Spider Brains: A Love Story (Book One) (27 page)

"'Cause, Susie, I don't really think you know."

Through a wall of blubbering I got out, "I don't know? I don't know dad died? I don't know that if we hadn't fought..." and my words trailed off behind a line of tears.

"You fought with dad?" Mom was crying but not making any sound. It was like someone turned on little tiny eye faucets and had walked away from the sink.

"I told him that the deers would get him one day. All the deers from deers past would come back somehow and get him!" I blubbered out.

"Oh Susie. I didn't know."

"How could you
not
know? I yelled at him."

"He never said..."

My crying sputtered and stopped. Dad never said anything? "What?"

"He never mentioned you two had a fight. I mean, if he'd thought it was bad enough I would suspect he would've told me, don't you?" Then, her head tipped slightly to the left, my right. "We always talked about things involving you but not that night. Not that night."

"How could he have not mentioned it?" I wiped my nose on my sleeve.

Mom got up, reached into my underwear drawer and pulled out a handkerchief. "Here." Then, she sat back onto the bed with me. "Maybe he was preoccupied." I frowned making her continue. "Well, we had planned a special night." She blushed.

I sniffled. "A special night?"

Then, she began to cry at the thought of their last night together. Then she nodded her head fast. "Yeah." She recovered and smiled at me. "Greg. Your dad." She looked up and smiled and I wanted to roll my eyes but figured, now, with this outing of new info, I'd best not. "He wanted to fix me dinner." She laughed once. "He wasn't a very good cook." She stood and walked to the door and leaning against it, she put her fingers to her lips and patted them softly. "But, he was a
very
good husband." She looked at me and smiled again. "He loved me so much."

I looked down at my lap.

"He loved you too. He adored you, little miss." Her arms dropped to her sides. "He probably didn't mention your talk because he wasn't upset about it." And, I almost got a word in but she did the Supremes thing again and stopped me. Again. "You might have been upset but he was too excited about getting on with our date night." Then, she came back and sat with me on the bed. "Remember, you had eaten a bowl of mac & cheese. He'd put it in the dining room with Moose and you took your bowl, instead, and went to your room to eat and study." She looked up and smiled at the ceiling. "That's when he followed you."

"He came in and I told him how awful it was to kill animals. I screamed at him, mom."

She raised her eyebrows and looked sad for me.

"I didn't know."

"I screamed at him and made him promise not to kill animals anymore. I screamed and screamed. Didn't you hear me?"

"I did but your dad said that everything was under control." She laughed. "He said," and she mimicked the way dad talked, "Guess, I'll be hanging up my gun, Willa."

"He did?"

"Uh huh. I had no idea honey. None." Then, the happiness of remembering the moment went solemn and her face seemed void of all emotion. "Then, he said he wanted to go out for a bottle of wine, you know, for dinner."

"What."

"Yes. He said he wanted dinner to be special and that he was going to get us a bottle of wine... no questions asked. But, I did. I told him we didn't need a bottle of wine. That the weather was too bad. That we could have wine another night." Her head fell to her chest and for the first time in months mom cried like she did the day dad died. Openly. Bravely. Like an animal calling for its young.

I got up and stood next to her by the bed.

Mom's shoulders shook under my arms. And, even though I held her tight, I couldn't squeeze the pain out.

As I held onto her, she choked out more, "He said, that a little snow couldn't keep us from having a night of romance, Willa!" The tears boiled out of her. "Oh my God. Why. Why. Why did you have to leave that night? Oh, Greg!"

"Mom. Oh. Mom. I'm so sorry."

She tried to gather herself, her streaked face red and lined with wet mascara she tried to wipe away but it just smeared. "How could you know about that? You were in your room."

"I always thought it was my fault he left."

"Oh Susie." She blocked back more tears. And, only said, "No."

She turned out of my grip and grabbed both of my upper arms. "Sit."

I collapsed onto the bed, slump-shouldered still in mom's grasp.

She wiped the hair out of my face then hugged me, tight. "See. And, this might be the saddest thing I can ever tell you but, Susie, sweetheart. But." She breathed in. "It's just nobody's fault."

"It's the snow's fault."

"It's nobody's fault, baby. Nobody's." She sniffled.

"I miss him so much."

Her face crumpled but she pulled herself together. "Me. Too." She sniffled again.

"Mom?"

"Yeah. Honey."

"Is it okay if I blame it on the snow for awhile?"

She breathed out and grinned. "Sure." Then, she got up. "But, don't hold a grudge for too long, Susie. Grudges only fester."

"K. Mom."

She leaned down and kissed my forehead. "I love you, Susie Speider."

"I love you."

Then, she turned to the door and slipped through it.

"Mom!" She walked back into view as if she'd walked backwards into the opening.

"Yes, honey."

" I
hate
the snow."

She only shook her head and made a little
tsk
noise between her teeth and tongue. Then, mom puckered and blew me a kiss.

FIFTY THREE - Another Resurrection

I was feeding my Spider, who I'd decided to name, Orville--the orb spider! Snicker. Who, btw, was getting big and fat and round like she had been before
the incident
.

Sitting on my bed there, watching her made me feel happy. For many reasons but mostly because she was no longer dead--another mystery King James might want to record, another miraculous resurrection. In a flash, I was thinking about my dad again.

"Susie!" My mind snapped away from dad when mom yelled out to me.

It was Saturday, my second favorite day of the week, after breakfast but before lunch.

"What!" I screamed to her from my room.

"Come here and don't scream anymore!" She screamed which is, like, well, if you can scream then why can't I? But, I didn't want to start anything up. You know how parents can get.

The day was
sunny, snowy with a good chance of precipitation later in the afternoon that would melt the snow then turn into sleet by evening and snow during the night and following morning
per the weatherman's forecast. But, I loved to see the sun hit the snow outside. Everything beamed in a flood of brightness.

Passing each door down the hall and each window in through each door, the sun smiled at me, making me smile and then making the sun smile even brighter.

"Susie?" Mom had a blue plate that boasted about four Costco peanut butter cookies on the kitchen table and a glass of goat's milk next to it. I pulled out the chair in front of the plate and the glass and proceeded to sit. I was totally absorbed by my snack that I didn't respond to mom.

"Susie?"

"Huh?" She frowned and when she did a tiny vertical crease appeared between her eyebrows, but closer to the right one. "What?" I repeated, fully connecting with her by then.

"Honey. I just got off the phone. Well, I just got off the phone with two different people?"

"A conference call? On Saturday?" I bit into my crumbling peanut-y cookie. The cookie had the perfect amount of butter and sugar. So good.

"Um. No. Uh, no. Honey. Two separate calls."

"Ahh." I took a sip of milk. "Okay? Like. What's the big drama, mom?"

She pulled out the chair at the corner next to me. Sitting down she rubbed her finger just below her nose, that way she did.

"Is something wrong?"

"Well, yes. Honey. Yes. I sort of think something is wrong."

"What?" I shoved my cookie into my mouth and bit down again. I loved peanut butter cookies. I'd always hoped that Costco would create a PB&J cookie. Life would be worth living then.

"Look." She sort of arched her back, straightening it out and then shook her head a little. The frown line between her eyes was still there. "I just spoke with Mr. Haggert." She paused. And, when she did a flash of heat enveloped me. "And, then I spoke with your doctor."

My hand, the one holding my cookie, fell to my lap. "What."

"Well, honey." She looked like her next few words needed a mediator, or someone else to say them for her. She even glanced out the window as if hoping to see someone to save her. "Honey. Mr. Haggert told me what's been happening at school."

"Like, what?"

"Well. He said that... well. First of all, young lady. You did a very brave thing stopping those bullies from hurting Matthew." Why did everyone call him
Matthew
? "You're a very kind-hearted sweet young lady, Miss Susie."

"Okay. Mom. Cut the Miss Susie stuff, all ready. Jeez. What's up. Why the cookies and worried face?"

"You want directness? Is that it?" Her head made these tiny little bops up and down, as if to stall.

"Mother. Please. Get on with it."

She stood abruptly. "He told me about Mrs. Morlson. That she seemed to have it out for you. Then. What Matthew did? You know?" Which I did not know and if I kept my mouth shut was sure to find out. I didn't move. I just stared into her eyes hoping she'd spill it. "Well, anyway. He's such a wonderful friend. But, what really got to me was that, that woman, would go to such lengths to target someone, well, you." Oh. Man. She glossed over whatever it was
Matthew
had done. "Why do you think she would target
you
, Susie?"

By that time, she was looking down on me.

I just shrugged my shoulders.

She sat fast, into her chair again. "Not good."

I shrugged again. Then, made a face like
What gives, ma?

"Don't lie to me, young lady."

"Look. First of all, mother. How should I know what evil lurks in the heart of Morlson?"

How could I actually say,

Well, mother, I've been heading over to her house on Delilah's head, as a spider, of course, and biting Morlson's big fat hunk-o-beef of a leg every other night or so.

I mean. Really. How could I say that? So I just said. "Mother. Please. How can I possibly know." I then took a very nonchalant bite of my cookie, sipped at my milk, daintily, and set it down, praying for her to buy it.

"Okay. Well. Good. If you're not instigating it then maybe she's just a horrid person."

OMG. She bought it. I just lied to my own mother!

"I spoke to your doctor too. Like I said."

"Mm hmm." I looked up innocently. The frown line seemed to have grown deeper. Her eyes were tight like her mouth.

"I told him about the spider."

"That Morlson tried to kill her?"

"No. Um. No. Sorry honey. No, about the spider. In your diary."

The magnetic poles shifted. I felt my chair quake under my rear-end. My head spun. My eyes felt like someone had placed branding irons into them.

"You talked about my diary entries!"

"Do NOT raise your voice to me, young lady."

"
I CANNOT believe you spoke about my diary to the doctor." I stood up from the chair. It slid away from my legs as if insulted by my leaving. "How dare you, mother! How dare you!"