Before he can answer,
Eric approaches us. “Ready, sweetheart?”
My face deadpans, and I simply nod.
I wave to Alex as I link my hand with Eric’s hand. I feel Alex’s eyes on me the entire time we walk out of the arena. I feel awful for not telling him the truth, but honestly, it was none of his business. We’d been on one date, and it wasn’t as if I vowed anything to him.
“You looked so incredibly cute sitting next all those huge men over there. I
, for sure, thought one of them wouldn’t see you and would sit on you.” He laughs, squeezing my hand.
“Okay, I might be small, but I’m not that little! I’m five feet three
, thank you very much,” I announce proudly.
“You are five feet three inches of pure gorgeousness.”
“Are you always this mushy? I’m not sure I can handle the mushy type,” I tease, laughing at his sudden change of his expression.
“Nope. It’s all you, babe. This is what you do to me. You turn my heart to mush.” He places his empty hand over his heart and gives me sad puppy eyes.
“Oh, my word, you are insane.” I laugh as we approach his car. “I’m not even sure that was a compliment,” I tease, thinking any sentence with the word
mushy
didn’t sound too appealing.
He bends down and lightly kisses the top of my nose before opening the passenger door
, leading me in.
I could so get use to this.
I haven’t told Eric everything about Aiden yet. I suspect he has an idea of what happened based on previous events, but I haven’t been ready to explain everything in detail yet. Part of me is afraid that once I say it out loud he won’t be able to look at me the same. That perhaps he might not want me in that way anymore.
He’s easily figured out now how the F word affects me. It only seems to be when it rolls off his tongue, and
I’m not quite sure why, but he tries to avoid it now at all cost. He completely understands that I need to take this slow, which makes me much more at ease about this whole thing. Part of me hopes he doesn’t become impatient with me while another part of me doesn’t want to go slow either. I know if I rush this, I will more than likely feel the urge to run.
“Good morning, sweetheart.” A soft southern tone whispers in my ear.
I roll to my side, and open my eyes to take a peek at his bare muscular skin.
“Stop being so damn hot,” I moan, covering my eyes with my arm to block the sunlight.
I hear him laughing as he pulls the covers off me. “Sorry, I don’t run with a shirt on, sweetheart. Guess you’ll just have to stare and suffer,” he teases, picking me up off the bed and carrying me to the bathroom. “Now get ready. Time for our run.”
“But
it’s Saturday,” I whine, frustrated that he has energy and I don’t. He pats my butt and pushes me in the bathroom to get ready.
I get a look at myself in the mirror and
I hardly recognize myself. I’m happy, which scares the bejesus out of me. I want to be happy, of course I do, but I also feel vulnerable in this state. Part of me can’t let go completely, too afraid of getting hurt, or worse, hurting him.
I shake off my insecurities for the time being, wash my
face, and comb through my rats nest on top of my head. How Eric could find this sexy was beyond me.
“If you aren’t out in ten seconds, I’m coming in after you.” I hear Eric tease through the door. “Did you fall back asleep?”
“No.” I whip the door open. “Can’t a girl freshen up for her man?” I wag an eyebrow at him, pushing him back as I exit the bathroom.
“Why, yes she can.” I’m desperate
ly want to skip my run this morning, which has never happened to me before, but with Eric, all I want to do is be around him as much as possible.
“What do you say we crawl back in bed for another few hours?” I tease, standing on my tiptoes to brush his lower lip between my teeth. He lets out a husky moan, making a smile appear on my face as I see the sparkle in his eyes shine back down on me. He bites his lower lip, hesitating
, wanting to take me up on my offer.
“Ugh, you are horrible,” he teases, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me in close. “But no. Run first.” I give him my best pouty face, but it’s no use.
We run a good five miles before I finally beg him to call it quits. I run for pleasure mostly, but Eric runs for sport. I can hardly keep up with him, but part of me loves the fact that he pushes me to do better, and to keep going.
We walk hand in hand back to my apartment. His body is covered in sweat, but somehow it’s insanely hot. I chew my lip as I stare at him, wishing I
were the sweat touching his body right now.
“Stop drooling,” he whispers close to my ear. He loves torturing me. He will just barely touch me or graze my ear to see how frustrated I get. I glare at him as he escorts me through the doorway into the kitchen. “You shower while I make breakfast.”
He gives me a grin, and it still drives me insane with how sexy he looks even after a five-mile run.
“Are you even for real? I mean, c’mon. That’s not even fair to most men.” I wave my hand up and down his body, emphasizing how built and perfected his body is.
“Does this feel real?” he whispers seductively against my ear, pressing his firm body against mine. He wraps his arms around my waist pulling me up. My arms wrap around his neck as my legs instinctively wrap around his waist.
Before I can respond, he crushes his lips to mine, making me completely powerless to protest.
How does he do that?
The kiss starts out desperate, eager, strong but slows down to a passionate, loving kiss.
God, all his kisses are fan-frigging-tastic.
My hands cling to his hair, pressing my fingers through the strands, urging him deeper into my mouth.
He moans as I sink my tongue in deeper, urging him to continue. He presses my body against the fridge making the magnets fly down, making a light smacking sound as they reach the floor. I giggle a little at the way his desperate, needy hands grasp my hips, pressing us further into each other. I can feel his arousal between my thighs, which is desperately matched as I clench my thighs together squeezing his torso.
“Stop,” he groans in between kisses, slowing our lips down.
“Never,” I remark, not wanting to end the kiss just yet.
He laughs at my lame attempt, breaking the kiss and leaning his forehead against mine. “This is not going slow, Velaney. I can hardly control myself around you, but now this is just damn torture.” I feel his smile against my skin. I know he’s trying to be the gentleman and not pressure me into anything too quickly, but something takes over me when I’m around him. I don’t care about any of that. I don’t think of the consequences or the possibilities of this ending badly. I just don’t care. I want him, my body begs for him, and there’s just no controlling that.
Not that I want to control it necessarily…
“I don’t care. I want you,” I mumble against him, begging his lips to be on me again.
“You
cannot
say stuff like that, Vel. I won’t be able to stop once we start. You have no idea how much I want you, but I’m not going to let you get all wrapped up in a weak moment.”
Damn him…he was right.
Sexual
ly frustrated and a little hurt from being rejected, I release my legs from his waist and lower my feet to the floor. I don’t want to look at him, not because I’m upset, but because I want him so badly…
so frigging badly.
I see the eagerness in him just as much
as I feel it in me and it makes me laugh as I leave him in the kitchen by himself. We need to separate ourselves for a minute while we collect ourselves again. I knew he was right…but part of me didn’t want him to be right. I was ready and willing to throw myself at him…for my first time ever wanting it…and he threw my words back at me.
Ugh, talk about a blow to the ego.
The next three weeks go like clockwork. Eric and I run almost every morning together. I go to work, then either work at the bar at night or see Eric after his shifts. We’ve become completely comfortable around each other. Eric continues teasing and torturing me as he whispers in my ear, rubs his hands up and down my sides, graces his lips across my neck, and wraps my legs around his waist.
It’s the most amazing torture I’ve ever felt.
Eric is taking this “going slow” thing extremely seriously. I love that part of him. He doesn’t push me, yet he’s not afraid to show me how badly he wants me.
Often we reach a point where neither of us wants to stop, yet one of us is always breaking the tension before things go too far. I’m certain Eric is afraid of screwing this up, as am I, so he wants to make sure that when I say I’m ready…
I’m really ready.
He’s never asked, and I’m not sure that he will, but I never slept with my ex-boyfriend, Jake. I just never felt that connection…that spark…that need. Jake was a sweet boyfriend, he just wasn’t what I
wanted or needed at the time. I never slept with anyone before. Truth was, before Eric, I never gave it any consideration. I was raised in believing to wait for marriage and even though that was originally my plan, I now know I want Eric to be that person for me…my first. Of course, I want to be in love first, but my gut instinct knows that I’m already on track for that. I can feel that urge I feel for him…I always want to be around him…I care for him so deeply…I ache just to feel his touch.
“Oh dear Lord, you’ve become one of those girls, haven’t you?” Carissa badgers, taking me out of my thoughts.
“Huh?” I look up at her, not hearing a word she just said. I lean my head on my fist as I sit at the breakfast bar. Carissa is attempting to make breakfast.
“I knew it. You are in deep, girl.” She smiles at me, making me roll my eyes at her.
“I think I’m in deeper than deep,” I admit, wishing so hard that nothing ever changes that.
“I can’t believe it. Velaney Wills is in love.” She waves her arms around
as if she has just dusted fairy-powder over me.
“I’m not in love. I don’t think so. Maybe. No. Not yet. It’s too soon,” I stammer, rambling, unable to make up my mind.
How do you know when it turns to love anyway?
She huffs a laugh, smiling big at me. “Shut your pie hole, Laney. You are in love
so bad!
It’s written all over your face like a love sick teenager.”
“How do you know?” I ask, seriously this time. “I mean, how do you know when it’s love or just lust?” I’ve seen a ton of chick flicks with Carissa over the years. Girls were so quick to fall in love, but was that real life?
Did that actually happen?
“I don’t know, Laney. I’ve never been in love. I don’t want to be in love just yet.
But you, my dear, are in love. I’ve never seen you break down your walls for anyone. Not even Jake. And that poor bastard waited two damn years for it to happen. So, trust me when I tell you this, Laney. You, my darling, are in love.”
Holy
shitcakes.
Perhaps it’s true. Am I in love?
Could I really be in love?
I mean, isn’t it too soon?
Isn’t there a timeline for these things?
I’m so wrapped up in my thoughts I don’t hear Eric coming into my room and laying down next to me.
“You know, you look the most adorable when you aren’t even trying. Like right now. Just huddled in your bed, under the covers, staring at the ceiling. Not only are you adorable, you look so damn sexy without even trying,” Eric leans in close, grazing my ear with his soft lips. I can smell his body wash and cologne on
him, as he must have just taken a shower. He shivers sends down my body as his hand rubs up and down my side, stopping every few seconds to draw little circles.
I turn to face him, chest to chest and without saying a word, crash my lips to his. I
had already decided before he came over tonight that I was ready. I want him. I’m practically dying to get him inside me. However, the fact that he may or may not know about my lack of experience scares the living crap out of me.
Will he think me differently?
I’m completely drowning in my thoughts as the kiss deepens
—the intensity floods over my body slamming us closer together. I inhale his scent again, making every part of me want him so much more.
I lower my hands to the bottom of his shirt, and rub my palms up and down his bare skin. His abs are insanely chiseled, making perfect indents in his skin. I clench my fi
ngers into him harder, letting him feel my eagerness. I rub a finger up to his nipple ring, and tug slightly, making sure to be gentle, yet determined.
I lower my hands back down again
, pulling his shirt up, determined to get the shirt off as soon as possible. A low growl escapes his throat as I throw his shirt to the floor, and press my body close to his once again. I can feel his excitement as I wrap one leg over his hip, pulling him hard against me.
“Oh, fuck, baby,” he moans,
as my lips freeze on his. “Oh, sweetheart, I’m sorry. It slipped. It’s just…you drive me absolutely insane.”
I swallow. I close my eyes, pushing the images out of my head as hard as I can.
I feel his hand cupping my cheek, rubbing his thumbs against me. I know it’s just a word, but have you ever had a smell, or a flower, or a color bring you back to a memory? Well, that’s what the F bomb does for me…right away. The strange thing is it only happens when Eric says it. Perhaps it’s his low, deep husky voice that does it, but whatever it is, it kills the mood instantly.
“It’s okay,” I choke out, opening my eyes again. “I know you didn’t mean to say it,” I soothe. I don’t want him to get frustrated
and think I can’t handle being intimate with him.
“No, baby. I know better. I’m sorry. Can we please just forget it? I swear, it won’t happen again,” he pleads, rubbing his nose against my ear, whispering against my neck. It sends chills down my body, making me smile at how eager he is to touch me.
“You fucking look at me when I’m talking to you!” Aiden’s scream hushes me. I slowly turn my face up to look at him through cloudy eyes. I cry every night and tonight is no different. Aiden is messed up again, reeking of alcohol. After putting up with him for the past year, I now know when he’s been drinking.
“Please, don’t,” I plead, weakly, but it’s all I have.
“Fuck, shut up, Lane. You need to pay! Pay dammit!” he yells louder this time, making me jump. I’m plastered against my headboard again, clenching my legs to my chest.
Aiden was the perfect son during the day. At least, that’s what he portrayed. Either my parents let him get away with
whatever, because he was the first-born son, or they simply didn’t want a feud. Either way, they were all cowards.
“I’m sorry, Eric. This is so stupid! I wish it wasn’t this way.” I slam my hands to cover my face, embarrassed. “You
are going to get sick of me.”
He grabs my hands and lowers them so he can see me. He’s smiling, pressing kisses to my palms.
“You are not stupid. You are beautiful. Whatever it is… whatever you are going through…I will handle it. Don’t worry about me. I don’t want you to worry about you. Promise?”
I simply nod, taken back at how amazing
Eric truly is. He’s such a tough guy on the outside, but for some reason with me, he’s so much more.
Sensitive. Caring. Charming.
“You want to talk about it?” he asks, staring directly into my eyes. I know he deserves the truth. He needs to know, but I’m afraid I won’t get the words out.
“I want you to know, Eric, really I do. But I just don’t know that I can talk about it. He did terrible things to me,” I admit, digging my head deeper into his chest.
We stay silent a few moments before I finally speak up again. “It started when I was eight years old,” I confess, taking a few deep breaths.
“He would come into my room at night after my parents went to sleep, and tell me to do horrible things to him. He would swear and yell at me until I did them. He would tell me I had to pay for the sins I’ve committed. At the time, I believed him, thinking I needed to pay for the bad things I did. But not long after, he became more aggressive…more demanding. I tried telling my parents, but they were more worried about their image than taking me seriously. They thought I was lying and making it up, which makes absolutely no sense to me considering all they had to do was take me to a hospital and give me an exam. After a year or so, it became routine, I stopped fighting it, stopped trying to scream for help because that would only make him enjoy it more, and he’d be more aggressive in pining me down.” I pause, letting everything sink in, letting myself breathe in and out. “The first time I ever swore was the first night Aiden came into my room. He was drunk and convinced me I had to pay for saying such a bad word. Ever since then, I haven’t been able to swear. It brings me back to the moment, to hearing his voice say those words, and reminds me what those words did to me, and how I’ve associated them with bad things happening to me during that period.
“When Aiden finally left for college, I thought I was in the clear, but he still made his way back during holiday and summer breaks. No matter how many times I tried to tell my parents, they wouldn’t do anything about it. Aiden was their ‘perfect son.’ My mother once told me I needed to pray and ask God for forgiveness
—for lying. As soon as I turned eighteen, Carissa and I moved in together, and I haven’t spoken to them since.”
“I can’t even imagine…I don’t know what to say, sweetheart.” I knew what I just revealed would be a lot for him. But I
couldn’t continue our relationship anymore without him knowing the full truth…the full me.
“You don’t have to say anything, Eric. I know it’s a lot. I have a lot of emotional baggage. And you needed to know before we got in too deep and you realized I was too messed up.”
“Don’t peg me just yet, sweetheart. I understand. I get it. No one lives a perfect life, and that goes for the past as well.” He covered my cheeks with his palms and rose my head up. His eyes were soft, sincere…perfect.
How was it this man could have all the qualities I never knew I needed?
“We don’t have to rush anything. We will only do what is comfortable for you. I promise I’m not going anywhere.” He smiles at me, almost taking my breath away before he plunges his lips to mine, sealing everything he just said with a kiss.
“Will you sleep with me tonight?” I ask, breaking the kiss. I feel so secure when I’m wrapped in his arms; there’s no better feeling than being surrounded by him.
“You couldn’t tear me out of this bed if you tried.” He grins, placing a light kiss on my forehead. I turn around so my back is to his chest, letting his solid arms wrap around me like a blanket. It was heavenly…the most peace I’ve ever felt in my entire life. The way Eric makes everything so much better, makes everything I’ve been through so worth it if that’s what it took to bring me here…right in this perfect moment.
He brushes my hair off my neck and lays perfectly wet kisses down my shoulder and back up to my ear. The way his kisses feel against me are the most remarkable touches I’ve ever felt. The way his lips can make my entire body shiver, desperate for his touch even more, is so overwhelming. I’ve never needed someone’s touch so bad. I’ve never been eager to have someone around me
like I do Eric. He was it for me.
My hero.
I fall
asleep somewhere between his ear nibbling and his lips devouring my neck. Right before sleep takes over, I could’ve swore I heard him say, “I love you.” I want to push my eyes open and beg him to say it again, but for now, I just enjoy the moment and press myself into him deeper.
My eyes bolt open at the sound of Eric’s loud pager. He rushes off the bed and grabs it, silencing it.
“Oh, shoot,” I hear him mumble. I turn and face him as he pulls his shirt over his head and scrambles to find his shoes.
“Are you leaving?” I ask, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I have no idea what time it is, but it’s still dark out.
“Yeah, sorry, sweetheart. I’m being called in, which means it’s something big. I’ll call you as soon as I can,” he whispers in my ear, kissing me hard on the lips before walking out the door. I always feel nervous when Eric goes out on major calls. It’s heart wrenching to know that he risks his life, but I couldn’t be more proud.
“Lane, wake up!” Carissa shakes me awake, startling me from my deep sleep.
“What is it?” I rub my eyes open, squinting from the bright sun that’s shining through.
“The old high school is on fire. It’s all over the news! I can see the dark smoke from the living room windows.” Suddenly, my eyes pop open as I remember Eric leaving early this morning.
Or was it late last night?
“Dang, Eric got called out for that. Is it bad?” I ask, searching for my sweater.
“The news anchor said it’s been going for over four hours. They’ve called in firefighters from all over the state. Some moron thought it would be funny to see it explode,” she huffs, crossing her arms. “Has he called you?”
I quickly grab my phone and see that I have no missed calls or messages. “No. He said he would call as soon as he could
, though.”
I walk out of my bedroom to the living room where the news is still showing live feed from the fire. The old high school was an old
four-story building that’s been empty for over a decade. Why the city didn’t tear it down was beyond me. There were always stories about drug dealers and homeless people hiding out there.
“Oh
, Mylanta! That looks awful!” I cover my mouth with my hands, gasping at the TV screen. The entire building is up in flames. There are fire trucks surrounding the building, and at least a hundred firefighters. My heart starts to race as I think of Eric being there.
Carissa sees the panic in my face and wraps her arms around me.
“He’ll be okay,” she whispers. I knew she was only trying to soothe me, but for the first time since I’ve met Eric, I was scared out of my mind for his safety.
We continue watching the new
s coverage for the next hour while Carissa makes me coffee and toast. I can’t peel my eyes away, desperate to see a glimpse of him. As I’m taking a bite of the burnt piece of toast, the roof of the building caves in, and the flames engulf it in one rapid wave.
“Ho-
ly shit!” I gasp, dropping the toast from my hand, making it fall to the floor. The entire scene is covered in dark smoke, flames, and ash. The news anchor could barely get his words out as it happens, gasping, and clearly shocked just like the rest of us. I see firefighters running from the building as it begins to crumble into pieces. My mind races instantly at the thought of Eric getting hurt…or worse.
I feel like I’m hyperventilating. I can’t catch my breath, and I can feel my heart beating out of my chest.
“Laney, breathe. In…out…in…out…” she coaxes me. She rubs her hand up and down my back, waiting for my breathing to settle.
“Riss,” I breathe out. “I have this overwhelming awful feeling.” I hold my hands to my chest, staring at the TV screen. The news anchor is now confirming the number of deceased people. It’s been suspected that there was a meth lab going on in the abandoned building.
“Let’s go.” I simply nod, knowing I can’t just stay here and watch this happen any longer. Eric still hadn’t called, and I didn’t know when I’d get to hear his voice again.
I text him in the car as Carissa drives us to the old high school. I tap my fingers impatiently as I beg him to text me back. Of
course, I’m not surprised that he can’t. I doubt he even has his phone with him.
“Lane, it’s okay. Eric does this for a living.” Carissa tries to soothe me, but it only puts me in more of a panic.
Does this for a living.
Is this something I’d just have to
get used to?
The person I’m
finally
willing to let get close to me has a job he could literally die doing. He’s rescued me on numerous occasions, but somehow it slipped my mind how dangerous his job really can be.
We get close to where
a mob of other people are standing behind the police tape and Carissa puts the car in park. I yank my seatbelt off and whip the door open, slamming it hard behind me. I run as close to the tape as I can, pushing my way through the crowd.