Somewhere Between Black and White (11 page)

“
And
. . . .” Ruby held up her
index finger to make her next point. “The
really
great thing is that our
bodies don’t know the difference between real laughter and forced laughter.”

Sophie began to wonder how this was going
to work. Was each of them expected to get up in the middle of the circle and
try to make everyone laugh? 

“So the key is to let yourself go and
just have some fun,” Ruby said. “One last thing, throughout the class, we will
repeat a little mantra. We put our thumbs up and say, ‘Very good!  Very good!’
Then we raise our hands in the air and go,
Yayyyyyy!
” She waved her
hands.

Seriously?
Sophie turned to Evie
in horror and mouthed,
I am so sorry!
Evie bit her lip. Sophie turned to
Sam on her other side and leaned into him. “I’m trying not to laugh already,”
she muttered.

He smirked while staring straight ahead.
“That’s the whole idea.”

The class started, and they worked through
various little exercises. One of them consisted of seeing how long they could all
laugh forcefully. Sophie had to admit the laughter was contagious, especially
listening to Aunt Ruby. She had such an infectious giggle, and before Sophie
knew it, she was genuinely laughing. She observed the faces around the room and
gave her attention to an old man who was clearly having difficulty, which was
funny in itself. His forced laughter was almost a grimace, maybe even a muscle
spasm.

Next, Aunt Ruby had them raise a hand
and spread their fingers far apart. This was going to be an exercise that
required them to pretend being on a roller coaster. The index finger of the
other hand would be the cart, rising and falling along the finger “hills”. Whenever
the “cart” went up a hill, they would all breathe, “Ahhhh . . .” with their
voices rising in anticipation. And when the “cart” plunged from its summit,
they would squeal, “Wheeeee!” as if speeding down the track.

Sophie’s hands were in the ready
position when she turned to Sam again. “We are not
really
going to do
this, are we?”

“C’mon. You claim to love roller
coasters.”

She played along, feeling like an
absolute fool, thankful that none of her students could see her. Then she
noticed the three teenagers sitting across the room, really enjoying themselves. 
If anything, she would have guessed kids their age would think themselves too
cool to partake in such silliness.

On and on they played like children. During
the next activity, they pretended to talk on the phone, hearing something
hilarious on the other end of the line. They walked around the room, holding
out their imaginary phones to one another as if to share the joke, laughing at
each other’s stories. Sophie caught Evelyn paired up with muscle spasm man, and
she was laughing so hard there were tears in her eyes—at what she did not know.
The man still didn’t look like he was having such a great time.

In another part of the room, a tiny old
Hispanic woman handed her invisible phone to Sam. The phone must have been
microscopic because she presented it with two fingers rather than her entire
hand. Sam accepted the phone in the same manner, with two fingers, held it to
his ear and said, “Qe pasa?” Then he busted out laughing as if he had just been
told the raunchiest joke he’d ever heard.

Sophie turned around as the teenage boy brought
his phone to her ear. “Dude! You gotta hear this!” He held his chest,
pretending to catch his breath. She leaned her ear toward his hand, when again
came Sam’s uproarious howling.

That was it. She could no longer
maintain her composure and began giggling uncontrollably at the ridiculousness
of this whole scene. Evie and Sam were standing opposite each other, and Evie
was doubled over with laughter. Between Evie and herself, Evie had always been
the more reserved, but she was really letting loose. Her mascara had even
smeared at the corner of her eyes. Poor thing. She really needed this, more
than Sophie would have guessed.

By now, the room could have easily been
a rain forest, it had become so sticky. However, Sophie could not stop laughing
in the midst of the muggy chaos. She pulled her shirt away from her body,
waving it back and forth in an attempt to dilute the humidity. Soon her stomach
muscles ached from her laughter, and she was rapidly overheating, in need of a cool
shower.

Sam caught her eye from across the room,
and they watched Evie laugh her little heart out. He gave Sophie a wink. She wrapped
her arms around herself before bringing her hand to her mouth, trying to subdue
her amusement, and silently thanked him.

This day had been a lovely gift. Given
by him. It made her wonder how many days like this she had overlooked in the
past. Since he entered her life, she had acquired this new awareness of such
moments that before had gone unnoticed, taken for granted.

The crowd of people, the commotion
around her, fell away. This could be it; she may have finally struck it rich.
What did she see in his face that made her feel as if she were the only girl on
the planet?

His expression softened as he smiled at
her warmly. She marveled at those genuine, thoughtful eyes that conveyed affection
so sincere, so selfless, she was overwhelmed with a gratitude she never thought
possible. Her heart beat evenly, peacefully, strangely locked away from any
fear she had ever possessed.

Fourteen

The morning after laughter yoga, Sophie
got up feeling more rested than she had been in a long time. Normally, she woke
several times during the night. Last night she didn’t recall a thing after her
head hit the pillow. If only she could laugh like that every day—imagine the
sleep she could get.

When she called Sam to talk about where
they would have lunch that day, there was despondence in his voice, something
she was not used to.

“Is everything okay?”

“No, it’s not,” he said. “We’re gonna
have to cancel lunch.” The emotion in his words scared her. Maybe his mom had
taken a turn.

“What’s wrong, Sam?”

“I gotta take Abby to the vet. It’s
time.”

“Oh, no. You’re sure?”

“She’s in bad shape, Soph. I can’t watch
her like this.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“You don’t have to do that. It’ll be
fine.”

“Well, I want to,” she said, choking up.
“I want to say goodbye, too.”

“Are you sure?” he asked doubtfully. “I
don’t want you to have to go through that again.”

“I’m
coming to pick you up.”

They drove in silence. Sam sat in the
passenger’s seat, holding the Whippet-sized mutt in his arms while stroking her
fur. Sophie wondered if Abby was in any pain; she didn’t whine or complain,
although animals seldom did when they were sick.

Stupid pets!
Why couldn’t they ever go in their sleep like they were supposed to?

“This isn’t necessary, you know,” Sam
said. “I knew it was coming. It’s not like it’s a real shocker.”

“I don’t care. You are not doing this by
yourself.” Sophie had asked her mom to come with her when it was time to put
Heidi down.

When they stepped inside the
veterinarian’s office, there was a burly man already seated, wearing a baseball
cap and Cubs sweatshirt, waiting with a young boy. The man held the leash to
their Chihuahua, who shook convulsively when Sam and Sophie entered. It was
always funny seeing a large man with such a dainty breed.

“What’s wrong with that dog, Dad?” the
boy asked when he noticed Abby.

The man cast Sam a look of empathy. “He
probably needs some medicine, buddy.”

“Can I pet him?”

“Nah, I think you oughta let him be. Why
don’t you hold Rambo while we wait?” 

Rambo. What an appropriate name for a
dog that quivers like a Mexican jumping bean
, Sophie
thought.

An assistant dressed in Scooby Doo
scrubs came out from behind the front desk. “Hello, Mr. Collins,” said the middle-aged
woman; they were already expecting him. “Hello, Abby girl.” She rubbed Abby’s
face. “Will your friend be coming back, too?” she asked Sam.

“I don’t know. It’s up to her.”

It hit Sophie that perhaps Sam wanted to
do this alone, and he didn’t want to hurt her feelings by telling her so. She
had assumed that because she would want someone with her, he would, too. “I
didn’t even make sure you were okay with me coming. Whatever you want.”

“Sophie, I’m good either way. If I
wanted to be alone, I’d tell you. Really.”

“Then I want to come with you.”

The assistant led them into an exam
room, and Sam laid Abby on the table while Sophie took a seat in the corner.
“Right now, I’m just giving Abby an injection to relax her, then I’ll take her
in the back. We’ll put in a catheter, which we’ll use to administer the drug,” she
explained. “I’ll bring her back in and give you a few moments to say good-bye,
then the doctor will come in and give her a sedative, and finally the
euthanasia solution.”

“Got it.” Sam swiped the corner of his
eye.

She put her hand on his shoulder. “It’s
peaceful and it’s painless. She won’t feel a thing.” He nodded as she gently
lifted Abby from the table. He opened the door leading to the back room, then
closed it behind her.

Sophie wasn’t sure what to do. She
wanted to comfort him, but worried about making things worse. He lingered at
the door, his head lowered. His clenched hand briefly pressed to his brow
before he turned to her. With a forced smile, he shoved his hands in his
pockets. She wasn’t going to ask him how he was doing, or if he was okay; that
would be an ignorant question. Of course he wasn’t okay. When he took the seat
beside her, she just held his hand.

They sat quietly for a while, then he
kissed her hand before taking it in both of his, holding it in his lap. “It’s
all good,” he finally said. “She’s been a great friend.” 

Another employee came in, accompanying
the assistant, and laid a fluffy blanket on the floor without saying a word.
Abby was placed on the blanket. “Okay, we’ll give you a few minutes.”

Sam and Sophie took a seat on the floor
next to her as she lay on her side. She already seemed much sleepier, but her
eyes were still open. Her fur was coarse under Sophie’s fingertips, her ribs
protruding. She hadn’t been eating much and the weight had fallen from her.

Sophie wondered what was going through
Sam’s mind as he gazed down at Abby, his hand resting on her face. Sophie bowed
her head, covertly glancing up at him. It was less an attempt to spy on him
than an effort to keep from tearing up; she couldn’t bear to stay fixated on
Abby. He smiled wistfully, seemingly unaware that Sophie was still in the room.
“It’s okay, girl. I won’t forget you.”

As Sophie watched him, an image flashed
of a man playing in the grass with the dog that had been with her in the barn.
The Australian Shepherd ran circles round him, and the man had his arms out, as
if about to tackle her. Sophie couldn’t make out his features, but she knew it
was the same person who had been working on the tractor. He turned.

It was Sam. He had a different face, but
it was Sam.

She
drew in a quick breath. Sam looked up, about to ask what was wrong, when the veterinarian
entered with the syringes. “Hello, Mr. Collins,” he said gently. “Are we
ready?”

After a solemn drive home, Sophie
followed Sam to his front door. She decided to tell him about her strange
daydreams, but it could wait until another time. “Do you want to call it a day?
You’re probably not in the mood for company.”

He unlocked the door, before turning to
give her a short kiss. “I’m fine. I want you to stay.” Ushering her inside, he
plopped himself down on the couch, playfully motioning for her to join him. He
really did seem all right, but she wasn’t sure if he was putting up a front. 

For a moment, his gaze lingered on
Abby’s bed that sat in the corner of the room. He cleared his throat.

“You probably think I’m avoiding things
too much,” he said. “Honestly, I have to say it’s a relief. Each day I kept
hoping she would go on her own. She’s not in any more pain, and I’m more than
good with that.” 

Participate joyfully in the sorrows of
the world
. He really was capable of walking the walk, at
least in this instance. There were a lot worse things in this world than losing
your pup, but when you’ve had a pet for that long, it’s still tough. When
Sophie had to let Heidi go, she brooded for a week.

“Thank you for coming with me,” he said.

“Thank
you
again for bringing me
and Evie to that class. It was surprisingly beneficial. Just what she needed.”

“I don’t know. You’ve seemed a little
stressed yourself lately. Thought maybe you could use it, too.”

“I’ve been griping about the kids too
much, haven’t I?” she asked. “I’m sorry.”

“Lose the apology, would ya?” 

Oh, he had to go and look at her in that
sweet, honest way that made her organs dissolve. “You know, I’m really about
ready to find something wrong with you! It’s worrying me, like I’m going to
find out you have five wives, or you’re a serial killer or something.”