Spirit's Chosen (39 page)

“Intrude?” I exchanged a furtive look with Daimu. Lady Sato claimed that the whole village was aware of the love between us. No wonder Rinji was staying away! He had tried to become more than my friend, but I turned him down.
I’d done so gently, but that did not erase the hurt, merely diminished it. Many people had told Rinji he would never be Daimu’s equal as a shaman. Now he must also feel as if he would never equal him as a man.

Pity overcame my common sense. “But, Master Rinji, you wouldn’t be intruding at all!” I exclaimed, clasping his hands. “You mustn’t believe every piece of gossip you hear.”

He raised his eyes to mine. “Then the two of you are not—?”

“We are
friends
, Rinji,” I told him.

“We are your friends too,” Daimu added, as eager as I was to ease his apprentice’s unhappiness. “Come back.”

“Oh!” His smile was wonderful. “I’d like that, but—but I can’t. I mean, I can’t live at the shrine anymore. Lord Ryu sent for me this morning. He said that he wants to build a second shrine for our village, one dedicated to the wolf spirit alone. I’m to be in charge of every part of the project. I need to sleep near the site, in case the wolf wants to enter my dreams and tell me his desires.”

“We must give the spirits what they want,” I agreed. Secretly, I was relieved that Rinji would not be living in the shrine again. “But even with your new responsibility, it would be good to speak with you more often.”

“You’d like that? Really?” I felt his fingers tighten in mine. “Even though I stopped your visits to the shrine before Master Daimu’s return?”

“You must have had a good reason,” I said, wanting to encourage the shy, hopeful look in his eyes. “Let’s not worry about what happened in the past. Many things have changed since then, haven’t they?”

“I pray that’s true, Lady Himiko. I would welcome change. Now please … when do you want us to leave this village and begin to search the mountain?”

Daimu intercepted the question before I could reply: “Thank you for the offer, Rinji, but think: it might take days to find my uncle’s bones, days you should be spending at the site for the new shrine, waiting for the wolf spirit to speak.”

“I wanted to help … but I guess you would know what’s best, Master Daimu.” With a final squeeze of my hand, Rinji released it with much reluctance and declared, “I’ll come see you as frequently as I can. Thank you, Himiko; thank you.” He hurried away.

“There goes a happy man,” Daimu remarked. “And all it took was telling him a lie.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I said haughtily, which was
another
lie.

“Then what you said to Rinji was true?” Although we were out in public, the Ookami were all elsewhere, joyfully participating in the birth celebrations. No one was near us to see Daimu lovingly twirl a strand of my hair around his fingers and tug me closer to him. “You and I are friends, and nothing more?” It was a good thing that he already knew the answer, because I was too embarrassed to respond. Then, in a more serious tone, he asked: “What do you think will happen when he finds out the truth?”

“If he really is your friend and mine, he’ll be glad for us. If not …” I sighed. “Do we have to talk about this now? We should get started on our search.”

He agreed with me about that, but said, “This isn’t something that’s going to go away.”

“I know.” But I hoped it would. I hated painful confrontations. I liked Rinji, even if I could not share the feelings he had for me, and I felt sorry for him. That was why I told such a lie.

I meant well. I was trying to be kind when I should have been honest. In that moment I spared his heartache, but I sealed my own.

I stood in the middle of the clearing where Mori had died and slowly sank to my knees. I was tired in body and soul from a day spent searching every part of the sweet-natured giant’s old campsite. Daimu was still somewhere out there in the surrounding forest, moving in gradually widening circles, seeking his uncle’s bones. We had found nothing, not even the smallest glimmer of a white finger bone in the thick, new growth of spring.

I rested my face in my hands and sighed. What creatures had come to this lonely place and done such a thorough job of devouring poor Mori’s body? Even wolves left bones behind.
Had
there been wolves here? Would they have dragged away a man’s remains, taking it elsewhere for their grisly feast? I lifted my face and blinked in the waning sunlight. Soon it would be dark and we would have to go home.

I heard Daimu’s approach through the underbrush. He
entered the clearing looking disheveled, his hair a tangle of leaves, his expression the image of complete discouragement.

“Nothing,” he said. “I found nothing.” He knelt beside me and lifted my hand to his cheek, then kissed me tenderly. “We should head back before darkness comes.”

I nodded dully. “We’ll have more time to resume our search tomorrow,” I said, getting back onto my feet.

“There won’t be any more searching.” He was a beaten man, deadweight on my arm as I helped him stand.

“You don’t think Ryu will allow it? He hasn’t got the right to do that, or the power!” I objected. “He might be able to forbid me from coming back here, but how can he stand against his clan’s shaman? You’re not his prisoner.”

“You mistake me, Himiko. Ryu would
like
to see us both come back here again,” Daimu said. “And again, and
again
, every day in all weathers, until our forays become a ridiculous joke he’ll share with everyone in the village. People like watching others fail. It makes them feel better about their own shortcomings.”

“If we return without your uncle’s bones, that will count as a failure too.”

“But an honest, simple one, soon forgotten.”

“Like Mori?” I couldn’t help myself. I wanted justice for that mistreated man.

My word stung. Daimu looked at me with pain in his beautiful eyes. I tried to apologize, but he prevented me. “No, you’re right. I surrender too easily. I haven’t got your strength of spirit, Himiko. I worry too much about how things will look to others. We will come back tomorrow, and the next day, and as long as it takes until we find him.
And if we never do …” He sighed. “Let us pray that does not happen. If we could locate even a single bone, it might be enough to deflect his rage and resentment from my clan. Otherwise, I fear it’s just a matter of time before my uncle’s ghost stops wandering the spirits’ realm and swoops down to make us suffer for our neglect.”

“I can’t imagine Mori taking revenge on anyone,” I said. “Not even on the man who killed him. He was such a gentle person.”

“Yes, when he was alive. But now?” Daimu shook his head. “The dead have always envied and resented the living.”

I thought of Aki, whose love for me had never faltered. I pictured Father, who had cherished me, in spite of his sometimes gruff, hardheaded nature. Now the grinning image of my brother Shoichi was standing with them before me in the mottled shadows of the trees. How he had loved to tease me! Yet it was never done with malice. Little by little, I realized that my memories were becoming something different. I was not merely recalling my father and brothers, I was
seeing
them. In the next breath, sweet Hoshi’s ghost joined the gathering of my lost loved ones, her affectionate smile as warm as any embrace. I heard her speak:
Dear Little Sister, now you know what it is to find the true love of your life. I am so happy!
Last of all, Lady Yama appeared, her white hair streaming with starlight as she said,
My Himiko, see how your gifts have thrived! How proud I am of you, dear child
. There was not a hint of jealousy or rancor in any one of them. They faded from sight, leaving behind nothing but their love.

“You’re wrong, Daimu,” I said, slowly coming back
from the place where my unbidden vision had taken me. “Your uncle would never take revenge on his clan, no matter how badly they abused him in life. That kind of meanness isn’t in his nature, not even now, and it never will be. But that doesn’t mean we have the right to ignore what his spirit needs to rest in peace.”

He put his arms around me. “Then it will be as you say: we’ll come back tomorrow. We’ll explore every part of this mountain, seeking him, and if that isn’t enough, we will search farther still. Above all, we will pray that the gods pity us and guide our steps where they need to go.”

“The gods …” All at once I pushed away from him with both hands. “The gods!” I cried. “Daimu, we’re fools! We’ve been seeking Mori’s remains with weak, human eyes. No wonder we’ve failed! Why haven’t we sought the spirits’ help and guidance?”

He gave me a crooked smile. “Because you are right again, my love: we’re fools. But we can correct that tomorrow.”

“No, we’ll do it
now
.” I did not wait for him to consent. Glancing around the clearing, I sought the spot where Mori’s body once lay. Time had passed, blurring my memory of that awful moment, but I put my faith in the guiding power of the spirits who inhabited that place and felt drawn to one particular patch of ground. Here I knelt, folded my hands in my lap, closed my eyes, and waited.

Himiko?
I don’t know how long it was before that small voice came to me, a firefly presence in my mind.
Himiko, why did you come back?
A child stood alone in the darkness, toying nervously with his fingers. He was young, but already tall and as sturdily built as the trunk of a great
tree.
Have you come to punish me? Did I do something wrong again? I try to be good, but I’m always so clumsy, and it’s hard to understand.…
He wept, as vulnerable as a newly hatched baby bird.

A phantom image of the forest clearing took shape around us. I sensed that my calm seeking had brought me into a place where the spirits’ world overlay our own. There was no need for me to speak as I stretched out my arms to the little boy, taking him into my lap.
You did nothing wrong, dear Mori
, I comforted him.
I came back because I wanted to see you again, that’s all, and to bring you home
.

Home?
His eyes grew large, brimming with tears.
At last?

Yes. That’s where you belong. Would you like that, Little Brother?

He snuggled against me.
Will I see Mama again?

You will. She’s waiting for me to bring you back to her
. I stroked his thick, coarse hair.
Tell me where to find you and we can go
.

He knew what I meant. Some things did not need to be explained in the realm of the spirits. We stood and he took me by the hand, leading me out of the clearing to the base of a broad-bodied oak tree. It looked no different to me than any of its companions, but the child Mori insisted I go closer, to where a patch of wild briars seemed to grow against the tree’s flank.

Here we are
, he said cheerfully. He placed one plump hand on the thorns. Their sharp points were as insubstantial as his flesh, so there was no way they could do him any harm. It would be another story when I sought out the living counterpart of those prickles in the real world.
This is where she hid me
.

Who?

Lady Badger. She came back. She was going back to her home, but she stopped long enough to visit me. She was very unhappy when she saw what they had done to me—the birds and the animals of the forest. I tried to tell her it was all right; I didn’t mind. I was used to their company
. He sighed.
She cried anyway. I think it was because they had taken away so much of me and made a mess of what was left
. He looked at me.
My mama didn’t like it when I was messy, either. You girls are funny about that kind of thing, aren’t you?

Yes
, I said through my own tears.
Yes, we are
.

When she stopped crying, she gathered everything together and put me here, between the tree and the thorns. Do you want to see?

Not yet, Little Brother
, I told him, wiping my eyes with the edge of one sleeve.
In a little while, when I am able to take you from this place and bring you home
.

His loving, grateful smile was the only farewell he gave me before he faded away. I opened my eyes and sobbed.

Daimu was with me before I could take a second breath. I clung to him, my body shaking with misery. Not even the touch of his lips to my brow could console me. “My poor Himiko,” he said tenderly. “You found him.”

Night began to fall while we were on the path back from the mountain, but we were able to reach the settlement before full dark. As soon as the sentries recognized us and proclaimed the news of our return, many villagers came running to meet us. Some brought lights. They were probably expecting us to be empty-handed, but when they saw what we carried, their cries roused more of the Ookami.
Torches multiplied almost as fast as exclamations of awe tinged with fear. By the time Ryu made his way to where we waited, it felt as if the entire wolf clan was standing witness.

We could not cross the threshold of the Ookami village; we carried the dead. What we did, before everyone assembled, was lay out the bones with care and reverence. Some small pieces were missing, but the larger ones could be set in their rightful places. The birds of the air and the hungry creatures of the wilderness had laid them bare. Torchlight played over the eyeless sockets of Mori’s skull, and his ribs stood out like the limbless trees of a plague-struck forest. When we were done, we folded our hands and looked steadily at Ryu. There was no need to declare we had fulfilled our quest. The bones had their own eloquence.