Authors: Zoe Glez
“What does this mean?” Junior asks.
“Well…unfortunately it means we can’t do much about it, except wait. The cancer has been slowly taking over her heart. I can tell she’s a strong woman. In any other person cancer such as this would have taken them already. I know it’s hard for all of you, but it is recommended that you are all prepared to say your final goodbyes to her. There is a family counselor that could help you all deal with the grief and to pass the news to the little ones.” He finishes, looking at where Mickey and I are with Maddie sleeping in his arms.
The doc left then but not before promising us to come back when we can see Mama. By the time he left everyone was already in tears because of the news he had told us. I was more than glad that
I had Mickey and Maddie with me. All I could do was to hold them and hope to God that my grandmother would make it for another month, heck, another year.
The doctor finally came back around three hours later
. Unfortunately, not all of us could see her at once. My mom and my uncles were the first one to go see how she was doing. By the time Mickey and I were able to go, she was already asleep. She looked like the angel she’s always been. She looked more fragile than ever, but I knew that behind that fragility was a very strong woman.
I couldn’t help but think of t
hose sleepovers I used to have at her house when I was younger. Of the times she was sick in bed and I would sit at her bedside and read her all the jokes in the newspapers. The times when she used to pull me aside and start telling me stories about my grandfather and the way they used to live back in the Isla.
But most of all
, I remembered her smile, the one that always used to brighten my days. And the times she was there with me when I needed her, telling me how strong I was, cheering me on, making me see all the reasons I had to live for.
We had decided that for the rest of
her hospital stay a different person would stay with her.
That Friday, the very first day, my mom stayed with her. The day after it was Angel, then Junior, Luke, Lola and Carla. It has been six days since she’s been hospitalized and I am staying with her today.
During th
e past few days we have taken Maddie to see her because Mama wanted her there. She had asked to have some alone time with Maddie and I think it actually did her some good. I could see the life and joy in her eyes. She didn’t look as pale as she did the days before.
It took me a while to talk it over with Maddie, but I managed to explain to her why it was that I was staying in the hospital. She didn’t want me to go, but I told her that someone needed to take care of Mama, to keep her company so she wouldn’t fee
l alone. She finally gave up, after I promised I would see her tomorrow. Before I left, I promised her I would call at bed time and sing what has become her favorite lullaby.
“You
’ve always loved that song,” Mama says once I’m finished with my call. She had been asleep so it took me by surprise to hear her voice.
“I did,
” I say as I move to her bedside. “And she loves it, too. I’m just glad I get to pass something on to her.”
“And you’ll keep doing it
. She reminds me of you, Laylah,” she says. “You have no idea how proud I am of the woman I’ve seen you become. To give a child like Madison a home when you could have a child of your own, not many people do things like that. You have a heart as big as you claim this old coot has.”
“Awww, vieja, y
ou’re just being modest now.” I grab her hand in mine. “Do you need anything?”
She shakes her head
‘no’. “Just talk to me, any last secret to share?” she asks, giving me a knowing look.
“It can’t be a secret if you already know about it.” I softly laugh.
“It can if you don’t spill it,” she deadpans.
“Touché
.” I kiss her hand. “They’re twins.”
“So
, it is true.” I nod. “Mickey sure knows how to work those seeds, doesn’t he?” she jokes.
“Mama!” I say
, appalled by her words.
Back when I was in the hospital
, the doctor had told us that I was pregnant. The weight I thought I was gaining due to my grandmothers wonderful cooking turned out to be a baby bump. I am actually three months pregnant. Because of our miscarriage, Mickey and I had decided to keep it between us until I was well into my second trimester. Of course, the news of our pregnancy didn’t change anything about us wanting to adopt Maddie. Not even when the doctor told us we were having twins.
“That is exactly what I’m talking about, mi niña. Here you are pregnant with twins and you still
adopted that adorable little girl. You’re going to be a great mom, Laylah. Never doubt it,” she says, looking me in the eyes. “Thank you, Laylah. Thank you for allowing me to meet at least one of my great grand babies,” she whispers.
“Don’t— don’t say that
, you will get to meet these two other babies too and many more. You’ll see,” I say, tears coming out of my eyes.
She nods but doesn’t say anything else. After a couple of moments of silence she says
, “Can you turn the television on? I heard a couple of nurses saying something about a 7
th
Heaven marathon going on.” I smile once she mentions her favorite non-spanish speaking TV series.
“I sure can
,” I say looking for the remote.
“Oh,
this one is my favorite,” she says referring to the episode where the Camden’s help reconstruct a church that was burned down. “Do you know what I’ve always love about this show?” she asks and I shake my head ‘no’. “They remind me of us. There you have a family who, aside from their imperfections and mistakes, still stay by each other’s side. They forgive and love each other unconditionally, willing to look beyond their mistakes because at the end of the day, mi niña, we are humans, we are allowed our mistakes.
“We are also allowed
our secrets, as long as we don’t let them grow into something worse than they are. When they do, they turn into lying. Secrets and lies are what could really break a family, a couple, and a friendship apart. We’ve got to learn to tell them apart. We’ve also got to learn to trust in those who are close to us. If we don’t, we may break ourselves into pieces and lose sense of who we are, of what we are here for.
“Promise me something, Laylah
,” she says reaching for my hand. I nod before she continues, “Promise me you won’t let this family break apart. Promise me you will still stick together, see each other more often. Promise me you won’t let lies and secrets break what I have spent years uniting. Promise me you will all be as strong, forgiving, and loving as ever once I’m gone. I’m not saying you won’t have you’re disagreements, you will always have them, no family is perfect, not even the ones on TV. But, just…just don’t let them escalate into something more. Make them remember who they are and where they come from. Don’t let them get lost within their secrets. Promise me you will tell them how much I love them and how sorry I am from keeping this from them.
“Last, but not least, promise me you will always fight. Fight for your dreams, for your life. Remember to stand up if you ever fall
down. Remember, that it’s what’s inside that matters, not the outer shell. We’re not perfect, Laylah. We will never be. It’s just a matter of learning from our mistakes. To not let them overpower us. Love with everything you have. Pass to those wonderful children’s of yours the good values I have always shown you. But no more secrets, okay?” she finishes.
“I promise,
” I manage to whisper with all the tears coming out of my eyes.
“Now, no more of that crying. L
et us just watch my show.” And so we do.
It was getting toward the end of the episode, where the family is
on the grounds of what it is to be the new church and they’re giving a service. It is when they start singing a wonderful song called “I Will Rise” that I turn to her and say, “I love this song, it seems angelic and peaceful when the chorus sings it like that, don’t you think?” I wait for her answer, but she doesn’t reply. When I try to ask her again, I hear the sound of her heart monitor beeping and that’s when I start to lose it.
“Mama!” I say standing up, panic and pain in my voice. “Mama! An
swer me, damn it! I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry, vieja,” I plead. “Please, please don’t leave me. Not yet. Please, God, don’t take her away from me. Mama! Come on wake up, WAKE UP!” I start to scream between sobs. But she won’t answer me, she won’t move.
“Nurse, nurse, I need
some help in here. Please, somebody help! Please!” I call for help, begging, afraid that they’ll confirm what I already know.
Wake up, vieja. Please. Don’t go yet!
I need you.
But it was too late, s
he was already gone. I knew she was from the very first moment I heard that song. No matter how much I tried to convince myself she wasn’t gone, I knew she was.
“Laylah? Laylah, baby
, what’s wrong? Talk to me.”
Mickey asks from the other end of the phone. He’s worried. Quite frankly, I don’t even remember dialing his phone.
“She’s gone,
” I simply whisper and I quickly hear him moving around the house before I end the phone call.
“What do we do when we fall, mi niña?” she asks.
“We get
right back up and keep fighting,” I answer sounding more like a question.
“And
, if we can’t get back on our own?”
“We turn to the one that owns our heart, because there’s a
one hundred percent chance that they are also suffering and hurting. They have also fallen. Just because they have watched us fall and they want nothing more than to see us back on our feet, happy,” I answer, looking to were Mickey is.
“Fight, Laylah, no matter what happens never l
et yourself fall. Always, fight,” she whispers in my ear before she leaves, showing me her beautiful angelic smile as she backs away.
Gone. She’s gone.
E
pilogue
5 years later
J
anuary twenty-sixth. That day will always be marked in my mind. I’ll never forget that day. That night. That was the night we had lost our rock. The night our angel had officially become an actual one, she had moved on into a better life.
That night was the hardest thing I had ever gone through, telling my family that Mama had passed away was heartbreaking.
Trying to explain it to Maddie was even harder. She had grown to love Mama in what little time they had spent together. She was shattered. She couldn’t understand why it had happened.
But
, as I remembered Mama telling me once, it’s the circle of life. We are not made to spend an eternity on this planet. We need to move on to a much better and peaceful place and make space for others to enjoy this chance of life we are given. I told her that she’s not gone because she is still in our hearts and in our minds. That she’s watching over us, making sure we behave and stay true to ourselves, preventing bad things from happening to us. And I believe it. I believe she truly is watching over us, making sure we don’t wreck ourselves or each other for that matter.
Things ha
ve changed in the last five years, our family has grown and, as I had promised her, we have stuck together for better and for worse. United, always united. Mama had left a letter that served as her will. She had left the house to Lola, the business was to be divided between my mom and my uncles. If any of them wished to no longer be part of it then they could sell their shares to whomever they see fit. What she owned back in la Isla she left to Junior and Angel. It wasn’t much, but she figured they would know what to do with it since they had spent more time there than my mom and Luke.
In the letter she reminded us to stick together, that we are family above all. To look beyond our mistakes and learn to forgive each other. She told us how proud she was of how
we all turned out. She must have added a few things before her death because she asked Luke to forgive her for how she reacted to his news. She told him she was proud of the man he had become, that she could never be ashamed of him. Told him to embrace who he is and to love unconditionally, no matter what others said.
She
asked for everyone’s forgiveness for not telling them about her cancer, claiming that, at the time, it was something she had thought was right. But, that she didn’t regret her decision of rejecting the treatment. If she would have gone through with it, she wouldn’t have been able to enjoy her last sixty days with her family. She asked me to forgive her for making me keeping such a hard secret and reminded me to always be strong and to never give up.
She told us to love each other, to stick together, to never lose that connection we ha
ve as a family. But, overall, she thanked us for giving her the best sixty days of her life. Sixty days that she will forever maintain in her heart and cherish.