Something Reckless (20 page)

Ethan smiled. “Sit down. We’ll have a few drinks and play some cards. If you get me drunk enough, I’ll even tell you how
badly I made a muck of things with Penelope’s sister. And how she loved me anyway.”

“Why not?” Jeremy said with a faint smile. “It isn’t as if I have anywhere else to be.”

Penelope smiled at Fiona. Her lady’s maid—
former
lady’s maid—was wiping away tears.

“So you don’t hate me?” Fiona said with a sniffle.

Penelope shook her head. “Of course not. I only wish you had told me you didn’t want to change your life, just the man you were with.”

Fiona wiped her eyes. “I wanted to live up to what you believed of me. That I was worth more.”

A wave of shame washed over Penelope. She shook her head. “Oh, Fiona, you are worth more than Wharton, but I never meant to make you believe I thought less of you because of your profession. I was a foolish, stupid girl.”

Fiona squeezed her hand. “No, Penelope. You were never foolish or stupid. You have been nothing but good to me, and I shall never forget that.”

“Be happy,” Penelope said as they released each other. “And come to see me often.”

Fiona drew back in surprise. “Really?”

“Of course. You are my friend. That will never change.”

Fiona smiled sadly as the door to the parlor opened.

“My lady,” her butler said, nodding. “A gentleman has arrived to see you.”

Penelope’s heart leapt.

“A Lord Rothschild, my lady,” her servant finished.

Fiona and Penelope exchanged a glance, and she saw that the other woman had read her thoughts, her hopes that it was Jeremy.

“I will go upstairs and begin my packing,” Fiona said with a smile.

Penelope nodded. “Send Lord Rothschild in,” she ordered her servant.

She got to her feet as Ethan entered. He smiled as Fiona left, then turned his dark eyes on Penelope. “I’m sorry to call so late.”

Penelope smiled. “It isn’t too late. Please, sit down.”

He settled into one of her chairs, dwarfing the small piece, and looked at her. Penelope shifted uncomfortably under his piercing gaze. Even though she no longer felt animosity toward the man, she didn’t yet feel close to him and wasn’t certain how to deal with him.

“I have just left your Jeremy,” he said quietly.

Penelope tensed. “And he sent you to bear me a message?” She held her breath as she waited for Ethan’s response.

“No.”

Her breath left her lungs in a disappointed rush. “I see.”

Her brother-in-law smiled gently. “No, I don’t think you do. Kilgrath has decided that he deserves no consideration from you. That after so many weeks of manipulation, you must be left alone to make your own decisions when it comes to him and your forgiveness.”

Penelope looked at him in shock. “O-oh,” she stammered.

“But even though I admire his determination,” Ethan said. “I
also think that you can better make up your mind if you understand what he did tonight.”

“What did he do?” she asked, breathless as she imagined all the endless possibilities, both for good and for ill.

“Do you know his friends? I believe they call themselves the Nevers,” Ethan asked.

She nodded, a bitter taste filling her mouth. “I know none of them well, but I do know of them. I believe they were the reason Jeremy began pursuing me in the first place. They wanted me silenced.”

“Then you know he feels a great loyalty and friendship with them, especially with the one called Wharton.”

She bit her lip. Wharton who had abused Fiona. Jeremy had tormented himself over that fact when she confessed it. “Yes.”

“Tonight, Kilgrath made it very clear to Wharton that his days of hurting women are over.” Ethan looked at her evenly. “If your friend has been concerned for her continued safety, I think she need not be anymore. Wharton wouldn’t dare defy Kilgrath after his threats.”

Penelope gasped. “He threatened his friend?”

“Yes, and in the process, Kilgrath severed his ties to the man. And he may have damaged all his relationships with his Nevers.”

Now Penelope surged to her feet. “No!”

“He sacrificed something he held dear, his friendships.” Ethan smiled.

“Because he wished to regain my good graces?” she asked. “Is it another manipulation?”

“No.” Ethan rose with her and stepped toward her. “In fact, he told me not to reveal to you what he had done for fear you would take it as such. He did it only because it was the correct thing to do. I believe he convinced you once that he had changed, although he hadn’t.”

She nodded, and the bitter taste in her mouth doubled.

Ethan touched her hand. “I think now he wants to truly change, to show you by his actions that he is worthy of your love, even if he never gains it.”

Penelope blinked, as sudden tears had flooded her eyes. “But can he change? Truly change? Is it possible for such a man to become a new person?”

“For love I think it is.” Ethan backed toward the door. “After all, my dear, I changed for a very similar reason.”

As her brother-in-law stood in the doorway to her parlor, Penelope stared at him. He was correct, he
had
changed. Ethan had become a different man, all for the love of her sister. The two of them had taken a chance on love, and the dividends they received were great.

But could she take a similar risk?

“Thank you, Ethan,” she whispered, following him into the foyer. “Not just for coming to me tonight and telling me about Jeremy’s actions, but for loving my sister.”

His handsome face softened. “My dear, both were and are my greatest pleasure.” He pressed a brief kiss to her hand. “Good night.”

Penelope watched him depart and then slowly made her way upstairs. Her mind turned furiously on everything that had
happened, on every fear and hope that burned in her feverish mind.

Tonight she would get no sleep. There would be no lover to distract her. All she would have were her thoughts. And by daybreak, she hoped she could sort them all out and decide, once and for all, what she should do.

Jeremy sat at his desk, afternoon sunlight dancing its way across the papers in front of him. He lifted the sheet and read another of his mother’s letters. He’d been reading them for a few hours, starting back to ones she’d written months ago and moving forward to the last one that had landed on his desk just a few days before.

It was shocking to see how much he’d missed when he was so utterly involved in himself. And how little he’d known his mother. He found her to be witty, interesting and wellversed in many things after all her ports of travel. Jeremy was bound and determined to write to her this afternoon. Not his usual scrawled, meaningless note that mentioned nothing about anything of import.

Something that actually told her he was attentive to her.

He lifted his gaze from her neatly written words. It was odd to suddenly examine one’s own life. But he had been doing just that
since…well, since Penelope came into his life. And through her eyes he’d recognized just how selfish and pointless it had been.
He
had been.

But when he approached her, Penelope had believed he was capable of change. She had cautiously allowed him to become her friend, to become her lover, because she thought that somewhere deep inside of him, there was a better man.

So perhaps now, if he actually
became
that better man, he could win her love back. Or at least endeavor to deserve it.

“Your Grace, a letter has arrived for you,” a servant said from the door.

Jeremy lifted his gaze to the man and motioned him inside. He took the letter from the servant’s silver tray and motioned him to go. He stared at the handwriting. Even, neat, he did not recognize it.

When he turned it over, the seal on the back was blank. There was no outward identification to say who the writer was. Wrinkling his brow, he broke the seal and unfolded the pages.

Jeremy read the letter three times before he set it down in shock. It was unsigned, but he knew it was from Penelope. Hope
like nothing he had ever known made its way through him. She was offering him a chance. She was reaching out to him.

He got to his feet and rushed to the hallway. He had much to do if he intended to prove to her that her tenuous faith would be rewarded with truth and love.

Penelope stood in front of her roaring fire and smoothed her dress absently. Everything was prepared, well, everything but herself. She was nervous and anxious and uncertain. What if Jeremy didn’t show up? What if he came and thought they would simply fall into bed?

No, she couldn’t think about that. As tempting as it was, that was not her plan tonight.

To distract herself from her nervousness, Penelope looked around the room. It had never been so bright. Her fire was high and warm, lamps were lit and candles had been placed all around, including one that flickered in the window. A beacon to bring Jeremy home.

There was hardly a shadow in the room. Tonight, whatever happened would happen in the light. Which was a rather terrifying thought. But Penelope straightened her shoulders and called upon all her strength. She didn’t want to live with questions or regrets, so this was her only choice.

She heard the window click behind her and turned slowly to watch Jeremy climb in over the ledge. Like her, he was wearing his finest clothing. Dark evening clothes with a silver waistcoat and an impeccably tied cravat. She looked down at herself with a smile, she too had donned her best. A blue gown sewn through with silver that matched his waistcoat perfectly.

Penelope decided to take it as a sign and moved toward him.

“It seems as though we had a similar idea,” she said with a shaky motion toward her outfit.

Jeremy didn’t smile, just let his eyes move over her. She blushed under the heated scrutiny, but forced herself not to look away.

“You have seen the very worst of me,” he finally said softly, meeting her stare. “I thought the least I owed you was my best.”

“Will you sit with me?” she asked, motioning to the chairs beside the fire.

She didn’t miss how his gaze moved to the bed briefly, but he followed her to the sitting area without comment. They settled in, and she poured him a glass of her finest port, as well as wine for herself. He set the drink aside without touching it and looked at her.

“I am glad you invited me here tonight, though I was surprised,” he said. “Especially after you would not see me yesterday.”

She blushed. “I was so upset and confused. I couldn’t face you.”

“I understand.” His chin dipped down. “I am sorry for all the pain I caused you. For every lie I told you.”

Penelope drew in a breath. She had never seen Jeremy look so…forlorn. It was a revelation, but was it real? Or just another manipulation?

“I have a hard time having faith,” she whispered. “I
want
to believe that you are sorry. That this isn’t just some lie you are telling in order to bend me to your will. But I keep thinking of all the other things you said. The untruths.”

He nodded as he fingered the stem of his glass. “I understand that, Penelope. I violated your trust. I know that it may take a long time to regain it. Perhaps I never will. But I want to try. And I will change, I will show you how I’ve changed.”

She straightened up. “Changed? How do you mean?”

He frowned. “I have severed ties with the Nevers.”

She gasped. “So Ethan was right? Your harsh words with Wharton ended all your friendships?”

He lifted his gaze and shook his head. “I see that your brother-in-law has spoken to you, despite my request that he not repeat what I had done.”

“He did,” Penelope admitted. “But I’m glad he broke your silence.”

Jeremy shook his head, and she sensed his frustration. “But I did not confront Wharton as some kind of manipulate to you. I did it because I do not believe a man should raise a hand to a woman. No one should be forced to another’s will and punished with violence if she will not bend. No matter what you think you know of me, I hope you know that.”

Penelope nodded immediately. Once she hadn’t been so certain, but she now knew this man before her better.

“I do.”

A flash of relief softened Jeremy’s expression. “After my encounter, I wrote a letter to the others, explaining that I could no longer be a part of the group. I’m sure I will remain friends with some of the men. But I do not want to associate myself with their reputation anymore.”

Penelope tilted her head. “How long have you been friends with those men?”

He hesitated, and she saw a hint of pain around his eyes. “Most of my life, my lady.”

“And you gave those friendships up, just for the hope that I might someday see you have truly changed and forgive you?”

He met her eyes. His were so dark that she could lose herself in them. And sad. Almost unbearably sad. It was the first time she had ever seen Jeremy reveal his inner feelings so plainly.

“I do not want your forgiveness, Penelope,” he said, his voice as rough as he had always made it as her secret lover. “I
need
it. And I will do anything to earn it. And your love.”

Penelope rose to her feet and looked down at him. He did not rise, but he did hold her stare. “Do you want my love, Jeremy?”

He nodded. “More than anything. I love you, Penelope Norman.”

Penelope staggered back a step, biting a cry of surprise off before it could leave her lips. Slowly, Jeremy got to his feet, but he did not advance on her.

“You don’t have to believe that now,” he said. “But you should know that I intend to prove it to you. Every day. For the rest of my life. And one day, I aspire to deserve your love in return.”

Penelope swallowed. Jeremy had just laid out all her hopes, her dreams in front of her. Spread them out in offering. But he didn’t demand she take them. He simply showed her that they were there for her when she was ready.

She looked into his eyes. For the first time since she met him, there was nothing hidden there. His emotions, the dark and the noble, were as bright and clear as the light that flooded her bedchamber.

Her hands trembled as she moved toward him. He stiffened,
but did not reach for her. Did not draw her into his embrace and force her to his will. As she fisted her fingers around his jacket lapels, he merely sucked in a ragged breath and stared down at her in waiting.

“Let us aspire to deserve each other’s love,” she whispered. “Because I do love you, Jeremy. I love you with all my heart. And I know I have done things that were foolhardy and silly. I have been bitter and angry with the world. I don’t want to be those things anymore. And with you, I am not.”

She lifted up on her tiptoes, coming in for the kiss she had been craving since the moment he came through her window. “Will you take a chance on a future with me?”

His arms finally came around her waist and Jeremy pulled her to his chest. Their bodies molded, and his mouth came down toward hers.

“It isn’t a chance, Penelope. It’s a guarantee.” He pressed his lips to hers, drawing her even closer as their mouths merged with passion and love.

“A guarantee of happiness,” he whispered before he kissed her again. “And pleasure.” He cupped the back of her neck and glided his lips to her throat. “And reckless abandon for the rest of our lives.”

Penelope drew back and looked up into the eyes of the man she loved. “I will take that guarantee, Your Grace. But I think we should seal the bargain with a kiss.”

Jeremy smiled as he began to back her toward her bed. “Where shall I begin, my lady? I would like to seal the bargain more than once tonight.”