Something Like Lightning (22 page)

Miserable. The rain had come on Sunday and the heavy gray clouds had refused to blow away since then. Kelly had inhaled enough of the wet weather to pollute his spirits. He couldn’t seem to shake his bad mood. Even William picking him up in the morning hadn’t helped, perhaps because that sunshine smile was nowhere in sight. Instead he was quiet as he drove them toward school.

“So how was the Food Bank?” Kelly asked, his voice sounding snider than he intended.

“Great. The people there are really cool. We worked our butts off, but everyone is so pumped that it’s kind of fun. My voice was hoarse at the end of the shift from talking so much. How was yours?”

“My voice?” Kelly said. “Silky smooth. I didn’t talk to anyone. I just kept thinking of you. We could have had our picnic. It would have been perfect.”

“Kelly—”

“Of course Sunday the weather turned to piss, so it’s just as well you weren’t there. I had to wear a trash bag to stay dry.”

William glanced over at him. “Really?”

Kelly snorted. “Yes. I tore a hole in one of them for my face. And two little holes for my arms.”

“I’m sorry I missed out.”

“I bet.”

The car was silent a moment before William spoke again. “You can still come to the Food Bank with me next weekend.”

Kelly set his jaw. “And you can still join me for trash duty next weekend. Why do I have to be the one to compromise?”

“You really want me to answer that?”

Kelly raised an eyebrow. “Please do.”

“Because none of this would have happened if— Never mind.”

“No, say it!”

William shook his head.

Kelly stared at him. “You think this is all my fault? I was trying to make our anniversary special!”

“It’s not that,” William said. “It’s your attitude. If you had been nice to the police officer, admitted that we were about to make a mistake, he might have let us go with just a warning.”

“I doubt that.”

“I don’t, because you’re right. He could have called your mom, verified that she bought you the alcohol, and that you had permission to drink it. At home. He probably would have taken away the champagne, slapped us on the wrist, and let us get on with our evening. Instead he ended up
handcuffing
you. You get why, right?”

“Gee, I wonder.”

“This isn’t because you’re black!” William huffed. “It’s because sometimes you behave like a monster. Instead of trying to reason with the other person, or charm your way out of rough situations, you fly off the handle. Of course the police officer handcuffed you! Hell, I felt like doing the same.”

“Because I stood up for myself?” Kelly said. “Jesus Christ, I had no idea you were so subservient. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. You’re desperate to join the Coast Guard where some jarhead will tell you what to do and how to think.”

William looked over at him, eyes blazing with warning. “You just love bringing that up, don’t you? Enlisting means everything to me, and you never pass up a chance to make me feel shitty about it.”

“Maybe you should!” Kelly said. “Especially if the Coast Guard is more important to you than spending the weekend with your boyfriend!” “So what?” William thwacked the windshield wiper controls. The blades swiped faster as the rain increased. “You think eating sandwiches together while picking up trash sounds appealing to me? And really, why should I reward you for getting us into this mess?”

Kelly crossed his arms over his chest. “So it’s all my fault?”

“Yes! How can you not see that?”

“Maybe because I’m not interested in placing blame. I didn’t make you feel bad for costing me the race.”

William appeared stung. “The triathlon?”

“Yes, the triathlon. I didn’t give you shit just because you tripped and fell. You’re not perfect either. You never will be, no matter how much you try, so come down off that high horse.”

William shook his head. “It’s not about either of us making mistakes. It’s about how you react to them. You were cool during the race. Why couldn’t you have been that way with the police officer?”

“With the pig?” Kelly snarled. “Maybe because I don’t love him!” William’s voice was muted when he responded. “And do you still love me? All we do these days is fight. I think you did love me back then. I believe you. But something has changed because it’s obvious I don’t make you happy anymore.”

“You do,” Kelly said, feeling exhausted already. “But not when you put other things before our relationship. Not just other things. Everything! Your mom, the Coast Guard, and the needs of just about anyone who stumbles into your life. You’re always thinking about them and not us. But despite all of that, no matter how much your chivalry makes me want to tear my hair out, you still make me happy.”

The motors of the windshield wipers groaned as they worked overtime to send water flinging away. The thumping sound filled the car, the silence just as suffocating as the humidity outside. Instinct caused Kelly’s stomach to fill with dread as he waited for William to speak.

“The thing is, I’m not sure I’m happy anymore.”

Kelly’s jaw dropped, even though he saw it coming. “What are you saying?”

William chewed his lip and glanced over. “I don’t know. Maybe just a break. We can try being friends again and—”

“Because I messed up?” Kelly shouted. “Because I’m human and actually let myself feel anger? What’s wrong with that? Why do you have to be such a fucking robot?”

“I’m not a robot,” William grumbled, his jaw clenching.

“Sure you are. Just like your toys. That must be why you admire them so much because you want to be the same way. Plastic and unfeeling.”

“I get angry!” William shouted back. “You
know
I do. But I also understand the concept of restraint. You flip out every five seconds like 5}

“I do when I’m with you because you always—”

“That’s why we shouldn’t be together!” William snarled. “Something’s wrong!”

Kelly narrowed his eyes. “You will never,
ever,
be in a relationship where you don’t argue. Not that it matters. Where you’re going, you’ll never date again.”

William glared at him. “And why’s that?”

“You know why.”

“Say it,” William said, lips pulled back. “Say it one more time. I fucking dare you, because if you do, it’ll be the last time I listen to your crap.”

Kelly knew this was one challenge he shouldn’t accept, but he was hurt and it was all over anyway and he wanted to make William cry so he wouldn’t have to. “Once you’re in the Coast Guard, it’s back in the closet or your superiors will disown you. You’ll live your pathetic robot life, sleeping on a cold bunk every night, sneaking off to a cruise park occasionally to suck—”

The car jerked suddenly, Kelly’s body along with it. His voice cut off as the seatbelt squeezed painfully hard against his chest, the sound of screeching tires replacing his shouting as the vehicle spun. His insides felt as if they were doing horizontal cartwheels, like they had somehow driven into a centrifuge and gravity was trying to tear them apart. Then the car finally stopped. Kelly glanced over at his former boyfriend, saw his face twisted up with rage, and knew William was right. All this anger inside of him, all these battles he waged against the world, only made things worse. Not just situations, but people. He was ruining one of the best people he’d ever met.

“William—” he said.

More screeching tires, which was odd, since they weren’t in motion anymore. Then a blast of impossible force. Shredding metal, splintering plastic, shattering glass, exploding air bags, and blinding light. Then a comparative silence. Just the pitter-patter of falling rain, the drops wet and cold on Kelly’s cheek.

He tried to make sense of the world. He was still inside the car. Still seated, but leaning with his head outside the window, which was odd, since he hadn’t rolled it down.

“Are you okay?”

He tried to move his neck, finding it stiff, but he managed an inch or two, allowing him to look into headlights. Squinting against them, he saw up-close the damaged grill of something massive, like a metallic dinosaur. A version of Godzilla constructed by the auto industry.

“Kelly!”

He sucked in air, the sound squeaky and shuddering. The rain was getting in his eyes. He needed to pull himself back inside the car to see if William was okay, because his brain was starting to catch up. They had been in a wreck. He struggled to put the pieces together, which was nothing compared to the effort it took to move.

“Stay still, stay still! Oh God! Where’s my phone?”

William sounded frantic. Was he hurt? Wanting to check on him, Kelly grunted, pushing against the car interior with one arm, and managing to get himself upright. The cost of this was a throbbing ache, but he tried to ignore it as he turned. William’s face was covered with blood, his eyes wide as he stared at Kelly. For some reason he was looking down and making little noises, single guttural syllables that didn’t have meaning. Kelly gave up trying to understand, then followed his gaze. William reached out for his chin, as if to stop him, but it was too late. Kelly saw the truth.

He wasn’t inside the car. The car was inside of him.

Or both, because flesh and metal and blood and plastic were all mixed together. He couldn’t tell if shreds of cloth belonged to the clothing he wore or were remnants of the seat cover fabric. Discerning by color didn’t help, since everything was drenched in wet sticky maroon. Kelly took in all of this, his brain registering one sensation above all others. Pain. It filled him, rising up from inside, forcing his head back and his mouth open. Then it poured out of him, manifesting as a scream. Like steam coming out of a kettle, it was the only way to release pressure. Eventually even this wasn’t enough. The last he heard were shrill sirens and William pleading with him to “stay with me, stay with me, stay with me” before mercy came in the form of soft silent darkness.

The world approached and retreated in waves. Sometimes when Kelly opened his eyes, the pain was there waiting for him, along with people he didn’t recognize. In these moments, all he had to do was close his eyes again. Other times the world was fuzzy and pink, as if he’d been wrapped in cotton candy. The pain would be gone and faces would fill his vision, all of them smiling to let him know it was all right. His mother, his father, even Royal, who didn’t smile as much as he cried. Kelly kept listening to their message, repeating it when he could manage. “It’s okay. I’m all right.”

This was his world now. Pain he recoiled from, or moments of fluffy bliss that he tried to stay awake for. The more he opened his eyes, the more he understood. The strangers were doctors and nurses, the uninspiring backdrop a hospital. The expressions of his family eventually shifted, becoming less tearful and more determined. Only when a new face appeared, like Layne’s, did the crying start again. Then Kelly would squeeze their hands and tell them what they needed to know. He was okay.

Eventually the worlds of pain and bliss melded and met somewhere in the middle. When he opened his eyes, he felt a distant ache and the buzz that kept it at bay, but Kelly no longer found it so hard to think. He was able to stay awake this time, and he remained still while doing so, staring at the ceiling.

The car accident. He replayed the memories, trying to arrange jumbled impressions into a coherent event. When he finally managed, he closed his eyes again, remembering how his lower body had been indistinguishable from the rest of the wreck. He slowly took stock of himself. The drugs numbing him made it difficult, but he could feel his arms, his torso, an unpleasant prickling sensation in his crotch, and both of his legs. Everything was still there. He was fine.

Except that his right leg was dangling over the mattress. That didn’t make sense because Kelly could feel that he was on the bed correctly and not resting at an angle. The rails ensured he was. He even opened his eyes to confirm this. His legs were straight, one bent at the knee. So his lower leg was dangling
through
the mattress? Did they have a hole cut into it for some reason?

“Honey! You’re awake again. Are you thirsty?”

His mother came into view. She placed a palm on his forehead as if to feel his temperature. He nodded, trying to sit upright.

“Hold on,” she said.

An electric whir accompanied half the bed rising until Kelly was sitting up. He glanced around the hospital room, feeling dizzy and trying to focus on the straw his mother was aiming toward his mouth. Once he caught it, he sucked, tasting cold water.

“How do you feel?” she asked, setting aside the cup.

He nodded.

“Maybe I should call the doctor.”

“I’m okay,” he said quickly. “No need to make a fuss.”

“You look good,” she said, studying his face. “Your eyes are clear.” He nodded again, resisting the urge to close them.

“Do you remember—”

“Where’s William?” he interrupted.

Laisha’s lips tightened. “He’s gone home.”

“Is he okay?”

“Yes, honey.” His mother pressed her hand to his cheek. “Do you remember the accident?”

He nodded.

“And afterwards?”

The question confused him, since this was afterwards. She acted like there had been more. Perhaps there had been. “How long have I been here?”

“Almost a week. How much do you remember?”

She kept asking him that, making him wonder if he had suffered a brain injury. “Is something wrong with my head?”

“No!” His mother’s face nearly crumpled, but she was strong enough to force it into a smile. “We came close to losing you, honey. The doctors saved your life. It means so much that you’re still here with us. I love you. Your father and brother love you.”

“I love you guys too,” Kelly mumbled.

She smiled while looking him over, her hand still on his cheek. Her eyes were welling up, and while much of this came from affection, he also recognized something was wrong. Something serious.

“Mom?” he asked, the panic escaping into his voice.

“You’re okay, baby. But you were hurt pretty bad and they couldn’t save all of you.”

“What do you mean?”

His mother kissed him on the forehead, once, twice, and a third time. Then she looked into his eyes, her own wet with tears. “They had to take one of your legs.”