Songwriting Without Boundaries (49 page)

Pungent sickly crackling smoke

of frantic frying ants

Floated up from the beam that shone

through deathly convex glass

I stood and smoothed my wrinkled dress

and kicked the sand a bit

A stain on the concrete was all that was left

that summer my parents split

SUSAN CATTANEO

Giant spider legs wiggle

Eyes the size of boulders

Mary Whitman starts to giggle

Her science teacher scolds her

Petrie glasses growing mold

A skeleton hangs from a hook

Johnny Duncan picks his nose

While he doodles faces in his book

The tang of sulfur, boiling beakers

Test tubes in a row

Pencils scribbling, untied sneakers

Hair wrapped in a bow

I love Andrea’s punch line, especially after the cruel, macabre picture she paints. The ants are a wonderful metaphor for the anger and pain inside the child. Susan, as usual, draws the reader in with strong sense-bound language. I was back in Mr. Conroy’s science class instantly.

Both handle the tighter rhyme constraints with aplomb.

Now, you try.

DAY #10

COMMON METER

Keep your writing sense-bound, and keep your eyes open for metaphor. As usual, set a timer and respond to the following prompts for exactly the time allotted. Use the whole time, whether you complete your final four-line section or not. Use common meter, again rhyming both your tetrameter and trimeter lines (abab).

Sight Sound Taste Touch Smell Body Motion

10 minutes: Slot Machine

STAN SWINIARSKI

The land of the smokers’ last revenge

Lights flash, bells are ringing

Like a siren that calls my last dime to its death

Let me hear that temptress singing

My arm’s getting weary with every pull

Buttons have no hold on me

The lights flash and give me its promising thrill

I will have my victory

Blue-hairs and blue-collars standing in line

Hoping for a loose machine

I gallantly give up my space this time, so

Someone else could live this dream

SUSAN CATTANEO

She’s parked at the one armed bandit

Her quarters in a plastic cup

Sipping her fifth gin and tonic

Hoping for lady luck

Her hair’s a hornet’s nest of blue

Eyes rheumy with the smoke

She’s humming a dirty little tune

A cross gleaming at her throat

The jangle of the coins is heaven falling

And silence is hell on earth

She lives for the thrill that fortune’s calling

Her winnings define her worth

The carousel music enfolds her

She’s drunk on neon light

This jackpot hope will hold her

Till day runs into night

Both of these take me to the casino. I especially like Stan’s use of the organic (body) sense: “My arm’s getting weary with every pull.” Note also the consonance rhyme pull/thrill. Susan’s bandit/tonic is interesting—dit/ic is a weak syllable family rhyme, and ban/ton is a consonance rhyme. They also match shapes, moving stressed to unstressed.

You try.

5 minutes: Deep-Sea Diver

ADRIANA DUARTE

You’re a lonely deep sea diver

Always wanting more

Just another tipsy driver

Serve another pour

CHANELLE DAVIS

My flashlight is a lonely moon

Shining in the dark

The ocean sings a silent tune

A night without its stars

Maybe they are buried here

Somewhere in the sand

Slow your breathing, lose the fear

Underwater man

I love Adriana’s metaphor: a drunk, diving deep into a sea of alcohol. In second person, Chanelle puts you immediately underwater with “my flashlight is a lonely moon.” Metaphors abound. Her last two lines are commands, turning first person into second person—making it feel like he’s talking to himself.

Your turn.

DAY #11

TETRAMETER AND PENTAMETER

Today you’ll work in an extended form, in six-line units rhyming aabccb, with tetrameter couplets and pentameter following lines.

As you’ve already seen, tetrameter couplets subdivide into units of two, creating an unrelenting march of the smallest sections possible. This time, create a section that doesn’t end until the final line. It’ll feel better; more interesting.

Start here:

Tumbling and tumbling, boulders and rocks

Fallen away from the red mountain top

But now try throwing the tetrameter couplet off balance by inserting a five-stress (pentameter) line:

You can feel the IOU. The five-stress pentameter line creates a push forward, not only because it creates an odd number of lines, but because it doesn’t rhyme either. Now add another tetrameter couplet:

Tumbling and tumbling, boulders and rocks

Fallen away from the red mountain top

Dust on the horses, spreading all over the town

Color of blood, the color of pain

Some of these children won’t breathe again

You can feel the urgency. The structure is asking you to match line line 3, both in length (pentameter) and rhyme.

Like this:

Tumbling and tumbling, boulders and rocks

Fallen away from the red mountain top

Dust on the horses, spreading all over the town

Color of blood, the color of pain

Some of these children won’t breathe again

Dúst like a ghóst cloud swírling and púlling you dówn

Of course, there are rhyme variations possible. What if the tetrameter lines didn’t rhyme?

Tumbling and tumbling, boulders and shale

Fallen away from the red mountain top

Dust on the horses, spreading all over the town

Color of blood, the color of soot

Some of these children won’t breathe again

Dust like a ghost cloud swirling and pulling you down

Now the structure feels more relaxed. The push forward is milder, generated only by line length, since the first rhyme doesn’t occur until the very last syllable.

Today you’ll rhyme your ten-minute piece aabccb, and your five-minute piece xxaxxa, following the model:

Keep your writing sense-bound, and keep your eyes open for metaphor. As usual, set a timer and respond to the following prompts for exactly the time allotted. Use the whole time, whether or not you complete your final section. Don’t panic. It’ll be challenging, but fun.

Sight    Sound     Taste     Touch     Smell     Body     Motion

10 minutes: War Zone (aabccb)

SUSAN CATTANEO