Sisters of the Quilt Trilogy (96 page)

“No trick. We just share enough history from my own mistakes.”

Hannah looked up. “And you couldn’t have said
nothing
earlier and spared Mary some of this?”

“Luke wasn’t ready to hear it earlier.”

“Hear what? You didn’t say anything.”

“Hannah?”

“Yes?”

“You’re giving me a headache.”

They shared a laugh before Hannah leaned back on the chair, noticing for the first time how clear the evening sky was. Thousands of stars sparkled as if the Susquehanna’s surface that gleamed under the sun’s rays had been broken up and spewed into the sky. The harvest moon, in all its golden orange glory, was a clear sign that fall was far more than just a chill in the air. In spite of the heater, she shivered.

Paul tossed her one of the blankets from earlier. “This would be our first real time to be together after dusk.”

Without sitting up or taking her eyes off the sky, she spread the blanket over her. “Maybe it’s not so amazing that we didn’t make it … as it is that we forged a relationship around all the constraints.”

Paul didn’t respond, and she wasn’t about to look at him. They’d shared something special earlier today, and clearly they’d been ripped apart years ago against both their wishes, but she loved Martin. She could list his qualities endlessly and felt privileged that he wanted to share his life with her—an ex–Old Order Amish girl who didn’t dress or act anything like the hundreds of women he’d dated before her.

Hundreds?
Had there been that many? Well, he was eight years older than she was and considered dating a sport he was good at, even up to a year and a half after meeting her.

She shuddered, suddenly wishing she hadn’t thought about this. Martin wasn’t an outdoor guy for the most part, but when the weather was nice and time permitted, he’d leave his television, computer, game systems, and phones and sit with her. “Some of my favorite times are when Martin and I sit together outside and talk.”

Paul reached across the chair that separated them and tugged at her blanket. “I’m guessing that’s mostly a summertime event.”

She waved her hand at him, shooing his teasing away. Besides, she really shouldn’t be here talking with him, and it’d suit her overloaded guilt wagon just as well if they waited out the rest of this Mary and Luke saga in complete silence.

To their left, a hundred feet away, stood Luke and Mary. She had Luke’s hand pressed against her stomach. Hannah cleared her throat, trying to dismiss the lump. Love wasn’t all that touched their lives on this planet, but it made everything else endurable.

The movement under Luke’s hand made his heart thud like a wild man inside his chest trying to get out. His child was inside her, responding to his voice. He held his tongue, and the infant stayed still. He spoke, and the baby shifted. Feeling like a true head of the household, a man with the responsibility to take great care with his words and even his tone, he looked at Mary. “You were wrong,” he said softly.

She nodded, fresh tears splashing down her cheeks. “I know, but if you regret marrying me, you’ll taint what we’ve shared … our marriage bed. Remember our first night?”

Luke nodded, recalling many treasured nights.

His eyes stung with tears. He’d trusted her completely. Always had. And now he felt shaken and used. “All those months of crying when you didn’t conceive, you should have been rejoicing. I … I don’t understand.”

“I took my vows before the church, knowing I was hiding the truth from you. I feared God might not ever let me conceive, especially if I didn’t tell you the truth. But more than that, I feared you’d never love me the same if you knew the real me.”

Luke studied his wife. She wasn’t who he’d thought, no doubt. She had flaws and weaknesses he’d not known about until tonight. Now he knew her failing—she feared losing him more than she feared answering to God for a lie. If he wanted power over his wife, something he could use at will for the rest of his life, it’d been given to him tonight.

Mary caressed his cheeks. “I’ve repented a million times, but it doesn’t undo what I’ve done.”

He’d had his own repenting to do since they’d known each other. The reality of their weaknesses ran a long list through his mind. When the doctor had told her to wait about getting married, she was devastated, afraid he’d find someone else. But there was no one else to find, not for him. And the truth was, he would have waited for her, but he’d jumped at the chance to marry her at the very next wedding season. He didn’t ask to speak to the doctor; he just married her as quickly as he could.

The list had silly things on it too: the time he’d left the gas-powered refrigerator open all night, the times she made them late for church because she couldn’t find her hairpins, and the times he ignored her when she called him to supper, because he wanted to read the newspaper. He guessed this was what being married meant: having someone who knew both the best and worst about you.

With her hands still on his face, he gently took hold of her wrists. “I guess I can only hope you feel as strongly about marrying me today as you did two years ago.”

Mary smiled. “You know I do, Luke.” She shifted, moving his hand to her stomach again. “We both do. But I shouldn’t have loved you or myself more than God, and when I covered truth to get my way, I did just that.”

Luke wrapped his arms around her, hoping his wife was as safe as Hannah thought.

M
atthew filled the kerosene lamp with fuel and set it on the kitchen table. He struck a match and lit it. Kathryn pulled a calculator from the desk drawer, along with the cost of building supplies. He studied her face. Did she believe their relationship was only business?

She folded her arms in a relaxed manner and stared at the papers. “Do you really think you can start making money on orders before the shop is completed?” Her soft voice soothed his nervousness.

He adjusted his hat. “Completely sure. The storage at Luke’s has most of what we need already. After getting a few more supplies, all we need is a place to work that has a roof.”

“E and L can’t work out of Luke’s shop?”

“We could, but it’s a distance to get back and forth. That’d cut way down on my time to work on rebuilding for the most part of the day and filling orders during only a few hours.”

“I see what you mean.”

“You’re the only one who understands the orders since the fire. Ya did the work, made hours of calls to make sense of them, even reorganized the storage shop while I was gone. You can line everythin’ up—the customer orders, the supplies, the restocking of parts we don’t have in the storage at Luke’s old shop—while me and Luke use that time to construct the new buildings. If you’re willin’ to stay and keep everything lined up, we can stop construction for a few hours each day and begin pecking away at filling orders. If we don’t have you doin’ that part of the job for us, we can’t fill any orders until the buildings are completed.”

Kathryn folded her arms and leaned back in the chair. “I set up this workday to help you get ahead, and now you come up with this plan?”

“Today was great, Kathryn.” And it was, even if Joseph did show up and cause Matthew to turn green a few times. “We got a lot done. My whole family needed this—the distraction, the fellowship, the hope. But … what was your goal?”

“I wanted to make the tearing-down process easier and quicker. Are you disappointed in my plan?”

“No, no, not at all.” Matthew rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, a little.”

“What’s going on?” Her voice was as peaceful as when she was bidding him good morning or good night. This type of calm, reasonable reaction was one of the many things that drew him to her.

He took a seat beside her. “Tonight, as ya told your Joseph goodbye, it dawned on me what all our hard work today meant. That you’d go home for several weeks, maybe all winter, while we got the sides and roof up. I … I don’t want that to happen.” He brushed the back of her hand with the tip of his index finger. “Surely you know that.”

“Matthew, you’re barely broken up with Elle. You can’t possibly think you’re remotely interested in me.”

“That’s not an exact account. I’d sent her a letter endin’ things before you ever came to work for me. Your first day here she showed up to object to me breaking up with her. Then a month later, the day of the fire, she returned again, asking me to reconsider. After the devastation of losing David, I thought I felt a spark of interest.”

“So you run off to Baltimore with anyone you think you have a spark of interest for?”

“I went because I was willing to consider and reconsider anything that might help me find my way. What I learned while there is”—Matthew moved in closer and took Kathryn’s hand—“it’s your friendship, your ways that speak to me.”

“Well, okay, friends, yes, but I … I’m seeing Joseph.”

“If he means all that much to ya, then tell me so. All I’m askin’ is for some time for me to court you.”

She wound one string of her prayer Kapp around her index finger. “That’s not all you’re asking. Us seeing each other is a gamble, one that, if we lose, will end this friendship, and please don’t try to tell me it won’t.”

“And you’ll take that gamble with Joseph but not with me?”

“That’s different.”

“Different how?”

“For one thing it isn’t a working relationship with him. You and I work well together. I don’t want to mess that up.”

“And …”

She pursed her lips, looking really aggravated. “That’s plenty for you to know.”

Maybe he wasn’t being fair to her. The grief over David was still thick, and maybe he was mistaken to think Kathryn cared more for him than for Joseph, but he’d seen her around Joseph today. She was a little cool and distant, wasn’t she?

Matthew played with the corners of the papers spread out in front of them. “If ya really care for Joseph, that’s one thing. But you don’t owe stickin’ with him because your Daed wants you to live close to home and Joseph is available.”

“Matthew Esh, you’re out of line.” She pushed the papers and calculator away from her. “And what about the bishop? He’s overlooked a lot where you’ve been concerned, but going off with someone who’s not even a church member …”

Matthew sighed. It sounded so much worse when she put it that way. “I’ve made my share of mistakes, and I’ll deal with them with the bishop.”

Kathryn played with the strings of her prayer Kapp again, something she did when thinking and deciding. “I … I don’t know what to think, Matthew. Fact is, I’m not likely to sort through it until I go home.”

“Will you at least come spend some time with everyone tonight?”

“Luke and Mary are arguing. I’d rather not.”

“Whatever they’re arguin’ about, they’ll get over it soon. I’m sure of it.” He stood. “Okay?”

She rose and put the papers and calculator away. “Okay.”

Hannah remained in her seat, watching as Luke and Mary entered the tiny circle of chairs. They walked side by side, glowing.

Wondering if she and Martin ever glowed, Hannah pulled the blanket off her body. “Does this mean I can get some sleep now? And return to Ohio tomorrow?”

Before she finished her sentence, Matthew and Kathryn came out the side door. Luke gestured for Paul to move over one chair. Paul then took the empty spot next to Hannah.

Luke took a seat. “Ohio.” He looked about the group. “Does anyone else here think it’s odd that she never calls it home?”

Matthew propped his foot on the rough-sawed coffee table. “I noticed that. Paul?”

Paul shrugged. “I’d rather talk about the price of tea in China.”

“Knock it off, Luke. You too, Matthew. Zabeth’s cabin has been home since I first saw it, but I had to move out of there, and … and Martin’s place isn’t quite comfortable yet.”

Luke’s brows knit. “You’re living with him?”

“No, of course not. I didn’t mean it to sound like that. I live in the cottage behind his home. It makes taking care of Lissa and Kevin easier.”

Luke studied her. “Yeah, for him.”

Her ire grew, and she leaned forward. “I know how this must look, and I appreciate that you’re concerned for me, but Martin and I have needed and helped each other from the first day we met. When Lissa and Kevin’s mother abandoned them on my doorstep, Martin and I formed an even tighter team. If anyone has a problem with that, they need to keep it to themselves.”

Matthew pulled a well-used deck of Dutch Blitz cards out of his pant pocket.

He ruffled the cards while looking at Hannah. “Ya go to church?”

“Yes, when I’m not on call and helping deliver babies.”

Luke shifted. “Martin goes too?”

Hannah reminded herself that they were asking because they cared, but she wasn’t used to people prying. In her world no one asked. “He’s more faithful about it than I am.”

Matthew continued shuffling the cards. “That’s because he can tolerate it better. I attended one of those Englischer churches. Give me a hard, backless pew and a three-hour service in someone’s living room or a barn any day over the loud music, squealing microphones, and messages on the walls.”

A light chortle went through the group.

Kathryn rose and tugged on Matthew’s collar. “Before you deal, let’s fix some hot chocolate and popcorn for everyone.”

Matthew shoved the cards into his pocket. “We’ll be back.”

Hannah placed her folded forearms on her legs, leaning closer to the heater. “A few unexpected things happened today, so Paul and I made some good progress with Sarah.”

“I can’t tell you how glad I am to hear it.” Luke folded his hands. “She became such a mess after you left, but if we could have gotten her some help then …”

Hannah shivered. “I knew she was dishing out grief to me—spreading rumors and lies about me everywhere—but I never recognized her behavior as a red flag that she needed help. You probably can’t imagine how muddled that time was for me. Some parts of it were too vivid, and other parts were so vague it’s like I wasn’t even there for the events.”

Paul turned up the heater. “Yeah, I guess that’s a pretty accurate description, isn’t it?”

Luke grabbed a blanket off a nearby chair and passed it to Mary. “I know it took Paul days, maybe weeks, to decide whether to hire a private investigator to help find you.”

Hannah turned to Paul, not at all sure she could calmly handle hearing about this.

“I wavered in what to do, and I’ll never know if I was right or not, but it seemed inherently wrong to track you down when you had good reasons for leaving and equal reasons for not wanting to return. And you knew how to reach me … if you’d wanted to.”

Without any lingering doubts, she knew Paul had never received the messages when she’d called. She had to let Paul know about that, didn’t she?

She finally understood all, or nearly all, of what had taken place. “You weren’t wrong to let me decide for myself. Besides, finding me would have been impossible. With or without a name change, I almost couldn’t find myself.”

Paul laid his hand over hers. “I’m proud of you, always have been.”

Her eyes misted. “I needed that freedom so I could make totally new stupid mistakes all over again.”

Paul laughed softly with her. “You and me both.”

Hannah was confident that throughout the years to come they’d remain friends rather than merely tolerate the presence of each other. With him so firmly rooted in Sarah’s life, respecting each other was a real perk. Still, shouldn’t she tell him the truth about his not receiving her calls? What if it was Dorcas who hadn’t passed him the messages? Didn’t he need to know that? Or had she handled things in the only way she knew to protect Paul?

Knowing she needed time to think this through, Hannah leaned back. “I’m curious, Paul. My shortcomings are easily seen by those around me, but yours?”

He laughed softly. “Are you asking me to spill all my weaknesses?”

“Come on, no one gets off scot-free.”

His grin faded. “You’ve had to survive a few of them, you know.”

Hannah tried to piece things together in her mind. “I’m drawing a blank here.”

He slumped in mock resignation. “And you just have to talk about this now?”

She nodded. “Yep.”

“Women,” he muttered, a half smile making him look mischievous. “I have … hopefully it’s I
had
a strong tendency to jump to conclusions and then act on them as if they were facts—like when I left without hearing you out or when I assumed you were married because your last name was different.”

Luke scoffed. “Well, horse neck, Waddell, weren’t you justified?”

“To follow the clues and be mistaken in my conclusions, yes. To act on my assumption without asking questions, digging deeper, and listening, no.”

Hannah kept her focus on the gas heater, but she wanted to offer some encouragement to Paul. “Zabeth once said when you figure out where you’re messing up and you hate that behavior bad enough, that’s where all the good parts of you begin.”

“Guys,” Kathryn called from the door of the house, “can I have a head count of who does and does not like whipped cream in their cocoa?”

Mary stood. “I should probably just give her a hand.”

Luke rose and caught her by the hand. “I’ll go with you, just to make sure you don’t lift anything too heavy.”

“Whipped cream?” Mary paused midstep. Paul and Hannah nodded.

She snuggled under the blanket. “So, what do you do for fun?”

“Ah, a much easier question to deal with.” Paul stretched out his legs in front of him. “I hang out with some of my college buddies. We hike, fish, camp out, play some tag football, shoot some pool. You?”

“I work, go to school, and study. Around those things I try to find time for Martin, Lissa, and Kevin.”