Lauren stood there, momentarily dumbfounded. She struggled to get her mind around this preposterous situation. It was so obtuse; she had to suppress a sudden urge to laugh out loud. Perhaps Charles had assessed her properly. Perhaps her priorities had been focused on the wrong goals for the wrong reasons. Otherwise, he would not have described her thus to Sally Chong.
Lauren turned to Charles. Suddenly, he looked small and old, withering in the shadow of Sally Chong. Then Lauren looked at the tall beautiful woman sipping from her crystal glass. They certainly deserved each other, she thought. She said, without looking at him, “Charles, I will take that drink.” There was always time to set oneself right, she thought, her mind clear at last.
Charles poured her a glass. Lauren took it and said with a dignity based in the honesty that had been sleeping at the core of her soul, “I do have something to say. Please sit down.” She gestured to the couch. Sally Chong sat gracefully while Lauren took the chair opposite her. Charles wandered across the room, drink in hand, and stood with his back to the windows, facing her.
Lauren sipped her drink and then spoke. “You are cutting a business deal. It doesn’t surprise me. I should have known it of you, Charles. It’s just the way you see things. Your offer might be acceptable to another person, but I can tell you without reservation, it is totally unacceptable to me.” Now her words came from a place within her she had forgotten existed. “It has nothing to do with sophistication. The time when women of our cultural background were forced to tolerate the infidelities of their husbands is over. I assume I am speaking about something that neither of you understand, but speak I will, just to bring closure for myself. Just to know no one can stop me from speaking. You see, I was raised to develop my ideals and stand up for them. One of my ideals, and the example I grew up with, is a loving marriage. I believe in love. Moreover, I believe in love at first sight and the most absurd notion, to you two, of true love. I will not abandon my ideals for anything. Not for penthouses or cars or careers or — ” and here she looked at Sally Chong “ — or diamonds and pearls. And when I choose to have children, I will raise them in the same way. Because
that
is power, Charles. You — both of you — have no power over me. Nothing you do or say can compromise my values and my ideals. I am a free person. My life will unfold before me in whatever way it will, but I will be free to make my own way, whatever that may be.” Lauren set her glass down beside the ring on the coffee table. “I will never see you again, Charles.”
There was nothing more to say. Neither Charles nor Sally Chong made a move or said anything. Lauren turned, picked up her carry-on bag, and walked out the door, shutting it quietly behind her. As though she was in perfect control, she made her way down to the concierge desk.
“Could you please call the car to take me to Heathrow? International flights.”
“Certainly, miss.” And the concierge picked up the telephone.
It was not until she was safely in the car and headed for the airport that the wave of nausea washed over her and she began to shake. She laid her head back against the seat and closed her eyes, gripping the door handle to steady herself.
The driver must have seen her in the rear-view mirror because he said, “Are you ill, ma’am?”
“Oh, no, thank you, I’ll be fine. Just have to get on that plane and get home.”
“Home’s the place, ma’am.”
Lauren felt her eyes burn with unshed tears and fought them back. He was right. Home was the place, but for Lauren, where was that?
The trip to the airport, then to the counter to secure her last minute ticket, moving through the line at the security checks, and finally boarding the plane was all a blur to her. She did it all automatically, feeling nothing. It wasn’t until she was seated in the plane, seat belt tightened around her, that she suddenly felt like she had been mixed up in something very dirty and sordid. The sight of Charles in his dressing robe and that strange woman, so secure in her own dishabille, had made her physically ill. She asked the flight attendant for a ginger ale and sipped it slowly, crunching the ice and letting the cold shards slip down her throat.
She hardly noticed the take-off, but about halfway into the trip, she did manage to fall into a fitful sleep, waking some hours later under the gentle touch of the flight attendant who said quietly, “We’ll be starting our descent into JFK now.”
It was a repeat of her actions of a lifetime ago as she went back through customs and security, picked up her tote, put her shoes back on, and found herself standing alone in the terminal. She walked out to hail a cab, feeling as though she could barely put one foot after the other. She glanced up at a clock on the wall. It was twelve-thirty on Sunday, New York time. There was only one thing she could do now.
Walking out to the curb, she put out her arm. A yellow cab swept up and stopped, New York style, inches from her toes. She opened the back door, got in, and gave the driver Kelly’s address in Tribeca. Hopefully her best friend would be home. She brought out her phone to call and make sure.
“Hello,” answered her friend.
“Kelly?”
“Lauren, what is it? Where are you?”
“In New York. I’m on my way to your place. Are you home?”
“Yes, yes. Lauren, what happened?”
“I’ll explain when I get there.”
“I knew it!” said Kelly, through her teeth. “I just knew it! Brian and I have just finished brunch. Are you hungry?”
“I don’t even know,” Lauren said with a sigh. “It was awful, Kelly.”
“Just come right here. Brian is leaving for a softball game. You can tell me everything when you get here. See you soon.”
“Bye,” Lauren said softly into the phone. Twenty minutes later, the cab pulled up in front of Kelly’s building. Lauren paid him, exited the cab, and entered the lobby of the building. Kelly was there, waiting for her. She put both arms around Lauren in a big hug.
“Come right up,” she said, leading Lauren by the hand to the elevator. Lauren followed numbly and soon found herself standing inside Kelly’s loft.
“You look pale and exhausted,” Kelly took Lauren’s bag and tote from her. “Sit over there on the sofa, and I’ll make some tea. Would you like something to eat?”
“I would throw up anything I tried to eat. I feel like throwing up now.” Lauren sat down heavily on the sofa.
Kelly rummaged in a canister, brought out two tea bags, and popped them into two mugs. She opened a cabinet door and brought out a honey pot. Then she turned the gas on under the kettle.
Just then, Lauren’s phone rang. She glanced at the screen. Her stomach clenched. Charles. At first, she refused to answer. Then, she reconsidered.
“Hello?” She tried to sound in control, but her hand was shaking so badly, she could hardly hold the phone.
“Lauren, I need to talk to you. Are you alone?”
“What difference does it make? Are
you
alone, Charles?”
“Please, I must explain.”
“You already did.”
“Are you alone?” he repeated.
Lauren glanced at Kelly. “Yes, I’m alone,” she lied. Kelly raised an eyebrow.
“I want you to reconsider your decision concerning our relationship. I’ll agree not to see Sally anymore.”
“Really, Charles! Twenty-three years. I’m not stupid.”
“Please, darling, we’ve made all the plans. We make a good couple. We make a good pair. We can have a life together.”
“What kind of life? And for how long? Charles, this has tired me out. I thought you loved me.”
“Oh, but I do, darling. You know I do. Sally is, well, a business associate of long standing. We can change our relationship. She’s a reasonable woman.”
“Charles, really, do you know how awful that sounds? Please, you’re making me ill.”
“Will you agree to one more chance? One more try? It’s important to me. I’ll make everything up to you. I’ll make it worth your while.”
I’ll make it worth your while.
That was how Charles thought of everything. As if he were talking about a business deal. Suddenly the image of Caleb was clear in her mind. His honest smile, his twinkling eyes, his simple and straightforward emotions. His touch and the soft urgency of his kisses.
Lauren sighed into the phone. “I’m sorry, Charles, I can’t. I can’t even talk about it with you now. We can’t be together. Every time I’d look across the table at you, or see you each morning, I would see you standing there, in your dressing gown, with Sally Chong in her black negligee.”
“I’m not a man to beg. You know that, but I’m asking you just to give it a second chance. You’ll have the world by the tail when you’re married to me. You won.”
How odd, thought Lauren, to hear him talk like this. It was as though she was hearing him talk for the very first time, and she didn’t like the conversation.
With resolution, Lauren spoke into the phone. “In the first place, Charles, I don’t believe it. I don’t think you broke it off with that woman. In the second place, what do you mean,
‘I won’?
What did I win, Charles?
You?
Why did you want to marry me, Charles? Why didn’t you just marry Sally Chong? Or is she already married?”
“Sally is a business woman. She wouldn’t marry anyone. She doesn’t relate to people like that. Can’t you see that’s why she was no threat to you?”
“What are you saying? What do you mean?”
“Sally and I are a power team,” Charles answered. “We have been for years. We understand each other. Do you know how many takeovers and mergers we’ve orchestrated?”
Lauren said again, trying to keep all emotion out of her voice, “Why did you want to marry me, Charles?”
“Lauren, you’re a young, contemporary career woman. Beautiful. Successful. You make me look young. I’m proud to bring you places and be seen with you. We complement each other. And you were always content with the life I lived. What changed you? What made you come to London?”
It was useless to talk any further to him. It was like trying to drown fish, as her mother would have said. Lauren was beginning to see things clearly, to put the pieces together. She had been as adept as Charles at avoiding the truth. Except she knew better.
She spoke clearly into the phone. “Charles, I came to London because I thought I should be with you, even on business trips. I think I’m kind of an old fashioned, small town girl after all. I believe in love. I believe in love at first sight, even. I think love makes up for everything, and maybe it won’t happen for me, Charles, but at least I believe in it, and that’s better than being stuck with you, no matter how many houses you own or how much money you have or how many mistresses you give up. I can’t agree to what you’re asking.” She could feel tiny beads of sweat begin to form on her forehead, and her palms were clammy. She paused, thinking about what Caleb had said. “You don’t have to give up anything for love. Love gives you everything. Goodbye, Charles.” Lauren clicked off the phone.
Kelly jumped up and down, clasping her hands together. “Yay!” she cried. “Now tell me everything so I know what that conversation was all about.”
Lauren told Kelly every detail. The events of the past twenty-four hours were seared into her brain, painful to recall, but so clear that she even remembered the graduated pearls Sally Chong had worn. While she talked, Kelly poured the boiling water into the mugs and set the tea and honey down before her friend. She scooched the overstuffed chair closer to the sofa and didn’t speak until Lauren had finished. Finally, Lauren gave a shuddering sigh and sat, hands folded in her lap, staring at the floor.
“I can’t even cry, Kelly,” she said softly. “I’m just devoid of any feeling. I feel strange, odd, like I’m in a foreign country and nobody can understand me when I speak. It’s like a nightmare. The whole thing is so surreal. Did I just make the biggest mistake of my life? I just don’t think I could look at Charles’s face again.”
Kelly’s brow furrowed as she dipped a honey-coated spoon into her mug of steaming tea. “That stinking, wretched worm! I am so furious right now, I’m finding it hard to speak intelligently. That disgusting, despicable
nasty
person! What a twisted son of a bitch!” Kelly slapped her knees in emphasis. She shook her head. She stood up and paced back and forth.
Lauren watched her with blank eyes, but she said nothing.
Kelly sat down beside Lauren and took Lauren’s hands in her own. “Well,” she said pragmatically, “every cloud has a silver lining. It’s true. And I’m going to tell you the silver lining here.”
This time, Lauren could not suppress a small smile. She knew her friend would bolster her spirits. “I knew you would,” she said.
“The silver lining is that you discovered what a perverted, disgusting person Charles is
before
you married him. He
introduced
you to his
mistress
, or whatever she is. What did he think, you were going to have a three-way? I mean, really, Lauren, what if you had married him?”
“Then I probably would have never found out, and I could have lived on in perfect idiotic bliss,” Lauren replied miserably.