Sisters of the Quilt Trilogy (29 page)

As the words poured forth, Hannah worried that Mary wouldn’t understand, that she might even turn and walk away. She hungered for Mary to still love her. But no matter how she responded when it was all laid before her, Hannah felt relief. She had finally told someone.

As breakfast ended, Sarah poured the last drops of coffee in her
Daed’s
cup. In spite of the unbearable irritability that grated her insides, she kept her movements controlled. To let her father see an emotion outside the few he could cope with would be a huge mistake, one her big sister had taught her to avoid. Sarah coughed, hiding the sounds of disgust that naturally spewed from her at the very thought of Hannah. Her sister had crossed too many lines of late—even being seen with Jacob after staying out all night. But Jacob discounted that rumor right to Sarah’s face. He said he’d had nothing to do with Hannah, and if he got his way, he’d never have to see her again. Sarah wasn’t sure what to think about Hannah’s motives toward Jacob. But Sarah longed to believe Jacob, to believe that everything between him and her sister was as innocent as he had made it sound.

After returning the pot to the stove, Sarah put the bacon and scrapple back in the refrigerator. As she began removing the breakfast plates from the table, her family went on to the next phase of their day, leaving Sarah in the kitchen alone. Except for the two youngest children, only a few mumbled words had been spoken all morning. Awkward silence had become a staple over the last few months, growing worse with each passing week. Sarah had no clue why her family moped around wordlessly. But the dark mood threatened to drive her mad.

After slipping into winter attire,
Daed
, Luke, and Levi headed outside to continue the endless chores of owning a small dairy herd. Samuel had to go to school in a little while, but first he needed to gather firewood from the lean-to and move it to the back porch. Esther, who would soon turn thirteen, wasn’t going to school today. It was her last year to attend, and
Daed
had decided she could miss a few days here and there in order to help make up for Hannah’s absence.

Mamm
gave Esther and four-year-old Rebecca a few quiet instructions as they made their way upstairs to begin preparing their home for Sunday’s meeting. It’d take the better part of the week to get their home as shiny clean as
Daed
an
d Mamm
wanted it for a worship day. The rotation that scheduled church to be held on their property once a year had circled back to them.

She chucked another log into the potbellied stove and set the pressing iron facedown on top of it before turning to wash the last of the breakfast dishes. She’d been weary and cross of late. Both sleep and peace had seemed impossible. For months, a recurring nightmare had chased her. The unseen image tracked her, wreaking terror at night. And its memory haunted her during the day.

As her thoughts meandered in every direction, Sarah continued moving through the kitchen chores. She put jars of garden-canned kale and whole-kernel corn on the counter before placing the kettle on the back of the wood stove. In the five months that Hannah had been living under Annie Yoder’s roof as Mary’s nursemaid, the Lapp household had learned to run quite smoothly without her.

Sarah went to the cupboard, where freshly canned deer meat was stored. Things were better than just running smoothly. In spite of Hannah being trained in some medical knowledge, she no longer held a place of great respect within the community. Actually, due to a few rumors, Hannah’s lofty position had plummeted. Her sister being on the outs with
Daed, Mamm
, and Luke felt even better than Sarah had imagined it would. When a snicker erupted from Sarah, guilt rose. She didn’t mean to feel so giddy about Hannah’s misfortune.

But the idea of spending another quiet, clammed-up day inside the house stole her fleeting delight in the dethroning of her sister. Sarah grabbed two Mason jars filled with meat. Setting both jars on the counter, Sarah sighed. What difference did it make if Sarah had told the bishop about that night? Sarah had kept tons of secrets for Hannah.

But her sister had done plenty of good deeds toward her too. Hannah had been a shield for her hundreds of times, like when
Daed
caught her dawdling away precious work time as she daydreamed. Hannah had stepped in between
Daed
and Sarah regularly, making all kinds of excuses until he stormed off without taking Sarah to the woodshed.

No matter. It was Hannah’s own fault that rumors were ripping through the community. If she hadn’t been doing something wrong to begin with, Sarah would have had nothing to tell. And if Hannah hadn’t been so deceitful as to make herself look better than she really was to everyone, including Jacob, Sarah wouldn’t have had cause to put Hannah in her rightful place by telling people what she was really like.

But Sarah’s thoughts often stole her sense of time. Was it possible that Hannah had only been gone a few minutes that night?

If Hannah was telling the truth about that …

Stark terror ran down Sarah’s spine. If
Daed
ever found out that she was the one who’d told the bishop about that ride, he might beat her until she had no tomorrow.

Fresh hatred for Hannah rose within her.

P
aul turned out the last of the lights in the tire store and set the security system. His new title of assistant manager came with longer hours and more responsibilities, but it also came with a much-appreciated raise. The February wind slapped against him, sliding down the nape of his neck and back as he curved his body to lock the double glass doors. The lock clicked into place, and he shook the door to verify it was bolted. He stood straight, pulling his jacket tighter and shoving his paycheck deeper into his coat pocket. Paul waited by the door, making sure each employee’s car started on this cold winter night.

Across the lot, he saw Jack climbing into his 2000 Honda Accord. The man should have received the promotion Paul had gotten, and he would get the position when Paul left in May … if Jack could pull his life together by then. Jack was in the middle of a divorce, and the word
depression
didn’t begin to describe what he was going through. Jack’s situation made Paul’s blood boil.

Jack was a good and decent man who worked hard in every avenue of life. He’d had good reasons to be suspicious of his wife’s faithfulness long before the ugly truth became clear. While he worked two jobs to support his family, Melanie was running around on him. Paul didn’t know why it had taken Jack so long to see it. Having been around Melanie some, Paul had considered her capable of every bit of the buzz that was going around about her. But Jack, the poor sap, had refused to believe anything but what his wife said. He’d been a fool and had ignored all the signs while hoping for the best until the truth could no longer be denied.

While Jack was getting help from a therapist, Pau stepped into the position of temporary assistant manager so the company wouldn’t hire a permanent employee in Jack’s place. Paul had been so upset about Jack’s situation that he ended up venting to Dorcas about it. Of course he’d also talked to her about his hopes and plans of a life with Hannah. He couldn’t help but talk about that since Dorcas was one of only three people who knew about her.

Dorcas couldn’t stop talking about a guy she’d begun dating a few weeks ago. Paul hoped the four of them could enjoy spending some time together, maybe playing board games at Gram’s. His grandmother’s place was Hannah’s best chance of getting to be part of a double date.

As the last employee pulled out of the lot, Paul trotted around the back of the building, heading toward his car. In three months he would be in Owl’s Perch with Hannah. Man, he was looking forward to that. As he came closer to his truck, he recognized the red Ford Taurus parked beside it. The driver’s-side door opened, and Dorcas climbed out.

She batted her eyes against the strong wind. “We need to talk.”

He stood motionless. He couldn’t imagine what would make her drive all the way from Maryland to talk rather than using a phone.

She ran her fingers back and forth over her chin. “A few hours ago my mom and I got back from visiting Jeanie, my mother’s cousin who lives in Owl’s Perch.”

Paul’s heart lurched. “Is something wrong?”

She held up an envelope. “This is a duplicate of a letter that was sent to Hannah.”

He closed the distance between them. “Sent by whom?”

She shrugged. “It’s not signed.” Dorcas stroked the edge of the envelope. “But Jeanie got it from the person who wrote it.”

Paul studied the envelope in her hand. It was addressed to Hannah, but the seal had been ripped open. It had a stamp on it but no postmark across it, as if after preparing to mail the letter, someone changed their mind—maybe had even snatched it back from the mailbox before the mailman had a chance to pick it up.

Dorcas tapped the envelope against the palm of her hand. “There are things in this letter you need to know about.” She lowered her head. “I’m sorry.”

Indignation ran through him. “What kind of things?”

Dorcas pointed to the passenger door of her car. “If you want to know all I’ve been told, get in.”

Paul ducked into the car, slamming the door behind him. “Make it quick because I’m going there to check on her as soon as we’re finished.” He pounded his fists on the dashboard. “Regardless of her father’s or anyone else’s wishes.”

Paul’s old truck knocked along the back roads as he burned rubber getting to Owl’s Perch. Forget studying, tomorrow’s classes, and work. Him and all his plans, always putting Hannah second. He sighed.
Idiot
.

He raked his hands through his hair. The whole community was buzzing ugly things against Hannah because they’d shared a kiss. The poor girl. No one had a right to say Hannah was a sinner and needed to repent. He sped down the road, fuming at the injustice of it all.

Matthew Esh
. The name dug its way past his anger at Hannah’s accusers. Was there something to all these rumors? Dorcas had said Matthew’s name a dozen times in all the gossip. But surely the community wouldn’t be angry with her and write letters of correction if being alone with Matthew was the only “misdeed” she was accused of. They wouldn’t hold it against her to this degree even if she did stay out all night with him … or was it Jacob Yoder that she was supposed to have stayed out all night with? She might get some mean-looking frowns, even a few murmurs or cold shoulders, but not letters and the community wagging their tongues freely about her. Something more than Matthew … or Jacob … was going on.

Was it possible she’d gotten caught up in a relationship with that English guy at the hospital that Dorcas mentioned? The rumors said she had, and she’d acted weird the night he’d showed up.

“That’s ridiculous!” Paul railed against himself, smacking the steering wheel with the palm of his hand. “Are you going to join in and accuse her?”

The rumors were based on lies. He had no doubts about his Hannah. The truck jolted as he hit a pothole.

Well, okay, he had a few doubts. He’d witnessed firsthand how friendly Hannah was with Matthew. No big surprise that half the rumors involved him. The other half involved some nameless English person and that doctor Hannah quoted from time to time. One or two of the rumors had Jacob Yoder’s name attached to them. Dorcas said Jacob was one of Mary’s brothers. Heat ran through his body.

She wasn’t guilty. No way. He knew her. She was simply naive and didn’t always think about how things might look.

Dorcas had told him that, according to her mother’s cousin, Hannah was still living at the Yoders’
Daadi Haus
with Mary. He intended to knock on the door and insist he be allowed to talk to Hannah. He had to make sure she was okay.

She might even be willing to leave Owl’s Perch and go with him. She would turn eighteen in a little over two weeks. They could hide out somewhere until then if need be.

If she wanted out, he’d get her out.

The letter Dorcas had shown him, which was a duplicate of one sent to Hannah, had quoted Scripture about dressing modestly and being honest. He growled. Ridiculous hyperbole. Hannah was no more capable of sneaking out to be with a man in her undergarments than Paul was of flying.

Let’s see them send those letters when they don’t know where you live, Hannah
.

As Paul pulled into the Yoders’ driveway, he noticed there were no lights on in the house. He drove farther into the driveway, stopping in front of the
Daadi Haus
. He saw a light on in the living room. Maybe Hannah and Mary were still awake.

Paul knocked on the door. He didn’t care if the whole neighborhood heard him. He was tired of sneaking around as if he and Hannah were sinners.

A girl with greenish blue eyes and blond hair covered by a white prayer
Kapp
came to the door dressed in a flannel gown and housecoat. He assumed it was Mary, though he’d never met her, since she’d been asleep the day he came to her house for a visit with Hannah. “Mary?” he asked.

She nodded.

“I’m Paul Waddell. I need to speak to Hannah. Is she here?”

She nodded and opened the door. “Hannah went to bed with complaints of aches. She’s asleep now, and I’d hate to wake her.”

Physical pains brought on by the emotional weight of the rumors, Paul figured. “I’m not leaving until I speak with her, even if every member of this district learns that I’m here.”

Mary tilted her head, considering his words. Finally a smile crossed her face. “I suppose I’ll be the one in pain if I don’t wake her. I’ll be right back.”

Paul paced, much as he’d done when he’d come to visit her in November. She’d been out that day, and by her own admission she’d been with Matthew.

Hannah came to the living room door, her long hair loosely pulled into a bun with wisps breaking free everywhere. She had a shawl wrapped over her day clothes, but she didn’t have her
Kapp
on. She looked a bit addled, as if she’d been sound asleep.

Paul bolted to her, clasping his hands over hers. “Are you all right? I heard …”

She stared at him, but she didn’t ask why he was here or suggest he hide his truck. He rubbed his head, feeling confused.

Mary came up behind Hannah and whispered something in her ear in Pennsylvania Dutch. She held Hannah’s head covering out to her.

“Ich kann net.”
Hannah shook her head, refusing to take it.

Paul would have found Hannah’s refusal to wear her prayer
Kapp
disturbing enough even without any rumors flying on the winds. Doubts concerning her began nibbling at him. All the women from his sect of Mennonites wore
Kapps
. Where was her submission to the ways they’d agreed on as right?

As he tried to decipher what the two were whispering about, he’d never felt so out of place. Mary said something about calling for a doctor. Hannah reacted angrily. Did Mary need a doctor? Surely Mary didn’t think Hannah needed one just because she’d gone to bed achy.

Mary grabbed Hannah’s coat and helped her put it on, still whispering.
“Grossmammi iss do. Du kannscht net im Haus schwetze.”

“Ya, gut.”
Hannah nodded.

Yes
and
good
—that he understood.

Hannah fastened her coat. “Mary’s grandmother has moved back into her bedroom upstairs. We need to find a quiet place outside to talk.”

Without a word, Paul followed her out the door, up the hill, and past the barn. When they came to a huge oak, she stopped.

She played with the bark of the tree, barely turning to look at him. “I didn’t expect to see you until May.”

“Dorcas came to see me. She said you’re being treated poorly, almost being shunned among your people. I came to see if you’re okay.”

Looking wearier than he could ever have imagined, she shrugged. “There are rumors and displeasure among the People. But any mention of shunning is absurd. That’s not done lightly and never to an unbaptized member. There’s some pressure, but I’m fine.”

She didn’t look fine. She looked miserable. Whatever else was going on, she didn’t seem the least bit glad to see him. “Have we made a mistake, Hannah?”

She turned, mumbling something in Pennsylvania Dutch. Then she seemed to realize her lapse and repeated her words. “If you don’t know, I can’t tell you.”

He studied her. She’d changed. In a thousand ways he couldn’t even define. “Tell me what’s going on, Hannah. I’m always gone, always trying to build a life for us. I don’t understand what’s happening.”

She stepped away from him. “When you graduate, will you still want me?”

He jammed his hands into his pockets, feeling the letter in one and his paycheck in the other. “Yes, absolutely.”

Clearing her throat, she lifted her chin and nodded. “Then I’ll be here.”

Paul clutched the letter in his hand, pulling it from his pocket. “But, Hannah, where have all these rumors come from? What’s going on?”

She glanced at the paper in his hands, but she didn’t ask about it. “I’m tired. That’s all.”

He stepped closer to her, trying to look her in the eye. “That answer doesn’t address my question about the rumors. Were you out for a ride in your nightgown with some guy?”

She returned to playing with the bark on the tree. “I want to answer you, Paul, but you’ve got to hear me out. Okay?”