Southern Ruby (38 page)

‘And what will you be doing with yourself this winter, Mr Lalande?' Maman asked after Mae had left.

‘Well, of course there are all the activities around Mardi Gras. My mother always organises charity events and my sister was the Queen of Carnival a few years ago.'

Maman's eyes almost popped out of her head. ‘Oh, Ruby loves Mardi Gras! You must promise you'll take her to see
the parade with your dear sister. I've always loved it too, but unfortunately due to my health I can't stay out in the cold.'

‘It would be our pleasure,' said Clifford, glancing at me. ‘My sister is very fond of Ruby.'

Maman described the Mardi Gras balls of her youth, the parades of the king, queen and court, the dance call-outs and the elaborate midnight suppers. I glanced at the clock on the mantelpiece. There would be no time for sleep now. Leroy would be waiting for me at Chartres Street.

Fortunately, Clifford himself realised the time. ‘I'm sorry but I'm going to have to leave your charming company, Mrs de Villeray,' he said. ‘I have an appointment Uptown with a client.'

Maman rose with him to show him to the door. ‘I receive visitors every Tuesday morning,' she said. ‘Please do come and see us again.'

We hadn't ‘received' visitors for years, and not with any regularity on a Tuesday and certainly not without a formal invitation first. I knew exactly what Maman was hinting at.

After Clifford had left, she turned to me, her face glowing. ‘Ruby, you sly girl,' she said in a teasing tone. ‘So you do have a beau!' She touched my cheek tenderly. ‘Is it because he's American and not a Creole that you were afraid to tell me?' She put her arms around me. ‘You shouldn't have been worried. Times have changed and we must change with them. Those sorts of delineations don't mean so much any more. I only want someone for you who will make you happy and take good care of you. He's a lovely well-mannered man and he couldn't tear his eyes away from you. And he is the grandson of Judge Lalande.'

‘Maman,' I said, breaking away, ‘I'm keeping Adalie waiting. I have to go.'

She gave me a fond look, then kissed me lightly on top of my head. ‘All right, Ruby, I know you don't want to be late for your friend.'

I thought of Leroy waiting for me at Chartres Street, wondering where I was. I rushed down the stairs and into the street, all my insides quivering. I had a terrible feeling that things were about to get complicated.

T
he following Tuesday, after we'd finished our reading for the day, Maman and I sat in the parlour together taking turns to furtively glance at the clock. She was hoping that Clifford Lalande would come calling, while I, my jaw clenched tight and guilt coursing through me, hoped that he wouldn't. Mae had been sent to the exclusive French patisserie across the street for some petits choux with Chantilly cream.

It was impossible for me to leave for Chartres Street now, not even using Adalie as an excuse. Maman was a gentle soul until she heard the sound of wedding bells; then she developed an iron will. In her mind, a female friend would understand being kept waiting if a beau had come to call.

An hour passed and I was about to get up to leave when a knock at the door had both of us nearly leaping out of our skins. Mae went to answer it and I heard Clifford greeting her. I didn't dare look at Maman. If he'd come a second time, then he was here because he was interested in me. Our shabby apartment and reduced circumstances hadn't deterred him. Being pursued
by Clifford was a dream for Ruby, but a nightmare for Jewel. My compartmentalised life only worked as long as everybody stayed in their place.

Clifford sent me an adoring smile when Mae showed him into the parlour. He was carrying a table arrangement of fuchsia pink camellias, which he handed to Maman. ‘My sister picked them,' he explained. ‘I think camellias look striking in a winter garden — and in the hair of Southern beauties.'

Maman brought her hand to her face. ‘I'm positively charmed. What a thoughtful gesture.'

She placed the arrangement on the bureau and the three of us sat down. Mae discreetly left a coffee tray on the table in front of us and left. I did my best to remain composed, but so many worries were rushing through my mind I was sure I was about to suffer a seizure. Now it was certain that Clifford was coming courting, how could I discourage him in a way that wouldn't arouse suspicion in Maman? It would be inexplicable if I turned down an eligible young man when no-one else was pursuing me. I was also terrified that Clifford would mention the Urban League meeting. Maman would then suspect I'd been going to all the meetings and hadn't been visiting Adalie at all. One telephone call to Adalie and all would come undone. I was like a rudderless boat bobbing hopelessly towards a plunging waterfall.

Clifford noticed my discomfort and when Maman excused herself to take a telephone call from Doctor Monfort, he seized the opportunity to confide in me.

‘Ruby, I would like to explain to you what happened between me and Miss Jackie Fausey that resulted in the breaking of our engagement.'

He may as well have stuck me with a prod I got up from my seat so fast. I busied myself pouring the coffee. ‘Oh, there's no need,' I said. Of course I was dying of curiosity about what had happened with Jackie, but I also knew that intimacies shared would only increase his sense of a bond with me.

‘I don't want there to be things weighing between us,' he said, looking at me in an enamoured way that caused me to swallow hard. ‘Jackie and I have been friends since childhood. She was a tomboy and we climbed trees and flew kites together, and it seemed the most natural thing in the world that we would grow up and marry each other. But as we got older, we changed and wanted different things. In the end, my beliefs were something we could never agree upon and we felt it was best to part ways.'

I passed him a cup of coffee and sat back down, resigned to the fact that there was no way to escape this awkward situation. ‘You mean your beliefs about equal rights for Negroes?' I asked.

‘Indeed,' sighed Clifford, rubbing his knees. ‘I don't blame her, of course. We were starting to be left off invitation lists. No young woman wants to be the wife of a social pariah. Besides that, her father and I clashed. When the Federal Government ordered New Orleans to desegregate its schools, Judge Fausey urged white parents to fight the order by moving their children to private schools.'

I looked directly at him for the first time that visit. He was a good man who wanted to help coloured people. I thought of Leroy and his family and I couldn't help but be grateful that there were some white people who viewed them as deserving of the same dignity as everyone else.

‘The ones I find most disgusting are not the ignorant rednecks — they don't know any better,' Clifford continued. ‘It's the legal men who use their education and social advantages to create legislative proposals to keep the coloured people down. It's those men I want to fight. The rednecks will go in whatever direction the wind is blowing.' He paused and rubbed his hands. ‘It's a special woman who can admire a man for his beliefs and not only his social standing.'

I knew what he was hinting at. Since I had attended the Urban League meeting, he assumed that I was as passionate about civil rights as he was.

I stared at my hands. The men in my family had been so unreliable it was impossible to trust them. Clifford was a courageous man and a principled one. If when I had met him earlier he'd been free, I wouldn't be working as a stripper. But falling in love with Leroy had changed everything.

‘From what you describe it sounds like the race situation in New Orleans is getting worse,' I said.

‘Things are worse all right,' he replied grimly. ‘New Orleans has always had the reputation of being tolerant, but the Brown versus Board of Education ruling has stirred things up. Normally reasonable people have been convinced that coloured men think of nothing else but impregnating white women. Instead of focussing on equality of education and moving both races forward, the debate has been hijacked into a panic about the survival of the white race. Even the more liberal-minded citizens abhor the idea of miscegenation.'

‘They only abhor it one way,' I said bitterly. ‘White men have been impregnating coloured women for centuries.'

Maman returned, and Clifford and I exchanged a glance. Politics was not a topic for her and I was touched when he understood that and turned the conversation to the more pleasant subject of the upcoming carnival season.

‘When I was young I loved the floats and the magnificent costumes, but most of all I loved the masquerade balls,' Maman said. ‘How delicious to hide your identity for one magical night!'

Clifford smiled. ‘Well, you are braver than I am, Mrs de Villeray. As a child I found the costumes and masks terrifying. One year my parents hosted a party at our home. I was supposed to be in bed, but I snuck out and screamed when I saw the people in masks. When they took off their disguises to try and comfort me it made my fear even worse. I couldn't understand why my parents and their friends would pretend to be other people.'

Clifford and Maman laughed, but I was stung. Hiding my true self had become a way of life for me.

‘Well, seeing as you can't go out in the damp air, Mrs de Villeray,' Clifford said, ‘I propose that I provide the King Cake on January sixth and we have our own celebration here.'

Maman's eyes lit up. ‘Oh, that would be wonderful!' she said, clapping her hands. ‘How thoughtful you are. Yes, you bring the cake and Ruby and I will do the decorations.'

Clifford and Maman made their plans while I listened with apprehension. The more Maman became enchanted by Clifford, the less I'd ever be able to speak up.

After he'd left, Maman frowned at me. ‘Ruby, you do like Clifford Lalande, don't you? Because he is very taken with you. The fact that he came here today is a sign of that.'

‘Yes, of course I like him,' I said, unable to meet her gaze.

She lifted my chin until I was looking directly into her eyes. ‘What is it, Ruby? Lately I feel like you've become a stranger. It's as if there is someone else living inside your head.'

‘Don't say that, Maman!' I told her, frightened by her observation. ‘You know I'm your Ruby.'

‘But why are you so indifferent towards Clifford? Tell me the truth: is there someone you like better?'

Guilt ate at my bones. There shouldn't be secrets between Maman and me. I wanted everything to go back to how it had been the previous week, before I went to the meeting. I'd had everything in balance then — or so I'd thought. A longing to confess everything took me by surprise. But how could I? The truth would destroy Maman, and it would destroy me.

‘I don't want to get hurt,' I told her instead, biting my lip.

The tense expression on her face dissolved into a smile. ‘Well, that's natural enough. But Clifford is an honourable man. I don't think he's playing with your feelings. By all means go slowly, but don't be so cold you put him off.'

‘Why don't I go after him now?' I said, walking to the closet to get my coat. ‘He couldn't have gotten very far. I'll make as
if I couldn't wait to tell him some detail about the party we're planning. He'll feel special that way.'

‘Oh, yes,' she said. ‘Go do that, Ruby.'

I hummed a cheerful tune as I went out the door but my insides were churning. I ran along Royal Street and spotted Clifford turning into Canal Street.

‘Clifford!' I called. The air was chilly and steam blew from my mouth.

He turned, his face breaking into a delighted grin. ‘Ruby!'

‘Can I wait for the streetcar with you?' I asked. ‘I want to speak to you alone.'

‘I'm surprised your mother let you come after me without a chaperone. She's so charmingly old-world Creole.' He chuckled. ‘I'd be delighted for you to keep me company — there's something I want to ask you. I've been invited to a ball and I would be honoured if you'd come as my partner.'

My breath caught in my throat. A Mardi Gras ball! That would have been Ruby's big dream. But I couldn't. When Maman had said I was becoming a stranger, she was right. I was less and less Ruby and more and more Jewel. And Jewel loved another man.

‘Ruby, what is it?'

‘Clifford, I have something to tell you. I'd love to come to the ball with you, but I can't.'

The St Charles Avenue streetcar arrived but Clifford ignored it. He stared at me with a confused expression. ‘You can't?'

My intention had been to come clean with him. I still cared for him and I didn't want to lead him on. But how could I explain everything about my double life while standing in line for the streetcar? Instead, I gave him a partial version.

‘You see, I work at night. Maman doesn't know. She thinks we're living off family money. But there is no family money. I work to keep the roof over our heads and to pay Maman's medical bills.'

If the situation wasn't so awful, the astonished expression on Clifford's face would have been comical.

‘Where do you work?' he asked.

I lowered my gaze. ‘At the telephone exchange.'

‘At night?'

‘It has to be at night,' I said, rubbing my hands against the cold. ‘I have to sneak out after Maman's gone to bed. She doesn't think a lady should work — but I had no choice. She would have died if I didn't find the money for her operation.'

I raised my eyes. At first my confession rendered Clifford speechless. Then a smile slowly appeared on his face. ‘Ruby, are you ever going to stop amazing me? What you're doing for your mother . . . well, it's wonderful!'

I wondered if Clifford was ever going to stop amazing me! ‘You think so?' I asked doubtfully.

‘Yes, it's courageous to take matters into your own hands!' he said, touching my shoulder. ‘And the exchange won't give you even one night off during Mardi Gras?'

‘It's the busiest time of the year. The town is full to the brim with tourists.'

My explanation was technically true, if you transferred it from the telephone exchange to the Vieux Carré Club. Mardi Gras
was
our busiest time of the year and I was expected to do several routines a night.

‘Well, I understand your position,' he said in a reassuring tone. ‘But if you can't come to the ball, then please come to my family's open house on parade day and bring your mother. My mother and Kitty are always asking after you.'

Clifford's understanding about everything made it difficult to refuse. ‘I'll come,' I said, ‘but I can't bring Maman. She mustn't go out in the cold at all. Thank you for the offer of the King Cake celebration. That made her very happy.'

Another streetcar arrived and Clifford squeezed my arm. ‘Everything I learn about you makes me admire you more,' he
said. Then he leaned closer and whispered in my ear, ‘I knew the moment I met you that I could never marry Jackie. But out of respect for her feelings, I can't be too open until an appropriate amount of time has passed. But soon, you won't have to work at the telephone exchange any more. You and your mother will be well taken care of.'

He stepped onto the streetcar and waved to me before taking a seat. I waved back numbly, too surprised to think of any other response. The meaning of Clifford's words had been clear: he intended to propose. I'd attempted to dig myself out of a hole and had only dug myself in deeper.