Somewhere Only We Know ....... (16 page)

But he
didn
’
t come.

I called in
sick the next morning. For the next 7 days I
didn
’
t leave the house. My
Granny came every day, she would bring us
shepherd
’
s pies and roast
dinners, already plated up and just ready to reheat. She sat with
me while I dozed on the settee, exhausted by the whole nightmare.
She picked up any odd and ends I needed. She kept my confidence and
she loved me. My Granny was everything I needed.

Karen rang,
she wasn
’
t believing
anything I tried to tell her about being poorly and when she tuned
up on my doorstep a few hours after the phone call I
wasn
’
t surprised. She
brought Charlotte with her and Thomas and Bethany were delighted to
have a playmate, I think they were going as stir crazy as I was.
Karen took one look at me and went upstairs to run me a bath. It
was all deep and full of bubbles and she said she
didn
’
t want to see me for at
least half an

hour. When I went back downstairs, she had
tidied around, had the big bag of mega bricks out for the kids who
were all happily playing in the middle of the living room floor and
she had a cup of coffee ready for me.

We stood in
the kitchen and I told her everything that had happened. At first
she was furious that I hadn
’
t called the police, then she was furious I
hadn
’
t called her but as her
anger dampened down she understood. She understood why I
didn
’
t want all my dirty
washing paraded around the village for all to see. She understood
that I couldn
’
t do it to
Thomas and Bethany, what good would it have done them. I had been
brought up in this village a bastard and it had never been
forgotten. If their dad was a convicted rapist then this too would
follow the kids around and they would never be allowed to forget
it.

Karen asked
if she could borrow the phone. I heard her talking in the living
room but couldn
’
t make out
what she was saying. Returning to the kitchen she said Dave would
be along in ten minutes.

A look of
panic must have crossed my face because she said
“
Caroline its fine, you
don
’
t have to see him,
he
’
ll be here 10 minutes and
then I
’
ll chase him, you
don
’
t even need to see
him.
”

When his car
pulled up a few minutes later she chased me upstairs. I tidied
around the bedroom and when she called me downstairs quarter of an
hour or so later, I burst into tears. Dave had installed a portable
telly. It was much nicer than the one I had and there was also a
video player and a hi-fi. I cuddled Karen, it was just so
thoughtful. There was also a spare phone which she insisted I
plugged into the bedroom extension so we
didn
’
t have to sleep on the
settee.

I clung to
Karen when she was leaving. I thanked her for being so thoughtful.
She laughed and said that if I was going to be holed in for the
next week or so the least she could do was provide me and the kids
some entertainment. But she made me promise that if I needed her I
would call and that included any signs of Keith.

The telly
made things so much more bearable that week, but the days still
dragged on. I was so used to rushing here and there I struggled not
doing much. I needed the healing time though and as the days wore
on I started to think about the future. I knew that this house was
only temporary so once I was feeling better I would sit down and
work out my options. I decided I
wouldn
’
t go far, my family
were here and my child-minder and it
wasn
’
t far to
work.

A knock on
the door on the Thursday night sent me into a frenzy. I sat still
not knowing whether to answer it or not. When my name was shouted
through the letter box I visibly relaxed, it
wasn
’
t Keith. But it was
Michael. Still I sat,
“
Caroline open the door, tall dark handsome stranger on your
doorstep
”
. I laughed, maybe
for the first time that week I laughed properly.
“
Here goes
”
I thought to myself.

Opening the
door, Michael stood rooted. My face
wasn
’
t half as bad as it
was, but it still wasn
’
t
pretty.
“
Come on in
then
”
, I smiled at
him.

He followed
me into the kitchen and as an automatic gesture when people called,
I switched the kettle on.
“
What the fuck Caz, this is why you
aren
’
t at work! That bastard
did this to you didn
’
t
he?
”
“
Yes,
Michael he did, but I can
’
t
talk about it, I need to forget
”
.

“
No problem,
I understand
”
he said. But I
didn
’
t think he did, this
was way beyond anything he could handle.
“
What
’
s your
poison??
”
“
I
don
’
t fancy a drink Michael,
sorry but you have something, I think
there
’
s some lager in the
fridge
”
.
“
Chinese, Indians, good old fish
and chips?
”
he said. I
laughed.
“
A madras would be
good
”
I replied.

We sat in the dining room eating our
Indians. The conversation was light, work, his nights out and the
kids. It was nice to switch off.

When he was
leaving he kissed me gently on the lips. I smiled up at him and
told him to take good care of himself.
“
You are still number 1, and out of
the hundreds that is quite a trophy
”
.
“
Thank you so
much, I take it as a great compliment.
”
and I did.

When he left
I knew that we were over. He knew what had happened to me, he
watched me wince as I sat down on the hard dining room chair. He
knew and I didn
’
t blame him
for opting out. I really liked him and would miss him. I had left
Keith because of him. Not for him, that was never going to happen,
I had always known that, but because of him. Because he made me
feel wanted and cherished. He restored my faith in men a bit,
showed me what a normal relationship could be like and for that he
would always have a place in my heart.

The other
unlikely visitors I got that week were my mam and dad. I had rang
them at the beginning of the week and told them I
wasn
’
t feeling too good.
When on the Friday teatime they were at my door I had no choice but
to let them in. My mam was crying as she came through the door and
I looked at her puzzled. They sat in the living room playing with
Thomas and Bethany while I did the customary coffee.

“
Your dad
has been talking to Keith
”
my mam said as I carried the coffee into the living
room.
“
He bumped into him in
the paper shop and invited him for tea last night. Why
didn
’
t you ring us
Caroline?
”
.
“
I
don
’
t understand mam, what
do you mean?
”

“
Well, when
Keith came last night, I think that he thought that you had told us
what had happened. After he had had a few drinks he started saying
sorry. I was in the kitchen washing up but when I went back in
Keith was working himself into a state and your dad was sitting not
knowing what was going on. Anyway to cut a long story short, he
told us what he had done to you last weekend. Well not just last
weekend, for the majority of your marriage. Why
didn
’
t you tell us Caroline,
were we that hard to talk to? All this time and you
couldn
’
t say, you even let
us fall out with you because you left him. I
don
’
t understand you
Caroline, why would you let us have sympathy for Keith when all the
time it was him being the bastard.
”

My dad had
been quiet up until then.
“
Look at the state of you sweetheart, how could he do this
to you. When he started last night I was going to ring the police,
in fact no I didn
’
t want to
ring the police I wanted to beat him to a pulp. I
can
’
t forgive myself for
this Caroline. I am sorry
”
.

“
It
doesn
’
t matter. I
couldn
’
t say anything
because I was so ashamed of myself. I thought I had done something
to deserve it. I know I shouldn
’
t have got involved with Michael but he was a way out and
no before you ask I
’
m not
with him now. There is just me and the kids and
that
’
s the way I want it to
stay, I need to be on my own for a while. I need time to heal
myself
”
.

My mam came
over and wrapped me in her arms. I stiffened, this
hadn
’
t happened very often.
And all of a sudden I felt tired. Bone weary.
“
Come home with us for a couple of
days, let us look after you and the kids.
”
my dad said.

“
Your Granny
knows doesn
’
t
she?
”
my mam went on before
I had chance to answer my dad.
“
Yes mam she does, I didn
’
t know who else to call and she has been so
good
”
.
“
I thought she did, I caught her
buying cigarettes the other day, I
didn
’
t say anything but she
couldn
’
t get them stuffed in
the pocket quick enough
”
my
mam laughed.
“
Well she
didn
’
t say anything to us,
even though it must have been killing her. I tell you what
we
’
ll do. You go and get
some stuff packed for you and the kids, me and your dad will go and
call and see your Granny and then
we
’
ll pick you back up in an
hour or so. Please Caroline let us do this for
you!!!
”
“
Okay
mam, thank you.
”

So for the next 7 or 8 days I stayed at my
mam and dads. They fussed and loved me and the kids. My Granny
called often and it was lovely to sit around the dining table and
have family meals. I slept soundly knowing that I was safe and that
if Thomas or Bethany woke they would be cared for.

I went to
the doctors on my mam
’
s
insistence and got a sick note. When at the end of the
2
^nd
week my cuts and bruises still
hadn
’
t faded enough, I
decided that I had better have another week. The doctor
didn
’
t ask any questions,
but asked if I would like to see a counsellor or have a course of
anti-depressants, I refused both but promised I would return if I
thought I wasn
’
t handling
things well.

I returned home and enjoyed the time I had
with the kids. We played in the garden and had little picnics.
Karen called and Michael rang but there was no sign of Keith.

Going back to work, it felt strange because
my friend Jenny had left on maternity leave whilst I had been off
and I got a bigger shock when Michael came into my office and said
that he was leaving for a better job in Newcastle. I would miss
him, but it was probably for the best, we had had some fun times
but I think he was probably more fond of me than he let on. When he
left the following week I had a little cry.

After the
presentation of his leaving present he had gone around the room and
kissed and cuddled everyone, when he got to me he clung on tight
and whispered in my ear
“
you
will always be number 1 Caroline, no one will ever top you and
don
‘
t forget we have to stay
in touch, I
’
ve still got
Moby Fish and he belongs to both of us”
.
I laughed but I decided I would give his leaving
do a miss.