Caleb gave a little sigh. Lauren saw him recover, and he spoke quietly. “I’m not sorry I came. We had to work it out, and it looks like we have. I’m worried for you, Lauren, but I’m not going to stand here and beg. You know how I feel, and you’ve made it clear what you want. I see what’s important to you, but I’ve got things that are important to me, too. I’ve got some standards that I don’t compromise. I guess I thought you were that kind of person, too. Actually, I think you are. I think you’re afraid to look yourself in the face, to see the real Lauren. For some reason, you think you’re more in control behind this smoke screen you’ve created for yourself. I’ll leave, but I will always remember the time we had together. Like I said, I’m pretty good at living with my memories.”
“Oh, Caleb,” she cried, “I love you, but can’t you see how much I would have to change? How much I would have to give up for this love of ours?”
Caleb gave a little, quizzical laugh. “You don’t give up anything for true love,” he said. “Love gives you everything.” He said nothing more. He turned, and with his easy, unconcerned demeanor, left the room, closing the door softly behind him.
Lauren stood, shocked at what she had instigated. She felt as though someone had sucker punched her in the stomach. She felt sick. She heard the soft voice of the watchman, the big front doors open and close. Then silence. She collapsed in a small heap beside the chair and wept.
The surge of emotion exhausted her, and after her sobs had subsided to whimpers, Lauren must have drifted off to a fitful sleep, for she awoke in a panic to the click of her door opening a half hour later. She tried to scramble up from the floor. Her legs were leaden, cramped by the position in which she had crouched in her despair, and she nearly fell over. The room was dark.
“Lauren!”
It was Kelly. “Here I am,” Lauren said weakly, pulling herself to her feet. Her face felt puffy, and her eyes burned. Kelly crossed the room and switched on the desk lamp. The two friends stood staring at each other.
Kelly gasped. “Lauren! What happened? I came back to the office to get a paper I forgot and then I heard something in here when I was leaving. Tell me, what went on?”
Lauren sat down heavily in the big chair. “I told Caleb there couldn’t be anything between us. I told him. I told him I was going through with my marriage to Charles and that was it.”
“Oh, dear,” breathed Kelly, sitting on the arm of the chair. She took Lauren’s hand in her own. “Did he freak out?”
“No.” Lauren sniffled. “No, he didn’t, not at all. He just said he was good at living with his memories, and he left. Just walked out.”
Kelly sighed. “Well, what did you expect? That’s what you wanted, wasn’t it?”
Lauren said, “I was fine. I was fine until he left. Then I came undone. I just couldn’t stop crying”
“Oh, honey!” Kelly reached around Lauren and gave her a big hug.
“It’s better this way, though. Really. This is where I live. This is my life. I’ll be fine. Caleb will be fine. It was just a — a kind of glorious interlude.” She put her face in her hands.
“I’ll say,” muttered Kelly. She rose from the chair and went into the small powder room behind Lauren’s desk. Inside there was a sink, toilet, and a little shelved alcove in the wall that held Advil, some cosmetics, hair and tooth brushes, and some fluffy small towels and washcloths. Kelly took one of the washcloths and soaked it in cold water, taking it out to Lauren.
“Here, honey,” she said. “Wipe your face off with this.”
“Do I look bad?”
“I’ve seen you look better.”
“My face feels all puffy. My eyes are burning.”
“Hold that cold cloth to your face for a while.” Kelly went back into the powder room and returned with two Advil and a small bottle of water. “Take these,” she ordered.
Lauren obeyed, sipping pensively on the water, twirling the bottle slowly in her fingers.
“Too bad to end the last day of your job like this,” Kelly said.
“Oh, it doesn’t matter. I haven’t been here in spirit for a while. You’ve done more work than I have here lately.”
“You’ve been preoccupied,” remarked her friend indulgently. “Now pull yourself together, and I’ll walk home with you. Or maybe we should call a cab. It looks pretty gloomy out there.”
“You don’t have to come with me. It’s only six blocks. I’ll be fine. I’ll call you later.”
Kelly looked at her, askance. “Well, okay, I guess. I’ll get a cab downtown, then. Are you sure you’ll be okay?”
Lauren managed a smile. “Yes, I’m sure. And thank you, Kelly. You are a real friend.”
They hugged each other closely for a long moment and then left the office, walking down the curved marble steps arm in arm.
Out on the street, it was just getting dark and had started to rain. Kelly hailed a cab.
“You sure?” she said before she got in. “You don’t even have an umbrella.”
Lauren smiled and nodded. “Yeah. I’ll be fine. I’ll talk to you later.” Maybe the rain would wash away her obvious emotional trauma, she thought, and hide it from the ever-observant eyes of Dennis. She started down the street.
Entering the building, she managed a small smile for the doorman and punched the elevator button. The door slid open, and she went in, feeling the elevator take her up. At last it stopped, at Charles’s penthouse private entrance. She got out, and Dennis was standing there.
“Oh, you didn’t have your umbrella with you, I see,” he chided her. “Here, give me your briefcase and go change before you get a chill.”
Lauren had to smile. “You sound like a mother hen, Dennis.”
“Just looking after you,” he said, smiling back.
Gratefully, she handed him the briefcase. It felt as though it weighed a ton. “I’m fine, really. I’m not that wet. I think I’ll just go into the den and have a drink.”
“Very well. I’ll bring a snack.”
She let her thoughts run.
I did what had to be done
, she thought.
I’m engaged. I’ve established my life. One fling can’t jeopardize that. I have to put it in the past and forget about it. At least I know Charles. I don’t even know Caleb. Maybe Charles and I just need to be together more, that’s all.
She mused, looking out the window at the city, lighting up as dusk fell. She was so engrossed in her thoughts, she jumped when her iPhone rang. She looked at the caller ID and answered immediately.
“Charles!”
“Hello, darling.”
“I was just thinking about you!”
“And I, you. That’s why I called. I was going to congratulate you on your last day in the salt mines. Did it go well?”
Lauren’s voice nearly caught in her throat. “Oh, oh, yes, it did. Thank you, Charles.”
“And did they present you with a gold watch?”
Lauren laughed. “No, they didn’t. Guess I wasn’t there long enough.”
“Well, I’m calling to say that I’m taking off from Singapore in a couple of hours.”
“Oh, Charles! You’re coming home early! I’m so glad. I miss you so much.”
“And I miss you, too, darling, but I have a stopover in London. A business colleague here in Singapore is headed to the London office. I thought it would be a good time for me to visit that office too, explain things that transpired here, and then come home to the States. It won’t be a long stopover, just a couple of days or so.”
“Oh, Charles…”
“Now, this is business. Remember, I promised to devote my whole attention to you and our wedding when I get back.”
“I know. Really, I’m fine. It’s just…it’s just that I miss you.”
“I’ll be staying at the St. James’s, then.”
“The same suite as always? We had such a wonderful time there when I went with you last fall.”
“That’s where I’ll be, darling. I’m at the airport now.”
“Call when you get to London, please. I miss you so much, Charles.”
“I’ll call.”
“Charles?”
“Yes?”
“I love you.”
“Yes, darling, well, get a good night’s rest. I’ll call when I get to London. Bye for now.”
And he hung up. Lauren felt hollow. She wished Charles would just get home. Spending time with him would alleviate this awful void and banish any residual feelings she might harbor for Caleb Cochran.
Lauren listlessly ate the snack that Tina prepared for her. Dennis came in to take the plate away. “Thanks, Dennis. That’s all I’m going to eat tonight. I don’t feel that well.”
“You do look a little drained,” said Dennis. “Why don’t you just relax here, then. I’ll be in my quarters. You can ring me for anything at any time. Would you like some Advil? Pepto-Bismol?”
Lauren smiled wanly. “Oh, no, Dennis, thanks. I guess I’m just tired. I think I’ll get into bed, watch a little news, and try to sleep.”
“Very well. Feel better. Goodnight.”
“Thank you. Goodnight,” said Lauren as Dennis left the room. She set her glass on the bar and glanced at the antique clock on the mantel. It was eight o’clock. She heaved a long, shuddering sigh and wandered down the hall to the bedroom. Functioning almost by rote, she went into the bathroom, brushed her teeth and washed her face, undressed, and took a hot shower. After she had let the massaging shower head pummel her tense shoulders for a while, she toweled off and slipped into a long black silk nightgown that hung on the hook on the bathroom door.
Lauren meandered back into the bedroom and stood for a moment, looking out the huge windows with unseeing eyes. Then she pulled the heavy drapes and got into the big bed. She tried to read, but she couldn’t focus. She couldn’t shake the image of Caleb’s back as he left her office. Even in his distress at her refusal to postpone her wedding, he still walked with the confident grace of a healthy young animal. He had not even so much as glanced over his shoulder. Nor should she have expected him to. Their time had been, and now was over. She would never see him again. Her life was here with Charles.
It was then that the thought struck her like an epiphany. That was it! Her life was with Charles! She belonged with him! After all, it was loneliness that fueled her confusion that had led to her careless transgression with Caleb. She needed to be with Charles. Wherever he was. If he was in Singapore, she would be in Singapore. If he went to London, she would go to London. Lauren sat up straight in the bed, excited, and reasoned it out logically. She wouldn’t have to trespass on his business life. She could just be there when he finished with the day, no matter how late it was. There was plenty to do in the various cities he frequented, and she had always been good on her own, good company for herself. As long as they were in close proximity. As long as they could spend a bit of each day together.
Lauren leaped out of bed, hurried into her dressing room, and rooted out her carry-on bag. Almost frantically, she began going through her drawers and the clothes that hung at various heights against one whole wall of the room, picking this item and that item, hurriedly folding things and stuffing them into the tote. She would go to London, surprise Charles, and fly home with him. Her mind raced. He would be thrilled. She couldn’t wait to see him, looking so handsome in his starched shirts and impeccably tailored suits. His coolness would calm her. She missed his sophistication. She loved to watch people’s faces when he entered a room. People fairly danced attendance on him, and he treated them with a detached politeness that maintained his dignity and set him apart.
Lauren sat on the edge of the chaise in her dressing room and hauled her iPad out of her briefcase. Within minutes, she had booked her first class ticket on American Airlines for the next evening. She would arrive at Heathrow at about six a.m. London time. She could get to the hotel before Charles left his room! Her plan was coming together. She smiled to herself as she picked up her phone to call Kelly. Her friend answered.
“Hello.”
“Kelly!”
“Lauren, are you all right?”
“Yes, yes, I’m fine. Listen, I’ve figured it out!”
“Really? And?”
“And I have a plan!”
“I’m waiting.”
“Charles and I need to be together on a more consistent basis. You know, like daily, most of the time. For at least part of each day.”
“I’m not going to argue with that. That’s what most married couples do.”
“So, when he has to travel, I’m going to start traveling with him! And here’s the clincher! I’m starting tomorrow. I’ve booked a fare on American, and I’ll be there early in the morning to surprise him before he even leaves his hotel room!”
There was dead silence on the phone.
“Kelly?” Lauren asked tentatively.
“I’m here.”
“Well, isn’t that a good idea?”
She heard her friend draw a deep breath. “Lauren, I don’t know. Are you going
to
Charles or
away
from Caleb?”
“Damn!” exclaimed Lauren. “Kelly! Of course I’m going to Charles. The Caleb thing is over. Please, let it drop!”
“I’m sorry,” said Kelly. “I just want you to be sure. Also, Charles doesn’t seem to be the kind who likes to be surprised.”