Song of the Surf (Pacific Shores Book 3) (20 page)

Two hands softly gripped her shoulders.

Dakota dared to look. There was so much understanding and compassion in Mrs. Murton’s soft blue eyes that she took a breath.

“I’m sorry you lost Jason so young. But really, moving on is healthy. Good. What God – and Jason – would want you to do.”

Dakota shook her head. “Mrs. Murton, there’s something—”

“—Gladys, please!” The woman squeezed her shoulders again.

“Gladys…” Dakota licked away the dryness on her lips. There was nothing for it but to just say it. “Jason’s death was my fault.” Like a tight band had just been unbuckled from around her chest, Dakota felt release.

Mrs. Murton blinked. “No, dear!”

“Yes,” Dakota whispered. “I talked him into that ride that day.”

Her expression softening, Mrs. Murton tipped her head to one side. “Is that why you’ve been so tense around me for all these years? We used to have such an easy relationship.”

Dakota swallowed and nodded.

The old wrinkled hands slid from her shoulders to her cheeks. “Darling, you were a young girl in love with my grandboy.” Her voice choked, but she recovered quickly. “You may have done the asking, and while the choice you both made to get on that bike that day was unwise, I don’t blame you any more than I blame him for giving in to you when he knew he shouldn’t. Or poor Nate Saunders who was in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“Still…” Tears filled Dakota’s eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

“Oh, darlin’.” Mrs. Murton pulled her head onto her shoulder and stroked her hair. “I’ve known the whole story for years.”

Dakota lifted her head. “You’ve known?”

Mrs. Murton nodded. “Your mother told us while you were still in the hospital. I should have known that’s what’s been bothering you. I’m so sorry we didn’t talk about this sooner. I forgave you a long time ago, and now you need to forgive yourself.”

“I just don’t know if I will ever be able to forget. That memory’s ingrained so deep it’s become a part of me.”

“Forgiveness isn’t about forgetting, dear. Sometimes one of the hardest things God asks us to do is to live with the consequences of choices and at the same time offer forgiveness – especially to ourselves. But that doesn’t mean we forget. It means we choose grace, and mercy, and to offer second chances, because after all, where would any of us be if God didn’t give us that first second chance, and that second second chance, and the third, and on and on?”

Dakota nodded and dabbed at the moisture in the corners of her eyes.

Mrs. Murton turned Dakota by her shoulders to face the ocean. “Look at all that water. Could you move it?”

A frown furrowing her brow, Dakota shook her head.

“Of course not. Where would you put it? Now study the waves, and you try and figure out a way to make them stop. What could you do to prevent that next swell from rolling in?”

Dakota pictured herself wading in and trying to keep the waves from hitting the beach. The image almost made her smile. She wasn’t quite sure where they were going with this but decided she’d play along. “Nothing.”

“Now shut your eyes and listen.” Mrs. Murton closed her own and tipped her head back. The wind played with her gray curls on her forehead that had escaped the red scarf.

Dakota watched her for a second more and then closed her own eyes. Far above them one gull called to another. Her feet crunched in the sand as she found her balance. And behind them the beach grass whispered together. But the biggest sound was the
shush
ing of wave after wave crashing onto the shore.

“Oh Dakota dear, there’s a song the surf sings. It’s constant. Ever moving. Pounding. Relentless.”

Eyes still closed, the older woman fumbled for one of Dakota’s hands until she pulled it out of her pocket and wrapped the bony, cold fingers in the warmth of her own.

Mrs. Murton continued. “It’s a song of grace and mercy, because the ocean is exactly what God’s grace and mercy are like for us imperfect people. Always there. Unmovable. Unstoppable. A constant noise begging for our attention, but so repetitive and invariable that it’s easy to overlook.” Opening her eyes, the woman cast around on the sand before her and then bent and picked up a shiny pink and white pebble. “It’s ready to clean and polish and heal. It rubs us up against others to remove some of the roughness of this abrasive world. Takes off all the rough edges and polishes us up.”

She returned her attention to the waves and directed Dakota to do the same with one crooked finger. “All we’d have to do is wade in to revel in the power of it. Forgiveness is grace. Forgiveness is mercy. But it’s never forgetting. Because it is in the
remembering
that we learn how to make better choices and decisions the next time.”

If she had felt like a band had been released from around her chest earlier, now she felt like ten thousand of them had been loosed. She wanted to laugh and cry all at the same time. Grace. Mercy. Forgiveness. The song of the surf. Dakota offered a knowing smile through her tears. “Thank you.”

Mrs. Murton squeezed her hand. “Now.” She tipped her head toward Justus sitting on a driftwood log down the beach. “You go down there and you tell that young man that if he breaks your heart Spartacus and I will be coming after him.”

Dakota laughed. “I’m sure he’ll be terrified.”

Two grey eyebrows arched. “He ought to be.”

“Thank you, Gladys.”

Mrs. Murton gave her cheek one more pat. “Go on now.” She turned and resumed her trek in the opposite direction from Justus.

Dakota headed over and sank down next to him, tucking her hands into the pockets of her coat to keep them warm.

He cocked one brow. “Feeling better?”

She nodded, even at that moment realizing how much better she really did feel. Her hair blew into her eyes and she reached one hand up to swipe it away. “She said for me to tell you if you broke my heart she and Spartacus would be coming for you.”

He laughed outright and shuddered exaggeratedly. “A threat I would never take lightly.” His expression turned serious as he studied her.

She bit her lip and reminded herself to breathe.

He broke eye contact and rubbed his palms together. “What did the pastor have to say this morning?”

She sighed and filled him in about LoriMay, and Riley’s desire to buy the house from the church.

“She has that kind of money?”

Dakota shrugged. “Apparently.”

“I wonder why she didn’t just get a place of her own rather than applying to live at House of Hope after…” He let the words that didn’t need to be said trail away.

Dakota watched a seagull dart across the sand and considered. “She mentioned that she was in a daze and with Marie and I both urging her to come live at House of Hope, that seemed like the easiest solution at that moment. She needed the companionship and understanding and a place to just land where she didn’t have any responsibilities for a while. She’s been through a lot and has just been in survival mode. I hardly heard more than two words out of her the whole first week she moved in. I’m so glad God brought her to us.”

“It still hasn’t been that long. Do you think she’s going to be okay?”

“Riley is one of the strongest people I know. Especially now that she’s surrendered to God, I think she’s going to make it. But I still worry about her.”

He leaned his elbows onto his knees and looked over at her. “So what will you do now?”

She hunched her shoulders again. “Not sure. Look for a job, I guess. I’ve heard the high school is looking for a guidance counselor. And there’s always the option to be a grocery bagger down at Thrift and Save.” She grinned.

Instead of laughing with her as she’d expected him to, he reached for a stick in the sand by his feet and broke it methodically into small pieces as he studied the horizon before them.

He looked so serious. Like the weight of the world rested on him. She wanted to ease at least one part of that. She pulled one hand from her pocket and rested it on his forearm. Then slid her fingers over the cool black leather sleeve of his jacket until she found the warmth of his palm.

He stilled and returned his attention to her.

“Justus, I’m sorry. I should have just asked for your story the other night. I hope you can forgive me for doubting you. I grew up pretty sheltered. Learning to relate to people who have lived a…rough life can be a little daunting.”

He turned his hand palm up, and slid his fingers between her own, then rested his other hand on top, cocooning her fingers in warmth. “How much did you hear the other day in the hospital?”

She tightened her fingers gently around his. “Enough to know that you’ve always had a good heart.”

A muscle bunched in his jaw. “I’m not entirely sure that’s true. Only knowing God can make a heart good.”

Tilting her head, she said, “Okay then, enough to know that I didn’t need to fear going on a date with you. Enough to be thankful that God gives us all second chances.” She closed her eyes. “Mrs. Murton was just reminding me about that.”

“Dakota…” He dropped his head down and gripped the muscles at the back of his neck. Pain etched his features when he angled a look up at her. “I’m going to be honest…I’m not sure this”—he swung a finger from himself to her and back again—“can go anywhere. I probably shouldn’t have…” He pulled in a breath and studied a cloud floating above them. “The situation with Treyvon took a lot out of me. Sapped my energy for ministry. I was weary and considering quitting my work at Deschutes Rejuvenation and maybe moving here. But…” He shook his head. “God’s not going to let me do that yet. Dealing with Remington Ross the other day reminded me of why I do what I do. I have to go back.”

Pain lodged like a solid fist just under her ribs. “I see.”

She couldn’t bring herself to let go of his hand. And he didn’t let go either.

“So…” She let her thumb trace over the rough skin of his knuckle. “When do you go home?”

Wind lashed down the beach, sending sand skittering before it. Dakota angled her back and curled her shoulders against the force of it.

“Come here.” Justus opened one flap of his jacket and leaned close, wrapping her inside the extra layer of warmth.

Every cell of her body sang with awareness of his nearness as she slid her casted arm behind him; between the warmth of him and the black leather. Her other hand fell to rest just over the rapid beating of his heart. The length of his leg pressed against hers, and his arms clasped together behind her back.

She tilted her head up and looked at him. Blond stubble coated his firm jaw, melding into sideburns that in turn melded into golden wind-whipped curls. A tiny scar angled across his right temple. Blond eyebrows hung low over blue eyes that had almost silver accents.

Those eyes in turn were studying her. His gaze swept over her forehead where her stitches had mostly dissolved away, met her own briefly and then dipped down to pause on her mouth.

She swallowed and licked her lips. He hadn’t answered her question. But she suddenly didn’t care if he was leaving within the hour – there was no thought for all the complications it would raise if they let this go further…she just wanted him to kiss her, with every fiber of her being.

She curled her fingers into the front of his shirt and tugged gently, tipping her face toward his.

“Dakota,” the word was a gravelly whisper as he brought one hand to her face to stop her. His thumb caressed her lower lip and he looked deep into her eyes. “It might be better for both of us if we stop this before it starts.”

She kissed his thumb, she couldn’t help herself. Her own words emerged low and raspy. “Once I decide I want something, I’m pretty hard to deter. I’m also pretty good at long distance relationships.” Her lips trailed to his palm and she dropped another kiss there.

His eyes fell closed and he swallowed visibly. “I might be really bad at them though.”

She quirked an eyebrow and teased him with a kiss to his jaw line. “Then it will be a good thing you’ll be far away, because I won’t be able to kill you.” His stubble prickled her lips and tantalized her with the hunger for more.

A chuckle rumbled from his chest and, as she leaned forward to drop another kiss along his jaw, he turned his head and pressed his lips to hers.

Perfect bliss. That was the only way she could think to describe what she was feeling just then.

His lips were smooth and soft. And the kiss was only the softest of caresses before he pulled back. His thumb stroked over her cheek, and his gaze roamed her face. Then his focus dropped to her mouth and a low sound escaped his throat. Swiftly, he captured her lips with his own, fully, firmly, flagrantly.

She could feel the steady beat of his heart beneath her fingers. Hear his rapid breathing. Taste the yearning for this never to end that hung between them.

But it did end. Because all too soon he eased back and pressed his forehead to hers. She gulped for air and he did the same. A tremor shivered through her. “Justus—” She inched away far enough to ensure she could get a good look into his eyes. “Maybe I can try to get a job near you? Near Deschutes Rejuvenation?”

He shook his head. “I thought of that, but Dakota, I don’t want you in danger. My job is…tough. Gritty. Draining. And sometimes I work with boys who’d like nothing more than to get at me in some way. I don’t want to put you in the middle of danger. And I certainly don’t want you near in a case like that.”

She pouted softly. “I could be tough if I needed to be…”

He shook his head and gave her a quick peck before pulling back again. “No. I couldn’t live with the risk I’d be putting you in.”

She wanted to wheedle and plead. She could talk him into it, she felt sure. But she stopped herself. She certainly didn’t want to create a situation where Justus might get hurt trying to protect her. And there was still Riley to think of. “Okay, but I’m going to miss you.” She rested her forehead against his chin and contemplated just how true those words really were.

Finally, she leaned back and looked up at him. “When do you leave?”

His eyes were soft, contemplative, full of an emotion she couldn’t quite pin down. “We’re heading out tomorrow morning.”