Sounds of Yesterday (4 page)

Gwen pulls me into a hug before I can comprehend why she’s getting closer to me. I hear the dog whine and I immediately pull back. “Ohmygod! I didn’t mean to hurt him. Her? Hugs are not my thing.” The dog starts to thrash in Gwen’s arms and I panic. “Is it taking its final breath?! I…”

Alex takes the dog from his mother’s arms and it begins snuggling into his chest.

“Emily, this is Zeus. Trust me, he needs more than a hug to kill him.” The dog stops moving and there’s an awkward silence where we only hear Zeus’ panting. He turns his fluffy face toward me and his chocolate brown eyes find mine.

After the initial shock of possibly killing another dog with my hugs passes, I smile because that is the cutest, littlest, fluffiest dog I’ve ever seen. And his name is Zeus.

Do not squeal. Be normal. Do not start that high-pitched squeal, Emily! Do not do it!

“Isn’t he the cutest?” Gwen gushes, rubbing under his chin. “He’s a Bichon Frise, Shih Tzu mix. He came out perfect.”

“I am going to kidnap him,” are the words that leave my mouth. “He is simply beautiful.”

“As are you, my dear. Your eyes are hypnotizing. So blue.” Gwen grabs my arm and walks us past the open living room/dining room area. This place was recently renovated, Soph says. It shows. Everything looks new and I’m kind of scared of being within touching distance. When we step into the kitchen, there’s food set up on the island and a cake in the cake display. I try not to stare it down. “I picked up a bit of everything so please, take whatever you like. I’ll be upstairs while you two do your studying.” She gathers her long brown locks and twists it up into a messy bun. Her light green blouse makes her eyes pop. They’re hazel but I think more on the green side. “Sit wherever you like. Make yourself comfortable. I’ll come downstairs every once and a while.” In other words, I’m watching you so keep your hands off my son.

Alex walks into the kitchen after setting Zeus down on the floor. He spots me and runs into my legs, begging for something. “I’m going to change real quick, if that’s okay?” Alex asks, slipping his backpack off his shoulder.

“You’re leaving me alone?” I look down at Zeus who is starting to whimper and lick my leg. “I can steal something.”
I’d be the worst robber.
I wouldn’t touch anything but he wants to leave me alone. Is he forgetting who his parents are?

“I trust you.”

Oh.

Well…that means a lot to me.

Zeus nudges my leg again.

“He likes to be held.” Of course he does. “I’ll be right back.”

Alex heads upstairs and I’m left staring down at a dog who wants to be held.
I can do it.
I bend down and pet him then swoop him into my arms. I hold my breath for a second just to be sure the dog makes noise.

“I’m seriously tempted to take you home.” He licks my neck and rubs the spot afterwards with his fluffy head.

Alex walks into the kitchen wearing black sweatpants and a gray t-shirt that hugs his muscles perfectly. Throw in that beautiful smile and Zeus is squirming in my arms because I accidently squeeze him too tight.
Sorry, buddy!

How on earth am I going to study with this many distractions around me?

And not like I can forget, Alex almost kissed me. Or I almost kissed him. Something was going to happen on those steps. Right?

You better focus on studying or you’re not going to graduate.

I. Can. Do. This.

I walk out of Mr. McAllister’s class with a spring in my step. He handed back the graded tests from last week and I, Emily Spencer, got an A- on it. I’m pretty sure he crapped his pants when he graded that sucker and saw it was mine. Alex has been tutoring me for almost a month now and it’s obviously paying off. The guy knows how to get my brain to understand all those weird equations. Math isn’t for me. Music is. Give me sheet music and I can play you the song. Give me a calculus problem and I’ll probably leave you more confused when I show my work.

I haven’t had a C since that time I was called out for it. Every weekly test since, I’ve gotten B’s and B+’s. I worked harder every tutor session because if I failed a test, that meant Alex failed at teaching me. He’s so damn smart I didn’t understand why he wasn’t in AP Calculus until he told me he signed up but the class was full.

“Em!” Zach jogs up to me and walks with me to my last period. “Soph wants to know if you’re coming tonight?” She loves Halloween just as much as she loves her birthday so this is a huge day for her to get everything right. I keep avoiding her question on whether or not we’re going out as a group tonight.

Halloween was fun until I turned thirteen and Declan stopped taking me trick-or-treating with him. He was too
cool
to bring his younger sister. It was our thing and then it wasn’t. Sophie and Zach have brought me along every year after. They’re usually a matching couple as of late but if I go with, they get something all three of us could go as.

This year, I’ll rather pass.

“No, I have a music piece I need to work on.” After I do some studying of course.

“Alex said he’d come with if you wanted to go.”

“Alex and I are going to be busy.”

Zach’s eyes turn into discs and then he smiles a pained smile when he realizes I might have brought sex into the conversation. He gets weirded out when
I
bring sex up. Sophie and Alex can talk about it but not me because I’m like his sister and he doesn’t need to picture that.

“Alright. We’re going to a party after nine. If you guys want to come, let us know.”

I nod and walk into my world history class, ignoring the snide remarks of a fellow student who has hated me ever since we were seated together in kindergarten. She’s far from my mind at the moment so I’m not even going to acknowledge her today.

The class passes by quickly and next thing I know, I’m in Alex car, heading to his house.

We have a routine where we get food, head upstairs, do some homework, and then study each other’s bodies for some time before it’s time for me to go home. It works so we haven’t given it up. Gwen does pop into his room from time to time so we really spend most of the time doing homework. She lets me stay if she sees I’m learning something. Her pop quizzes are so much easier than McAllister’s!

When the car is in the garage, we do our usual thing then head upstairs and plop down on Alex’s bed. He hasn’t said much on the car ride over. He kept chewing on his lip like he’s thinking of the hardest equation of his life.

I don’t bring it up because he looks at me, and smiles, throwing off any vibes he was giving off minutes earlier. He was nervous about something, that’s all I know.

We work on some homework for five minutes and I’m surprised that I’m understanding how to calculate derivatives of inverse functions without much struggle. I mentally pat myself on the back.

Alex sets his pencil down and stares at me with a smile on his lips.
That smile. It’s going to be the death of me.
“Go out with me,” he says, biting his lip again as he looks down at his homework for a second.

I cock an eyebrow and sit back against the headboard of his bed. “Are you asking or telling?” I become a little sassy whenever I talk to him. I always make sure he knows I’m joking around. I come off as a bitch when I’m trying not to be.

“Asking?” He holds my eyes and I watch as he grows serious. “We can even make our first date extremely awkward. I just want us to be...official.”

We’ve never gone on a date yet we’re familiar with each other’s bodies. We’re doing it all backwards. I’m just kind of…freaked out by putting a label on us. Alex told me about his ex-girlfriends when I asked him about his life in California. They dated him because of his name and the sad thing about it was he knew it. He knew they weren’t into him like I am. What if at some point, he starts to question that though…?

He won’t.

I really like this guy for who he is and I’m pretty sure he sees that.

I tap my pencil against my thigh as the blush creeps up my neck. Calculus is nowhere on my mind anymore. Alex and I becoming more than what we already are excites me. He’s asked me out countless times but I always decline because I want to focus on school and graduating. We connect in a physical way so we work on that too. Making it official, I was hoping we could do that sometime after I turn eighteen in December. When I can handle school, a relationship, and the stress of officially becoming an adult.

But I feel like I can handle it. This. We can do this.

“Okay, but homework first.” I shove his shoulder when he winks at me then starts crawling toward me, making my body think it’s going to get special treatment any second now. “And we must eat good food. None of that vegan stuff your dad wants me to try.” Alex’s dad comes home really late so I only see him during the weekends if I come by. Being a surgeon, he’s on-call most of the time. His lack of sleep is controlled by these weird diets that he goes on and the latest one makes me want to hurl. Alex’s sister is coming home from Princeton in three weeks for Thanksgiving break so Alex bets his mom will find a way to get Damon into eating real food again. No one wants to eat tofurky.

“Do you want to go out tonight?”

“Tonight?” I question. “It’s Halloween. Everyone will be out.”

“I know. It’s like everyone is celebrating this momentous decision of yours. Do you know how hard it is for you to say yes?”

“Well.” I bite my lip seductively. “I said yes to sex, didn’t I? I just wasn’t ready for a relationship.”

Alex grabs my notebook and tosses it to the foot of the bed. His lips meet my neck and I’m tempted to give in. “And now you are? You’re not just saying yes because I’m relentless?”

“No. I want this. I want
us
.”
I really, really do.

“You can deal with the pressure of being with me? Being involved with my family? People will talk. I don’t–”

“I’m okay with it.” Being in Boston isn’t that bad. No one is around suffocating the Sawyer’s. It’s only when Alex’s family goes out of town that the paparazzi are following them everywhere. And why would they bother this quiet family when Brady’s family is in the next town over? I’m good with the pressure of being involved with the Sawyer’s. Trust me.

“Yeah?”

I nod. He sucks the skin behind my ear then licks the spot, blowing cool air on it.

“Alex.” His name leaves my mouth as a breathless sigh.

My fingers get lost in his hair as his lips meet mine. I fall back against his bed and wrap my legs around his waist. His left hand travels down my body and I love the way he feels against me. He sets my body on fire with every kiss, every caress, every word he says.

He’s so distracting!

I drop my legs from around him and push on his chest when I’m on the verge of moaning, bringing his mother in here. We do not need that happening right now.

“Alex. Homework. Now.”

He drops his forehead against mine and pecks my lips. “Later.”

Yes.
No!

“Exactly. Finish those three problems and we can come back to this.”

“I want to skip those problems and stay right here.” He nibbles on my bottom lip and sucks on it before he makes his way down my neck, over my breasts then comes back up slowly. His lust filled eyes lock on mine and I give up.

I tried. I really did. I didn’t even have to bring up the homework.

I pull him against me and forget about everything except for the both of us.

December comes by slowly. Next week, I’ll be eighteen. Two days after that milestone, it’s winter break. I plan on perfecting the piano piece I spent months working on. There’s something not clicking and I have been trying to figure out where exactly it is happening. It’s frustrating that I haven’t found it yet.

I don't think I’ll get much work done though because Alex is planning something, I know it. And I’m worried. His surprises are always big and super secretive. Yet, knowing he’s thinking of me puts a smile on my face.

I like this guy so much it’s borderline obsessive. I won’t say fireworks exploded and I fell in love. Hell, that just sounds crazy. And we have only known each other for three months–not much time for me to understand my feelings but we’ve become super close. He has
seen me cry
as I talk about my past some days.

I never felt the need to talk to someone like I do with Alex.

We talk about everything.

He holds me when I cry.

He makes me feel safe.

He gets me–understands me like no other, and he laughs at my lame jokes. The only people who do that are Zach, Sophie, and blood relatives. I couldn’t pass up the new guy, now could I?

Alex has brought me into his life without any hesitation. He’ll find ways to tell me about life back in California and the friends he left behind. I know he has two close friends, Tyler and Liam that are like the brothers he never had. He’s mentioned meeting up with them sometime soon when school isn’t keeping him busy. He invited me to join him when that day comes. Obviously, I accepted. Any minute away from him is heartbreaking.

It’s been a long time since I felt comfortable with someone. I rarely let people in. My first boyfriend at age fifteen is kind of to blame for me being so closed off. We waited eight months before I decided to have sex with him. I was terrified but curious. He thought we could see other people during that time. I lost my virginity to a douchebag. It kind of hurts one's spirit when you thought they loved you but find out they ‘loved’ other people at the same time.

Love.
I don’t think anyone knows what love is until you experience life (and have more than one chest hair). I didn’t love Josh. I was just in love with the idea of someone wanting me, I guess. Though he never wanted
me
to begin with.

I shake my head, clearing away those mundane thoughts. I don’t want to think of Josh and his stupid face with his stupid cow-licking thing he did that he thought was sexy.
Who finds licking your lips like a cow attractive?
If I knew he did that, I would have never dated him. I would have never let him in.

It’s not easy to find a good person. Everyone wears masks, they lie, and then they leave. They don’t care about what that does to the person they abandon.

It hurts. So, so much.

The cold winter air hits my face and my body shivers on instinct. My jeans are wet from the snow, my nose is starting to get runny, and my scarf is floating away to the next town over. I can’t believe the wind took my favorite scarf. It was cute seeing Alex run after it but then it got stuck in a tree. He tried to climb it.

I’m still scarfless.

I hear his footsteps slowly creeping up behind me, crunching snow underneath his boots. I pretend I don’t hear a thing, walking toward the swing sitting a few feet away from me and plop down on it. It’s not wet so why not? I smile from ear to ear as I hear him coming closer. I know he won’t do it. He won't pick up a handful of snow and squeeze it against his palms until it’s firm. He thought he hurt my leg with the previous throw. He didn’t. I just faked it because I missed his touch on my very cold skin and I wanted a little break from this game.

I close my eyes and wait for his hands to grab my sides, tickle me until I can’t breathe and then stop. His lips will land on my neck next. It’s what I’ve been dying for right now.

I don’t hear him walking anymore so I hold my breath and wait.

His soft breaths fill the silence as he stands behind me.

My heart prepares for the scare.

One, two, three.

Warm hands grip my sides in a soft squeeze and I giggle because I can’t help it. I feel his warmth through my thick sweater and my body heats up slowly–completely happy.

“How did you hear me? I was quiet.”

I look over my shoulder and smile at the guy beaming down at me. Guy not boy. He’s not a boy. Everyone in high school is gangly and awkward. Muscles not yet defined unless they play sports. Alex isn’t like them.

Alex is so damn beautiful it hurts to look at him some days. It isn’t just his looks that attract me to him. Sure, I love looking at him, who wouldn’t? He has a body built for sports and a face made for modeling but he also has a brain that can drive any smart girl insane.

He’s sweet and shy and nothing like the boys I know from around here.

Alex Sawyer is magical. And right now, he’s mine.

“I know you.” It’s all I say and his smile reaches his eyes. I love when he does that. You can't fake eye smiles. There’s a lightness about them that put the stars in a dark sky to shame.

I was never prepared for how much Alex trusted me. Being the new guy never hurt his chances of making friends, mostly for the wrong reason but everyone accepted him or ignored him if they wanted. No one really stayed around long enough to ask him questions. No one wanted to know who he is. He’s so full of life and knowledge of the world around us. I wanted to know more. I
needed
to know more.

“My mom wants you to have dinner with us tonight.” Alex steps around the swing until he’s standing in front of me, in-between my legs. He finds my hands and brings them to his mouth, blowing heat on them. “Your hands are freezing.” He gives me a pointed look and I roll my eyes playfully. I left my mittens in his car. We don’t need mittens for this game.

I’m a New Englander through and through. The cold doesn’t faze me unless there’s a blizzard and I have to shovel out Mom’s car with my brother, Declan.

I never want to see more than a foot of snow in my life again.

“I have my own personal hand warmer. Why wear mittens?” Alex presses his lips against my palms and the butterflies in my stomach flutter double-time. The feelings I have for him amaze me each day. He’s doing something to me and I don’t want it to stop.

I take a deep breath and wiggle my fingers to get the blood flowing. “Yes to dinner,” I say, standing up while looking over his shoulder. I see something bright moving toward us so I have him in the right position. “After attacking your mother’s brownies last week, I want more.”

“I made the brownies.” Alex cocks a brow at me. I stand on my tip-toes and press my cold lips against his warm ones. I’d have kissed him longer but we have a game to play. Soph and I…we’re really sneaky and know how to distract our guys.

“I know and I can’t admit that because then I’ll make you make them everyday.” He uses the boxed brownie mix but somehow ends up making them the best brownies I’ve ever had.

His sister, McKenna ate half the batch he made on Thanksgiving, which resulted in a semi-pissed off girlfriend (me), leaving the baker (Alex) to make more. His dad had to keep watch on us because we were eating the raw batter instead of pouring it into a pan. Not healthy or recommended to do, FYI.

I kiss Alex quickly one last time and take a step back. “Sorry.”
Not really.

He scrunches his brows then I hear the impact of the snowball hitting the back of his head. His grey beanie will be soaked but he won’t mind.

Sophie comes out of hiding and laughs so hard, she bends over holding her stomach, her body shaking uncontrollably. Her blonde locks are wet and she refuses to cover her hair up so she won’t get sick. I’m sometimes the mom around her. She can get a bit crazy.

I blow air kisses at Alex then I run when I see Zach run across the snow filled park toward me, a snowball ready in his hands.

It’s boys against girls, and us girls will not lose.

Whichever team ends up soaked and shivering, loses.

So far, it’s leaning toward the guys. They don’t want to accidently hit us in the face, and they keep stopping to make sure we’re not hurt.

Soph and I said they have to grow some balls.

“You’re lucky I like you so damn much!” Alex yells, bending down to gather up some snow. “And you know what? I think I’ll bake some brownies tonight. Just. For. Myself.”

I stop dead in my tracks and glare at him from fifty feet away.
He did not say that!

“Dude, where are you hiding your vagina?” Zach yells behind me, his arm dropping to his side, empty.
It’s too late!
I get hit square in the back with the snowball. “Em, you could possibly be dating a chick.”

I look back at Zach and say, “You should make brownies. Sophie would reward you.” His eyes grow wide in thought and I chuckle. They have plenty of sex already but bring food to the girl and she’s super grateful. We’re alike in that way.

I turn back to Alex. “That was so mean. I can’t believe you said that.” I did nothing to deserve no brownies. How can he be so cruel?

He smirks at me as he throws his arm back and releases the little white ball of fluff. It hits me right in the chest. I double over, groaning in pain.
That’s what he gets.

“Shit. Em, are you okay?!”

My dark hair is used as a curtain to block out the guys while I grab snow and try my hardest to form a firm snowball. It keeps breaking in my hands, making a small, deformed looking thing.

“Em?” I see Alex’s boots stop beside me. As his hand stops on my back, I wait for him to bend over. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think it’d be that hard.”

I should feel bad about my plan. Buuuut I’m not.

I groan once more for good measure then stand, lifting up the back of his jacket and sweater, letting the flat snowball fall down his back as he straightens. The sounds coming out of his mouth as the ice melts is priceless.

“Sucker!”