Snare (Delirious book 1) (18 page)

“You don’t own me, don’t flatter yourself.”

He smacks me again with the object. “I own every inch of your body right now. I can do with it what I please.” He groans. “Now, continue pleasuring your pussy. I want to see you squirm. Or else …”

“Or else what, Mister Brand?”

“This knife. Remember it,” he growls. “Fuck yourself or I will do it for you, and you won’t like it one bit.”

Reluctantly, I do as he says. I block everything out. I listen to nothing except the beating of my own heart and the slick sounds his hand makes as it jerks his cock. He hisses and moans as I tease myself, ignoring everything that’s not him and me. I focus solely on that—pleasure. Nothing more. Nothing less. Anything else would kill me right now.

I go faster and faster until there’s no stopping it. This is what he wants, what he demands. There is no yes or no, no right or wrong, there is only a blur. I think of the way he touched me back when I was still in the institution, when he was loving and kind yet still controlling. When he gave me everything I wanted. Maybe it was a fantasy, but it sure as hell beats reality right now. With this in mind, my body rushes toward a hasty orgasm. Sebastian groans, sending shocks down my body as I feel the explosion building up inside me. I can’t stop it anymore. It’s coming.

“Yes, Miss Carrigan, come for me,” he moans. “Come. Now.”

I can’t control it. My body bucks as I come apart on the floor, my clit thumping with need under my finger. A loud moan escapes my mouth, and with it comes a moan from his mouth as well. I convulse underneath myself, feeling the wetness drip down my legs. And then something else drips onto my ass.

His fierce roar is all I need to know what is happening. Hot drops of cum squirt onto my back and ass, slipping down my slit and dripping down onto the floor. I quiver under the endless stream. I feel used. Broken to the bone. No matter that he didn’t fuck me, that he barely touched me, that I did all the work; I feel violated beyond comprehension.

And I enjoyed every second of it.

I have never come this hard. This … dirty.

And I hate it as well.

I hate myself for liking it.

He has twisted everything inside me that made me
me
. I wanted to feel, to be touched and desired, so that I could keep forgetting and keep living this fantasy. But it was all a lie. He took what was most precious to me, love, and turned it into something I should loathe. Hatred.

“Oh … Miss Carrigan … you undo me.”

I pant, my hands falling to the floor. My body is numb and my mind is tired. These tiny holes in the bag don’t provide sufficient air for me to breathe right now. I’m fighting to stay conscious. If there are a bunch of men watching me right now, I hope they know how brittle they have made me. If I was broken before, I am shattered now.

After a few seconds, the chair scoots back and his footsteps come closer. I feel the knife trace up my skin, along my back, and push into the flesh near my neck.

“Do you fear me now, Miss Carrigan?”

“Yes,” I say under my breath.

“Good.”

Suddenly, the knife is jagged underneath the bag and rips apart the wires that kept it together. The bag is pulled over my head. Gasping, I look up. Sebastian towers above me, his eyes merciless and uncomforting as he throws it away. Zipping up his pants, he drops to his knees and then lifts my chin.

“You have done well. Pity this is our final goodbye.” There is a hint amusement in his voice. “Now get up. We are finished. You may step out this door, but you will be bagged again and my driver will take you outside. He’ll take you back to the motel and then take off the bag. What you do afterwards is your own business.” He stands again and walks away.

“Where are you going? Don’t leave me!” I yell as I come up to my knees from my awkward position.

“I’m not,” he laughs. “And if I was leaving, would you not be happy? You’ll have nothing left to fear then.”

“These men! You said we weren’t alone.”

He smiles from afar as he looks back at me from over his shoulder. “I never said there were any.”

I frown, my eyes widening. Confused, I look around. I’m in a room with books—loads of books. It’s like a library, only it isn’t. This is just a room, mimicking one. Like a movie set.

One chair is behind me. Only one.

There’s no one to be seen. Not anyone except him and me.

My jaw drops. “How did you …”

“I only said me and others would enjoy you. I never specified how.”

I gaze at him, my eyes glazed with tears of betrayal. He reaches over to flip a switch on the camera that he’s standing next to, ending the recording.

“I have what I need now.”

“What?” I yell. “You made me believe there were more people in this room just so you could frighten the living shit out of me? And you taped everything?”

“Just so you could learn to stay away from me,” he says, raising his eyebrows. “I hope you’ve learned your lesson.”

“Fuck you!” I scream, as he takes the camera off the tripod.

“Your language surprises me … hmm … and yet it also doesn’t, considering the circumstances.”

I climb to my feet. “How dare you!”

“No, I dared
you
, remember? You took the bet. Now you see there is no truth to your fantasy or thoughts. I won. End of story.”

“You used me …” I hiss as I gather my clothes. “I won’t let you get away with this. And that tape, what do you intend to do with it?”

“It’s for my private collection, which, as I said, I might share with a few trusted people.”

“A sex tape? Are you kidding me?” I scream.

“Oh, Miss Carrigan, this is no such thing. If you only had a clue.”

I rush to put my clothes on so I can grab that thing away from him.

“Don’t hasten yourself with dressing, Miss, this is not the only copy.”

“What?” I freeze in my tracks.

“A second copy has already been uploaded to my private server. You will never be able to stop me, even if you were able to get your hands on this thing right here.” He flicks the camera in his hand, taunting me. “Although I doubt you could, seeing as how distraught you are from our … mutual sexual exercise.”

In a fit of rage, I throw a shoe at him. But it hits the wall instead of his head because he dodges it. “Good throw!” He laughs. “Not good enough, though. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go now. I trust that I won’t ever see you again, as that would be in both our best interests. Goodbye, Miss Carrigan.”

Before I have a chance to say anything, he’s already closed the door behind him.

However, this won’t be the last he sees of me. He’s ruined me. He made me believe I was being watched, while instead he was taping me. He’s sick, and I should’ve known better. This is not the Sebastian I came to love. This man … this man is a monster.

I will get that tape back, even if it means giving up everything I have. Even if it means giving up my sanity completely.

Accompanying song:
“The Road” by Hurts (Exile 2013)

Big River Management Area. Greenwich, Rhode Island – April 30
th
, 2013

I hike up the hill through the thick layers of leaves. The trees I pass are covered in moss, but I clearly spot the bottom side of the tree where it has been chewed on. Good. That means I’m going in the right direction.

As I hike further up the hill, my boots sink into the piles and piles of compost. The sun shines down on my face, causing me to sweat. I dislike the dirtiness, so I quickly take out a cloth and wipe my face. While I’m at it, I clean my shotgun as well. I use it to swipe away the bushes and look for tracks, so it’s covered in soil. When I’m done, I walk to the top of the hill and gaze around. From here, I can spot everything, including the deer grazing in the distance. Perfect.

I make my way down the hill again and position myself in clear view. All they have to do is walk into my sight and I’ll shoot. Letting out a long, drawn-out sigh, I wait. I enjoy the calmness of the forest, the rustling of the leaves in the trees, and the sounds the animals make. It’s kind of peaceful in the midst of all the chaos that goes on in my life.

BANG!

It ended in a snap.

The moment I made the choice to shoot for my target… I killed myself.

It wasn’t the gun that murdered me, though, but the fact that I let my curiosity take control over me. That for a second, a glimpse of a moment in time, I made the decision to go against what I was taught.

The day I said yes to the men in the club.

My one chance to become a better person had turned out to be a nightmare.

But it was not just that day that ruined me. No, my choices have always been a result of the events before. Bad choices become more bad choices. History repeats itself, as they say. Like hunting, for example. I’ve always known what it’s like to hold a gun, which is only strange if you think about it. A young boy holding a gun, the difference between life and death. Who, at such a young age, would know what could happen? That one movement could change everything?

This gun is the same one I held many, many years ago, and I still cherish it to this day. It’s odd to say that I came to love this item, which has the power to kill. I know firsthand what it’s like to be the one to decide on life or death.

BANG!

I remember the first time I heard that sound. It was long ago, when my father finally took me out hunting. He wanted to teach me how to use a gun, or in his words ‘be a man’. The first time I pulled the trigger, I was so frightened that it had launched me back to the ground, and the bullet ended up going into a tree. Of course my father scolded me, told me I was worthless. I couldn’t clean, I couldn’t cook, and I couldn’t work with my hands like a real man. All I wanted to do was read books and write, but that wasn’t what my father wanted. Books could not feed mouths. Books couldn’t buy anyone alcohol. So he took me hunting instead, thinking he could teach me the ways of killing. But if I couldn’t even hold a gun, what was the point of me?

To this day, I still don’t know. No one prepares you for the question … why do I matter? There is no answer, but the day you find out is the day you become an adult.

I became an adult very quickly.

It takes only one blink and I’m back in that very moment, when everything came crashing down upon me. It’s too late to change the way things are now. I just have to suck it up, live with it, and work my way out of it.

As I fired my shotgun at the deer, rustling leaves behind them draw my attention. The deer scatter when they hear the sound. Shit. Whatever that was distracted them. Christ, I almost had my prize—one of the few things I enjoy in life—and someone had to go fuck it up again.

When I gaze up, I notice bright red hair floating through the air, disappearing behind a thick tree. All I saw was one eye, watching me, widening when she saw me looking. My nose begins to twitch. There’s no mistaking; it’s her all right. That fairy-like presence she has is vexing … in an exciting way.

Lowering my gun, I run through the forest to meet her. Like a beast, I feel the anger course through my veins, breezing through my nose as I walk to the tree she’s behind. Her body clings to it, trembling, as she holds onto the trunk for dear life.