Read Skinny Bitch in the Kitch Online

Authors: Rory Freedman

Skinny Bitch in the Kitch (9 page)

Linguini with Pesto, Pine Nuts, and Sun-dried Tomatoes
Serves 3 to 4
3 quarts water
About 1½ tablespoons fine sea salt
8 ounces whole wheat or
brown rice linguini
½ cup Basil Pesto (see page 155)
½ cup oil-packed julienned
sun-dried tomatoes, drained
½ cup pine nuts, toasted, divided
Zest of 1 lemon (optional)
¼ cup roughly chopped
fresh basil leaves
In a 4- to 6-quart stockpot over high heat, combine the water with about 1½ tablespoons salt. Bring the water to a boil, add the linguini, and cook according to the package directions. When the pasta is done, drain it, reserving ½ cup of the pasta cooking water.
Return the pasta to the pot and stir in the pesto, sun-dried tomatoes, about ¾ of the pine nuts, and the lemon zest, if using. If the pasta seems too dry, add ¼ to ½ cup of the pasta water. Transfer the pasta to plates or a platter, garnish with the basil leaves and remaining pine nuts, and serve.
Eggplant Parmesan
If you’re one of those baby bitches—“I don’t like eggplant”—now is the time to get over it.
Serves 4 as an entree
or 8 as a side dish or appetizer
¾ cup vegan Parmesan cheese
⅓ cup whole wheat bread crumbs
1 tablespoon granulated garlic powder
2 teaspoons fine sea salt
¾ teaspoon pepper
½ cup soy or rice milk
Refined coconut oil
1 eggplant (about 1½ pounds), cut
crosswise into ½-inch slices
1½ cups Basic Red Sauce
(see page 156)
¼ cup roughly chopped
fresh basil leaves
4 ounces vegan mozzarella
cheese, shredded
Preheat oven to 350°F.
In a shallow bowl, combine the Parmesan, bread crumbs, garlic powder, salt, and pepper. Place the soy or rice milk in another shallow bowl. Heat 3 to 4 tablespoons of oil, enough to coat the pan with a thin layer in a 10- or 12-inch nonstick skillet over medium.
One at a time, dip the eggplant slices in the soy or rice milk, then the bread-crumb mixture, pressing to thoroughly coat. Place the finished slices in the hot pan and cook about 3 minutes per side, or until browned on the outside and tender on the inside (you’ll have to do more than one batch; wipe out the pan between batches and add more oil). Transfer the finished slices to a 2-quart casserole dish, arranging them into two layers. Top the eggplant with the sauce,
spreading it evenly. Top the sauce with the basil and mozzarella, sprinkling both evenly. Bake until the sauce is hot and cheese is melted, about 20 minutes.
Down Home
COOKIN’
If the shoe fits, wear it. And if you like to eat shit, eat it. And don’t feel bad about it, neither. Here are a few old favorites that you might ordinarily feel guilty about eating. But now you can indulge without feeling fat or sick. (You can send us “thank-you” notes via
www.SkinnyBitch.net
.)
 
Macaroni and Four Cheeses
 
Oven-fried “Chicken” and Cornbread
 
Cha Cha Chili
 
Potatoes au Gratin
 
Shepherd’s Pie
 
Cheezy Casserole
 
“Meatloaf” with Mashed Potatoes and Gravy
 
Sloppy Joes
 
Potato Skins with all the Fixin’s
Macaroni and Four Cheeses
Serves 8
1 tablespoon refined coconut oil,
melted, or safflower oil, plus more
for the casserole dish
About 2 tablespoons fine sea salt
1 pound whole wheat or
brown rice elbow macaroni
2 (10-ounce) packages frozen
pureed winter squash
2 cups soy or rice milk
4 ounces vegan cheddar cheese,
shredded
2 ounces vegan Jack cheese,
shredded
4 ounces (about ½ cup)
vegan cream cheese
1½ teaspoons powdered mustard
⅛ teaspoon cayenne pepper
¼ cup whole wheat bread crumbs
2 tablespoons vegan Parmesan
cheese
Preheat oven to 375°F. Oil a 2-quart casserole dish; set aside.
In a 4- to 6-quart stockpot over high heat, combine 3 quarts of water with about 1½ tablespoons of the salt. Bring the water to a boil, add the macaroni, and cook according to the package directions.
Meanwhile, in a 3- to 4-quart saucepan over medium heat, combine the squash and milk, stirring and breaking up the squash with a spoon until the squash is defrosted. Increase the heat to medium-high and bring to a simmer, stirring occasionally. Remove from the heat and whisk in the cheddar, Jack, cream cheese, mustard, cayenne, and the remaining ½ tablespoon of salt.
When the pasta is done, drain it, then return the pasta to the pot. Stir the cheese sauce into the macaroni. Transfer the entire mixture to the prepared baking pan.
In a medium bowl, combine the bread crumbs, Parmesan, and the 1 tablespoon of oil. Sprinkle over the top of the macaroni and cheese. Place the casserole dish on a baking sheet and bake for 20 minutes, then broil for 2 to 3 minutes, or until the top is nicely browned.
If you don’t experience multiple orgasms within the first three bites, you need to see your gyno.
Oven-fried “Chicken” and Cornbread
Serves 6 to 8
Refined coconut oil,
for the baking sheet
¾ cup whole wheat panko
(Japanese bread crumbs) or
whole wheat bread crumbs
⅓ cup vegan chicken bouillon
3 tablespoons cornmeal
½ tablespoon fine sea salt
¾ teaspoon paprika
¼ teaspoon cayenne powder
1 cup soy milk
¾ cup brown rice flour
1½ pounds seitan (in larger blocks
as opposed to thin slices), broken
into large hunks
Cornbread (recipe follows)
Preheat oven to 450°F. Grease a large rimmed baking sheet with coconut oil; set aside.
In a shallow bowl, combine the panko, bouillon, corn meal, salt, paprika, and cayenne. Place the soy milk in a second bowl and the rice flour in a third. One at a time, dip the seitan pieces in the soy milk, the rice flour, the soy milk again, and then the panko mixture, pressing to thoroughly coat. Arrange the coated seitan on the prepared baking sheet and bake for 10 minutes. Turn the pieces over and cook another 10 minutes, or until slightly browned and heated throughout. Serve hot with cornbread.
CORNBREAD
Serves 6 to 8
1 tablespoon refined coconut oil,
melted, or safflower oil, plus more
for the baking pan
1½ cups yellow cornmeal
1¼ cups whole wheat pastry flour
¾ cup evaporated cane sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder
½ teaspoon fine sea salt
1½ cups soy milk
½ cup silken tofu
Preheat oven to 425°F. Oil a 13 x 9-inch baking pan; set aside.
In a large bowl, combine the cornmeal, flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt. In a blender, combine the milk, tofu, and the 1 tablespoon of the oil, pureeing until smooth. Add the milk mixture to the cornmeal mixture, stirring just until combined. Pour the batter into the prepared baking pan.
Bake the cornbread until golden brown—about 20 minutes. (It’ll also begin to pull away from the edges of the pan and spring back when lightly pressed in the center.) Transfer to a cooling rack for 10 minutes, then remove the cornbread from the pan and return to rack to cool completely.
The cornbread can be made in advance and kept at room temperature overnight or in the freezer for up to 1 month.
Cha Cha Chile
Toot, toot, baby. Toot, toot.
Serves 6 to 8
2 cups dry red kidney beans
1 tablespoon refined coconut oil
2 onions, cut into ¼-inch dice
2 cloves garlic, minced
¼ cup chili powder
½ tablespoon fine sea salt
1 teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon dried oregano
½ teaspoon dried sage
½ teaspoon ground cumin
Pinch cayenne pepper
1 (14½-ounce) can chopped
tomatoes
½ cup medium-grain brown rice
1 red, green, or yellow bell pepper,
cut into ¼-inch dice
1 carrot, shredded
Chopped red onion,
for serving (optional)
Shredded vegan cheddar cheese,
for serving (optional)
Vegan sour cream, for serving (optional)
In a 4- to 6-quart stockpot, combine the beans and enough cold water to cover by 2 inches. Cover and refrigerate for at least 8 hours or overnight. (Alternately, bring to a boil over high heat, cover, remove from heat, and let sit for 1 hour.)
Drain the beans, return them to the stockpot, and cover with water by 1 inch. Place the pot over high heat, bring to a boil, and reduce to a simmer.
Meanwhile, in an 8- to 10-inch skillet over medium, heat the oil. Add the onions and cook, stirring occasionally, for 4 minutes. Add the garlic, chili powder, salt, pepper, oregano, sage, cumin, and cayenne and cook for 1 minute. Add the onion mixture to the beans, along with the tomatoes and rice. Cook for 30 minutes.
Add the bell pepper and cook for 15 minutes. Add the carrot and cook about 5 minutes, until the beans and rice are tender.
Serve with red onions, shredded cheese, and sour cream, if desired.
Potatoes au Gratin
We thank you Lord, for potatoes. Please forgive our fellow bitches who forsake them . They know not what they do.
Serves 8 to 10
4 medium russet potatoes
(about 3 pounds), sliced very thin
1 teaspoon fine sea salt
½ teaspoon pepper
4 ounces vegan cheddar cheese,
shredded
2½ to 3 cups soy creamer
2 tablespoons arrowroot or
7 teaspoons cornstarch
1½ cups cornflake cereal
 
Preheat oven to 375°F.
In a 2-quart casserole dish, evenly layer half of the potatoes in a scallop pattern. (You may have to make a couple of layers.) Sprinkle the potatoes with half of the salt, half of the pepper, and half of the cheese. Add the remaining potatoes, evenly layering them in a scallop pattern.
Combine 2½ cups of the creamer with the arrowroot or cornstarch, whisking to dissolve the arrowroot. Pour the mixture over the potatoes. Use a spatula to press the potatoes down into the cream; they should be just barely submerged. If not, add more cream. Sprinkle with the remaining salt, the remaining pepper, and the remaining cheese. Cover and bake for 45 minutes.
Meanwhile, crush the cornflakes, by hand or by pulsing in a food processor, to very coarse crumbs.
Remove the casserole from the oven and use a spatula to moisten the top layer of potatoes by pressing them into the cream. Sprinkle on the cornflakes and bake, uncovered, another 30 to 45 minutes, until the liquid has become a thick sauce, the potatoes are tender, and the cornflakes are browned. Serve warm.
Shep herd’s Pie
Serves 6 to 8
1 tablespoon refined coconut oil
2 shallots, thinly sliced
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 teaspoon herbes de Provence
(see page 62)
1 teaspoon fine sea salt
1½ cups lentils
About 3 cups low-sodium
vegetable stock
2 tomatoes, cut into ½-inch dice
1 bunch (about ½ pound) chard,
leafy parts only, cut into ½-inch
strips
6 cups Mashed Potatoes
(see page 119)
Preheat oven to 350°F.
Heat the oil in a 4- to 6-quart stockpot over medium. Add the shallots and cook, stirring occasionally, for 1 minute. Add the garlic, herbes de Provence, and ½ teaspoon of the salt and cook, stirring occasionally, for 1 minute, or until the shallots are browned. Add the lentils and 2½ cups of the vegetable stock, increase the heat to high, and bring to a boil. Reduce to a simmer, cover, and cook until the lentils are tender and the stock is absorbed, 35 to 40 minutes. Stir in the tomatoes and transfer the lentil mixture to a 2-quart casserole dish, spreading it evenly.
Add the remaining ½ cup of stock to the pot and return it to high heat. When the stock comes to a boil, add the chard and the remaining ½ teaspoon of salt. Cook, stirring occasionally, until the chard is tender and the liquid has been absorbed, about 4 minutes. (If the pan gets dry before the chard is cooked, add
more stock, 2 tablespoons at a time.) Add the chard to the casserole dish, spreading it evenly. Top with the mashed potatoes, spreading them evenly.

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