Spin Doctor (25 page)

“Well, with both you and Eric at home during the day, is there a way that you can reassign Meriel's duties so that she can
help Eric handle his new baby-related responsibilities while you remain relieved of at least some of the burden of feeling like you're still doing everything?”

“That's a whole 'nother issue,” Amy fretted. “Meriel is underfoot all the time, or so it seems. I mean we have a fairly good-sized apartment, but with Eric home now, everything seems so disrupted. Everywhere one of us turns, there's Meriel. And it's becoming a too-many-cooks situation. It doesn't make sense to keep her on; on the other hand, I can't stand housework and have no time for it. If Eric were
competent
at it, we could let Meriel go—or at least furlough her for a while. But he's not, and he doesn't seem to want to be, and I think that if I give Meriel her walking papers, things will end up going from bad to worse. Besides, I hear so many horror stories from my friends about their housekeepers or au pairs, that I'm afraid to fire her. And if Eric returns to Newter & Spade full-time, we'll be back to needing someone almost every day anyway. God knows she's not the most reliable person in the world, but at the risk of sounding like a cliché, it's so hard to get good help nowadays.”

MERIEL

“I don't know how much longer I'll be coming down here.” There was resignation in Meriel's voice. “I read de writing on de wall. You know upstairs wit' Mrs. Amy and Mr. Eric, I am caught between de rock and de hard place. It seem layk she is standing over me wit' everyting I do for dem, and I cahn't work daht way. De other day I am dusting all her knickknacks and I feel her standing behind me. I get so tense I drop what I am dusting on de carpet. Good ting it was no'ting breakable. But I bend down to pick it up and I am trembling all
over. I need to have de job—de books I record on tape is only volunteer work—but dis is not a good way for me to live.”

Meriel buried her face in her hands. Rather than ask her a question or offer a suggestion, I patiently waited for her to resume speaking.

“You know…maybe I should quit de job. I have a feeling daht Mrs. Amy want to get rid of me, so maybe de leaving should be my idea instead. On de other hand, you know I need de job. Dey always say don't trow away de old couch until you have bought de new one.”

I was wondering if there was an adage or cliché that had been left unexpressed by my clients during the past week. “It's understandable that you'd feel more confident if you were the one choosing to leave your job, rather than waiting to get let go…assuming you think a dismissal really is forthcoming.”

“I told you, I see de writing on the wall. She and Mr. Eric are not happy wit' de current situation. And Mr. Eric is not ahkting layk de man in de family. So Mrs. Amy have to be de big decision-maker for bot' of dem. You know who I feel sorry for? Daht baby. She fuss over him all de time but say such bad tings about being a mother because she tink he too little to understand because he don't talk yet. I don't know about you, Mrs. Susan, but I tink babies understand a lot more than people tink dey do. I'm glad you are back doing de terapy, because Isaac going to need you in a few years!”

ME

“Guess who I just saw down by the mailboxes?” Molly practically galloped into the apartment. “Naomi and Claude! They just got the letter from the adoption
agency in Georgia that the paperwork went through. They're going to get their Chinese daughter!”

“That's fantastic!”

“Alice was in the lobby too, and when she heard the news she said she felt like a fairy godmother, because she'd notarized their papers. She said she was glad that all the years she'd worked as a legal assistant didn't end up a total waste of her life after all.”

We high-fived just as the phone rang. It was Claude and Naomi. “I know…Molly just told me…” I laughed at Claude's response. “Sorry, she ‘spoiled it' by getting to me before you did…I'm thrilled…honestly, I couldn't be happier for you…congratulations!”

“They're leaving for China in a couple of weeks,” I said to Molly after I hung up the phone. “First they visit their baby's province…I think she's from Sichuan; then they head to the city of Guan Cho, which is where all the expecting parents stay while they're waiting for their respective daughters to be delivered to them. So they'll be gone for two to three weeks. Naomi found a viable way to accompany Claude too. She's going to tell anyone who asks that she's going to be the baby's nanny.”

“They are going to be such wonderful moms, don't you think?” I nodded. “People can be so blind about it,” Molly added.

“Think of all the straight women who totally fuck up in the motherhood department.” She opened the refrigerator and stood in front of it for several moments trying to figure out what she wanted to snack on.

“Why don't you have some of Faith's Scotch broth?”

“Nuh-uh. Too heavy. Besides, I'm not that hungry.”

“Fine; but how many times have I told you not to leave the refrigerator door open. Now that you know what's in there, you can decide what to eat with the door closed.”

Molly ignored my suggestion. “You aren't, though, Mom. A fuck-up.
Dad's
an asshole, but you're a really good parent.” Molly finally opted for an orange and we sat down together at the dinette table.

“Use a napkin, Molly. Thanks. For getting the napkin and for the compliment. You know, I don't want you and Ian to choose sides; your father over me. We're both still your parents.”

“Too late for that,” Molly said, dumping the orange peel into the paper napkin. “It's not like we
chose
to choose between you and Dad. It's
obvious.
He followed his dick and walked out on us—”

“Molly, he's still your father! Don't talk about him like that. Show a
little
respect, at least.”

“Why? Did he show
you
any respect? Did he show Ian and me any respect? You're always asking me if I learned anything about ethics at the Ethical Culture schools…well, yeah, I did, okay? For one thing, you have to
earn
respect; you don't get it automatically. Even if you're a relative. And
Dad's
ethics are for shit, by the way. I bet that if I were one of your clients you'd tell me that my anger is valid and I have a right to vent it, and not go ‘
Whoa-oh,
he's
still
your
father,'”
Molly added mockingly. “I'm mad at him for pissing on you. So, yeah, I can't help but choose sides, because Dad acted like a total baby, doing what he felt was good for him, regardless of how it affected other people. He, like, ran away with the woman who was his comic book heroine. Is there anything more sophomoric than that?! I mean, he should get a
grip!
And I'm mad at him for pissing on me and my brother too. You can't tell me I'm not allowed to be mad for my
own
sake, even if you're being shrinky. And another thing: if he decides to come crawling back with his dick between his legs—”

“Molly! What did I just say?!”

“Mo-om,”
my daughter intoned, with the same inflection reserved for
duh-uh,
“okay, forget the second part of what I said. But if Dad decides to come crawling back—blah blah blah—then I think we should put it to a family vote. He should have to make his case to all three of us. And right now, my projected polls say…
ehnh!
Dad loses! Because he gets a no vote from me, and he hasn't exactly been a real hands-on dad to Ian—I mean they never did father-son stuff like shooting hoops or going to baseball games—so Ian probably will just side with me. You've always had a career and you've always taken good care of me and Ian, even if we—well, okay,
me
—have been a handful sometimes.”

Chewing thoughtfully, Molly offered me a slice of orange.
“Ermh,”
she munched, “it's too bad I mailed in my college applications already, because I just thought of something I could have added.”

“Which is?”
I
was merely grateful and astonished that she had completed them and mailed them in on time.

“Well, I just wondered whether it would have given me a bit of an extra edge if I'd told them I come from a broken home.”

 

The following Saturday afternoon I asked Molly if she was planning to accompany me to the baby shower.

“Claude and Naomi didn't get their kid already, did they?”

“No. They haven't even left for China yet.
Izzy's
baby shower. Alice's friend.”

“Oh, yeah, I forgot. I didn't get her anything,” Molly replied dubiously. “Was I supposed to?”

“You can share my gift. I had The Body Shop make up a whole basket of great-smelling stuff she can pamper herself with. Alice has been knitting up a storm for months now. She's made baby sweaters, a blanket, booties, a cap…she's brought
her knitting to our therapy sessions so she doesn't lose any time. She's worried she won't get all the projects finished in time.”

“When's Izzy due?”

“Two weeks; February fourteenth.”

“Yikes, that's soon. A Valentine's baby. Does she know what it is yet?”

I nodded. “When she had the amnio, she asked. She told me she wasn't good at secrets.”

“And…?”

“Girl. And I think she plans to name her Valentina.”

“That rocks! Awesome!”

“Yeah,” I said reaching out to clasp her hand, “girls can be pretty awesome.”

Progress Notes

Talia Shaw:
I am pleased, first of all, that Talia has resumed her therapy; and secondly, that she has become much less resistant to the idea of change. It's a much healthier mental outlook that can only serve her well as her body continues to heal. It's important for her to begin looking at the long-range forecast and having some options in the event that her knee injury inhibits her from performing at her prior high level. Her eye on the future has also boosted her self-esteem; the client is no longer complaining that her “life is over.” I remain concerned, however, about the real possibility that Talia continues to suffer from an eating disorder. She vehemently denies this, and offered me an explanation, but I want to monitor the situation more closely in subsequent sessions. If there really is a problem, I intend to encourage her to obtain special counseling.

 

Amy Baum:
Amy is to be commended for taking control of her dominant issue, rather than letting it continue to control her. After months of venting her frustration with her domestic situation, she took the risk of confronting her husband and demanding his co-parental participation. Unfortunately, things appear to have backfired on her in a big way. But rather than allow her to accept it as the manifestations of an accurate “psychic prediction,” thereby absolving herself of personal responsibilities, we need to focus on active problem-solving. Client, though a high-functioning individual in her career, has a very high-strung personality and immediately panics when things are not running smoothly in her home life. Her first response is to give up on the situations that are creating the most profound frustration and to want to run toward the place where she feels safest: the office, in her case. It's a common behavioral pattern; our instincts in
variably tell us to flee a difficult and anxiety-provoking milieu and seek our favorite shelter, which is often the place where we feel the most respected and appreciated. Nevertheless, in our subsequent sessions I will have to encourage the client to work methodically and patiently in order to restore her mental and emotional equilibrium, which will then translate into her ability to resolve her domestic crisis.

 

Meriel Delacour:
The client's pragmatism is serving her well. Meriel is fully aware that her job as a domestic is in jeopardy, and is not in denial regarding the possible outcome of her employment situation. I want to work with Meriel in future sessions to come up with, and then further develop, a game plan for her future. She has already taken a big step toward taking control of it by thinking of resigning her job, instead of leaving all the power in the hands of her employer. However, using Meriel's analogy about the old couch/new couch, we need to focus on how she will continue to support herself financially if she moves on, and I do not tend to encourage my clients to take a big jump without a safety net beneath them. They may look very free in flight, but the results—mentally, emotionally, and financially—can be catastrophic.

 

Me:
I needed to take a break from counseling. And I think I needed to come back to it too. Perhaps I needed to be needed, since my husband of twenty years clearly no longer needs me. My clients do. My children do. Returning to the chair opposite the couch illuminated for me just how much progress my clients have been making, which I can interpret as an indication that I have indeed been able to help them; I've made a positive difference in their lives. And knowing that I can and do make a difference is one of my greatest rewards.

On the home front…while Dr. Lee and I just grazed the tip of the iceberg in terms of my owning my anger at Eli and being able to take control of a part of my life that is spinning dizzily out of orbit, at least I don't feel like a hypocrite. Despite all my fears of inability or unwillingness to put into practice in my own life what I preach to my clients, I did not play “ostrich.” I'm not now in denial about the deterioration of my marriage and I am not trying to run from the consequences. Okay, I'm not convinced that I'm seeing the right analyst for me, but I knew I couldn't go it alone; I did need to talk to a professional.

I've learned a lot from the events of the past few weeks. I've learned that my clients are grateful for my presence in their lives and the ongoing counseling I can provide them. I've learned that my children, particularly Molly, are strong kids even though they've been blindsided and betrayed by one of their parents. Molly was right: she
should be
allowed to be very angry at her father. What I won't allow her to do, however, is to become self-destructive. Thanks to Faith and Sylvia Plath, my daughter is coming into her own; though I was thrilled to hear from Molly's lips that she believes I've been a good mom…because there have been plenty of occasions over the years—
particularly
where Molly has been concerned—that I've had my doubts! And I've learned that I can in fact take control of my life (or begin to pick up the pieces), even after the worst has happened. And…as I type this, I have to acknowledge that Eli's departure is not the absolute worst thing that could happen. I have my health; my children have theirs. And so do my parents. We all have roofs over our heads and enough to eat. My children are being afforded the best that our educational system has to offer. We live in a society that (on paper, anyway) permits us to express ourselves freely. And every day I am privileged to spend time in the company of strong, fascinating women who broaden my own horizons.