It was over in a matter of minutes, and they both lay silent, still intertwined and utterly spent. He eventually rolled off
Beverly and landed on the dhurrie rug, and she could hear him trying to steady his breath.
“I’ll take that kind of bonding over talking any day of the week,” he said.
She rolled her eyes. “You’re a dude, you would say something like that.” She stood up and reached for her underwear.
He perched up on his elbows in his T-shirt and watched her. “You’re gonna tell me you didn’t enjoy that?”
“Of course I did. I always enjoy this with you. You know that.”
“Just checking. I mean, the way you were squirming a minute ago, I thought so, but now you’re popping up and running off.
What’s with that?”
“I want to get the rest of the things out of the trunk, then go take a shower.”
“Uh-huh.” Julian sat up on the rug and leaned back against the couch, watching her as she smoothed out her skirt.
She stared down at him. “You going to help me or just sit there looking cute?” she said sarcastically.
He reached for his briefs, hopped up, and slipped them back on. “What’s your rush? You don’t usually cut and run like this.”
“I told you. I want to get my things. You can see everything in the back of that SUV. My stuff could get stolen.”
“C’mon, there aren’t any thieves out here in the suburbs.”
“Thieves are everywhere.”
He reached for her hand and gently pulled her into his arms. He pushed a lock of her auburn hair out of her face. “Evelyn
still on your mind?”
She inhaled deeply. “It hit me hard.”
“I know.”
“She told us they were having problems last weekend, but she never said anything about him leaving. My heart goes out to her.
It’s a shock.”
“She probably didn’t want to bother you with her marital problems, seeing as how you’re planning to get hitched soon.”
“I know. Does it ever make you nervous at all?”
“What? Getting married?”
Beverly nodded.
“Some. I just remind myself that it’s normal and think about how crazy I am about you. It’s a big change, yeah. I’ve gone
almost forty years without getting married. Never really wanted to until I met you. So hell yeah, I get the jitters now and
then. You’d probably have to be some kind of freak not to be a little nervous about it. But this is us, Bev. We agree on so
many things. We love each other. We’ll be fine.”
“I wasn’t nervous about it at all until recently. I mean, I’m not thinking about backing out or anything, just feeling a little
shaky, I guess.”
Julian wiped his brow in mock relief.
She smiled. “Seriously, though, this has got me thinking about stuff I didn’t before.”
“Such as?”
“Evelyn and Kevin were almost the only two people in our generation whose first marriage lasted more than a few years. There
may be one or two others, but I can’t think of them now. A woman at work has been with this guy for twenty years and they
have four kids, but they never actually got married. And my boss has been married about fifteen years now, but it’s her second
marriage. The divorce rate is even worse for black married couples than it is for white married couples. Did you know that?”
“I do now.”
“So yes, I’m wondering what the heck is going on with this marriage thing. Is it, like, we’re all selfish brats who cut and
run at the first sign of trouble, or is there something wrong with the whole institution of marriage itself? Because something
is not making sense, if you ask me, and I want—”
He covered her mouth with his hand. “Beverly, wait. Slow down. You’re getting all worked up again about nothing, really.”
“How can you say that? This is our life we’re talking about here. And my sister.”
“I’m not talking about your sister. You know me better than that. I’m talking about marriage in general. Yes, your sister
and her husband broke up, and I’m sorry about that. But it has nothing to do with you and me as a couple. I’m telling you,
that won’t happen to us.”
“How can you be so sure?” she asked.
“Because we’re madly in love.”
“You say that like it’s the be-all and end-all,” she said. “Like it solves all problems. So were Kevin and Evelyn at one time.
I’m sure all these other couples thought they were in love and that their marriages would last forever. It wasn’t enough.
I mean, they didn’t go into it thinking it would fail.”
“No one does.”
“So why should
we
be the exception? Can you tell me that?”
He sighed impatiently. “What are you getting at here, Beverly? ’Cause everything I say, no matter what, you have a counterargument
for it. Are you saying you think we shouldn’t get married?”
“No, that’s not what I’m saying. I’m just saying we should…” She paused when she realized that she didn’t know quite what
she was trying to say. She just had a gut feeling that all was not well, that they could be getting themselves into something
far bigger and more challenging than they realized.
She was trying to give a voice to the feeling, but it was coming out all wrong precisely because she didn’t understand exactly
what was bothering her or why. It wasn’t as if Julian had suddenly done something wrong. Or that she had stopped loving him.
None of that had changed and yet everything seemed different. She was thoroughly confused. Or maybe she was just scared.
“We can talk about it later,” she said. “I’m a little tired, so let’s just get the gifts out of the car now.”
She needed time to digest all of this. Chances were that she was making a big deal out of nothing, just as Julian was implying.
She would probably wake up tomorrow morning and feel fine.
He took her hands into his. “Okay, but if you’re having any kind of doubts about us going through with this, I want to talk
sooner rather than later. I want this to work.”
“I’m not having doubts. And I want this to work as much as you do.”
“I think you’ll feel better after you get some sleep tonight.”
She nodded in agreement. “As usual, you’re probably right.”
He let her go and put his eyeglasses on. “Why don’t you go run yourself a hot bath? I’ll get the rest of the things out of
the car.”
She smiled at him as he slipped into his jeans and fastened his belt. She wasn’t sure why she had doubted this sweet man,
even for a minute. Or doubted them together. Julian was good to her and for her, and she couldn’t imagine going forward without
him. “That sounds fine to me.”
He opened the front door and looked back at her. “I love you.” He blew her a kiss.
“Love you back.”
C
harmaine stepped into her kitchen, arms stuffed full of goodies left over from the bridal shower. She placed the shrimp salad
in the refrigerator and the rolls and chocolate cake on the countertop. Then she dropped her shoulder bag onto a chair near
the kitchen table and walked into the living room, where she sank down onto the couch. She didn’t bother to turn on the lamps
even though it was dusk. There was something soothing about sitting alone in the darkness at the end of a long, hectic day.
After all the guests had left the bridal shower, Charmaine had hung around and helped Evelyn tidy up. Then they sat at the
kitchen table and chatted for two hours about everything—kids, work, dieting, but mostly marriage and divorce.
“Never in a million years did I think this would happen to me,” Evelyn said as she placed cups of steaming herbal tea on the
table in front of both of them. She removed her suit jacket and draped it on the back of a chair. Then she sat across from
Charmaine, put her feet up on an empty seat, and blew into her hot cup. “Call me stupid, but I thought we would be together
forever.”
Charmaine shrugged as she kicked off her heels and reached for her tea. “Happens to the best of couples.”
Evelyn sighed. “I guess.”
“Kevin has really changed,” Charmaine said. “You can see it in his eyes, his whole demeanor.”
“Tell me about it,” Evelyn said. “How does that happen?”
“Don’t look at me, ’cause I couldn’t tell you. All I know is that men pull stuff like this all the time. Too damn often. Even
men like Kevin who seem to have their shit together, apparently. So if you’re going to be out there dating again, you’d better
get used to it, ’cause trust me, many of ’em are worse than Kevin.”
“Girl, please. We don’t need to talk about me dating. That’s the last thing I want to think about now.”
Charmaine smiled. “Yeah, it’s early to talk about it. I’m just saying. Maybe you and Kevin will still work things out. Who
knows?”
Evelyn nodded. “God, I hope so. I can’t even think of a life without him.”
“Even though I suspected something was wrong, I was absolutely stunned when you told us he left. I figured whatever the problem
was, you guys would work it through. Never in hell did I think one of you would leave.”
“We’ve always had ups and downs, like any couple,” Evelyn said. “But this is the first time he’s left. I kept it to myself
because I didn’t want to bother others with my problems.”
Charmaine nodded. She suspected that Evelyn’s secrecy also had a lot to do with her pride. Evelyn had more than enough of
the stuff to go around. For some reason, Evelyn had this need for people to think that she was perfect, that her marriage
was perfect, and Charmaine could never understand that.
Personally, Charmaine thought it was silly to hide the truth. She believed in being frank about all things, good and bad.
Let it out there. But she had sipped her tea, kept her thoughts to herself, and let Evelyn do most of the talking. At least
Evelyn had started to open up, and that was what counted.
Back at home sitting on the couch in the dark, Charmaine kicked off her heels, hoisted the skirt to her sundress up several
inches, and put her feet up on the coffee table. The main level of the house was deserted, but Tyrone’s car was in the driveway,
so he was around somewhere. If the previous days were any indication, everyone was off doing his or her own thing. Kenny was
in his bedroom, where he had recently moved the Xbox. Tyrone was downstairs in his office on his computer, and Tiffany was
down there in the recreation room watching television.
It had felt good to sit and yak it up with Evelyn. For once she had exercised patience with her eldest sister and her pretentious
ways. Divorce was going to be real hard on Evelyn if it came to that, since marriage was all she had known for so many years.
Charmaine had figured that the best course of action, given what Evelyn was going through, was to keep her own mouth shut
and just listen for once. She and Evelyn had their differences, but they were still sisters.
So many marriages were crashing and burning these days. Sometimes it was over an affair; sometimes the couple just grew apart
or realized too late that they weren’t right for each other. On some occasions the man left and on other occasions, the woman.
Regardless of the reason, divorce was always a sad, messy affair, especially after a long-term marriage.
Charmaine figured that if she could survive three divorces, her sister could live through one. Evelyn might not believe that
now. She was vulnerable and clinging to what she knew. But Charmaine was confident that her sister would be fine. Evelyn was
a strong woman, stronger than she herself probably realized.
As difficult as all three of Charmaine’s divorces had been, they had taught her a lot about herself—about what she could and
couldn’t take in a man and what she wanted out of a relationship. Evelyn couldn’t see it now, but she’d learn some things
about herself too. Upheaval could be a great teacher if you were open to learning the lessons.
That didn’t mean that Charmaine was ready to go through another divorce. Hell no. If her marriage to Tyrone went bust, she
was never getting hitched again. She would take lovers, might even live with another dude, but no more husbands, ever. This
one had to work or she was through.
Someone once told her that marriage was a decision, that you had to
decide
that you were going to stay married and then work your ass off at it. You didn’t just fall into happiness and stay there
ever after. And if you were foolish enough to believe in fairy tales, then you were just headed straight for divorce court.
As she sat there thinking about her talk with Evelyn and remembering how depressing divorce could be, Charmaine decided to
work her butt off to make her marriage work. She would give it everything she had. If things still didn’t work out, at least
she would know that it wasn’t for lack of trying.
She stood and walked barefooted down the carpeted basement stairs. Tiffany’s long, lean body was stretched out on the L-shaped
sofa. She was wearing a pink knee-length T-shirt and watching a movie on the 42-inch television with the volume blasting.
Charmaine walked over and stood beside the couch. “What are you watching?”
“
Black Snake Moan
,” Tiffany said without ever taking her eyes off the screen.
“Isn’t that rated R?” Charmaine asked, frowning with disapproval.
Tiffany shrugged. “I’ve seen it before. No biggie.”
Charmaine didn’t care if Tiffany had seen it a thousand times before, it was still too mature for a fourteen-year-old. If
Tiffany had been
her
daughter, no way in hell she would get anywhere near that movie. But Charmaine had lost that battle with Tyrone the previous
summer. Although Tyrone agreed that R-rated movies were wrong for Tiffany, her mother allowed it, and he thought there wasn’t
much point in disallowing it when she visited them. To Charmaine’s way of thinking, that was no excuse for permitting a teen
to watch R-rated movies in their home, especially when she was trying to raise a fourteen-year-old son under different rules.
“Uh-huh.” Charmaine stood and watched for a few minutes, then slipped out of the recreation room and into Tyrone’s office
next door. She wasn’t even going to mention the movie to Tyrone. That would start an argument, just what she wanted to avoid.
She was going to have to choose her battles carefully if she wanted her marriage to have a chance.