“But you guys belong together.” I shake my head disbelievingly. “You need each other. Especially now.”
Michelle’s face suddenly twists in anger. “What I need is a husband who will grieve with me, and talk to me about our daughter. Not
someone who wants to forget what happened, and pretend like she never existed!”
My eyes widen at the venom in her voice. “Um…maybe it’s just too painful for him to talk about right now,” I say tentatively, not wanting to piss her off.
“Well,
I
need to talk about her.
I’m
the one that carried her. I…” Michelle turns away, shaking her head. “Any time something bad happens, Derek—he just closes down. He wants to pretend like it never happened, and he gets mad when I bring it up. He wants to—erase every trace of her from our lives. I can’t…”
“Oh, Michelle.” I am so incredibly sad for her. “
Did you try counseling, or something?”
She scowls. “He won’t
do it, and I don’t want to go without him.”
“Well, what about, like, support groups? They have them online, even, so maybe it wouldn’t…”
I trail off as Michelle continues to shake her head. “We’ve already decided this, honey. To be honest, I can’t even stand to be in the same room with him now. It’s just too hard.”
I really don’t know what to say after that. I still can’t believe it. I can’t even imagine those two not being together. Uncle Derek…am I even going to see him again? I just don’t understand—they’ve been through so much already
, and they seemed to be such a solid couple. This is a huge mistake, and I have to bite my lip to not say anything to Michelle. They need each other now more than ever. How can they not see that?
Things go from bad to worse. I wake up from my nap to (urk!) sex sounds coming from my dad’s room. I never ever want to hear my father’s name being screamed like that—ever again, but I don’t think I’ll be able to control the nightmares that are sure to follow. Oh, my god.
I haven’t heard from Dean all day.
I leave him a couple of messages on the drive back home, but I don’t get a response. I check my phone obsessively, but manage to refrain from calling or texting him again. He’s probably working out, or working on his car, maybe. I’m not worried, I just want to hear his voice.
Right.
I text Mack to let him know I can’t make it to his house, and then I casually ask him if he’s heard from Dean. Mack texts me back, saying he hasn’t seen Dean all day, but some shit went down last night at Larrabee. Of course, I have to know all the details, so I immediately call him. Turns out, Ryan and a bunch of other morons broke into our rival school, and vandalized their gym—and crapped in their pool!
“Ew!” I exclaim, grossed out.
“Yeah—those dumbasses. Larrabee called the cops, right, and now the whole team is under investigation.” Mack sounds thoroughly disgusted. “No one’s talking, but Colton wore his letterman jacket, and someone saw him running away from the school. Dumb ass. We all have to come up with alibis for last night.”
“Oh, shit,” I say, and accidentally swerve into the other lane.
I’ve got to talk to Dean! I’m his alibi.
C
rap.
After several unanswered calls and text messages, I drive over to Dean’s. He’s not there, and neither is Johnny. I call Johnny, but he doesn’t pick up. Next, I try Nick, but he hasn’t seen Dean all weekend. Now I’m really freaking out. Why won’t he call me back? Did I do something to piss him off? I wrack my brain, trying to think of different scenarios where Dean wouldn’t have access to a phone—and they’re all bad. He doesn’t show up at my house, either. Needless to say, I don’t get any sleep.
I wait for him at his locker before class starts, so anxious to see him that I can’t stand still. Thank god I don’t have a long wait before I see
Dean’s head towering above everyone coming down the hall. I sag against his locker in relief.
Then I spot a smirking Kara by his side, and I literally feel my blood pressure rocket up.
She sees me, and her smile only gets nastier. In contrast, Dean seems to have been turned to stone. A pit of dread opens up in the vicinity of my stomach.
“Hi,” I say cautiously as they approach.
At first, I think he’s going to ignore me. He stares past me, at the lockers. When it’s apparent I’m not going to move, he gives me a quick glance in acknowledgement. What the hell? It’s like the past few months never happened.
I take a deep breath, then pointedly meet his eyes. “Can I talk to you?”
Dean exchanges looks with Kara. She is positively gleeful. He nods once, then starts walking away. I determinedly follow him, trying not to look as upset as I feel. What the hell is going on? Why is Dean being so distant?
Only one way to find out. We go out the front doors, and around to the side of the building. Usually, this area is littered with students, but since class is about to start, there’s no one here but us.
“What is going on?!” I blurt out as soon as Dean turns to face me. “Why haven’t you called me? I heard about what happened with Larrabee, but…what?”
He’s shaking
his head, refusing to look directly at me. “I had no intention of calling you,” he says to a point above my head. “Or seeing you again.”
“What?” I say again, certain I’m not hearing right. A curious tingling begins in my fingertips and toes. “I’m not—what does that mean?”
Finally, Dean looks me in the eye, and the coldness in his expression is like a physical blow. “It means I got what I wanted last night.” He speaks slowly, making sure to enunciate every syllable. “I’m done with you.”
It takes more than a few seconds to process his words. When it finally sinks in, a
n incredulous laugh escapes me. “You’re done with me? Wait, you’re not serious,” I say firmly. “This isn’t you, Dean. What happened? Why are you being like this?”
I move to touch his arm, but he pulls back sharply—like I’m contagious. I’m too stunned to cry. I just stare at him like a wounded animal,
waiting for him to deliver the killing blow.
Dean stuffs his hands in his pants pockets, looking down at the ground. I watch his jaw clench, and I know he
’s not as unaffected as he’s acting. So why is he doing this?
“Your dad ruined my life,” he says finally. “If it wasn’t for him, my parents would still be together, and my dad would have never sent me away.”
My mouth drops open. “Okay…what?! First of all, your mom was just as guilty as my dad! It takes two people to have an affair, you know. And second—that was seven years ago! What does our parents have to do with how you’re acting now?!”
“Consider it my little act of revenge,” he says flatly.
“Bullshit!”
All the ice cold parts of my body are beginning to become infused with heat
. I stand right in front of him, grabbing onto his arm. “I don’t know why you want me to think you’re an asshole, but I know this isn’t you! Your excuse is incredibly lame. You’re telling me all those things you did for me, everything you told me—it was all part of an elaborate scheme to get back at my dad? Are you kidding me?!”
He shakes me off. “I wanted to fuck you, and I did,” he says
with a careless shrug.
The blood drains from my face. I watch numbly as he starts to back away. “That can’t be all this was,” I whisper.
“Think what you want. We’re done.”
Dean walks away, leaving me standing there
like the world’s biggest idiot. When he turns the corner and is no longer in sight, the bones seem to disappear from my body. I slide down the side of the building until I’m a shaking mess on the ground.
Did that really happen? I can’t—I don’t
even…no, this can’t be real. He didn’t mean it, he couldn’t have. I don’t believe it. God…I can’t breathe…
While I’m sprawled there,
stunned and gasping for breath, the last person in the world I want to see me like this comes strutting around the corner.
“Are you okay, Juliet?” Kara smirks at me, her voice dripping with false sympathy. “You look absolutely awful.”
I fight to keep my expression even, and my voice steady. “Thanks. Bye.”
Does she
leave? Of course not. She prances right up to me, standing over me with her arms crossed. “Don’t be rude, I was just making an observation.”
“Bitch, go away,” I say tiredly, not even caring.
Kara tosses her perky ponytail over her shoulder, and duck faces at me. “Aw, what’s the matter? Did you just get dumped, or something?”
I am horrified when scalding hot tears begin to run down my cheeks. “Just leave me alone,” I choke out, turning my head. Too late—I know she knows I’m crying.
“God, you’re so pathetic, I almost feel sorry for you,” she sneers. She goes to lean a shoulder against the wall, next to me. “Well, if it’s any consolation, at least you’ve been played by the best.”
Hastily
wiping my cheeks, I glare up at her. “What are you talking about?”
“O
h, my god.” Kara chuckles throatily. “You don’t know, do you?”
Damn, she’s so close, I could kick her and blame it on a leg spasm.
“Know what?”
She stoops down a little to look me in the eye. “It was all just a game. You didn’t think he
really loved you, did you? Oh, wait, you did! That’s hilarious!”
Don’t react. Don’t react. “What are you talking about?” I repeat flatly.
Kara is still giggling, but her light blue eyes are sharp and cutting. “
I
was the one who made it all happen. I convinced Dean to go after you. Maybe he took it a little too far, but he’s got this, like, massive crazy grudge against your dad. Don’t look so surprised—he told me all about your parents’ sordid little affair.”
Grinning, she leans forward confidentially, lowering her voice. “
Just like he told me all about Saturday. So tell me, was Dean just bragging, or did you really let him go down on you twice in one night, you greedy little thing?”
Ice spills into my veins
.
He couldn’t have told her—he wouldn’t have.
I am frozen in horror, my heart moving painfully in my chest. I stare at her, too sick to speak.
Kara seems to soften with concern. “Hey, don’t take it so personally. Normally, I wouldn’t go through so much effort with a little nobody like you. It’s Jo
hnny who really pissed me off.” She rolls her eyes. “What was he thinking, trying to bring someone like you into the group? You don’t belong, Juliet. I’m just helping you to realize it.”
She’s smiling at me with a putrid combination
of pity and triumph. I swallow convulsively, trying to find my voice. “You’re lying,” I finally manage hoarsely. “Dean wouldn’t—he wouldn’t do that to me.”
“It’s cute that you think
that. But Dean does whatever the hell I tell him to.” Kara’s smirk turns suggestive. “Any. Thing.”
A molten rush of fury has the color rushing back to my face with a vengeance. I get her silent implication. “No way,” I growl. “
Dean wouldn’t touch a psycho bitch like you—and you would never hook up with anyone prettier than you.”
Kara’s face slowly turns a dull red—probably matching mine.
She hikes one stiletto booted foot back, as if to kick me. I’m fully prepared to grab it, and yank her on her ass. Unfortunately, she changes her mind, planting her foot firmly back on the ground.
“You want proof? Fine.”
She slips a hand in her blazer pocket, and produces a jewel-encrusted phone. “I told him you wouldn’t believe me,” she mutters as she taps the screen a few times. Then she hands it over to me with a smug look. It makes me want to smash her precious phone—worth more than my car, I’m sure—against the side of the building. Because I know what’s on there is going to break me. Dread curdling my stomach, I take a deep breath and look.
There are pictures—
selfies Kara took of her and Dean. Kissing and—oh, god. Here’s one of Kara sprawled like a porn star on Dean’s bed, wearing nothing but a white shirt, unbuttoned and open. Why does she have a picture of herself like this on her phone? Why am I surprised? She totally would. Did Dean take it? Does he have a copy of it on his phone? The thought makes me ill.
I can’t look anymore
. I struggle to maintain a calm façade as I hand her back her phone. “I don’t know who your plastic surgeon is, but he sucks,” I say as casually as I can manage. “Your boobs are totally lopsided.”
Kara merely raises an eyebrow at me. I’m sure she knows her girls are perfect. She thrust her chest out at me, like I’m gonna ogle them, or something. “I’ve never had a complaint.” She
smiles viciously. “Especially not from Dean.”
Despite myself, I have to ask. “When were those pictures taken?”
“Hm.” She taps a perfectly manicured nail to her chin, and searches the sky. “The most recent one was taken last Thursday or Friday. You were at work, and Dean had a few hours to kill, so…”
Oh.
I am seriously going to be sick right now. I don’t care. I hope I hurl all over Kara, and her hooker boots, and her sneering face. I feel the bile rising in my throat, and I deliberately think of that naked pic because I’m aiming for a world record in projectile vomiting.
Kara crouches down in front of me, pinning me with her eyes. She doesn’t realize she’s about to get splattered by this morning’s French toast.
“You’re done here, Juliet,” she says softly. “You don’t have Dean, or Johnny to protect you now, so you’re nothing but chum in the water.”
“Are you for real?” I whisper
, too creeped out to puke now.
“Parts of me are.”
Kara gracefully rises to her feet. “I recommend home schooling. It’s a lot safer.”
She pats my head
like I’m her pet before she leaves. It doesn’t matter. She wins. I am completely obliterated. Class has surely started by now, but I’m not going to make it. In fact, I’m thinking about calling it a day. For the rest of the school year.
Home school, huh. I might look into that.
******
Chapter 48
I think I’m doing okay. I’m changing out of my uniform when I hear a noise downstairs. I don’t know why I think it’s Dean—and not an intruder—but I go flying down the steps, and into the kitchen where I’m pretty sure the noise is coming from.
Lucky for me, it’s Heather. She’s making me soup! I burst into big ugly tears.
“H-how did you know?” I sob, holding onto her.
“Arianna saw you leaving
. She said you looked upset.” When I make a skeptical noise, she shrugs. “Hey, I told you she’s not so bad.”
Tears stream down my face as I look up a
t Heather. “I don’t know what happened! I just don’t understand…how could it all have been a lie?”
“Tell me everything,” Heather says firmly, and leads me over to the kitchen table.
We talk all day.
She’s as baffled as I am about Dean’s one eighty on me, but since she doesn’t know him that well, she can’t offer any helpful insights. Just having her listen to me pour my heart out is enough. It’s great to have my best friend back—though it’s not quite like it was before with us. It’s definitely awkward, and there’s still some lingering tension. Especially when she admits that she’s still talking to Sloane.
“I’m sorry about blowing up at you, and saying all those things,” Heather says earnestly. “It’s all my fault. I knew it, and I still froze you out. I just needed a little time to think.”
“I know,” I say, a little stiffly. “I understand. But Heather…after what happe
ned at the party, why would you want to be involved with her?”
“She’s trying to change.” She looks at me imploringly. “You know she went to rehab, right? We’ve been trying to support each other. I swear, I’m not drinking as much—and it’s thanks to Sloane. Seriously, Jule…this girl is incredible. If you give her another chance, you’d see that.”
God, I can’t do this right now. “I see her in school every day,” I say, playing with my necklace. “She doesn’t say a word to me.”
Heather looks pained. She grabs one of my pillows and hugs it to her chest. “That’s because she knows how you feel about her. Maybe if you
made the first move?”
I give my best friend a stern look. “Heather, I love you, and I’ll always be there for you—but that’s just not going to happen.”
“You’re right, it’s too much. That’s cool.” She grins her familiar goofy grin. “We won’t talk about that right now. For the rest of the day, it’s all about you.”
Unfortunately, she means it. Heather stays glued to my side all day. When I go in for my shift at the rec, she comes with me and stays the entire time—much to the delight of the kids. She even spends the night, and probably would have gone to the bathroom with me if I had let her. Mom—who came home for, like, five minutes—greets her like it hasn’t been months since she last saw Heather over. She seems exhausted—my mom, not Heather.
I guess I’m still in shock. I can’t seem to find my mad. Where the indignation and fury should be, there is only
a cold aching emptiness. Despite everything, I miss him desperately. I’m like a junkie craving her next fix, pathetic and shameless. God, I think I’d do anything to be with him again.
No one needs to tell me. I know
I’m the biggest idiot in the world.
Everything begins to take on a dreamlike quality. Maybe because I’m not sleeping—or maybe I just don’t want to accept reality. My tiny little brain is going into overdrive, going over everything, trying to make sense of what happened. But I can’t, because none of it makes sense. There’s no way Dean only pretended to care about me—I’ve seen him act, and he is not good at it. There has to be a reason…Kara’s blackmailing him, or—or something.
Dean won’t even look in my direction,
let alone talk to me. Seriously, it’s as if I ceased to exist for him. Lit is the worst. We have to sit next to each other, and having him right there, so close—and knowing I can’t have him—is the worst form of torture. I have to fight back tears, and apparently it makes me like I’m about to puke because Mr. Shannon is constantly asking me if I need to see a nurse.
Oh, the guys aren’t really talking to me, either.
Ben is acting really twitchy. I’m certain Johnny knows Dean and I had sex because he’s been avoiding me like the plague. I’m also sure that he doesn’t know the rest of it—because despite everything that happened between the two of us, Johnny would never stand for me being maliciously hurt like this. Mack and Nick are still friendly—but it’s the superficial kind, reserved for acquaintances you barely know, or feel sorry for. I know without asking that there won’t be any more Sundays at Mack’s. Everyone else treats me about the same as they used to—which I should be grateful for, I guess.
I don’t even try to eat lunch. I sit on a bench in the breezeway, and catch up on homework.
I’ve been thinking about life after high school a lot—something which I used to avoid doing at all costs. It used to scare me to think about the future, but now…I can’t wait to get out of here. Maybe I’ll get into UNLV with Heather, and we could get part-time jobs. She could be a show girl, and I could be a card shark . Me and Heather in Vegas…that could be kind of awesome.
Unless she gets into NYU with Sloane.
Ugh.
I’m too busy feeling sorry for myself to notice Laundry—Dani—until she’s standing right in front of me, and clearing her throat to get my attention.
I blink up at her uncertainly. “Um…hi?”
“Hey, Juliet.” Dani shifts awkwardly as she meets my eyes. “Can we talk?”
Now what? I nod, and manage a smile, which she takes as an invitation to sit next to me. I feel the old stirrings of jealousy as I can’t help but notice how pretty and model-like she is. She also smells like strawberries. I’m not purposefully sniffing her, I swear.
“I owe you an apology,” she says in a breathless rush. “I know it’s long overdue,
but—wow, this is really…odd.” She giggles nervously.
I really don’t want to have this conversation
. “Oh, no, listen—you don’t owe me anything. Really, let’s just forget about it, okay?”
I smile to show her there’s no hard feelings, but she stubbornly shakes her head.
Staring down at her clenched hands in her lap, she says, “I don’t want you to think that I’m the kind of girl who goes around, trying to steal other girls’ boyfriends. I mean—okay, I did try to steal Johnny. I just—I really like him.”
I watch a blush steal over her cheeks. “I know you guys used to date,” I say, trying to sound sympathetic, and probably failing miserably.
“Um, yeah. But he was never serious about me.” Dani makes a face, laughing at herself. Then her laughter trails off, and she sighs. “I was so jealous of you. You got him to settle down, when nobody else could. Johnny…he really loves you.”
I don’t want to hear that right now—especially from her.
“I don’t know about that,” I say finally. “Anyway…you know we’re broken up for good, right?”