Sisters of the Quilt Trilogy (90 page)

Her gaze fixed on Paul, and she was unable to break it. The night before boarding the train she’d called his apartment. A girl answered, promising to give him the message. He never called her back. Nine months after leaving, she’d tried again to reach him by calling here to Gram’s home. The same young woman had answered the phone, probably someone from his family or friends. Possibly Dorcas.

Hannah wouldn’t point fingers or lay blame. Still, she was getting an uneasy feeling that Paul had never received either message. She forced a smile. Whoever she spoke to may have lied, but Hannah was the one who went into hiding. She was the one who didn’t push harder to reach him, only calling twice in nine months and then never calling again.

She inhaled deeply, sensing her burden becoming lighter in spite of the truth she was learning. “The thing is, even if we’d talked before I left, I needed to go. Luke questioned me about leaving, saying I hadn’t given you much of a chance to adjust to the shocking news. But, Paul,”—she tilted her head, making sure he was looking right at her—“I needed out of Owl’s Perch, and even if we’d connected before I boarded that train and you still thought you wanted me, I’d have felt like a charity case, not a cherished fiancée or wife. Can you understand that?”

He nodded. “I knew you needed time. I never wanted to take that from you, but I wanted you to know I believed you and I hadn’t taken the money and I was there if you needed me.”

But Hannah knew if she’d stayed or even returned soon, she’d have made a mess of his life. His parents and community would not have accepted her, not with the reputation she carried—the scarlet letter she still wore in the eyes of most. And she would never have been able to make herself believe he actually loved her. At that time her self-esteem was gone, her spirit grievously wounded.

She rose. “The good news is that because I left, I met my aunt, a woman I’ll always be better for having known. She helped me find myself and a career. She placed seeds in me, assuring me that even a woman has the right to chase her own dream. She modeled forgiveness and hope. I don’t regret that time.”

Paul straightened his back, clearly relaxing a bit. “I … I always thought you’d return healed and successful.”

She scoffed. “Instead, I returned outspoken and difficult.”

A whispery laugh eased the rest of the concern lines across his forehead. “Well, I’d braced myself for that too.”

They shared a laugh, which brought an odd sense of wholeness to her. As if she hadn’t fully moved on until she found peace with others whose lives were ripped apart too.

“Hannah.” Lissa sang her name.

“Yes?”

“Can I throw a stick in the water?”

“Yes, and you have about five minutes, okay?”

“Okay.”

Being at Gram’s with Paul and Lissa caused a sense of wonder at life to dance around her, asking to be let inside.

Hannah drew a deep breath, able to finish with more strength than she’d begun with. “At the end I thought I was losing my mind, but with each little town the train stopped at and then left behind, hope began to stir. I seemed to leave behind more of that overwhelming powerlessness, and I could finally breathe again.”

“You wrote me the nevertheless’ letter.”

She nodded. “I wanted to lift some of your burden the way leaving freed me, but then …” She resented that he seemed to have moved on and found someone else within no time of walking out on her. She swallowed hard. “But later on, I began to harbor resentment, blaming you for things that weren’t your fault. I’m sorry.”

He put one hand on her shoulder, waiting for her to look at him. “You’re forgiven.”

She shifted her body weight, wishing she’d covered everything and could just go. “In spite of how I’ve acted, I’m content and not given to bouts of anger. But one of the reasons I came by today is because I refuse to hide things again.”

Paul shook his head. “I … I don’t understand.”

“Within weeks of landing in Ohio, I changed my last name to Lawson.”

Lines creased his brow. “That’s not your married name?”

She shook her head. “I … I’m not married.”

He pointed at her left hand. “But you’re engaged?”

With her right hand, Hannah wrapped her fingers around the ring on her left hand, feeling the stones—a diamond and ruby—in her honorary mother’s gift. “He’s asked, but …”

He stood, turning his back to her.

Hannah blinked, feeling a bit startled. “I haven’t said yes, but I love him. We have Kevin and Lissa, and we make a good family.”

Paul turned, his eyes mirroring things she’d never be privy to. “She’s a sweet girl.”

“Yeah, she and Kevin seem to be unusually great children.” Hannah drew a cleansing breath. It was over. She’d done what she came to do, and now it was time to leave and pick back up with her life. “Lissa, it’s time to go.”

On the bridge, through the wooded area, Lissa crossed her arms. “Aw, not now.”

“Lissa Ann Palmer.”

The little girl hurried off the bridge. “I’m coming.” She left the edge of the wood, wiping her dirty hands down her sweater. “Don’t nobody start talking about taking my desserts away.”

Paul glanced at Hannah. “Hannah,” he chided teasingly.

She shrugged. “I need leverage. And you know how she responds to food.”

Paul agreed and slid his hands into his pockets. “I’m glad Sarah called you home. Wouldn’t prevent one outburst you’ve had to finally get to this point.”

Lissa sang while she ran right past them and toward the car.

Paul walked beside Hannah. “How are things with Mary?”

“I talked to her last night. I think she’ll be fine, but there are some steps that need to be taken to be certain.”

“I’m sure she’s better off just having you to talk to.”

Hannah leaned against her car, somewhat taken aback at the corner they’d turned. Paul was much the same as he’d been since she’d arrived, but the resentment she’d let simmer for so long was gone, leaving calmness in its place. “I’m thankful to have her in my life again too, but friendship won’t be enough for what’s going on with her.” She paused, trying to gauge how much to share. “Paul, I may need your help.”

“Sure. Anytime. What do you need from me?”

Suddenly feeling vulnerable again, Hannah opened her car door. “I … I’ll let you know later … by phone … or I may get Dr. Lehman to contact you.”

T
he Saturday afternoon sun extended across Paul’s stove as he stared at the boiling water in the pot. The bubbles, big and small, worked their way to the top and burst, releasing steam. He’d forgotten why he put the water on to heat. Macaroni and cheese, maybe? He wasn’t hungry anyway. Confusion covered his thoughts like a pounding headache as his heart thumped like mad.

Hannah wasn’t married. Or engaged.

By the time she’d returned three weeks ago, he was relieved to realize he was no longer absolutely in love with her. But since then … well, he’d come to know her again. She was different, quicker to share her feelings, even her most negative ones. She was harder. Yet, everything that had attracted him to her in the first place—her strength, determination, intelligence—and even her newfound and unshakable confidence drew him.

Until this morning when she said she wasn’t married, he’d refused to acknowledge the slightest attraction he still had for her, let alone admit to the growing magnetic pull that seemed powerful enough to drag him to her door. But he’d kept even his most private thoughts in check, honoring the vows he’d thought she’d taken.

Of course, she did say she loved Martin. And Paul was supposed to be committed to seeing only Dorcas, although they hadn’t talked about that—exactly.

Hannah knew the truth now about his coming back for her and not taking the money and not having any other girls.

He turned off the stove. No wonder she’d stocked up so many negative emotions against him. They could work through those things now, couldn’t they? A vision of Lissa popped into his head. Hannah’s new family meant life and joy to her. Any attempt to win her back would be treason to the life she’d built.

Still, his desire packed a hurricane force. She’d finally returned, and she wasn’t married. If she loved the guy so much, why hadn’t she said yes to his proposal?

Was she here to simply give them both closure? Maybe that’s all they needed and his other emotions were a reaction to the full realization that she was home, unmarried, and now knew things he’d waited years to tell her. Emotions were a tricky thing. Dead on target some of the time and bold-faced liars at other times.

The way she dressed, who she’d become was no longer Plain, not that he had a clue what that did or didn’t mean to him. She was here and not married; that’s really all he knew. And that desire burned through him like lava, seemingly destroying all other hopes for his future in its path.

The quiet jingle of his phone interrupted his thoughts, and he picked up the receiver. “Paul Waddell.”

“Paul, this is Dr. Jeff Lehman. Do you have a few minutes?”

“Sure. What can I do for you?”

“It seems I need a place to see Mary Lapp. Hannah Lawson recommended that I give you a call since the Better Path may have the facilities I need to give an examination.”

“I’d need to take the request to the board, but I have to tell you, as a mental health facility, we don’t have an exam room. We do have a lab, but the tech only works part-time, and even then a lot of the blood work has to be sent out. We usually get the results within a few days.”

“I travel between clinics. Most of what I need I take with me. The real problem is I’m not licensed in Pennsylvania, which doesn’t matter as far as dealing with the Amish community, but it might matter for the licensing and rules of your clinic.”

“I’ll be sure to bring that up at the meeting. The clinic doesn’t have a board-certified medical doctor on staff, but we do have one we can use as an umbrella in certain circumstances, so we may be able to avoid any standards issues through that venue. Bob Marvin is the owner and CEO of the place. He’ll have the answers you need, but he’s out of town this weekend and left word that he’s unavailable.”

“I’m off Monday and was planning to go to Lancaster to visit relatives. I’d hoped to swing by Owl’s Perch on my way. Any chance you can have an answer for me sometime Monday morning?”

“That shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Unless we don’t get the go-ahead, I’ll be there that afternoon, because the sooner this is handled, the quicker Hannah can return to her school schedule.”

Paul grabbed a pen and paper off the refrigerator. “I’m sure Hannah’s very relieved you’re able to help.”

“She means a lot to me, and I’m glad to do what I can. I’ll give you my number, and you let me know as soon as you have an answer.”

“I’m ready.” He jotted down the info and ended the call, wondering exactly how Hannah came to know the doctor.

He slid the paper into his pocket. Wishing he hadn’t canceled hiking plans with Marcus, Ryan, and Taylor, he moved to his aquarium and fed the fish. Diversion with his friends would be nice about now, especially since focusing long enough to read anything seemed impossible.

Couldn’t concentrate. Couldn’t eat. Couldn’t sleep. Yep, the confusion of Hannah was back in his life, sort of. He moved to the couch and stared at the fish tank. The sun went down, and darkness filled the room, except for the light in the aquarium.

A thunderous knock jolted him.

He opened his front door to find his dad and Dorcas on the stoop. She looked frail and upset.

“What’s wrong?” He took a step back, inviting them in.

His dad put his hand on Dorcas’s back and escorted her in. “I knocked several times. Did you not hear me?”

Paul shook his head. “I wasn’t expecting anyone.”

His dad studied him quizzically. “I was on my way to visit Mom. Dorcas asked if I’d drop her by your place.”

Dorcas’s face was pale.

“You okay?”

She shrugged.

His father placed his large hand on Paul’s arm and gave it a friendly squeeze. “I need to go. Your Gram’s expecting me. You want to take Dorcas home later, or you want me to come back by here?”

“I’ll see that she gets home. Thanks, Dad.”

He closed the door behind his dad and turned to Dorcas. He figured she’d gotten wind of how much contact he was having with Hannah. Maybe even Gram told her Hannah came by her place to see him yesterday, but he wasn’t sure what to tell Dorcas. “What’s wrong?”

She held up a white envelope. “I … I got this in the mail today.” She burst into tears and fell against his chest. “What’s wrong with me?”

Paul put his arms around her. After bouts of muscle weakness and severe skin sensitivity for nearly two years, she had gone through a battery of tests a few weeks ago. “You received the results?”

She nodded as the sobs came harder.

He patted her back, hating what she was going through. “It’s okay, Dorcas. Whatever is going on, your family and mine will help you find answers.”

She cried and talked for hours before sleep took over. He eased from the couch beside her, shifted her legs onto the cushions, and placed a blanket over her. She had spent two and half years waiting for him to get over Hannah. She’d been by him through every step of the ordeal as he pined for Hannah.

Now she needed him—desperately.

From his easy chair Paul stared at the woman asleep on his couch, willing his heart to connect with her. He couldn’t stand the idea of leaving someone in overwhelming circumstances again. Hannah had someone. Dorcas had him.

He picked up the crisp, typewritten letter from the coffee table. Unfolding it, he leaned back in the chair. A soft stream of light from the hallway crossed the page. Every result had come back negative, which would be good news except the symptoms she dealt with gave her no relief—the joint pain, the skin sensitivity, the inability to think clearly or remember from one minute to the next.

Needing to be there for her, he tried to put lingering thoughts for Hannah into perspective.

Dorcas opened her eyes.

Paul slid the letter between the cushion and the arm of the chair. “Hi. How are you feeling?”

She sat up. “A bit foolish for coming here and crying in your arms until I fell asleep.”

“It’s not a problem. You were upset, and you should have come here.”

Dorcas’s eyes held fast to him. “What time is it?”

“About two a.m.”

She winced as she tried to sit up.

Paul went to her and extended his hand. “I called your parents so they wouldn’t worry. They wish you’d told them what was going on.” He helped her stand. “You steady?” The pain across her face twisted knots inside him.

She nodded and wrapped her hands around his arm.

He patted her hand. “How about if I fix you some food or some hot tea before I take you home?”

She put her arms around him. “I need you, Paul.”

He rested his head on hers. “And I’ll be right here for you like you’ve been for me, okay?”