With a loaded mind, Lily trailed behind, unable to envision anything else but the potential father in this good man.
Would it really be so bad if I were pregnant?
When the baby dolls came into view, Nicole freaked out.
“We’re just getting one toy today. You gotta ask Santa Claus for the rest.” Nick winked at Lily.
When Nicole spied the indoor play area, she chucked the doll and screamed, “Wanna go ’dare!”
Nick plucked her out of the cart and she ran to the ball pit.
“Do you think that’s such a good idea?” Lily asked.
He rolled his eyes. “Why? Do you have something against having fun?”
“No, of course not. But I do have something against germs.”
“Oh, God,” Nick snorted. “Don’t tell me you’re gonna be one of those overprotective mothers?”
Dodging the mom-remark, not wanting to jinx the chance her period might still be on the way, Lily returned fire with a glower of her own. “I bet that pit is brewing like a Petri dish. I’d be shocked if we don’t leave here with the chicken pox.”
“Aw, come on. It’s only a ball pit.” Nick sat on an empty bench overlooking the play area and pulled Lily with him. “Besides, I already had the chicken pox.”
“Me, too. But what about her? Do you even know if she’s up-to-date on her vaccinations?”
“I appreciate your concern.” He dropped a kiss on her forehead. “Just leave the worrying to me, okay?” His smile was so sincere, Lily felt guilty for her negative thoughts. “I just want a minute alone to talk to you.” He pressed her hands between both of his.
“Can’t it wait ’til later when Nicole’s sleeping?” She wasn’t ready for words; she wanted to discuss things with her doctor first.
“I just need to tell you how happy I am right now.
You
make me happy.”
Lily went limp with his tender tone.
In the middle of Child World, out of the blue, he said, “I love you, Lily. I really, really do.”
Lost in the deep, dark pools of his eyes, feeling his words, she believed them with her whole heart. If it weren’t for the lump clogging her throat, she would have said she loved him, too.
“You don’t have to say it back. I just wanted you to know what I’m feeling.” He hugged her for a few blissful moments. “Well, I’ve had enough of this place. I’m ready to go home. Come on, Nicole.”
Observing more than a dozen kids bouncing around made it difficult to pinpoint the one they were looking for.
“Do you see her?” Nick shot up to get an overview of the miniature mob.
Lily’s heart felt like a cold stone in her chest. “She was right there—” She pointed a shaky finger to place she’d last seen the child before Nick derailed her with his sweet-talk. “Nicole?”
Nick searched the vicinity while Lily ran to get a security guard.
When she returned, he was hugging the toddler with fright still straining his face. “She was right behind the bench. A foot away. In the clothes rack.”
“Happens all the time,” the guard said.
“Thank God,” was all Lily could say. “Thank God. Thank God.” Over and over all the way back to Scenic View.
“Are you okay?” he asked, his face a pale mask of stupefied concern.
“My nerves are shot.”
“Mine, too.”
“I never lost a kid in a store before. Kinda freaked me out.”
“Kinda? I think I have an ulcer after that scare.”
“Mind if we stop in town? I want to run to the pharmacy,” she said without further explanation of her covert mission.
He parked along the curb and gave her a hundred dollar bill. “Get some antacid for me. Nicole and I will pick up some milk at the mini-mart.”
She snuck into Farley’s to buy a pregnancy test.
Am I nuts? If the word about the condoms spread so fast, a pregnancy test would be like wildfire.
She paid for the antacid then slipped out the back door, ran behind the building, down the alley, across the street, and a block to the doctor’s office.
Doctor Kramer listened as Lily rambled. “I just lost a toddler in the store. I don’t think I’m ready for this yet,” her voice wavered. She hugged her backpack in her lap like a security blanket. “Can you give me a pregnancy test now?”
“You’ll need to wait a few days to get an accurate reading. You might be worrying for nothing, which could delay your cycle. What exactly are you here for? My professional advice or to take action?”
Lily shrugged.
The doctor rummaged through a cabinet and brought some items to his desk.
“This is the morning-after pill. You can take it now, up to seventy-two hours after intercourse and stop the worry—
if
that’s why you’re here. Or…” He pushed the prenatal vitamins and smiled. “You can take these and be worrying the rest of your life. And in case you’re not pregnant after all.” He gave her a starter pack of birth control pills and a sample of condoms.
The options were overwhelming.
The morning-after pill was
definitely
out of the question. And if she were pregnant, it was too late for birth control. She shook the bottle of vitamins that sounded like a big baby rattle.
“Are you considering spending your life with this man?”
She nodded, afraid to admit it aloud, not wanting to jinx herself.
“I’m only asking because I think I’ve known you long enough to be frank. Make the right decision for yourself. If he’s not interested in being a father, and you can’t do it as a single parent, there are couples out there ready to welcome a new baby into their lives.”
She wanted to say Nick
was
interested, but the words were lost in her hazy head.
“So, you’ve got more options than just these pills.” He gathered everything into a small brown bag, which Lily stuffed into her backpack. “Plus,” he said, sounding hopeful as he showed her to the door, “there’s always the chance that this is a false alarm.”
****
Staring into the raging fire, unable to sleep, Nick’s mind replayed those few agonizing moments of losing Nicole. He tried not to imagine all the horrible
what-ifs
that could have gone wrong and fortunately didn’t.
His stomach tightened.
Even though the security guard confirmed it happened all the time, Nick still felt like an irresponsible jerk. He’d done the same sort of shenanigans as a kid. No wonder his mother split. Who needs the aggravation?
How could he imagine being a father when he almost lost his godchild?
He still hadn’t told Tristan, who trusted his daughter was safer with Nick than with anyone. Wait until he finds out. It wasn’t the sort of conversation to have over the phone.
Maybe Tristan won’t be too pissed. Who’m I kiddin’? I’d kill him if he lost my baby.
Just thinking about it drove Nick to survey the child asleep in his bed.
Then he checked on Lily, in the fetal position facing the wall. He wanted to thank her again for so many things, most of all for her recent support with Nicole. No doubt, she’d make a great mother someday. For now, he’d dial down on the baby talk before he overloaded her emotional circuits.
“Lily?” He gave her leg a little motivating shake, hoping she’d waken. When she didn’t respond, he backed out of her room quietly.
He grabbed can of soda from the fridge, cracked the tab, and sipped the effervescent overflow. No matter how hard he tried, there was fooling his brain into believing it was a beer. He swiped the foam from his disillusioned mouth with a tight fist, debating if he should take his frustration out on the drafty window shaking the curtains like a ghost.
Nailing the damn thing shut would cut the piercing stream of air squeezing under the warped wood. But sealing it would create another hazard this firetrap couldn’t afford.
This place needed it all. Windows. Heating system. Electrical system.
Everything.
He already made a list and sketched out a few ideas. But nothing would happen until after the holiday.
Contemplating Christmas had his mood in an upswing.
They never got around to decorating the tree today. So he strung up the lights while the girls slept. In the morning, they could add the ornaments.
After draping the branches with strands of multi-colored twinkling bulbs, he stood back to admire his handiwork, tripping on Lily’s backpack tucked in the dark corner.
A few things spilled out of the open zipper, including a brown paper bag that rattled like a can full of beans. He rummaged inside, his serious sweet tooth expecting jellybeans despite being the wrong season for Easter candy.
All he found were…pills?
Prenatal what
? He beamed in delight.
Next, he pulled out a disk of birth control pills, followed by a sample-sized package of condoms. A disappointed lump filled this throat.
He shook the bag to ensure it was empty. But there was something else. Something small.
A tiny foil bubble-package containing a single white pill spilled into his hand. He tried reading the small words in the glow of the Christmas lights before going to the kitchen where it was brighter.
“What the hell is
this
!” His heart deflated.
Lily intended to stop a pregnancy that probably hadn’t even started. Why? What about everything they talked about?
His potential future just turned inside out. Gritting his teeth, he stomped toward Lily’s bedroom with his temper roiling beyond his control and the foil pouch crushed in his fist.
He rumbled through her bedroom like a freight train. “Lily! I wanna talk to you.” He slammed the door. When she didn’t move, he simply flipped her onto her back and put his nose to hers, shaking her shoulders, making it impossible for her to sleep through this wake up call. “Get. Up!”
“I don’t feel like talking. I have a headache.”
“Here. Take a pill.” He opened his fist, revealing what was inside.
“What’s that?” It was too dark to see so he turned on the bedside lamp.
Stewing in his own acidic juices, he blurted out, “When were you gonna tell me about this?”
She rolled over and mumbled into the pillow, “Never.”
“What do you mean,
never
?” He flipped her over again and sat her upright. “When did you get
this
?”
“Today. I ran over to the doctor’s office when you dropped me at the pharmacy. If I wanted you to know I would have told you.”
He never expected her to be so sneaky. “Why don’t you want me to know?”
She shrugged. “Because, my period is due any minute. I doubt I’m even pregnant.”
“Then what’s this for?” He held up the poisonous pill. “Insurance purposes?”
“Nick…” Lily went limp, sobbing into her hands.
She looked so pitiful, he almost felt sorry for her. He never would have made love without protection if she hadn’t agreed to it. “You’re just overwhelmed. Once Nicole goes home and it’s just the two of us…”
“You keep saying ‘when we’re alone.’ How long do you think it’ll last—us being alone—if I’m pregnant?”
“It’ll be different when it’s our baby.”
She squinted like she was trying to see the future in his face. “Are you really ready for a baby? Or are you just afraid if you don’t have one now you never will?” she asked, weakly. “Shouldn’t we know each other little longer before bringing a child into the world?”
His heart sank. “So, what—you
don’t
want to have a baby with me?”
Lily shook her head. “I didn’t say that. Maybe now’s not the right time.”
“Well, then, you better take the damn pill so we can forget everything that happened.” He bit a hole in the foil and held the white dot to her lips.
“No!” She smacked his hand away.
“Yes!” He stuck it in her mouth and she bit his finger in the process. “What the—”
“Pfth.” She spat, and it bounced off his chest and rolled under the dresser.
Torn between strangling her and making love to her, he fumed. “Whatja do that for?”
She cut her eyes as she pushed herself off the bed and inched toward the door. “I’m not making any decisions right now.”
Outraged by her nonchalance, he grabbed her elbow, spinning her into his arms. He caught the familiar glow of lust in her eyes. Heavy breathing flared her nostrils. She wasn’t nearly as infuriated as she seemed. He felt the vibration of her pulse as rampant as his own. Her pheromonal heat wave started a chemical combustion that aroused his beast. Blood gushed from his pounding heart straight to his throbbing groin as he crushed her against the bedroom door with his mouth to hers.
Thank God, she kissed back with equal hunger as he stripped her, not giving her a second to resist. Then he shoved his pants down. When he picked her up, she wrapped her arms and legs around him.
“Good girl,” he growled.
She purred as he tested her readiness with one…two…three fingers…
Once she was revved up, he drove it home, riding her wild and free, rougher than he intended, impressed at how well she handled it.
“Oh. No. Yeah. Please,” she whimpered.
He paused at her string of airy contradictions. “What’s it gonna be, sugar? Yes. Or no?”
Nose-to-nose, she shrugged, and a sly, spiteful smile glimmered in her eyes.
“Okay. You wanna play games. I can play games, too.” He flexed his solid strength until her walls milked him for more.
She squealed, holding him tight.
“Tell me how you want it.”
“Hard...” she groaned.
Manipulating her body was easy. She clung to him, as he rearranged their vertical position without pulling out, dropping to the cold, hard floor. On his hands and knees, he rocked into her.
“I’d marry you in a heartbeat—you know that? I. Would. I. Will.” He thrust with each word. Deeper. Longer. Stronger.
She tore off his t-shirt and dug her nails into his shoulders. Bucking against him with her own great strength, she forced him to work at her rhythm until a ripple ran through her body. He felt her contractions come first before releasing into her.
When they pulled apart, he noticed the ruddy stain glistened on the shaft. “Look…”
“That’s from sex, not from my cycle.”
“I’m sorry.” His heart stopped when he thought he’d hurt her.
“I’m…fine.”
He wiped his spent flesh with his t-shirt before pulling on his jeans, then handed her the bathrobe as she recuperated on the floor.