Sister Katherine (29 page)

She prepared a meal of skillet beef stroganoff, delighted to find all the ingredients she needed to make the dish.  Fortunately the quarters’ rightful occupant had apparently preferred eating in rather than frequenting the mess hall.  There were even a few beers in the cooling unit, which she gave to her clanmates to try. 

“Not as much alcohol as you might like,” she teased, thinking of their story of Miv’s homemade spirits.  “But at least you won’t be impaired and get in trouble with Commander Lidon.”

“Thank the ancestors,” Miv muttered.  “I’m glad I’ve never had to meet that man in the fighting circle.”

Katherine cooked twice as much as an Earther-sized foursome might eat, and the men easily polished off the meal.  That left her to hunt up some pre-baked cookies to satisfy their appetites.  They praised her cooking as if they’d dined at the finest restaurant.

“Enough,” she blushed.  “It wasn’t anything special at all.  I’ll make a huge pot of spaghetti tomorrow.  I’ve never seen people eat so much at one sitting.”

“How was your day with the little ones?” Vadef asked.

“Oh, we had so much fun,” Katherine enthused.  She filled them in about her day of telling stories and playing games.  She also shared the outcome of the competition to make their Nobek guards break into smiles.  It turned out Marci had been particularly good at that.

“It’s not that she’s particularly funny,” Katherine giggled.  “She’s just so cute.  I don’t think a Tragoom could resist her.  She asked about you, Miv.  She wanted me to tell her big warrior brother hello.”

“She is an exceptional child,” the Nobek grinned.  He seemed quite delighted Marci had inquired about his welfare.

Katherine knew the men probably didn’t find stories of how she’d spent the day with the little ones particularly interesting, but Vadef and Miv encouraged her to tell them all about it anyway.  Only Simdow was quiet, though he watched her with an intensity that made Katherine wonder what was on his mind.  She thought she detected sadness in his expression as she talked.

Finally she asked the Dramok, “Did you have a bad day?”

He shook his head, finally letting a smile creep out.  “Not really.  Our mission is proceeding well.  Captain Tranis is putting in for me to get a commendation for how I handled things while he was too injured to command.”

Miv and Vadef responded to this news with cries of delight and thumping Simdow’s chest with their fists.  Katherine joined in on the congratulations, though she decided not to pound on him the way the other two did. 

He grinned for real at last, though he tried to shrug it off.  “I did my job.  It’s not really a big deal.”

Miv snorted.  “Captain Tranis does not go around handing out commendations for people simply meeting the requirements of their jobs.  You have to impress him.”

Simdow’s eyes met Katherine’s.  “I’ll tell you what impressed me today; seeing our Matara with the children.  I can understand why they adore you so much.”

“It was a beautiful sight,” Vadef agreed.

She smiled.  “They can’t possibly love me as much as I love them.  They are so wonderful.”

Simdow drew a deep breath, and the sadness returned to his expression.  “You will miss them too much when we go.  You should have children of your own.”

Katherine blinked at the abrupt turn of conversation.  “I feel like these little ones are mine.  They do have rightful parents, though.  Sometimes I have to remind myself of that.”

Her heart weighted with grief.  She did feel the girls were part of her, as much as if she’d given birth to them herself.  Katherine had known that someday she’d have to give them up.  After all, girls on Europa had reached adulthood before and left.  They’d commed from time to time, letting Katherine know they were all right and how their lives were developing once back on Earth.  Still, her impending move to Kalquor made the coming separation so much more final than before.

Simdow brushed a strand of hair back from her face.  He looked as grave as she felt.  “I know they are precious, and a hundred more children would not replace any one of them.”  He offered her a conciliatory smile.  “You can’t have one hundred babes, but we would give you as many children as you want, my love.”

Miv blew out a breath.  “Hopefully mostly Mataras, Dramoks, and Imdikos.”  At Katherine’s questioning look, he explained, “After a certain age, Nobeks have to be sent away to learn to rein in their more violent urges.”

Katherine stared at him.  “Sent away?”

Simdow nodded.  “To training camps.  It’s much like how your younglings were sent to the convent for their future good.”

Katherine frowned.  Send her children off to be raised by others?  She found it unthinkable.  “I’m not sure I like that option.”

Miv snorted.  “It’s not an option so much as a requirement.  If you knew how destructive my breed is from childhood through puberty, you would understand.  It really is for the good of everyone that Nobeks are taken in hand in such a way.  Our caretakers are well-versed in keeping us under control and training us to be fit for society rather than savage animals.”

“But – but to be taken from your mother and fathers!  How can anyone stand that?” 

Miv smiled and patted her hand comfortingly.  “I won’t deny it’s difficult.  I went wild my first few days in the camp, attacking anyone and anything in my path and insisting they let me go home.  As their firstborn, having to let me go devastated my parents even while knowing they could not control my rages.”

“I couldn’t give up my children.  I’d find a way,” Katherine insisted.

“You’ve never seen a Nobek child’s savagery,” Miv told her.  “We possess no ability to think of long-term consequences of our actions.  With a determination to get what we want when we want it by any means possible, younglings of my breed are even dangerous to adults who don’t know how to direct our energies.  We require constant supervision and concentrated vigilance by teams of guardians.”

Katherine tried to wrap her mind around what he told her.  He’d apparently been through it himself.  Far from arguing against the practice, Miv wholeheartedly advocated it.

“How often did you get to see your parents after you were sent off?” she asked.

“After about a month of training to control the worst of my temper, we visited back and forth every couple of weeks.”  He smiled encouragingly.  “There are many visits and holidays.  It’s not like Nobeks are shut away, never to be seen again.  Family is still a big part of a young Nobek’s life.  In fact, a certain number of visits a year are compulsory.”

Katherine relaxed somewhat.  “Well, that’s a little better.  Some of my girls can go for over a year or more without family visits.  It’s awful.  If you saw how they cry—”

She stopped talking.  She’d seen far too much hurt from the girls cast aside for one reason or another, forced to live the colorless lives of work and prayer at the convent.  Fourteen-year-old Brenda in particular had her heart broken on a regular basis as her parents continuously put off seeing her.  They assuaged guilty consciences by sending gifts from the many places they visited.  Katherine had gone into more than one private rage over hearing the latest vacation Brenda’s mother and father had taken rather than spending time with a very lonely daughter.

Thinking about how one of her girls suffered unjustly from parental apathy made Katherine’s throat tight and her eyes prickle with unshed tears.  Discerning her upset, Simdow scooped her in his arms and sat her in his lap to cuddle.

He whispered in her ear, “Our children will be so lucky to have a mother like you.  They will always know how much they mean to you.”

There was something in his expression.  Katherine saw the haunted look in his eyes and knew a dark knowledge lurked there.  A terrible knowing.

She said, “You’re not a Nobek.  You weren’t sent away.”

Simdow swallowed.  “Actually, I was.  My mother died giving birth to me, and my Nobek father never forgave me for it.  He despises me to this day.  My other fathers grew so concerned over how his attitude would affect me that they put me in a boarding school.  I saw very little of them, less than how often a Nobek child sees his parents.”

Katherine’s heart broke over the pain in his face.  Her big, strong Dramok knew the exact same torment her little ones lived with.  “Simdow, I am so sorry.  No one deserves to be punished for what they couldn’t help.”

He found a smile.  “Fortunately, I had someone like you at my school.  One of my instructors, an elder Dramok, took an interest in me.  He brought me to his home for celebrations and holidays.  His Matara was infertile, as so many are, and his clan kind of adopted me informally.  I ended up with parents, though not the ones nature gave me.”

“Did you ever fix things with your real parents?  Your Nobek father?”

Simdow shook his head.  “When he looks at me, all he sees is the woman he loved and lost.  He has never gotten past that, and nothing I have ever accomplished has warmed his heart towards me.  If I visit my biological parent clan, it is with the understanding he and I don’t meet.”

Miv said, “The clan that Simdow looks to, his former teacher’s clan, has treated him like a son.  Just as you treat these children of Europa as if they were yours.”

Simdow nodded.  “I consider myself lucky to have found the parents of my heart.  Your girls are also lucky.”

Katherine thought she might be the fortunate one.  She’d found a man who knew the very pain her little ones had gone through.  He would never let it happen to his own children.  Even if they did have Nobek sons who had to be sent away for schooling, they would know their parents loved them.

The whole clan was a gift, she realized.  Vadef had received more love and care than most and searched for a way to repay it.  Miv understood loyalty to family and would defend his to the death.  She couldn’t have found better men to spend her life with.  To have children of her own with.

She arched a brow at the three in warning.  “I will want many, many sons and daughters.  Many.  And did I mention a large number of children are what I expect you to give me?”

The men laughed.  “Are you hinting at something, my Matara?” Vadef chuckled.  “Because I’m not quite sure I’m getting what you mean.”

Miv waggled his eyebrows at Katherine.  He didn’t do silly very well, but Katherine laughed anyway at his attempt.  “I vote we get in some practice in making those children.”

Simdow added.  “Lots of practice.”

Katherine wrapped her arms around the Dramok’s neck.  “Starting now.”

“With no delay whatsoever.”

Simdow’s kiss woke her body with a vengeance.  The feeling of his tongue filling her mouth, stroking its softness, brought heat immediately.  She moaned and writhed against him, wanting him to want her.  Katherine was still too new at lovemaking to know exactly what would pleasure Simdow the most, but the feeling of him swelling against her hip let her know she was on the right track.

Simdow broke the kiss and stared into her eyes.  “What will you give me to make the first of these children, my Matara?”

The darkness in his gaze warned her he might be asking for more than she knew.  Yet Katherine trusted Simdow.  She trusted all three men.  With only the slightest quiver in her voice, she told him, “Anything.  Everything.”

“All right.  Then we’ll start by you showing me everything.”

Simdow nodded to his clanmates and the three men began undressing Katherine.  Her slippers and the uniform were pulled from her body.  They were careful, not rough at all, but they made her naked with a quickness that nearly made her resist. 

“Let’s clear this table,” Simdow said when they had her shivering on his lively lap.  “I want her on it.”

Vadef and Miv cleared the dishes in record time.  Katherine noticed their expressions had become as avid as Simdow’s.  Even her Imdiko had a somewhat menacing cast to his usually gentle demeanor.  Far from scaring her, as she thought it should have, it made the excitement in her gut churn harder.

Simdow stood, lifting her from his lap and laying her softly on the table as soon as it had been emptied.  Her knees hung over the small surface. 

“Hold her,” he said.  “I want her open so I can see everything.”

Vadef and Miv stood on either side of the table.  The Nobek grasped one wrist and held it against the hard, flat surface.  Using the other arm, he scooped Katherine’s leg and held it to his torso.  Vadef copied the pose from his side.

They made her defenseless and open, just as Simdow had commanded.  Flagrantly open.  Utterly revealed.  Katherine gasped at the blatant way they exposed her.  She couldn’t help but struggle, desperate to cover herself.

“My Matara, what are you doing?” Simdow asked.  His tone was soft, but his eyes on her were steely.

“It’s too much, Simdow,” she said.  “I can’t – I can’t be like this.”

“But you can.  Your husbands wish it of you.”

“Please, Simdow.”

“I want to look at you.  All of you.  Why would you deny me that?”

Katherine opened her mouth to reply and discovered she had no response.  Her mind searched frantically for a reason why they had to let her go so she could conceal herself.  It came up with nothing but one weak answer.

“I’m uncomfortable this way,” she whimpered.  “I feel too exposed.”

“Are Vadef and Miv hurting you holding you like that?” Simdow asked.  His voice remained gentle and utterly reasonable.

“They – no, not physically.”  Tears sprang to Katherine’s eyes.  “It’s just that I’m so naked.”

Simdow smiled.  “You
are
naked.  Completely naked.  And beautiful.  I want to look at you this way.  I want to take all your beauty in.”

“I can’t.”  A tear slid from the corner of Katherine’s eye, losing itself in her hair.  “I’ve been told for too long what a sin it is.  I’m scared.”

Simdow reached to rub the tear track away with a calloused thumb.  “I know you are.  It’s something I’m going to push you past, my love.  You’re going to have to be frightened and uncomfortable, but I insist that you do this for you as well as for me.”

“Simdow—”

“Hush.”  His tone brooked no further argument, surprising Katherine into silence.  “I will be firm but not cruel to you, my Matara, though you might debate me on that.  You cannot hide yourself from me.  We have our entire lives to spend together, so openness is required in everything.”