I hear the firefighters yelling, shuffling, and hauling hoses back and forth. The whole scene is complete chaos, and I wonder how the heck Eric can do this job.
Carissa rushes up behind me, knocking me off balance. She grabs me quickly before I fall, but it’s too late. My knees buckle at the sight of the entire building falling to pieces. The rest of the roof caves in, shattering everything in it’s way. It happens all so fast, all I see are firefighters running away from the blaze, yelling at everyone to back away.
“Reilley!” I hear a man’
s voice scream over the chaos. I assume it’s his father, but I can’t tell where the sound came from. I hear it again and this time it sounds desperate. I begin to frantically search for any glimpse of him, but it’s no use. The sky has been taken over by hefty clouds of smoke and ash. Just when I couldn’t think it would get any worse, a huge explosion erupts, blasting numerous firefighters and pedestrians to the ground. I’m still on my knees, but I place my arms over my head to protect myself from any flying debris. Flames and ash cover the now flattened high school. The explosion pretty much took the rest of whatever was still standing… people included.
“
Noooooo!!!!” I belt out as soon as I see the damage. Carissa wraps her arms around me, keeping me still. “Eric!” I scream again, praying for a miracle that he hears me.
I see the rest of firefighters helping the rest of their crew to their feet, along with first responders checking for any injured people.
Oh God, please let Eric be safe!
The scene gets louder and louder as people are crying hysterically. I’m shaking uncontrollably, begging for the air to enter and exit my lungs. The smoke is heavy and makes my eyes water, but I don’t care, I’m not leaving until I know where Eric is.
I scan the crowd again, hoping to God he’s nearby. A few firefighters are off to the side being treated when I notice they have their masks off. I run through the crowd as best I can until I find someone.
“Sir, do you know where Eric Reilley is?” It sounds more like a plea than a question. “Have you seen him?” I continue.
His eyes gloss over, fighting back what I assume are tears. “I’m sorry. I don’t know. Last I saw him, he was inside.” I feel as if my heart just dropped from my chest, and falls to the ground. It rips into a million devastating pieces. My breathing quickens, unable to control it anymore; I break down. I fall back to my knees, covering my face as the tears flood out.
“Reilley!” I hear someone yell. I quickly turn around and wipe my eyes when I realize it’s Eric’s father being called to. I stand to my feet and walk toward the man that once helped Carissa and me.
“Mr. Reilley?” I ask softly. “Do you know where Eric is?”
I can tell he’s just as frightened as I am. He simply shakes his head as he continues looking and asking his crew.
“Velaney!
” Carissa yells, jumping up and down to see me through the mob.
“Over here!” I yell back, waving my hands in the air. Deep inside me, I know the truth. If he was in that building during the explosion, there was no question that he
hadn’t made it out. But I wasn’t ready to admit that yet. No way. Never.
“Oh my
god! Don’t do that to me!” she scolds, embracing me in a tight hug. The moment her arms clamp around me, my head falls to her shoulders, letting every single emotion I never let myself feel come alive. She doesn’t question it. I stand there for a moment, getting myself back together. She wipes away the tears under my eyes and gives a light smile.
I turn back around
, facing the damage that’s in front of me. I close my eyes, saying a quick prayer as I beg God to bring Eric back to me. Despite my crappy childhood, Eric had somehow managed to get through my barriers. I have felt so much hurt already during my twenty-three years, that I wasn’t sure how much more I could take.
“He’s gone,” I whisper to no one in particularly, but I’m certain Carissa can hear me.
She links her hand in mine, and squeezes it lightly to remind me she’s there.
I couldn’t understand what was happening. Why bring someone into my life, just to take them out so damn soon? The sound of more sirens and a chopper flying ab
ove drown out my thoughts. I notice a half dozen more news stations showing up to get interviews and a story.
My heart is breaking. Feels like it’s
literally
breaking. Why hasn’t he come out yet? Why hasn’t anyone found him, or gone looking for him?
What the hell is going on?
I want to scream. So damn loud. But I can’t, because nothing comes out.
“Pull your shirt over your mouth,” Carissa whispers in my ear as I start to choke on the smoke that has made
its way over here. I oblige, and pull my shirt up, breathing in the mixture of my deodorant and Eric’s cologne. His scent was still on me from before he left early this morning.
I continue to stare at the sc
ene—first responders, firefighters, and mobs of people all looking in awe at what has happened. People are crying all around me. I assume they are families of the crew, but I don’t ask. Either way, the situation was awful.
I move along the police tape, getting a better view of some crew
members that were talking to reporters.
“Yes, there were a few men inside during the explosion. Those men are still unaccounted for, but we are still searching and remaining hopeful.”
Hopeful?
The reporter asks a few more
questions before I hear a gradual loud roar of applause. There’s dozens of firefighters clapping, hootin’ and hollerin’. I frantically search around for what they see when I spot two firefighters walking out from behind the building. They are carrying the third fireman who looks to be in critical condition.
“Oh my word,” I whisper, staring intently at the two walking up. My vision is blurry from the smoke, so I can’t make out their faces yet, but a part of me finally feels…hopeful.
Like maybe life isn’t out to get me after all…
A couple first responders rush to the injured fireman. The two lower him to the ground to be examined, and finally, I spot him.
“Eric!” I yell. I dive under the police tape and run as fast as I can into his arms. He barely sees me before I crash my entire body into his. I wrap my legs around his waist as tight as I can. He’s still in his uniform, but I cling to him anyway.
“Velaney?” he
breaths out, clearly confused about my reaction. I simply nod against his neck as the tears begin to fall back down my cheeks. He squeezes me tight before dropping me to my feet.
He rips his gloves off and throws them to the ground. He
cups my face and wipes the rest of the tears away. He sees the panic in my eyes, and lightly kisses each eyelid with so much passion and love that I almost break down again.
“Sweetheart,” he whispers. I don’t let him continue before I push my lips to his, tasting the sweat and smoke that he’s managed to survive.
I break the kiss, letting his forehead lean against mine. “I was so worried, Eric. You have no idea,” I breathe out weakly, trying to gain any composure that I have left. “I thought you were gone.”
He
breaths in and out slowly before answering, “So did I.”
“Reilley!” a few men behind me yell. I’m sure his
crew was just as worried.
“I’ll be right back, I promise.” He kisses my lips once again, leaving them begging for more. I watch as he runs to his father, engulfing him in a massive hug.
I walk back over to Carissa whose wide grin makes me finally smile. For a split second, the panic that just released comes flooding back in. How can anyone stand this kind of pain and panic every time there’s a fire?
How am I suppose to be okay with Eric doing this when I can’t even imagine what these other firefighter’s families go through…
“I can’t do this, Riss,” I mumble, turning her cheesy grin to a pouty frown.
She knows exactly what I’m talking about. “Yes, you can, Lane. You have to.” I see the seriousness in her eyes, but all I can feel is fear and pain.
The part that scares me the most is losing someone close to me. That’s been the basis for most of my life. Up until I was
eight years old, my parents were my world. Heck, even Aiden was. I loved my family. But betrayal, denial, and pain will always be what keeps them at a distance…
far, far distance
. I’ve already lost my family, how can I bare to lose someone I might possibly love?
“This is too damn hard, Riss. What if I fall madly in love with him, all Cinderella fairytale style, and then something happens to him? I wouldn’t be able to handle that. I
know
I wouldn’t be able to. He had me buckling on my knees in fear for his life, and we have only been together for like a minute. What about weeks…months…years from now when we’re in love, get married, and we have a family—and
then
something happens to him? How exactly am I suppose to let someone close to me, let him in, and then in a millisecond it all be taken away from me?”
Carissa’s face looks mad, irritated when she places her hands on my shoulders and pulls me in closer to her.
“Listen to me, Velaney Rose. You are going to experience hurt, fear, pain, and possibly even heartache, but that’s life. You stand back up, and you begin again. It’s not easy. It sucks. And it might damage you, but that’s how you build a thick skin. You take what life hands you, and you do your damn best to survive.”
Carissa was a bull. She didn’t take crap from anyone, me included. That’s what I love about her. She was outspoken, funny, and direct.
Her parents kicked her out of the house when she was eighteen years old. She had been caught smoking on school grounds, and after three occurrences, she was suspended. She wasn’t all badass as she made people believe. She was a shell just like I was sometimes. She uses her guarded personality as a way to keep people at a distance, yet she let me in as much as I had let her in.
“Yes, mom,” I mumble, getting her to smirk back at me. “Take your own advice though first, okay?”
“I don’t need to take my own advice. I’m not having a mini-meltdown,” she teases, pulling me in for another one of her infamous hugs.
“Thank you,” I whisper in her ear. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
The old high school now lies in millions of metal and wood pieces. It’s suspected a dozen people died in the explosion due to a meth lab exploding. It’s a shame really, even if they were doing something illegal. They still all had families, friends, and people that cared for them. I doubt my family would even acknowledge my death. Heck, they barely acknowledge my existence. I think that’s what pains me the most. The fact is, I had done nothing wrong, yet was born into a family of
doing no wrong.
I was now certain they would forever disown me after getting Aiden put in jail.
Let’s see mommy and daddy bail him out of that one.
I watch as the rest of the crowd thins, and leaves Carissa and
me with a few other spectators. The smoke has diminished and the fire has died down. The ambulances all rush to the hospital, and soon after all the video crews are gone. All that’s left is the firefighters wrapping up their hoses and taping off the scene.
I wait as I watch Eric with the rest of his team. He doesn’t look like he’s just been put through hell and back.
In fact, he looks strangely at peace, as if he’s won a war or something. The idea strikes a shiver through my body.
How can anyone be so calm after such a horrific event?
Possibly something I would never understand. Eric has been doing this for years now, and I’m sure he’s use to it, but I don’t think I could ever be.
“Sweetheart, you didn’t have to wait for me. You must be exhausted.”
“Are you kidding me? I was scared out of my frigging mind! How can you just stand there
as if nothing happened? Like people didn’t just die, and that you almost didn’t just die?” I start to shout unwillingly, letting my emotions get the best of me.
“Hey, hey, calm down.” He cups my face again, smiling back at me. “This is all part of the job. It’s something I’ve grown accustomed to. If I get emotionally attached each time something
bad happens, I wouldn’t be able to do my job right.” It sounds like he’s making a good point, but all I hear is ‘I’m a robot and have no real feelings.’ Although, I know that isn’t true about Eric at all, a part of me can’t help but feel pained at how well he reacts to this situation.
“This is too much, Eric. I don’t think
—”
“
Shhh, baby,” he soothes, cutting me off. “I’m sorry you were scared. Please, don’t worry. Let’s just go home and get you back in bed.” I nod, not wanting to have a fight with him about it right now. I know I would never win that battle. Of course, he loves his job. Of course, he knew what he was getting himself into…but did I? I never even thought of the possibilities before Eric and I became close.
A week goes by and
things finally return to normal. The shock of the explosion, and thinking he was dead, no longer consumes me. I still feel petrified anytime I hear sirens, but after the huge explosion at the high school, Eric tries his best to text or call more often during his shifts. I hate that I’ve become this girl. A girl that needs to keep tabs on her man.
Her man…which he was, right?
This whole relationship stuff is too damn new to me. I have no idea what I’m doing, and I’m scared I’ll ruin it…or worse,
have my heart broken. At this point however,
not
being around Eric would break my heart.
“Morning, sweetheart,” Eric whispers into my ear at which I can only assume is before sunrise. I cover my head with the sheets and roll to my other side. “Oh no ya don’t, missy. Time to run,” he orders, making me cringe at the thought of leaving my warm bed.
“You are evil, you know that,” I mumble as he slowly takes the sheets off me.
“I beg to differ, but we can discuss that later. For now, up!” He rips the blankets off, making my legs spring to my chest for comfort and warmth.
“Eric! I’m freezing!”
“Damn, sweetheart. What I wouldn’t give to be your bed right now.” That was the plan, my friend.
Carissa and I went on a shopping trip the other night and well let’s just say she picked out some more
tasteful
bedtime attire. I want Eric to stop thinking of me as the fragile, once damaged little girl. I’m twenty-three years old, for goodness sake. I want him…need him…and crave him so much that I think I’ll combust if he doesn’t start touching me soon.
“You
likey?” I ask, turning to give him a better view from the front.
“
Uhhh…yeah, you could, um, say that,” he stutters, brushing his palms through his hair as he tries to find the right words. Or any words at all, for that matter.
“Why don’t you come lay with me? Please?” I look up at him through my eyelashes, hoping my plea is good enough to convince him. His touch was better than running. I never thought I’d say that, but it was true. The way he made my whole body quiver took every ounce of pain out of me. The way his lips bruised my skin as he suckled on my neck washe
d away every pained memory I ever had. It is as if he was just what I needed…the spark to help me live again.
“You are making it
very
hard to be a good boy, sweetheart.” I could see the conflict in his face. He wants it as badly as I do, yet he’s reserved and careful.
“I.
Do. Not. Want. A. Good. Boy.” I spell out for him, pronouncing each word slowly, and firm. His face finally softens as he smirks at what I’m implying. He pulls the sheets back and climbs in next to me covering us back up. He turns me to my side so his chest is against my back. I love the way he wraps his arms around me, as if he’s protecting me—
keeping me safe.
I wiggle my butt against his front, feeling his arousal though his sweat shorts. He lets out a moan against my neck as he digs in, tasting and licking my bare skin.
I tilt my head back slightly, letting him know exactly what I want from him. My neck is more exposed and goose bumps are apparent up and down my arms. The way his breath blows against me sends tingles between my thighs and makes my breasts eager for his touch. I’ve never felt this need before…this desire…but the fact that I was now having it, I was not going to let it go. I want it. I want Eric. It was as if my thirteen-year-old self finally aged over night. I was desperate for his touch.
A small moan slips from my throat as his lips intensify over my skin
, gnawing on my ear, kissing down my neck and shoulder. I reach behind me, grab his upper thigh, and swing it over me. I want to feel his arousal, I want to touch him, and make him mine more than I want to breathe.
“The way you moan for me is hot as sin, Velaney,” he growls, pulling me underneath him as he straddles my body. I chew my lower lip, containing the wide grin that wants to peak out. For the first time in my life, this finally feels normal…real… perfect.
Eric is not just another guy, nor is he a fling…but rather, I believe he is
the
guy.
“Kiss me,” I beg. He intently watches me, covering his hands up and down my body, making me desperate for more. He lowers himself on me and crashes his lips to mine. His hard body covers me like a blanket as I wrap my legs around his waist to push him down, eager to feel him. He’s rock hard and it’s pushing against me, making me wet
, and eager for him to have me completely.
He grinds into me as my hips are matching his rhythm, and making everything around me spin.
Good Lord he feels amazing.
Another moan slips through my throat, and then another. I can’t help it. The way I feel about him and the way he makes me feel when he touches and kisses me is too much to keep inside of me. I want him to know he can have me…to be my first.
I dig my nails into his back as he feasts on my neck. He brings his lips back to mine, allowing me to taste his eager lips. The kiss intensifies as he wraps a hand behind me and pushes me closer to him, if that were even humanly possible.
He’s not wearing a shirt, but damn if he were, I’d be ripping it off him right about now. I lower my hands down to his waist and wrap my hand around his thickness through his shorts. He lets out a deep growl that signals me to keep going. I want him more than anything right now, and I’m going to take exactly that. I bring my other hand to his waist and brim his waistband with my fingers. I want them off, but the way he’s laying on me makes it impossible for me to do myself.
“Tell me to stop,” he pleads in despera
tion. Anytime before, we make sure not to go past our limits. I know he does that for my sake, but now was different. Now I want him. I’m ready.
“I don’t want to,” I whisper back, barely breaking our lips apart.
I take the hand that is stroking him and pull back as I grab his shorts with both hands and pull them back as far as I can.
“Sweetheart
, you cannot say stuff like that. I’m serious.” He pulls back, leaning back on his calves. He’s flustered, sweaty, and torn. I can see in his eyes that he’s conflicted, but I have no doubts that this is what I want.
“Why? I want you, Eric. I’m giving myself to you. Right now.” He brushes his palms over his face, contemplating what I just told him.
“Sweetheart, listen to me.” He lowers his eyes and hands down to his shorts and reties the string that came loose. “Trust me when I say I want you more than anything, but right now is not the time. You aren’t ready.”
“What? Who are you to say I’m not ready. I’m laying here beneath you telling you I’m ready!” The tone in my voice comes off unpleasant, but the way he’s reacting is not
the way I envisioned.
“Sweetheart, don’t get mad. I just…I want to be able to let loose and express myself when I’m with you. Right now, you still cringe at certain words and certain things I do. I don’t want to rush this, Velaney. I don’t want to screw it up by going too fast.”
Well, damn. Why does he always have to be the rational and logical one? He was right, I suppose. But holy hell did I crave him.
“Okay,” I say softly. “Guess I’ll go get ready for our run then.” I try to get out from underneath him.
“Um, actually, I need to take a shower.” He pauses, covering his hands over his very noticeable bulge. “A cold one.” He jumps off the bed, places a light kiss on my lips, and heads out. I laugh as he shuts the door behind him, knowing how hot and bothered he is.
Good. Serves him right.
Damn, I was just as hot and bothered as he is.
I hate that I have so many issues to work through in order to get close to Eric. I hate that Aiden is the reason for all of this. For the first time in my life, I finally feel re
ady to move past the bad to aim for the good. Eric was just that…good. No, he was frigging amazing.
“Well, now that that’s over, let’s get something to eat.” Eric brushes his head with the towel, walking through the door in just his shorts. His skin glistens from the shower, making it impossible not to stare.
“I’m not going anywhere with you until you put a shirt on.” I cross my arms, pouting that I have to resist the urge to touch him. He chuckles lightly at my banter and gives the most delicious smile. God, I want to crash my face to his.
“Fine. Let’s go to my place then.” He reaches his hand out for me.
“Oooh…inviting me to your place already? Isn’t there a rule for that or something? Like the three date rule before you bring the girl back to your palace?” I smirk, walking closer to him and resisting the urge to change his mind.
“Hey, you broke the rule first. I got into your bedroom the first time we met,” he teases playfully, scooping me in his arms. “Speaking of dates…I need to take you on one. A
real
one.”
“What ever do you have in mind?” I
say a pitch higher.
“Be prepared to be wined and dined, my lady.” I roll my eyes at his attempt
at a British accent.
“You are too southern to be British, sorry babe.” He slaps
me playfully on the butt, making me squirm. He leads me out the door and we walk up to his floor.
As he fidgets with his keys I say, “Well, this is the moment, huh? Could make us or break us?” He winks before opening the door and guiding me in. He flicks the lights on and my jaw drops to the floor.
“Oh my word,” I gasp. “This cannot be your place.” My hand covers my mouth, letting it all sink in. My eyes scan the room, waiting for something to jump out and bite me. His place is
pure
perfection. There’s a mahogany dining table with a vase of fresh flowers. I look in the living room where there’s a white L-shaped sofa. There’s a marble coffee table adjacent to the sofa. There’s a large flat screen television mounted on the wall. Also, a white glass entertainment center with a few small candles next to his DVR and PlayStation. I peek down the hallway and see the walls tastefully decorated in beautiful art canvases.
“Are you gay? I mean, if you are, tell me now.”
He chokes a cough before answering. “No, Velaney, I’m not gay. I have good taste.” He winks, getting a smile out of me.
“Are you going to tell me you live with your mother or something?” He leans in and pulls me into his hard rock chest.
“No. She may have helped me decorate, but that’s it. I swear.” He smiles, getting me to laugh at his humor.
“Well, I’m sincerely jealous. Your place
is perfect.”
“I’m glad you think so. I was hoping maybe you’d want to sleep
over…” he lingers, holding my gaze with his as he watches my reaction. My eyes shoot open, rolling his words in my mind.
Sleep over?
I’ve never slept over at a man’s house before. Jake and I never slept over at one another’s house…
ever.
I don’t want to freak Eric out with another one of my mini meltdowns, so I swallow and shove it to the back of my mind.
“
Sure, maybe.” I wink, playfully teasing him. He smiles back, not questioning my bizarre response. The truth was that I was scared out of my mind to sleep with a guy. Carissa and I share a bed all the time, but sleeping with a man is completely different. First, I worry about weird body functions. I mean, what person doesn’t worry about that? Will I snore in my sleep? Say something embarrassing, or kick him? Gahh…I’m overthinking. Breathe, Velaney.
You can do this.
I can let him in…yes…yes I will.
“Well, I’m going to go put a shirt on, per your request, and then I’m taking you out on our breakfast date.” He grins
widely, giving me goose bumps from head to toe.
Wow…seriously that smile could do me in for good.
I walk around his kitchen, inspecting his cupboards and fridge as he changes. I smile as I notice water bottles, beer, and eggs in his fridge.
No wonder he comes to my place for breakfast…the man has no food.
“Snooping, are we?” he pe
eks in, catching me in the act. I quickly turn around, blushing that he caught me.
“You seriously need to go shopping.” I grin, putting my hands on my hips.
“No way. That’s my excuse to sneak over in the mornings.” He startles me and rushes to my side, scooping me up and placing me gently on his counter. He wedges himself in between my legs, igniting that spark I’ve never felt before. He grabs my face and leans his lips in close to mine, barely brushing my lips with his. I close my eyes, eagerly waiting, but he doesn’t move. “Breakfast time,” he whispers, making my eyes pop open at his too wide grin.
Why does he always rile me up?
I scuff at his evil trick, begging his lips to touch me as I pucker my lips up at him.
He places a finger between us, not allowing our lips to connect.
“Seriously?” I whine. “Kiss me,” I beg,
puckering my lower lip out in a pout. He grins at me and backs up.
“No, sweetheart. I’m taking you out on a date first. If you
’re lucky, I’ll kiss you goodnight.”