Sisters of the Quilt Trilogy (28 page)

L
ying in bed, staring at the ceiling through the darkness, Hannah moved her hand to her slightly protruding stomach. A tiny ball formed under the warmth of her palm, as if the child inside were begging for a bit of love from her.

Since Thanksgiving Day and right on through Christmas and New Year’s, revolting reports had circulated about Hannah, saying that she’d tried to win Matthew away from Elle and that she was out all night with Jacob. But worse were the rumors that Hannah had been a gadabout while staying at the hospital and had been seen in the arms of a doctor.

In his arms. How ridiculous
.

Others whispered about some English man whose identity no one knew, but he had picked her up in a horse and buggy after midnight. But none of the rumors mentioned that she was with child. Thankfully that secret had been kept between her and her parents.

After a while, the rumors died down, though Hannah was certain that mistrust toward her remained locked in people’s minds.

Because Hannah couldn’t ask anyone without it sounding wrong, she didn’t know how Elle and Matthew were faring. Worst of all, Christmas had come and gone without any contact with Paul. Since she’d been denied the right to return to his grandmother’s house, she wasn’t able to call Paul the day after Christmas. Torture over what Paul must be thinking about her absence was constant.

She’d tried to use the Yoders’ phone to call him, aching to hear his voice telling her about his plans for their future. But John Yoder had put a padlock on the door of the phone shanty. He’d even boarded up the glass so no one could break in. Hannah didn’t ask why. She figured either her father had requested that or John had heard the rumors about her and had taken it upon himself.

Hopes of a future with Paul were about all that kept her tied to this place—that and Mary. Throughout the day ideas of going to Ohio and finding the aunt she’d never met floated in and out of her daydreams. Zabeth would understand the misery of being looked down on by everyone.

Aside from the fantasies, Hannah lived in a fog of ache.

She pulled the covers off, careful not to wake Mary, who was sleeping beside her. Slowly she sat upright. Trying to shake the ever-tightening trapped feeling, Hannah stood and tucked the covers around Mary. At least Mary was none the wiser about her pregnancy. But how much longer could Hannah keep it a secret? Her stomach was growing at a remarkable rate these days.

With Mary almost recovered, their sabbatical from church gatherings was drawing to a close. Starting the first church Sunday of March, they were both to return. That meant she and Mary had a little more than two weeks to find the strength to return to the meetings.

Hannah trudged into the bathroom to change.

Paul was never far from her mind. She thought she’d seen him drive by one Monday afternoon in early January as she and Becky Yoder hung nearly frozen laundry on the line. If Hannah hadn’t been pregnant, she’d have run to the truck, and if Paul really was inside it, she would have climbed into the passenger seat and never returned to Owl’s Perch. Ever.

Considering the magnitude of the sins she was supposed to have committed, she found it surprising that the Yoders allowed her to stay with Mary. Undoubtedly she was being allowed to remain because Mary wanted her near, and she knew nothing of the night Hannah had disappeared into Matthew’s workshop or of the rumors surrounding Hannah—except for the bits Sarah had shared.

Even with minimal contact, it was clear to Hannah that these days the community tolerated her, nothing more. She could see it in the faces and hear it in the tones of those who came to visit Mary.

The fact that she refused to wear a prayer
Kapp
only strengthened the force of the gossip. She couldn’t say she didn’t care about the ugliness going around about her. The gossip cut her to the quick. But that wasn’t enough to force her to wear her
Kapp
. She pulled her hair into a bun and tried to secure it with hairpins.

On the positive side, Mary was doing remarkably well lately. The home-health provider had come to visit Mary on two occasions. But Hannah didn’t need the nurse’s confirmation to know Mary was gaining strength daily. A testament to the power of love and community support, Hannah figured.

She pinned her apron over her baggy dress, thankful the Amish garb hid her figure well, then slid her feet into the black stockings. Every visit her parents made to Mary’s, they managed to needle Hannah behind Mary’s back. They wanted Hannah to tell the bishop about her pregnancy before he found out on his own.

Over and over Hannah refused. Going to the bishop meant Paul would find out. Besides, that was too close to confessing, and Hannah had no sin to confess, except the hatred in her heart for the man who had done this to her.

But neither anger nor denial of what was happening carried any answers for her. Wriggling one foot and then the other into her boots, Hannah allowed thoughts to ramble around inside her head. What was she going to do with the baby once it was born?

Keeping it wasn’t one of her choices; neither was giving it to anyone who lived in Owl’s Perch, Amish or English. Elle came to mind, specifically the things she’d said about her guardians, Abigail and Hezekiah Zook. According to Elle, Abigail was young enough to be a new mother, but she was barren. Surely they’d cherish a newborn. They sounded balanced and lenient within the Old Ways. Abigail and Hezekiah were probably the best choice she could make even if she had a thousand couples to consider. And if she handled this with a little skill, no one would be the wiser concerning where the baby came from.

The baby was due in the middle of May. By the time Paul graduated and spent a few days at home, he’d probably be in Owl’s Perch before June first. If she hadn’t had the baby by the time he returned, she might need to spend a few weeks with the Zooks. Paul wouldn’t be able to catch a glimpse of her in passing if she were there. Once the baby was no longer in her life, she intended to marry Paul, with or without her father’s blessing. The community had nothing left for her but stoic politeness. Their behavior would remain that way unless she repented and joined the church. That wasn’t going to happen. So she’d do just as well to leave and start fresh with Paul.

Hannah couldn’t imagine moving back home anyway. Luke still believed the accident was her fault. Sarah had spread rumors all over the county, reaching far beyond their district.

Hannah stuck another hairpin into her bun. It was time to dry her eyes for the day.

A creak of floorboards let her know Mary was stirring. Hannah jumped up and rinsed her face. It was daylight, past time to be in control of her emotions.

Yesterday Luke had thrust three letters at her when Mary wasn’t looking. To her deep disappointment, none were from Paul. The notes had come to her through the mail delivery at her parents’ house. They were from various Amish families within the community, begging her to repent and join the faith. All of Owl’s Perch seemed to think she was some kind of harlot. And her father wanted her to confess her pregnancy to them?

No way. Legal adulthood was hers the ninth of March. But she couldn’t leave then. The baby wouldn’t be born until mid-May, and then she’d be free to go to Paul.

“Hannah,
kumm uff.
” Mary’s voice carried through the wooden door.

“I’m coming.” Hannah splashed another handful of cool water on her face. Mary thought Hannah’s sadness was due to the rumors Sarah had started. If only her problems were that small. Hannah plodded out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. “Sleep well?” She grabbed some hairpins and added them to her bun, trying to keep her hair under control.

“
Ya
. If we get all the laundry done early, we could take Luke a lunch at the shop.” Mary’s eyebrows jumped up and down conspiratorially.

Hannah had no desire to go to the harness shop, but she couldn’t tell Mary that. She would continue to pretend she didn’t mind and to hope Mary didn’t notice. Hannah grabbed a basket of dirty clothes. “Oh, good, we get to do my favorite chore: laundry.”

Mary laughed and grabbed her hand. “While you were in the bathroom,
Mammi
Annie came to tell us that my aunt called yesterday. The doctor thinks the babies will be born this week. So
Mamm
and
Daed
are making plans to take everyone but us to Ohio.” Mary shrugged. “
Daed
says I can’t go this time. He’s afraid it’d be too much stress, but he says he’ll make it up to me somehow. I like the sound of that.” Mary gave Hannah a huge smile. “Why don’t you come eat with the family today? It might be the last chance you get before their trip. After breakfast we’ll collect their dirty clothes and get started.”

Hannah crinkled her nose, trying to keep things lighthearted. “I’m not hungry. You go ahead, and I’ll work on laundry.” She hoped Mary didn’t hear her growling stomach.

She hadn’t sat at the Yoders’ table in weeks, and there was no way she was going to start today. They didn’t welcome her anymore. The love that once shone in Becky’s eyes had faded and been replaced by skepticism. Luke seemed to have turned Mary’s brothers Jacob and Gerald against Hannah as well, although she didn’t know exactly what he’d told them. None of the Yoders were ever rude, but the scorn in their eyes was more than she could bear. So time after time, when Mary asked her to eat with them, Hannah made excuses to stay in the
Daadi Haus
instead.

While Mary ate breakfast with her family, Hannah washed and wrung out three loads of laundry. While dunking a shirt into the rinse water again and again, she heard a rustling noise behind her that drew her attention. When she looked up, she saw Mary holding the three letters Hannah had received yesterday.

Concern flashed in Mary’s eyes. “I found these when I was removing the sheets.”

Hannah dunked the shirt again. “If I’d realized you were going to do sheets today—”

“Hannah, stop this. I’m not that weak girl of a few months ago. What’s going on? I know you’ve been miserable lately.” She shook the letters in Hannah’s face. “Talk to me.”

Hannah cleared her throat, trying to gain control over her emotions. No matter how badly she wanted to tell Mary, her friend simply wasn’t capable of handling the whole ugly truth. But Hannah had to tell her something. “What do you want to know?”

“You could begin by telling me about this doctor you were caught with.”

Hannah ran the shirt through the wringer. “I was with him in midday, having a conversation. Nothing more.”

“And the
Englischer
the rumors say you’ve been seen running off with?”

She shook out the shirt and laid it in the pile to be hung out to dry. “One ride for five minutes. It was foolish, I know. I had on my nightgown while I was standing on the front porch waiting for Luke to come home. A … a friend came by with a fast-moving horse and buggy. I rode with him.” Hannah grabbed a soapy dress that had been through the wringer and began dipping it into the rinse water.

“If it’s all so innocent, let’s set the record straight.”

Hannah lowered the dress into the water, refusing to turn toward Mary.
If it’s all innocent?
Hannah’s heart sank. Did Mary believe the rumors too? “How do you suggest we do that?”

Mary ripped the letters in half. “For one thing, you need to be at church, showing them where your heart is by being faithful and upright. I may not be up to a full service yet, but I’m well enough to be left here alone while you’re gone.”

Hannah lifted the dress out of the water and dunked it again. “And why do you think I haven’t set things straight already, Mary?”

“I … I’m not sure.”

Hannah turned to face her. “The only reason a person wouldn’t try to straighten out the gossip is if, buried under the lies, there was a truth that was more dreadful than any rumor.” She wiped her hands on her apron, anger and bitterness rising to the surface so fast she couldn’t stop them. “Put that in your pot of
ifs
and let it stew for a while.”

Mary took Hannah by the shoulders. Determination and love shone in her features. “I have no
ifs
, Hannah. I’m strong enough to hear the truth. Are you strong enough to tell me?”

Hannah paused, considering what to do. Stepping around Mary, she walked to the laundry room door and closed it. “It’s an awful nightmare, and there’s no waking up from it. If I tell you, it’ll be your nightmare too.”

Mary’s greenish blue eyes stared at Hannah, filled with earnestness. “I only pray that I may be as good to you in your trials as you’ve been to me. I promise you loyalty and silence, Hannah. I promise it even from Luke, if that’s what you want.”

A craving so severe it caught Hannah completely off guard gnawed at her insides. She was withering inside from keeping it all to herself. She motioned to the wringer. They turned it on, blocking out their voices if anyone came near the doorway. Then they sat on the floor in a far corner, and Hannah spoke the truth—the complete, hideous, unbelievable truth. For the first time since summer, the weight lifted off Hannah’s shoulders as she told Mary of her deep love for Paul, her hopes, her fears, even her rape and pregnancy.