Speak (The Voice trilogy Book 2) (20 page)

I look at him, I can see truth in his eyes. I also see the longing and hurt, so much hurt. I want nothing more than to go over and kiss him, to tell him that I have in fact forgiven him, years ago. I want to tell him that I know what he had done wasn’t intently, but I couldn’t. Him standing this close to him was killing me. I also can’t confess him that he is the last man I had been with.  So being the cold hearted bitch that I am, I just look at him. I can feel my eyes filling up with tears so I have to look away. I’m grateful that Riley is a smart man and just stands there.

I take a deep shaky breath. “Riley, I’ve changed so much in the past 10 or so years since you’ve seen me last. I really don’t think you can fully understand...I’m hurt, angry, and sad that you could use me to further along your career. I’m not mad at you for moving ahead, but just how you went about it. That’s what pissed me off. I thought I could trust you, I thought that I could be close to someone other than my family. I guess I should have done what I normally do, and that’s to shut down, but again, I thought you were different than everyone else.  To me you’re nothing but one of the paparazzi that’s only out to get the story. I still love you, I will always love you, but I just can’t open that part of my heart again. It’s been closed way too long to be reopened...As you can see it’s getting late and I really need to get going. I have some place to be,” I lie to him, hoping that he will get the picture.

I start walking toward the door. Riley starts following, but stops before he goes through the door. He turns and looks at me, and I give him a soft smile. “Riley, we could have lunch sometime next week so we can go over the investigation,and maybe to get catch up. I’m still pissed at you, so don’t think of this as more than what it sounds. I’ve changed a lot, you have no idea how much, unless you’ve been stalking me.”

“No, I haven’t been keeping tabs on you. Well, not that much anyway. I just moved back a year ago, so it would be nice to get caught up, and thank you. Are you still at the same number?” he asks me. I nod and he walks out of my office and onto the waiting elevator.

After Riley leaves my office I go sit at my desk and run everything that just happened through my  head. I can’t believe that they both think that my family, or rather my father, had been involved with the mafia. That just sounds so absurd just thinking about it. I mean yeah, I did question where all this new found money was coming from. My sister, Ava, and I didn’t grow up poor, we just knew that we had to work hard for our money. We lived in a modest ranch style home. It was bigger than everyone else’s home, but it was still cozy. Then everything started to change. How could I have been so blind? My father changed, it didn’t happen overnight, it was a gradual change. He would come to my soccer games, volleyball games, and track meets but his presence slowly started to drift. He became distant, and would get mad quickly. He never hit us, he just started yelling a lot.

-“you’re so fucking beautiful, you don’t even see it! Your eyes, a mixture of blue, gray and green with little gold flecks, are intoxicating . Your hair is so soft and the perfect blend of brown and blonde. You’re only 22 and work out to have the perfect body, that most would kill to have, and it’s all mine. Mine to look at, mine to touch, and mine to worship.” I smiled and looked down at him as he looked up at me from in-between my legs. “You taste so good, and the sounds that you make while I’m fucking you are divine. I just can’t stop, I know what a heroin addict must feel trying to score a fix,” he breathed out the words just before I saw the tip of his tongue flick me lightly. My eyes rolled into the back of my head and I moaned.

I have to stop thinking of the time I had with him, it never did any good to think about. It had taken me 6 years to get over what he had done to me. For whatever reason, I can bring back the most exquisite memories. The memories that made my toes curl and my breathing heavy, andI get that deliciously heavy feeling low in my belly. One thing that Riley Tanner is good at is using his body...oh, he used it so well on mine several times.

I am feeling slightly depressed and a little turned on. I decide that I have worked enough for the day and need to head home.  I shut down my laptop and turn my phone over to the night service since I’ve haven’t hired an assistant yet. I get up and walk to the elevator, head to my car, and drive home in complete silence. Music is the last thing I need to listen to. It took me years to listen to it after my parent’s death. It was because Angelina Kincaid loved music. She could learn any instrument and play it flawlessly. Yes, remember the happy times Alexia.

Since I haven’t talked to my little sister in a few days, I decide to give her a quick call. I’m really hoping it’s not too late and that I’m not disturbing her. I know she doesn’t mind, since we are all we have. No matter what, we always make time for each other. I’m fiercely protective of my sister; there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for Ava. She’s a great person, growing into a very smart and beautiful woman. I’ve had to put my foot down several times with some of the loser guys she’s dated in the past. Most of them only wanted to be with her because of the great “Kincaid” name.  Me trust issues? Nah.

“Hey Ava, how’ve you been? I haven’t talked to you in a while.”

“I know...I’ve been super busy with school. You know me, test and papers, and well life! Oh, I’ve meet someone. I was going to call you and see if we could have lunch.”

“Ava, I think that’s a wonderful idea. I have some really important stuff to discuss with you too. Oh also, I haven’t received the information for this semesters total yet. So if they ask you where the payment is tell them I’m not paying without the damn invoice. I hate that they tried to stiff you last year.”

“Sissy, it’s ok. I’ll go speak with my advisor tomorrow. Is everything ok? You never get stressed over that stuff, and when you’re stressed you ask about the business side of school. Oh, I forgot to tell you I made the Dean’s List again! I’ve been so busy...anyway, lunch soon. Okay? I have to get going, I’m studying for a huge test tomorrow. I’ll call you later this week. I love you, goodnight.”

“Sure Ava, have fun, and I will call you for a lunch date. Have a good night,” I tell her before hanging up.

Walking in the door to my apartment, right outside of Downtown, is perfect. I didn’t have to brave the extreme rush hour traffic; however, it did get crazy every now and then. I love the location and I love the views of the Houston skyline. It is nice and quiet, and dark. I flip on several lights as I walk to the kitchen to grab a glass of wine. I finally make my way to the bedroom. I’m in need of a bath to try and relax a bit before bed. Once inside I go to the bathroom to run the water for my bath. Well, bathtub is not quite how you would describe a small pool in the middle of the room. It is sunken in, and I have no idea how they did that, and I really didn’t care either. I paid a small fortune on this place and had it gutted and remodeled. I walk into the closet to undress and make my way back to the bathroom. I grab my glass of wine, take a sip, and sink down into the warm water. It is almost too hot, but it feels too damn good to cool it down. I sit back and close my eyes to let the warm water help me relax the crazy, stressful day away.

After a far too long of a soak, I get out and walk into my bedroom where I can hear my phone going crazy. Damn, I can’t even take an hour to myself these days. I grab my cell phone and see 18 missed calls, several text messages, and a couple of voice mails. As I’m getting ready to listen to the voice messages my other phone starts ringing. I look at the caller ID and see it’s from the one other person that I will ever trust, my best friend since college, Victoria.

Victoria is, well, she’s a little flaky. She’s smart as hell, but she’s never been able to hold a job. She goes through men like fast food, and will never settle down. You would think this is how she was growing up, however, it’s the complete opposite. Her parents were strict, goal seeking, and great for the normal home base structure that was needed. She grew up with a strong military background. So having her being this flaky was a given, since she really didn’t have a normal childhood. This is the longest she’s ever stayed in one state.

“Hey. Sorry I didn’t answer your call, I was taking a bath. What’s up?”

“Nothing much, getting ready to come to visit and wanted to see if you wanted some company?”

“I’ll have to take a look to see if I have some time. We have the sports division opening, and some of the Houston Texans are coming in tomorrow to see what we can offer. Is everything all right?” I prod Tori to go on.

I hear her take a deep breath, almost as if she’s bracing herself. Then in a quick huff, “oh nothing really, just missing you and Ava like crazy. I just want to come spend some time with the two of you, but if your busy don’t worry about it. I’m sure there will be plenty of time later.”

This has me frowning and wondering what Victoria has possibly gotten herself into this time. She is my best friend, more like a second sister to me. I love her dearly, but she’s always getting herself into the craziest things.

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay here? You know you always have a place to stay here with me. No need having you waste away at some random hotel, God knows where at,” I laugh little.

“Well alright, since you put it that way. I’ll see you tomorrow,” Victoria giggles and hangs up before I can respond.

I look at the phone wondering what the hell had just happened. It’s like her to do crazy things, but to accept my help that quickly, that’s another thing completely. I try not think too much of it, because if I do I’ll end up worried sick about whatever is going on this time. I grab my phone and sit down on my bed reading over all of the text messages, mostly from clients or people from the office. They all seem to have a handle on it, so I don’t stress too much, and head to bed.

I wake in a panicked cold sweat and see that it’s a little after midnight. I know I won’t be going back to sleep, so I might as well get some work done. So I take a deep breath, get up walk into the kitchen for a bottle of water and some fruit. I walk into my office and turn on my deskside lamp, sit down and turn on my computer. While I’m waiting for my computer to boot up I look down at my phone and see several missed calls. I notice some voice mails I need to listen to, and a couple of text messages.

*Alexia, I was wondering if we could have lunch tomorrow. That way we can talk about our personal shit before I get vested in the case.* Riley texted me. I look at my phone as if it is covered in snakes. I didn’t think he’d get in contact with me this fast. I look at the clock, it says that it’s almost one in the morning. I wonder if he’s awake, if he’s with someone, or if he’s in the office.

*hey, just now getting your text. sure, lunch tomorrow will be fine.* I text back, not expecting a response right away with it being so late.

*where would you like to meet?* he asks.

*uhm, The Café in the Hilton? If that’s okay.* I respond to his question.

*sure, that sounds great. Have a good night and I’ll see you tomorrow* Riley reply’s back

For some reason, I’m smiling and I’m not sure why. This is the guy that broke my heart and did it to advance in his career. I thought I could I trust him, I thought that I loved him. He knew I had major trust issues with everyone because of my father’s namesake. I try to shake the feeling that this is going to be something more than just a simple lunch meeting. I open up my email program on my computer and sit there just looking at it blankly, wondering if I should tell Victoria about Riley. I know I should, but for some reason I can’t. I didn’t tell her that Riley was in my office earlier either. She only knew of him from the things I had told her. I also know that she had a lot on her plate, and  I don’t want to worry her with my personal shit.

After answering some emails, I finally look up and see that it’s close to three am. I need to get some sleep so that I’m not dead on my feet tomorrow morning. I have several things that need to be done and the first item on the agenda is to hire an assistant. I’ve never needed one, but it’s getting harder and harder to have a productive day if I have to answer all of the calls, arrange my calendar, and so on. So, I’m taking the advice of my sister and Victoria and finally getting an assistant.

Watch for more JL Sins and Saving Alexia in 2015

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Before Him Comes Me 

Copyright 2014  Alexandria Sure

An excerpt

The march to the center circle is long, with each step taking me closer to my unknown future.  The weight of the gown pressing upon me is a reminder that my life is not my own and, in a very short time, that ownership would be given to a man that has been chosen not just by my father, but by council of our community. Once this man, this stranger, enters the circle and places that collar around my neck, he will not only become my Dom but my husband as well.

One step behind my father, I carefully place one foot in front of the other. I passed the children dressed in their very best, sitting still under the watchful eyes of the entire community, my eyes lowered onto the white carpet laid specifically for my ceremony. I catch a glimpse of Sloane sitting with all of the other single females of our community in a lovely pale blue dress. She winks as I cross my fingers in a silent signal of solidarity. 

Sloane and I have talked about this day for months.  We have also talked about her ceremony, as it is only four months after mine.  Both of us are nervous, but Sloane has an excitement when she talks about her life-changing event that I cannot muster.  Only Sloane knows that I would rather be walking down a different path tonight.  My most secret thoughts are always kept safe by my best friend.

Once in the center of the ceremony circle, my father turns and looks at me, my eyes shining with tears that are forbidden to fall.  He kisses each of my cheeks and instructs me to kneel.  I know the steps of the ceremony as I have attended many since the age of five.  My mother rushes over to me and adjusts my gown, to what I assume is the perfect placement. 

My hands in my lap and my eyes unfocused but in their prescribed position, there is nothing left to do but wait for the inevitable. I concentrate on my breathing.  Years of my mother’s training have taught me that I am not to move once in position and that I do not have the luxury of watching him enter with his family. 

Replaying my march in my head, I realize that I did not steal a look at the Masters and their slaves, the Doms and their submissives, nor the council on my journey to the circle.  As a member of the congregation, these ceremonies held my interest. The interaction between the different groups’ relationships, as well as their placement within the hierarchy of the community, I found to be fascinating. Tonight, all of that was lost on the fact that I was being led to my new life. 

The rustling in the hall alerts me to the fact that his family has entered.  I can feel my heart begin to race as my new family makes their way closer to me.  He has to be on the white carpet by now.  The guests’ attention is now on the movements of procession.  I explore my surroundings within my peripheral vision, so not to stir from my statuesque position.  The collar resting on the table that will soon be placed around my neck catches my attention.  The collar is clasped.  I am unable to see the key.  Panic begins to take over my thoughts.  At the sound of my mother clearing her throat, I know that I have been caught in the slightest change in my orientation.

Breathe.  Just breathe.  My mind is racing.  Why is the collar locked?  Where is the key?  Think.  In all the past ceremonies, the collar lay open.  The open collar is the symbol of the council’s approval of the match between the first-born daughter of a council member and a son of a council member from a different sect.  The key to the collar was the symbol of ownership from the first-born’s father to her new Dom.  The history of this ceremony requires the collar to be unlocked, with the key ready to be presented to the Dom.  When one’s life has been filled with inevitability, processing surprises becomes difficult. 

My mind sifts through all of the ceremonies that I have attended and fast-forwards to the point when the open collar is picked up and placed around the “birthday girl’s” neck.  In every memory that I recall, the collar is lying open when it is picked up.  My breath has become labored. But all thoughts of the collar evaporate as he steps into the center of the circle. 

His shoes.  What can you tell about a man, my Dom-to-be, by his polished, square-toed black shoes?  Nothing.  The dress restricts any attempts at taking a deep cleansing breath.  I try to settle my thoughts by employing the techniques taught to me during years of training.  It is to no avail. 

The eagerness to look at his face begins to vibrate through my entire body.  I know if I move my mother will clear her throat and I will be reprimanded the moment we are alone. I take a deep breath in an attempt to calm myself.  Discovering what he looks like will not change my future. 

The hall quiets, as the Master of Ceremonies steps into the circle and takes his place opposite from us. Taking the deepest breath possible, my shoulders fall.  This is my final moment of freedom.  I am becoming his submissive and wife.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see him take something out of his jacket pocket.  I feel his hand rest on my shoulder at the same moment that I hear my mother suck in almost all of the oxygen in the hall.  With all the strength I can summon, I remain focused on my lap. 

“Please.  Open it.  Read it.”

Hearing his voice for the first time had an immediate effect on me.  The five words that he spoke lacked emotion.  They were just words said in a voice that I wanted to continue to hear.  Mesmerized by his voice, I had not listened to what he had said.  Wait! What am I supposed to be doing? This is not how I remember any of the other ceremonies.

“Zara, please read the letter.”

He tapped my shoulder with the back of his hand.  The envelope was right at my eye level.  There was no mistaking what he wanted done.  I slowly reached for the envelope and brought it down to my lap so I could read it without raising the level of my eyes. 

Dear Zara Faith Evans:

Congratulations on your admission to Michigan State University and welcome to the Spartan Family.

Totally confused, I reread the first sentence of the letter over again a couple of times.  Michigan State University?  My name is clearly on the letter.  But … how?

“I don’t understand.”  I say in a whisper more to myself than to him or anyone around me.

“Zara.”

For the very first time, I allow myself to elevate my eyes and look at the man that is to become my future … I think.  Before I can stop myself, I gasp at seeing his face.  He is more than attractive; I don’t have the words yet to describe how good he looks.  My eyes find their way to his and they lock.  Even the sound of my mother’s threatening throat clearing cannot break our eye contact.  It isn’t until I hear my name in her harsh tone that I remember my place and return my focus to my trembling hands.

Then something happens that causes the entire hall to go silent.  He kneels down in front of me and looks me in the eyes.

“I am not your Dom.  I am not your husband.  I am here for you and I will take care of all of your needs.  Take this time to discover who you are and what you want.  It is my sincere hope that in four years from tonight, you will again be waiting for me within the center circle.  At which time, you will be ready to complete the ceremony freely. Nod … if you wish for me to take you to college.”

I am in shock.  I have no idea what will happen.  I nod my head … yes. 

Straightening to his full height, he extends his large hand out to help me to my feet. I am shaking.  For the first time in my life, I do not know what to expect.  I find my mother’s eyes and stare into them, attempting to convey my love for her and my need to take this unexpected opportunity. 

“Aubrey.”

That’s all Father had to say to end the silent communication between us.  The tone in which he said it made it clear what was expected of her.  Her eyes dropped to the ground directly in front of her.  Slowly, my mother lowered herself into the kneeling position that my father’s tone demanded.  There would be no point in hoping for more eye contact with my mother.  She is no longer my mother.  She is now my father’s slave.

I flinched as the man standing next to me begins to speak.  No longer to me, but to the entire hall, ripping me from the realization that this decision has more far- reaching ramifications than just this ceremony.

“Thank you all for coming this evening.  This ceremony has been rescheduled for four years from tonight.  Thank you.”

With my hand still in his, he leads me out of the circle. We pass the collar that I have prepared to wear my entire life.  We pass my mother in her kneeling position with her hands in her lap, her eyes affixed to the floor directly in front of her.  We walk past everyone: the King council, Doms with their subs, Masters with their slaves, and the section of unattached males and females that are whispering as we pass. We are walking away from everyone and everything that I know.