My point here is that at the time, he offered something I didn’t have.
But that was then. Soon I wised up to my mother’s ways, and Ridley’s, and now I was here, living a different life, questioning the same things, and wondering where it was all leading me.
D
ESPITE MY
shit attitude that morning and concern for my personal life falling apart, I got out of bed. After sending Jace a text message and not getting a reply, I decided I should just give him some space.
By ten I was at the shop and well into a morning of arranging displays and training two new cashiers for the weekends here. Neither Shanna nor I really wanted to work every weekend anymore.
When did I finally hear from my mom that morning? Because you knew that was coming soon after I didn’t return her calls and text messages.
The first thing she said to me after five years apart?
“You’re the spitting image of your father.” She was hiding behind dark glasses and an overly large leather jacket she used to keep herself bundled against the crisp Seattle winter. She looked the same: long, thin blonde hair that seemed like hay rather than hair after years of neglect. Leathered skin, tanned beyond what was natural. She was one hot mess.
Her lips puckered as an unlit cigarette dangled from her lips, plodding restlessly, deciding on her next choice of words to me.
“Really?” I asked sarcastically, ready to punch my own mom. “I wouldn’t know, would I?”
She looked at me with droopy eyes and then laughed. “Is that how you welcome me after five years?”
I nodded slowly, then replied with little politeness in my tone. “Yes. That’s how I welcome you.”
Shanna came around the corner and stopped, regarding the two of us. “Oh, hey . . . uh . . . ” She motioned behind her. “I got shit to do.” With her head down, she hurried to the back to help customers rummaging through the discontinued scents and leftover wax chunks we sold.
My gaze turned back to my mother. She looked at me calmly, green eyes that matched mine staring. Restlessly, she turned and paced a little, two steps in one direction, a few in the other, and peered around the shop. “How long have you guys been here?”
“A while.”
Georgia’s regard turned back to me. I couldn’t explain the feeling I had right then. I wanted so badly to scream at her. The last time I saw her, she’d come to Seattle looking for money. That was the first time I had seen her since I left Boise ten years ago.
I knew was she wanted. Money.
And the fact that she was here, wanting money from me, hurt. I wanted a fucking parent, not another child. I wanted a mother who loved me for me and not because I had made a life for myself. A life she could benefit from because she did nothing with hers.
It wasn’t like I had money to give, either. Jace and I barely made it. The shop had good months, but there were also months where we relied on his income alone. And living in Seattle wasn’t cheap.
So was she here for money this time?
Perhaps. But with Ridley in town, too, who really knew what the two of them wanted and why they had both showed up so close together.
My mother told me succinctly that she was between jobs and had decided to travel a little with her new boyfriend. Then she remembered I lived in Seattle.
Likely excuse.
It was just like her to do this. Small talk and even less talk about the kids she hadn’t seen in a while. Have I mentioned that she’s never even seen her grandkids?
Tells you what kind of person she is, doesn’t it?
I doubted she even knew about Jayden. I didn’t bother telling her when I got pregnant with him, and when he was born I didn’t feel the need. It wasn’t like she would have come to see him, or me.
Focusing on nothing in particular, Georgia picked up a jar candle and looked at the price, eyebrows raising in surprise. We might have been a small shop, but our creations were handmade, and the price reflected that. “Hefty prices, don’t you think?”
I wasn’t in the mood for her bullshit today . . . or any other day. I bet she never complained about the price of her cigarettes or price of the fifth I was sure was in her purse.
“Why did you tell Ridley where I was? I said I never wanted to see him again.” Two more customers walked in, both browsing the displays by the window and glancing in my mother’s and my direction a time or two.
She sighed as if it should have been obvious. “You dated him for years, Aubrey Grace. I think he has the right to explain if needed.”
Calling me by my middle name?
Jesus. She really was trying to piss me off.
“No,” I reminded her, “he doesn’t. He cheated on me the entire time we were dating.”
My remark didn’t even phase her. Nothing. Not even a shocked expression.
“And how long have you known your new guy?” she countered, tight-lipped. “How do you know he’s not doing the same?”
I gave her a look that called bullshit on her claim once again. She’d seen that look often growing up. It pissed me off that she’d even propose that with Jace.
Despite any problems we might be having, Jace was a good guy and so much more of a man than Ridley ever would be.
We might have been a little lost, caught up in real-life crap, but I knew he would never cheat on me. That wasn’t his style at all.
Five minutes into this conversation, and just like every other time we spoke, I wanted to rip my hair out talking to her. “I need to get back to work,” I finally said when I knew the conversation was going nowhere.
Before I could turn around, she breathed a heavy sigh. “I’ll be in town a few days. Can I see you and Lauren? Maybe go to dinner?”
Lauren would be the more willing of the two of us to meet with Georgia, but me? No. I wasn’t exactly willing, and I knew Jace wouldn’t be, either.
He’d shit a brick when I told him.
Swallowing, I shook my head. “I’ll think about it.”
“Thanks.” Her words seemed sincere, but I knew better. I felt close to tears, and my heart revving up, knowing she was trying to get a rise out of me. This was what she did. Try to be nice, and then when she gets what she wants, she’s gone, leaving you wondering. “I’ll call you in a couple days.”
Bitch
.
When she left, Shanna was busy filling orders in the back, so I tended to the register. When there weren’t any customers, I righted displays and watched the fire trucks as they pulled in and out, sirens and lights blazing and then silent upon their return.
Brooke stopped by and said she’d just stopped by the firehouse, and was now on her way to get Amelia from school but wanted to check on me. “What happened last night? I thought you guys went out?”
My head throbbed just thinking about it. “Yeah, first Ridley stopped by, and then my mom called. I didn’t tell him right away, so he was pissed.”
“It’s just like him to be like that.” Brooke laughed, a light chuckle. “He doesn’t like to
not
know things.”
That I knew. From the time I’d met Jace until now, I knew that. As did Brooke.
“Do you and Logan ever fight?” I asked with an exasperated sigh. There’s nothing worse than thinking you’re alone, and right then, I felt like the only person with problems.
Why is it that you feel slightly better when you know someone else has, or is, going through what you are?
“Yeah.” Brooke shrugged, the motion endearing, as if she didn’t like to discuss their problems, if they had any. “Not heated arguments, but we don’t always get along. We fight just like every other couple out there.”
It was hard to imagine that they did, but again, to say people never fight is unrealistic in terms of what life really is. No one has the perfect relationship, and no one is perfect themselves. We lie, cheat, steal, beg, sin, whatever you want to call our fault, we all have them. They just present themselves in different ways.
Now look at me — was I trying to convince myself that nobody was perfect to make my own life seem better?
Maybe a little.
Before Jace, I had never felt that kind of fire or love. Never. I often wondered if it even existed and, more so, if I would ever find it.
Before Jace, my experience had only been Ridley.
Jace was the more experienced of the two of us, having been in a couple of relationships. Both ended badly.
That got me thinking — would that be us eventually?
Look at me. I’ve completely lost myself.
“Did any of the night go okay?” Brooke asked, taking me from those thoughts and throwing me into a whole new set.
Flashes of that night came back. The way he undressed me with his eyes at dinner. The subtle touches at dinner, and the way he took what he wanted in his truck.
I also thought about his glare when my mom called, how quickly his mood changed, and the emptiness between us that night.
When Brooke was in the shop, she couldn’t help but assist us. Creative by nature, she designed most of our flyers and special order forms. Picture rustic primitive designs with dark browns, reds, creams, and blues. We had a little bit of a country American theme.
As I watched her, I wondered if she ever felt like this. So lost. “Do you ever wake up and wonder how your life got like this?”
Brooke looked at me, her perfect button nose wrinkled at the bridge. “No.”
Sometimes it was hard to talk to Brook about this crap. I knew she understood to an extent and did her best to empathize with me, but she really didn’t understand.
Logan could be a foul-mouthed wise-cracking guy at the station, but he wasn’t like that around Brooke for the most part.
“I know you think my life is perfect, and I don’t understand why.” Brooke gave me a side-eyed glance.
Okay
.
Apparently she’s as perceptive as Jace. “I haven’t . . . let’s just say I’m more of the type of person who looks for the silver lining.”
I laughed. “We saw that movie last night.”
Shanna walked up front from the back room as a giggle escaped Brooke, her hand covering her mouth to capture it. “I know. The guys were giving Jace crap about it.”
“Wasn’t his choice.” Moving from the round table display in the center of our large shop, I added, “I tried to get him to see
Breaking Dawn
with me, but he said no.”
“I wanted Rusty to see that tomorrow, but he said no, too.” Shanna pushed herself up on the counter, a package of scented pine cones in her hands. Lifting them to her nose, she took in a deep breath.
“These were an accident and would probably catch your home on fire, but they smell amazing.”
“Why would they catch on fire?” Brooke leaned forward and smelled the pine cones.
“When I made them, I spilled acetone on them.”
“So?” As I said, I was no master at making candles or scented pine cones. I wouldn’t know if they were flammable or not.
“It’s flammable.” Shanna blinked slowly, as if I should know this.
“Sell them to a firefighter,” Brooke said. “I know a few.”
“Was that really your mother?” Shanna asked, setting the flammable pine cones behind the counter so they wouldn’t be accidentally sold. “You’re attracting all kinds of visitors these days.”
Brooke took them back. “I’m going to need those. They smell amazing.”
“Yes . . . that was my mom.” The reminder got me thinking about her, so I sent a text to Jace. God forbid I not tell him. He acted like I wasn’t going to tell him, but in reality, he’s not the most approachable kind of guy.
My mom’s in town. She wants Lauren and me to go to dinner with her.
Nice
.
That was his immediate response. And nothing else.
I always hated his text responses and usually read too much into them. To be fair, “nice” could be taken many different ways. After last night, I was taking it one way.
Annoyance.
I showed the girls and they sighed, knowing him and his reactions.
Right about the time we were getting ready to do a little work, Lauren stopped by and sidetracked us all. “All my bitches in one room!”
We laughed when she bumped into the door and knocked it into the display next to her.
Judie had graciously let Gavin spend the night with her and my little brats last night. Gavin couldn’t rely on either set of his maternal grandparents but the Ryan’s had taken on him, and my sister, like they were part of the family.
“So how was Hamilton Viewpoint?”
My eyes just about popped out of my head. I hadn’t told Lauren or anyone else about what Jace and did the night before. “How’d you know about that?”
Her phone was shoved in my face. “Your boy texted me. Oh, and by the way, he has your kids now, so don’t go looking for them.”
Actually, Judie had called and told me Jace picked them up, so I did know that.
Most of Jace’s and Lauren’s text messages were dumb and made no sense to anyone but them, with teasing and crude remarks back and forth.
Did you treat my sister like a lady last night?
He replied with,
Fucked her in my truck at Hamilton Viewpoint. Lady enough for you? Probably, huh?
Dick
.
“Oh, my God, Lauren, he
texted
that to you?” I knew those two got a little crazy with their texting, but sheesh, talk about crude.
“Yep.”
I heard Brooke gasp beside me and Shanna laugh.
My eyes caught their last text messages after Lauren’s “dick” text.
Axe has your panties in his locker. Classy, Lauren. Real classy.
And then another one right after that.
Lauren, he’s dirty. I’d go to Planned Parenthood. TODAY.
“You were with Axe last night?” Again, there went my eye sockets.
“I wouldn’t say that I was
with
him. But he has my panties.”
“Why did he take your underwear?” Shanna was trying to keep up with the conversation and asking random questions ever so often, like now.
“It’s a long story, but we went out to a club. He had my underwear in the pocket of his jeans. I forgot about them.”
“I don’t know about you,” Shanna added, “but I always remember when I’m not wearing underwear.”