Snowblind (12 page)

The silhouette of a tall man approaches. A star shape glitters on his breast. His hat has a broad brim. A cowboy hat. His boots make clomping sounds on the tile as he approaches the Snowman on the floor, who cranes his neck in an effort to better visualize the man with the star. The standing man tilts his head toward his shoulder and whispers. There’s a crackle of static and a woman mumbles a reply.

“Help,” the Snowman whispers, but it comes out as little more than a sigh. Again he tries, “Help.”

“Show me your hands!” the Starman shouts. He reaches for his hip, gives a tug, tugs again. His belt jangles. After an awkward moment punctuated by the sounds of crying and whimpering and snapping grease and clattering plates and silverware, the Starman is pointing at the seated man with both hands held together in front of him.

The Snowman smiles and fresh blood seeps from the cracks in his tattered lips. He nods to himself as though in answer to a question only he can hear.

“Help,” the man whispers again and starts to cry. He leans forward and makes a horrible animal sound that could be a sob or a laugh or in response to any of the myriad emotions that rapidly play upon his face.

He reaches out and picks up the severed head. The eyes are sunken into the sockets and the cranium is misshapen from the Snowman repeatedly falling onto it. The lips are pulped and the front teeth are gone. One of them is stuck to the blood on the Snowman’s shirt. It is obvious both by the sight and the smell that the head has been separated from the body for some time. And even more obvious, judging by the rictus of pain frozen to the man’s face, that his passing must have been a singularly excruciating experience.

The Snowman holds the head out for the Starman, presents it to him like a gift, an offering.

“Drop it!” the Starman shouts. “Don’t you dare move a muscle!”

The Snowman holds it up higher in response, tipping it to showcase the ridges where teeth have gnawed bone.

“Jesus Christ! Put that goddamn thing down and raise your hands above your head!”

The Snowman falters. The expression on his face is now one of confusion. He leans forward to set the head on the floor and barely keeps from collapsing. Something falls from the inside pocket of his jacket and makes a clattering sound when it strikes the tile.

“Back away from the knife!” the Starman shouts.

More screaming from the back of the restaurant.

The Snowman shakes his head and smiles again. This is obviously just a misunderstanding. It’s just a skinning knife. The tip isn’t even sharp anymore after using it to carve the names of the dead onto the wall. He can prove it. He can just pull it out of its scabbard and show the Starman that the blunted tip isn’t even sharp enough to prick his thumb.

“Back away from it! This is your last warning! Back away from the weapon!”

The Snowman grabs the knife from the floor, grips it by the hilt, and pulls—

The report is deafening.

The Snowman’s head snaps backward as he’s tossed toward the door.

The glass spider-webs away from the bullet hole.

It falls in shards onto the Snowman.

A crimson pool seeps out from beneath his head.

An arc of blood slowly dissociates into slender ribbons that trickle down the inside of the plate glass window above the scarlet-speckled booths, dribbling down the words painted on the opposite side of the glass.

ALFERD PACKER GRILL

HOME OF THE WORLD FAMOUS 72 oz. MONSTER SIRLOIN

ATTENTION BIG GAME HUNTERS:
WELCOME TO BIGFOOT COUNTRY!

Author’s Note

(If you haven’t read the story yet, stop reading right now. Right this very second, dammit! What? Are you blind or just trying to be difficult? Stop reading right this very minute or so help me…)

Now, for those of you who actually read the story and didn’t cheat, here are some fun facts:

The word “Sasquatch” is an anglicized derivative of the Salish Indian word “Sésquac,” which means “wild man.”
Early North American pioneers called them “skookums” (or the regional variant, “scoocooms”) and “mountain devils.”
The term “Bigfoot” was coined in the middle of the last century during a rash of sightings in Northern California.
During the last fifty years, 110 Bigfoot sightings have been reported across 37 counties in the state of Colorado alone.
The Sasquatch is covered with hair, not fur. Fur is composed of “guard hairs” and an undercoat, while primates have only one type of hair.
15% of close encounter eyewitnesses describe a foul stench comparable to the odor of smegma. Gorillas exude such an overwhelming aroma from the axillary organ in their armpits when distressed.
Field-collected handprints demonstrate marked lack of musculature at the base of the thumb, which itself is oriented much closer to the wrist. Nearly all prints demonstrate distinct knuckle demarcations, as though made by a partially clenched fist.
The mean length of the 702 footprints collected over the last half-century is 15.6 inches. (The largest was 24” long and 8” wide.) The average length of a human foot is 9.4 inches. All demonstrate a hallux variance suitable for abduction: an opposable great toe.
The average height of all eyewitness accounts is 7’ 10”. An established relationship exists in primates between chest circumference and weight. If the great ape model is applied, factoring in all physical criteria, the average Sasquatch can be estimated to weigh 650 pounds.
Scientists speculate Bigfoot is a relict population of
Gigantopithecus
that migrated across the Bering Land Bridge from China, where the majority of its fossils are found. Others believe
Paranthropus robustus
, an extinct hominin with the crested skull and bipedal gait of a gorilla, to be a more likely candidate. Still others propose
Maganthropus
, an Asian proto-human, whose teeth were mysteriously discovered in the Pacific Northwest, which is, coincidentally, the region with the most bigfoot sightings and closest to the theorized Bering Land Bridge.
There are more than 20,000,000 acres of largely unexplored and completely undeveloped protected lands within the boundaries of the 42 National Wilderness Areas, 11 National Forests, 8 National Wildlife Refuges, 4 National Parks, 2 National Grasslands, and 2 National Conservation Areas in the state of Colorado.
According to the World Wildlife Foundation, more than 1,200 new species were discovered in the decade between 1999 and 2009: 39 mammals, 16 birds, 55 reptiles, 216 amphibians, 257 fish, and 637 plants.
In a 2002 interview on the NPR show “Science Friday,” renowned primatologist Jane Goodall expressed her thoughts in the existence of Bigfoot. “I’m sure they exist.” Later, when faced with the question that all detractors invariably ask, “You know, why isn’t there a body? I can’t answer that, and maybe they don’t exist, but I want them to.”
I borrowed the name for my fictional diner, the Alferd Packer Memorial Grill, from the cafeteria on the University of Colorado campus in hopes that the reference to the notorious cannibal might subtly explain my theory as to why no Bigfoot bodies have ever been found.

About The Author

Michael McBride is the author of
Bloodletting
,
Blood Wish
,
God’s End
,
Immun3
,
Infinity Twice Removed
(with William C. Rasmussen),
Innocents Lost
,
Predatory Instinct
and
The Infected
, all from Delirium Books. He lives with his wife and children in Avalanche Country. For more information about the author or to explore his other works, please visit:
www.michaelmcbride.net
.