Spider Brains: A Love Story (Book One) (16 page)

I didn't look at him. Didn't even acknowledge him. When I reached the door. I stopped in front of her and glared. Both my hands slammed onto my hips. My body went rigid.

"Susie?" She tipped her head to the side like a stupid dog. "What's wrong, honey?"

"You're acting like a..." The tears burnt holes behind my eyes, "Oh, forget it!" I pushed past her and ran to my room.

This was definitely a saxophone-playing kind of night.

TWENTY FOUR - Why Do Things Have to Change...

It took me a half-hour to calm down when she knocked on my door. It took her a half-hour to clean up from her pathetic dinner date.

She wanted to talk. Bleh.

Her voice sounded muffled. "Susie? Honey. Can I come in?"

I rolled off my stomach and wiped my face, "I'm working on my report," and jumped up to get my laptop. Sitting fast at the desk, acting like I'd been there all night long.

She tapped again. "I'm coming in, okay?"

"I can't stop you."

The door cracked open about an inch. From the corner of my eye I could see her eyes making an assessment of me, the room, homework. Thank God and hallelujah I'd left my computer on earlier because the screen opened up to my science project paper.

Sometimes things work out the way you hope. I'm learning that.

'Course most often, things bite, like cramming to finish Morlson's homework assignment.

"How's it going?"

I shrugged my shoulders and stared at the screen like I was majorly engrossed in it.

"You know, Susie.
Paul
is my friend."

My mind whirled into a coma so deep my body felt numb.

"My new friend." She added.

Throwing up, now!

"K. Mom. Like. Please. Keep it to yourself."

"Susie. He's very lonely."

"Okay. Mother. That's SO not keeping it to yourself."

She started to speak again but I cut her off. "Look. Mom. Whatever. Okay? I mean. I really don't have time. I have to finish this report or the Queen, Morlson the toad, is going to give me a big fat F for the assignment."

"Can I help?"

"Can you hel--" I rolled my eyes. "Please?" I strained it out as if I were so consumed by the subject matter at hand there was no allowing anyone anywhere to help me anytime, no thank you, no how!

What I really wanted was for her to get her made up face out of my room and to start acting like mom again.

"Okay." She pulled the door back toward her but hesitated a sec. "Want some cookies and milk."

"Grunt." I flipped my hands up at my computer as if to offer it gold, frankincense and myrrh. "Mother. Please?"

She whispered, "Okay. Okay. Sorry," and pulled the door closed.

My gaze seemed to stick there at the knob not knowing what to do but then she spoke from the other side. She hadn't left yet. "If you need anything."

And, like a flood rushing down a dry river bed, the tears flowed out of my eyes.

I wanted to scream, "I need my dad back! I need my dad back!" But, instead, I buried my mouth into my sleeve smothering any noise that tried to escape.

TWENTY FIVE - The Day I Became a Secret Agent

Like. It wasn't as if I had my ear to the door or anything. Pa-lease.

It was the perfect coalescence of a time/opportunity moment. I mean, I was only walking by the classroom on my way to lunch. The halls had emptied. Not a grumbling stomach could be heard or found in the hallways, anywhere.

It was at that perfect moment I heard Morlson-
Mc-Forlson
speaking in her whispery manly voice. It stopped me cold.

I DID, at that juncture, however, peek into the door which was cracked a little and saw batboy in there with her. They were alone.

And, me?

I had officially become an eavesdropper. :)

"Matthew." She always called Matt by his proper name since he came to our school. "Matthew," she says, "You haven't seemed to have
blended
into our program as of yet."
Like how many words do you need in one sentence?

Matt stood with his backpack slung over both shoulders. It bulged with books. He'd forced his hands deep into both slumpy pockets. And, was looking at his feet.

Morlson's huge-a-mundo carcass rested on that poor desk of hers. If that desk had a face it would be wincing in pain.

A pencil got trapped between her butt and the day-planner that covered her desk. It angled up. I kind of felt like it would be totally cool to tie a little surrender flag on its eraser. "SOS! SOS!" It screamed only for me.

Anywho. There Matt stood, force of nature that he is, listening, nodding every once in a while as Morlson lectured him on his academic performance...
thus far
.

"I know you're trying," She went on, "but if you don't somehow bring up your grades, I will be forced to fail you in this class."

Matt's head dropped further onto his chest--if that's possible--and he bobbed his head once that he understood. The thing that got to me was that Morlson actually seemed saddened about his predicament. She was
coddling
him.

Suddenly, I felt something like fire filling my cheeks. Not once, in all my dealings with the frog monger did Morlson ever, I mean never, ever treat me as though she were unhappy about my shortcomings with my previous student self.

Then, it hit me. She hated me.

The apparent in equanimity between her handling of Mat-
thew
and me appeared like--

Okay, okay. So, like, this is me, over here on the Arizona side of the Grand Canyon and, like, this is Mat-
thew
over there, standing on the Utah side! And there's Morlson over there with Mat-thew hugging him and squeezing him and making me want to hurl up a real-size 50-lb sturgeon,
backwards
, spines first and all!

Of all the...

Well, I don't know what "of all the" means at this point but, I have to tell you, I got blasted angry, I did.

When I pulled back away from the crack in the door, Matt's head moved as if he might've noticed me. But, I snuck off without being detected. I think.

TWENTY SIX - On the Prowl... Again!

Delilah and I had to duck to avoid being seen.

We looked at each other--eyes alert to potential detection--then around our immediate surroundings. The bucket of gardening supplies still sat with all the tools it always had inside, looking ready to go-- a hand spade, a pair of green rubber gardening gloves and some MiracleGro plant food. Everything still in its place however something seemed off. And, at that point, I couldn't figure out what.

The unmistakable
phfft phfft phfft
of spraying sifted through the air just outside her window, on Morlson's landing... again! But, this time the odor was off. Smelling a bit more surgically clean.

Pussy acted as if she wanted to turn hide and run.

"No. Delilah." I whimpered out in a hush. "We have a job to do!"

Delilah mewed a tiny growl but I yanked on her ear and she forgot and began to purr. Then, she sat down, well below the window's ledge and began licking her, ahem, you guessed... her hoo.

"Sheesh, pussy! Give it a rest already."

Delilah looked up, leg still at high salute, and licked her lips, like, "What's wrong?"

I just shook my spider head, crawled up the face of the wall and peeked into the window.

The surgically clean smell seemed stronger up there.

Still, we had another job to do, another attack on the Queen was in order.

Just then, Morlson appeared at the window.

I froze.

She flipped open the window wide then turned and walked away, fast, nearly in a sprint. But, sprinting with Morlson's body looked less graceful than a hippopotamus doing the samba. I can't delete the image from my mind, no matter how hard I try!

She hadn't seen me. Why would she? It was dark outside, light inside and the wall between light and dark obscured at the point where they met.

With the window gaping open, I had clear passage in to her room. Again! Whippee.

And, as I climbed onto the inner ledge something felt slick under my feet. I became overcome with wooziness.

I was about to flip over and take a long snoooooooze, when Morlson returned... with a broom... held high... above her head.... coming for... ME!

Our eyes connected.

I was frozen!

TWENTY SEVEN - What Spell-checker Doesn't Catch

Twelve-O-9 in the morning and I'd just finished spell-checking my report. I'd remembered mom saying something about how she always spell-checked any written documents that she sent out, whether hard copy or email.

She'd said, "You should too, Susie. Lest you be marked down for poor spelling. Selah."

Lord.

And, I get that it's just spell-check and it can't catch words like to and too or do and due or no and know or way and weigh or be and bee (and even Bea) or there and their or its and it's or, well, you get what I mean. So, although I always used my spell-checking tool, it didn't necessarily caught my errors. Ultimately, the snaggliest of snaggly-pusses did, Ms. Morlson, the Queen... btw, since mom first used that term for Ms. Morlson, I started referring to her that way too. Then, Ricki and Jamie picked it up and, well, it sort of took off. Now, EVERYONE in school calls her that. 'Course she doesn't know it. She's totally oblivious.