do after sundown is my business.” He grinned. “But seriously, what if I’m injured? I don’t want to have some stranger’s blood flowing through my veins.”

“So you’re saying that I need to get over my fear of donating blood so that I will be ready and available to shore up your supply in the event of an emergency?”

“Exactly.” Max shrugged. “It makes sense, doesn’t it?”

“We’re not even the same blood type.” I laughed.

“How do you even know that?” Max looked a little surprised. “Now I have to rethink my entire plan. Does that mean I can’t have your kidney?”

“Max, this isn’t a joke. I can’t believe that I wasn’t able to do it. I’m really upset about this.” I frowned.

He looked at me with sympathy. “I know you are. I was just trying to cheer you up a little.”

“Well, it’s not working.” I sighed. “I appreciate it though.”

Max stared at me for a long moment. “I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this.”

“It’s okay. I just couldn’t do it.”

“Alright, I think I have a way to help you.” Max smiled that slow warm smile that always made my heart melt.

I did not regret my decision at all to let him be the one who helped me with this. The truth was, I would do anything for Max. He would have the best chance of getting me to give blood.

“How?” I leaned a little closer to him.

“Do you trust me?” He looked into my eyes with a steady gaze.

“Of course.”

“Then close your eyes.” He had a look of mischief on his face.

Chapter 7

My heart skipped a beat. Even though I knew that what we were discussing had nothing to do with romance, I couldn’t help but let my mind run wild. Maybe he would get me to close my eyes, and then finally kiss me. I nearly swooned at the idea. Damn right I closed my eyes.

I tried to make my lips look as sexy as possible. I pursed them just a little but kept them slightly apart. I tried to relax my facial muscles to avoid any wrinkles showing up.

In the middle of all of this, I realized that I might look like a fish. I grimaced and started to rearrange my lips. Before I could get them in the right position, I felt a light prick on my arm.

“Ow!” I jerked my arm away. “What the heck?”

“See, it didn’t hurt that much, did it?” Max was holding a small straight pin.

“Why would you do that to me?” I stared at him with shock.

Max’s smile quickly faded. “I was just trying to show you that it doesn’t hurt. It’s barely a prick, and then it’s over.”

“You!” I jumped up from the couch. “Give me that pin!”

“What? Why?” Max’s eyes widened with fear. “What are you going to do with it?”

“Oh, trust me, Max, just close
your
eyes!” I held my hand out for the pin.

“Sammy, calm down. You can’t tell me that hurt very much.” He backed away from me slightly.

I noticed that he closed his hand around the pin to keep it away from me.

“I don’t want it to hurt at all, Max. I don’t want to feel pain, and I don’t want to see blood oozing out of me!” I shuddered at the idea.

“Then don’t give blood.” Max furrowed his brow. “If it’s going to be that frightening for you, then maybe you shouldn’t do it.”

“Oh, you’re no help at all!” I was getting very frustrated. My arm still hurt from where he’d pricked it, and he was refusing to give me the needle so that I could get my revenge.

“I’m just trying to get you to lighten up about it a little bit.”

“How can I? It’s not something to laugh about. I should be able to do this.” I crossed my arms.

“Sammy, don’t you get it? Some people just can’t. It doesn’t make you a bad person to be afraid of something. Don’t you know that?”

I looked at him with surprise. “What do you mean?”

“I hate to see how hard you’re being on yourself when it isn’t your fault. You’re afraid of needles and you’re afraid of blood. That’s not because you don’t want to donate blood. You’re afraid of it for a reason. Something happened in your life that frightened you. Everyone is afraid of something, Sammy. So why are you trying to force yourself to do something that you have a right to be afraid of?” He shook his head. “You’re one of the kindest, most generous people I know. Isn’t that enough for you?”

I was stunned by his words. I’d never thought of it from that perspective. He was right. I was trying to force myself. I was trying to prove that I could overcome whatever I was afraid of, but I’d never thought much about why that fear still existed.

“Thanks, Max. That helped.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“You didn’t. I mean it. It helped.”

“I should go.” He frowned as he turned toward the door. “Don’t ever think I don’t believe in you, Sam. I know you can do anything you choose to do. Sometimes I just wish you would treat yourself as kindly as you treat others.”

“Thank you.” I couldn’t bring myself to say anything else. His words had caused me to rethink everything.

After Max left, I decided it was time to call it a day. I settled into my bed and tried to sort through my thoughts. Max’s words kept playing through my mind.

Why was I being so harsh on myself? Was my bucket list about growing and healing or was it about putting me through torture? I knew I wanted to give blood, but instead of taking some time to get comfortable with doing that, I had tried to force myself to drive right through the fear. It had worked for other new things I’d tried, but as Blue said, this wasn’t just a new thing, this was terrifying to me. Maybe if I’d been a bit more gentle with myself, I would have had success.