Granted, there were moments when she completely lost it and felt like a lunatic. Was she growing or merely spinning in circles? Why couldn’t she see the person others saw her becoming? She sometimes stayed up all night, smoking cigarettes and drinking wine, while completing a reading assignment for Bible class.
Then came the other moments when she caught glimpses of what God was shaping and molding her for, moments of surrender to her Creator. Those times always came when Lori Jo was serving the poor, the broken, and those who had slipped through the holes of the web that so snugly sought to hold her safe. Perhaps she had found an avenue by which to love her own broken spirit—by investing in those “undeserving” folks. The mystery continues to intrigue her.
Two years ago, God’s quiet voice again beckoned Lori Jo, this time to serve the people of South America. She said yes (with much fear and doubt) and has since felt blessings and adventures heaped upon her. She was then invited to join her new Latin community to participate in a humanitarian aide pilot team in Iraq during the U.S.-led war.
So, nearly a year ago, hauling a backpack and an acoustic guitar, Lori Jo boarded a plane headed for Iraq (the world’s most undesirable and perilous vacation destination at that moment). Showing slight trepidation and possessing nothing more than a round-trip plane ticket, she began what continues to be the journey of a lifetime. During the past eight months she’s been granted a dream: Lori Jo has designed a women’s complex where international and local staff will meet the needs of thousands of women.
In the end, the decision to move to Iraq was prompted by Lori Jo’s desire to know more deeply one outstanding mystery—one that reverberates with each beat of her heart, one she remains intrigued by and somehow convinced of to this day: “To live is Christ and to die is gain” (Phil. 1:21).
Lori Jo still battles with the voices in her head that tell her she will never be clean or good enough to deserve what the Scriptures say her Creator wants for her. But the truth remains: before anyone named her, touched her, or defined her, Lori Jo was His. He chose her and when she was yet a sinner, Christ died for her (see Rom. 5:8). She continues to take one step at a time on the Jesus Trail.
Sometimes they are sidesteps, at other times leaps forward, and sometimes steps backward. Lori Jo is amazed at how far she once tried to run from this love, this path of grace, just to find herself right where she began.
Yes, Lori Jo is a love child. She says she’s still a hippy chick, but she’s following His lead and He’s bringing her closer and closer to what He designed her to be: a creaky, twisted, broken . . . beautiful conduit of His love.
How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called the children of God! And that is what we are!
(1 John
3:1
)
rebekah tauber
God’s Odd Gift
T
he last six months have been the hardest of seventeen-year-old Rebekah Tauber’s life. But she just might tell you they have also been the best.
In the spring semester of her sophomore year, Rebekah was feeling great and loving life and school when she noticed a swollen spot on her neck. Her pediatrician took a look and said it was probably nothing to worry about. Then came a few more doctors’ appointments and a few more tests with no conclusive results. No one seemed to believe there was great cause for alarm, but Rebekah felt uneasy. She suspected that something might really be wrong.
A short time later, one doctor recommended a biopsy of the lump on her neck, and within a matter of days she was diagnosed with a rare form of soft-tissue cancer called rhabdomyosarcoma.
“As soon as I heard the word ‘cancer,’ all I could think of was losing my hair,” she says. It didn’t occur to her at first that she might be in for the fight of her life.
Rhabdomyosarcoma is diagnosed in only about 350 patients under the age of twenty each year. A majority of those children will survive with proper treatment—and the odds continue to improve. Rebekah’s doctor at M.D. Anderson Cancer Center in Houston has been a leader in the study and treatment of the disease. She calls him “just about the smartest man alive,” and with his help, she plans to enter her senior year of high school strong and cancer-free.
After surgery to remove her tumor and assess the spread of the disease, Rebekah began a rugged regimen of radiation and chemotherapy that has now become routine. She knows which days of the cycle are wearying, which will bring pain, which could mean a spike of fever, and which might actually be her “good days.”
“Knowing the schedule and what will happen when is kind of comforting,” she says, sitting on her hospital bed on the first day of a regular chemotherapy session. “And this place is starting to feel like a home away from home.”
Each time she goes to the hospital for treatment, Rebekah brings a favorite pillow and a cozy fleece blanket a friend made. In her faded San Diego Padres T-shirt and flannel pajama pants, she could be any seventeen-year-old at a slumber party—except she’s at least twenty pounds lighter than she was just a few months ago, and there’s almost no hair on her head. And instead of giggling with other girls her age, she hangs out in her room with her mom or dad.
Sometimes friends drop in, like the four-year-old she met on a previous chemo trip, who pushes her plastic car up to the door of Rebekah’s room while her mom pulls along an IV pole. “She wanted to come and see you,” says the mother of the perfectly bald little girl. Rebekah, curled up in bed with her pillow and blanket, lights up in a smile and throws her arms open wide. It’s a fellowship of survivors, and love flows unchecked.
For Rebekah, cancer has been less a rude interruption than an unexpected but welcome gift from God. “I’ve learned so much from cancer,” she says. “I always depended on other people before. I went to church every Sunday, but the walk I had was not the walk I wanted. I depended on my friends first, before God—but not anymore. My friends are great, and they care about me, but they couldn’t really understand what it was like to be sick. And I realized they couldn’t make me happy anymore. In normal situations maybe they could help, but with this, God is the only one who really knows and understands, and He’s the one who helps me.”
While some of her friendships have become stronger through her illness, Rebekah admits that others are changing. “I’m growing closer to God through this,” she says, “and there are some people who just don’t understand that. Because of it, we don’t have that much in common anymore, but it’s okay.”
Cancer has positively impacted even her relationships within her family. “My parents and I have become a lot closer,” says Rebekah. “I really look up to them a lot. My mom is my best friend. Before I got sick I used to argue with her every single day, and I wasn’t even home that much—but now we’re together a lot, and when I’m home, our house is the house that everyone hangs out at. My friends are over all the time, and they’re close to my mom too. And my dad—well, one of the hardest things about all of this has been seeing my dad cry.”
Rebekah’s older brother David is a source of encouragement too. Though she says they didn’t always get along well, “he wanted to skip his sophomore year at college so he could come home and be with me.”
These days, love seems to be coming from every direction. “My mom said it best,” Rebekah explains. “We’re more used to being on the giving end than on the receiving end. But I get so much love and encouragement from other people. It’s amazing to see people reach out and really care. I am so blessed.”
Her church provided Rebekah with a pager, and word of how to use it to lift her spirits quickly spread. Friends and strangers alike call the pager number and leave their zip codes so she will know that someone is praying for her. The pager goes off so frequently that she’s learned to keep it on “Vibrate,” but the messages come in a steady stream almost all day, every day. “My dad has a special code he puts in so I’ll know it’s him,” she says, “and my friends put their phone numbers in.”
A close family friend sends regular e-mails to share prayer requests for Rebekah and pass along news of her recovery. Sometimes Rebekah writes back. One day she wrote:
I just thought I would share something small I’ve learned with everything I’m going through. I’ve realized that you honestly CAN NOT live without talking to God every day of your life. My friends and the people by my side may help, but they can’t heal my hurt inside. But as soon as I talk to God or read the Bible, it’s as if I’m a totally new person! When I talk to God I have so much joy and go from feeling empty to feeling completely filled—and even thankful for everything I’m going through.
Although she’s working hard to get well, Rebekah is pretty certain she’d like to continue talking about the odd blessing of cancer whenever she can. “I want people to know that God doesn’t make mistakes,” she says with a smile. “Everything is the way it should be. God is there for you all the time. Trust Him. He’s there. Pray to Him. He’ll answer. I wouldn’t have known these things without cancer, and I love telling people about what I’ve been through, and how God is helping me.”
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also prove a way out so that you can stand up under it.
(1 Corinthians
10:13
)
WEEK TWELVE JOURNAL
• When have you felt out of reach of God’s love?
• What does the Bible tell us about His love?
• How does this affect your ability to love yourself? Others? God?
• How do you see God using these stories to change your life?
• What Bible verse or passage of Scripture has been most meaningful to you this week? Why?
We authors would like to gratefully acknowledge the assistance of the many people who shared their stories with us. In particular, we want to say thanks to the good folks at Voice of the Martyrs, who put us in touch with many people and shared their stories.
If you’d like to be encouraged by the testimonies of today’s persecuted Christians, or if you’d like to learn how you can pray more effectively for your brothers and sisters in restricted nations, please visit www.persecution.com or call Voice of the Martyrs at 800-747-0085. Their free newsletter will bring you into the hearts and minds of those who are persecuted for the cause of Christ, and you can discover practical ways to stand with them.
Your faith will never be the same!
Week Three, Day 3
1. Letter to several nuns by Martin Luther, from Wittenburg, 6 August 1524. Translated from Johann Georg Walch, ed.,
Dr. Luther’s Briefe,
Part 1, Vol. 21, Part 1 (St. Louis: Concordia Publishing House, 1903).
(back to text)
Week Eight, Day 5
1. Steve Blow, “Deadly Visit to Iraq Leaves No Regret,”
Dallas Morning News,
July 18, 2004. Used by permission.
(back to text)
Australian-born Rebecca St. James has throughout the ’90s until the present had a defining presence in contemporary Christian music. With sales of her music soaring around the globe, her signature blend of modern pop/rock sensibilities and lyrics of unwavering devotion have blazed straight to the heart of an entire generation. A multiple Dove winner, her groundbreaking album
Pray
was certified gold by RIAA in 2005, joining earlier honors for
God,
which was also awarded America’s highest musical award—the Grammy. With a career track that has to date included seventeen top-10 singles, nine of them reaching #1 on the charts, she has in the last few years also been recognized as a bestselling CBA author with major books such as
Wait For Me
and
SHE
to her credit. Often called the “voice of her generation” in modern media, her impact has been diversely felt from television appearances ranging from
Hannity & Colmes
to the
700 Club
. Rebecca St. James remains a passionate global spokeswoman for Compassion International children’s ministry. Find out more about Rebecca at www.rsjames.com.
Mary E. DeMuth is a freelance writer and novelist who lives in Southern France with her husband and three children. In addition to speaking, leading Bible studies, and enjoying worship, Mary assists her husband in a new church plant, reaching out to the emerging culture in France. You can find out more about Mary at www.relevantprose.com.
Elizabeth Jusino is a freelance writer, editor, and fan of the English language, with a special passion for writing for and about women. She is the former editor of
MOMSense Magazine
and managing editor for MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) International. She and her husband, Eric, live in Denver, Colorado.
Tracey D. Lawrence is a freelance writer and founder of Scribe Ink, Inc., serving ministries and organizations with writing and curriculum needs. She has written for ministries such as Chuck Colson’s BreakPoint, the Wilberforce Forum, Promise Keepers, and Focus on the Family. Her latest release is
Playing God: Facing Everyday Dilemmas of Biotechnology,
featuring Chuck Colson. She lives in Denver, Colorado, with her husband, Noel. Tracey can be reached at [email protected].
Leigh McLeroy is the author of
Moments for Singles
(NavPress, 2004) and a contributor to seven books including
Romancing the Home, Everywhere I Go,
and
Been There, Done That, Now What?
An accomplished writer, speaker, and Bible teacher, Leigh makes her home in Houston, Texas.
Donna Wallace has spent thirteen years studying and teaching on university campuses. She is a licensed minister of education with a master’s degree in theological studies, and she loves speaking, writing, and guiding retreats about intimacy and identity development. Donna has written a dozen books and has several more on the way. She and her family live in Bozeman, Montana.