“Sure looks like it,” Kelly replied, words a little sloppy.
“You’re going to get in trouble!”
Kelly smirked, and in a deep voice he croaked, “So be it.”
William studied him with concern. “I’ll get you some water. Or maybe a Coke and something to eat.” He turned and hurried back to the kitchen but was stopped short of his destination, a large stomach blocking his path.
“Ah!” Marcello purred. “There you are. How did everything go?”
“Great,” William said with flushed cheeks. “Thank you.”
Marcello looked expectant. “I was hoping you’d be more descriptive. Love is poetry. So are adjectives and verbs. Pantomime is fine too. Whatever you need to get the picture across. Oh! Should I grab a pencil and paper?”
William stared. “I can’t tell if you’re serious or not.”
“I’m rarely certain myself.”
“Sorry, but can we do this later? I need to get to the kitchen and help my friend sober up. When did you start serving wine?”
“We haven’t yet.”
“But my friend— Sorry, my boyfriend…”
“Kelly,” Marcello said patiently.
“Right! He’s definitely drinking wine.” William turned to look at the table. It was empty. The entire back of the room had cleared. People were moving to the front where live music had started. He looked back at Marcello. “Where did he go?”
“Perhaps he never existed,” Marcello said, patting him on the shoulder. “In which case, you shouldn’t bother sneaking around anymore. Imaginary boyfriends are rarely the jealous type.”
William spun around, nearly losing the tray of sandwiches. Then he stumbled forward, searching the room. He didn’t have any luck. He resumed his duties, just in case Kelly was watching him from afar. William should at least appear natural, when in truth he was freaking out. He kept looking as he walked the ballroom, eventually spotting Tim and approached him.
“Have you seen Kelly?”
Tim shook his head, preoccupied with organizing the checks he had collected.
“I can’t find him.”
Tim shrugged. “He couldn’t have gone far.” Then his head shot up. “That’s not a joke about his disability. I’m his ride. Yours too. He’ll turn up. Now get back to work.”
“Okay.” William hesitated. “You put your shirt back on.”
“Yup.”
“Can I put mine on again?”
“Nope.”
“Why?”
Tim thwacked him over the head with the checks. “Seniority. I’ll let you know if I see Kelly. Hey! How did everything go?” He held up a palm. “Never mind. Don’t answer that. All I want to know is if Jason’s okay. Is he happy?”
William nodded. “He sure seemed like it!”
Tim smiled. “Good. I’ll see you at the end of the night. Or in the morning. These things can drag on.”
He was right. The hour was nearing three in the morning before the last of the guests left. The ballroom was mostly empty, enough to be sure that Kelly was no longer there. William found Tim and Marcello standing with a broad-shouldered guy in a tuxedo, the one who had been in charge of the waiters.
“Nobody’s seen him?” William pressed, feeling concerned.
The heads around him shook. Marcello turned to the large man. “Nathaniel?”
“Crutches with attitude?”
William nodded in confirmation.
“He isn’t here,” Nathaniel grunted. “Or elsewhere in the house. I reactivated the security system as soon as you were back from your little tryst. Maybe he wised up and left.”
William scowled. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Gentlemen!” Marcello said, raising a hand to silence any retort. “Let’s end the evening on a civilized note, shall we? William, go to the kitchen. You’ll find Jason hiding there in an attempt to appear casual. I’ll make some inquiries and see if I can’t find your friend. Yes?”
“Okay,” William said, shooting Nathaniel a glare before he left. What did he care about any of this? His words were effective though. William felt like a sleazebag as he slunk into the kitchen. Seeing Jason there helped cheer him up but didn’t chase away his concern.
“What’s wrong?” Jason asked, seeing his expression.
“Kelly’s gone AWOL.”
“Do you think he knows?”
Before he could answer, Nathaniel barged into the room. He used a key to unlock a cabinet and grabbed a basket, the waiters gathering around him to collect their cell phones. William jostled for position to get his, pacing impatiently while he waited for it to power up. Then he used it to call Kelly.
No answer.
He sent a text message, deciding on a casual,
Time to go! Where are you?
No answer.
What if Kelly had done something extreme? He could have tried walking back to Austin, but it was a long way, especially with crutches. And he’d been drinking.
Tim entered the kitchen, shaking his head. “Marcello says the grounds are clear. Maybe he got a ride back, or called a taxi. What do you want to do?”
William didn’t have a clue.
“If he did leave,” Jason said, “where do you think he would go?”
“Home,” William said. “Or maybe over to Bonnie’s place.”
“Then I’ll take you home,” Tim said. “If he’s not there, we’ll keep trying until we find him.”
“Thank you,” William said. He felt like he would go crazy while Tim slowly said goodbye to a variety of people. When they were finally in the car, he kept his attention on the window, just in case he spotted Kelly on the side of the road. He asked Jason to do the same, unable to worry about how this might make him feel. His stomach was filled with dread when they reached Kelly’s home. William hurried through the house and opened the bedroom door. A sleeping form was in the bed. He bent over it, relieved to see Kelly’s face, his breathing deep. William pulled out his cell phone and sent Jason a text, letting him know that everything was okay. He didn’t know if that was true, and wouldn’t until tomorrow when they were both awake. Only then would he find out what Kelly knew, and that feeling of having lost him would return, because one way or another, William’s actions had brought their relationship to an end.
* * * * *
Sleep was brief and unsatisfying. William woke, expecting to find Kelly looming over him accusingly. Instead he was softly snoring. That was unusual. Just how much had he drank? William rose, trying to imagine how the day would play out. Whenever Kelly woke, an argument was sure to follow. He should probably be dressed when that happened, just in case he was kicked out of the house.
William showered and put on his clothes, then checked the clock. He couldn’t have gotten more than three hours’ sleep. Kelly was still snoozing, so he decided to take the edge off his anxiety by returning to his previous routine—a bike ride to the YMCA and a vigorous swim. The decision proved to be just what he needed. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been at the pool alone or had the luxury of focusing on his workout without having to coach Jason or reassure Kelly that everything wasn’t falling apart. Even if it was.
After climbing out of the pool, William felt ready to return to the house, to confront the inevitable instead of avoiding it. He got dressed without bothering to shower and biked back there. Kelly’s family was awake, gathering around the breakfast table. This included Kelly, who greeted him pensively. Just a quick hug, no kiss, but that was more than William had expected. He pulled him aside so they could talk privately.
“Where’d you get to last night?” William asked. “You had us all worried.”
Kelly averted his eyes. “I caught a ride home. I didn’t want to stay any longer.”
“Okay,” William said, “but you could have told me before you left.”
“I got a little drunk,” Kelly said, “which explains why I’m now tempted to drink bacon grease straight from the pan.”
The words sounded lighthearted, but Kelly delivered them without humor. William waited for him to continue, but he didn’t. Kelly sat down at the table, as did the others, and they ate. He was disappointed. While he hadn’t been looking forward to an argument, the confrontation would have been a natural transition to a break-up.
The bad mood, the loss of patience, the cutting comments… they never came. The day wore on, a sluggish Sunday spent in the living room. Two more meals came and went without words between them. That definitely wasn’t normal. Kelly either knew or suspected enough that he was beyond anger. The battle cry had been raised. All that was left was to charge into war.
He waited for Kelly’s family to retire for the night, then went with him to the bedroom, even though he couldn’t imagine sleeping next to each other anymore. Kelly seemed to sense this too, perched on the end of the bed while still dressed. The time had come.
William sat next to him. “Kelly—”
“I’m ready to talk about it. Just promise me you’ll be honest and we can get through this.”
William glanced over at him. Kelly was sitting upright, his expression open and earnest. This wasn’t going to be as easy as he hoped. “I don’t make you happy anymore.”
Kelly shook his head adamantly. “That’s not true!”
“Are you sure? Because we can’t seem to get through a day without you snapping at me or rolling your eyes or—”
“I’m a bitch! I get pissy. You take it too personally.”
“That’s not how it was when we first met. I don’t remember you getting so grumpy with me. Not all the time.”
Kelly exhaled. “Since the accident, I’ve been a little—”
“Not since then,” William said. “It started
before
then. That’s why I wanted to break up. I was tired of feeling like I constantly pissed you off. I didn’t make you happy then, and I know I don’t make you happy now.”
Kelly frowned. “You’re wrong.”
“I’m not.” The evidence was right before him. William felt like holding up a mirror so Kelly could see his own expression. “Just think about it. Open yourself to the idea and ask yourself if it’s true.”
Kelly took a deep breath and quietly considered the possibility. His response was grudging. “Maybe we’re not the most compatible, but they say opposites attract.”
“They might attract, but they don’t stick together.”
Kelly balked. “What are you saying?”
“That I don’t make you happy anymore.” The words were hard to force out. “And if I’m honest, I haven’t been happy for a long time.”
“If you’re honest,” Kelly said, getting worked up, “all of this is actually about Jason Grant!”
“Not all of it, but yeah.” William licked his lips. “Meeting him made everything complicated. I promised you I would stay. In the hospital, I swore I would never leave you because I wanted to do the right thing. And I still do, but now I’m worried that if we keep going like this, I’m going to do the wrong thing.”
“With Jason,” Kelly said with disgust.
“Yes, with Jason! I’m through denying it. I love him.”
Kelly looked like he’d been slapped. Repeatedly. His mouth hung open and he shook his head inadvertently like he wanted to deny what his ears had just heard. Witnessing his shock didn’t feel good, but William couldn’t turn back now.
“I never wanted to hurt you,” he said, “and I didn’t do this on purpose, I swear. Just… just think about the morning of the accident and pretend I didn’t screw up and cost you your leg. If none of that had happened, do you really think we’d still be together?”
Kelly remained fixated on one detail. “You
love
him? How far have things gone?”
William met his accusing stare. “Isn’t that far enough already? I want to be with him, but I also made a promise to you. I can keep that promise, but it seems insane because you’re not happy and I’m not happy, and now that you know the truth, do you really think that’s going to get better? Is there anything we can say or do to fix this? Because if not, I’m scared I’m going to end up hating you.”
He braced himself for hellfire. What he didn’t expect was the angry expression to shift to one of pained acceptance. Kelly’s voice became a whisper. “Okay.”
“Okay?” William repeated. “What do you mean?”
“You kept your promise to me long enough. You stayed by my side.” Kelly’s hands clutched at the blanket they were sitting on. “You’re free. Go be with him.”
William didn’t feel like leaping up and racing from the room. Years of memories—a shared history together—were about to come to an end, and to his surprise, not all of him wanted that. “I hope we can be friends. I still want you in my life.”
Kelly laughed, as if he was being foolish. “Well, we don’t have much choice. We share almost every class in school, so for the next few months, you’re stuck with me.”
“I can ask to be transferred to other classes. If you want.”
“No,” Kelly said with a resigned sigh. “I really don’t.” He looked at William, the longing in his eyes familiar because it matched what he felt deep inside. “I hate that everything ended up this way.”
“Me too. I wish we had quit while it was still good, before it got tarnished by…
everything
.”
Kelly nodded, looking around at a bedroom that was meant to belong to his parents. They had gotten used to a life suited to people twice their age and stuck in an unhappy marriage. William wouldn’t miss that aspect of their relationship. Not one bit. He couldn’t wait to sleep in his own bed again.