Splinters (6 page)

I frown at him. “Are we talking about topping or bottoming?” I cock out a hip and plant my hand on it. “And come to think of it, why do they call it a cowboy or a reverse cowboy if they’re the ones bottoming? Because the other man would be the horse. Which is disgusting.”

“You ever seen a horny stallion?”

I saw a man in a furry costume once, but I’m not about to admit that. “No, never.”

“A horse penis is about twelve to eighteen inches long.”

My mouth pops open as I stare at him. A foot or more? I have a need to see that. A blush heats my cheeks. “So you’re saying it’s complimentary to be the horse.”

“I am.” He shrugs. “A’course, regardless of who’s ridin’ who, I always heard cow
girl
.”

I snort and saunter over. “I’ll need to borrow a few things from Mia, if you want me as a cowgirl, honey.”

He huffs, then rubs at his eyes while he grins. “That is equal parts intriguin’ and disturbin’.”

“Then aren’t you lucky Elsie’s bringing my luggage.”

Because I did pack some lingerie. I can’t make it through more than a couple days without something silky against my skin. I’m not usually obvious about it in my personal life, but a camisole under a sweater or dress shirt is normal for me. I’d worn a pair of stiletto Blahniks out while shopping and made it into
People
once, but they hadn’t known it was me back then. I hadn’t done—

Oh. Hello
.

Duke’s giving me a look that absolutely says he won’t be waiting for luggage to arrive before making my naked acquaintance. A giddy little burst of happiness takes over my heart. Is he thinking to do it here? I smile right back, open and honest, and give him a shrug because, if I’m going to be riding my cowboy, he’ll be the one laying in the grass and I’m good with that.

Real good.

Duke takes my hand and leads me up a little incline where a tree leans with the direction of the wind. Looks like a tough old tree, telling off the wind because it’s not moving from this spot. It makes me think of the kind of person Duke is, living out here in the middle…of…

My brain fumbles to a stop as I gaze over the land Duke’s brought me up here to see.

It’s so
vast
. I can see the horizon way out there. Is that the curve of the planet? Just gold and blue and specks of life, splashes of green and brown, the rolls of hills dotted with cloud shadows. I can hear the wind and my breath and my heart. The sun bakes down on me, and then Duke’s hand is squeezing mine.

Before now, cowboys were just sexy like denim and strength. This man beside me is so much more than any of that. I’m staring at the land, but I’m seeing
him
. All my life, I’ve been the leaves on this tree, shaking in the wind, trying to hold on.

Duke is the roots.

He moves in front of me, a soft expression on his rugged face, and wipes his thumb under my eye. I’ve cried. Seeing this place made me cry.

“Happens for some,” he whispers. “Gets us right in the soul.”

Us
. I nod. “Yeah,” I quietly croak. “Got me.”

“Come on.” He takes my hand again. “Let’s sit down here in the shade a minute.”

At the bottom of the little hill, the tree’s casting a spot of shadow that’s enough to ease the heat of the sun. We lean back against the ground, propped up like we’re reclining in lounge chairs. For a moment or two, I just watch the fat clouds slide across the sky or the horses munch the prairie grasses.

Peaceful. How long’s it been since I’ve felt this? No rush. Just be.
Breathe
. This is a different kind of safe feeling. I’m not in the middle of nowhere; this is the center of everything. I look over at Duke. He gazes back.

“I think you might live in Heaven.”

“Purty near.”

“Thank you for letting me stay.”

He smiles just enough and tugs the brim of his hat.

Questions slip back in like a scent on the air. I won’t get lost in it all now, though. I turn on my side to see him better while I ask, “Can we talk about Dean? I have some questions.”

“What do you want to know?” He doesn’t sound defensive, but I’m cautious.

“What’s wrong with him? I’m guessing some kind of mental illness.” I rest my hand on his thigh. “And I’m not judging.”

Duke nods. “Dean was about twenty when he started acting out of sorts. Like he was pissed and suspicious of everything all the time. He’d always been a handful, causing Ma and Pa all kinds of trouble, but weren’t nothin’ serious until then. Pa took Dean in for tests and soon enough they said he was—” He flicks a glance at me and then away as he sighs.

I gently squeeze his leg. “You don’t have to tell me.”

“It’s just… People hear the word and get all kinds of wrong ideas. I mean to say, he’s just ill with somethin’ nobody can cure and he’s more harm to himself most of the time.”

This is important and it feels like maybe Duke needs to talk about it with a sympathetic listener. But I don’t need the details. So I say, “Are you worried about him? Do you want to look for him?”

Duke scrubs at his face, then drops his hat on his knee so he can scratch at his head. “He’s gone off before. Always comes back. Prolly went off somewheres to drink.”

I finally get it, that he’s feeling guilty. “It’s not your fault, you know. How he reacted when you came out.”

He shakes his head. “Ma and Pa died within nine months of each other a couple years back. Dean didn’t do well through that. Me ’n Mia been doin’ our best.” He sighs and looks out at the prairie. “He depends on us.”

It makes my heart clench to know he’s lost his parents. I’m not that close to mine, but Duke obviously was. The double shot of losing them both so fast must have devastated all of them.

“But because of all that,” I say, “I’m sure you thought about how to come out to him a lot before you said anything to him. Considered all the angles so as to make the least amount of impact, right?”

He nods once. “I tried to think it all through and even practiced on Mia. Been workin’ it out for months, how to tell him. Knew I had to.” He looks at me out of the corner of his eye and grins. “I’m tired of sneakin’ around and figured I’d better tell him before he found me bringin’ a man home.”

I smile even as I feel my cheeks heating. “Are you looking to find yourself a steady boyfriend, Duke Walters?”

“Yep.” His wicked expression freezes for a second then slides away as he looks at me earnestly. “I had a good man down in Houston who didn’t want to hide nothin’.”

“Had?”

His gaze slides away. “Couple years ago. I couldn’t do it then.” He clears his throat. “Didn’t like bein’ a coward, though, so here I am. Maybe ain’t gonna be easy, but…” He shrugs one shoulder but gives me a grin. “I’m comin’ on out.”

I lean over and kiss his cheek. “Welcome!”

He chuckles and fidgets with his hat some more.

“You have Mia's support?”

“I do.”

“And your ranch hands?”

“Them, too.”

I smile, glad for him. “Now Smoot as well. I’d say you’re doing just fine, Cowboy.”

“So are you,” he says in a low rumble. His eyes are earnest as they pin me where I sit.

I swallow the sudden lump in my throat and wave my hand. “Oh, yes, my career is fine. Nothing to worry about.”

“I meant how you’re handlin’ all that’s happened, Al. I keep thinkin’ ’bout all the things that could’a gone on just ’cause you went to a bar for a drink.”

Is he saying… What’s he saying? “I’m not promiscuous, you know.”

“What?” He shifts, and I know he’s looking at me, but I don’t look at him.

“I mean, I pose for sexy photos and I’m gay and single, but I like monogamy and commitment when I can get it and—”

“That’s all good.”

My heart rate kicks up and I frown at my borrowed boots. “So I didn’t get myself in trouble last night because I can’t be alone and I’m not still here because you’re hot and I wanna get laid.” Am I telling myself or just him?

“Christ, Al, I wasn’t sayin’ that.” He sits up and turns so I have to look at him. “Even if you were lookin’ for company, that’s no cause for someone to hurt you and it ain’t any of it your fault.” He reaches over and holds my hand. “’Sides, any man can look at you and not see how special you are don’t deserve you. I’d give you monogamy and commitment in a heartbeat, darlin’.”

“What? You barely know me.” I look to the prairie. That damn lump is back in my throat, making it hard to breathe.

“I didn’t before this morning, no.” His fingers on my chin make me look back at him. “All that’s happened to you strips a man down to his marrow. Now I’ve seen you. This is the man I want to know.”

Too much
. I do feel stripped down by all that’s happened and now by him, too. I drop my head, trying to hide and sniff away the flood of emotions. It doesn’t work. In seconds, I’m shaking again, tears everywhere, and stifling sobs.
Jeez
. Falling apart, round two. Why does this man keep making me so emotional?

“It’s just stress,” I tell him, but there’s something else behind it, something wrapping around my heart, and I’m sure he knows it. He put it there.

“It’s okay, Al.” His voice is soft, gentle, and so are his hands as he pulls me down and into his arms. “I’ve got you.”

I’ve got you.
Yeah, he does, thank God, because I pretty much collapse into him then and he holds on, those strong arms tight around me. That’s all I need right now. He’s that tree that just takes it, makes the storm part around him, and stands strong. I hold on and let this happen. He’s wonderful for allowing me to fall apart without judgment.

Slowly, slowly, this isolated place calms my nerves and this big, caring man eases my soul. I lean on him, and his hand strokes over my shorn head and the back of my neck. I’m soothed, but a little restless. I don’t want to think about what happened, speculate about why, but it’s creeping back in.

“Don’t you worry about your work either,” Duke says in a lighter tone. “This won’t hurt the movie none, or any of your modeling gigs. Your whole career’s been built on how provocative you are.”

I clear my throat and smile against his chest, glad for this distraction. “Like my Xzibit ad?”

He actually shivers. “Hoo, boy. That’s another reason I needed to come out. Had your photos everywhere. Real hard to explain that away.”

I chuckle and lift my head to see his face. “Duke Walters, am I in your spank bank?”

“Aw, hell.” A blush colors his tan cheeks.

“I
am
.” I snuggle closer. “Is that Xzibit ad your favorite?”

He sighs and closes his eyes before he peeks at me again. “I like the D&G ones best.”

The possibility of acceptance simmers inside me. This rugged cowboy likes me looking sinfully androgynous while peddling perfume? “It’s the nipple, isn’t it? Did you see that photo?”

“I saw it. Someone leaked it, and damn, but I’m glad they did.” His chest rumbles under my ear and his arm around me tightens, pulling me in. “You wrapped up and cinched tight in that corset, those impossible heels, and long, long legs so smooth.” He licks his lips. “With that little tit givin’ you away.”

“I leaked it.” I find his flat nipple under his shirt and circle it with my fingertips, making it bead. “They said they couldn’t officially use it, so I gave it away.”

The man’s golden brown eyes are so expressive, I can see right there how much this gets him going. And it’s not just thoughts of that photo that are doing it for him, either. I can tell it’s about me more than anything else. Me in that photo, me here now. I’m not done up with anything more than some sunscreen and borrowed boy clothes, but he’s looking at me like I’m the best thing he’s ever seen.

“I’m findin’ keeping you around’s definitely got its perks.” His arm tightens around my shoulders.

I chuckle and nuzzle into his neck. He smells good, leather and hard work. I lick him and taste the faint salt of his skin. It hits me, that unique sensation of tasting another person and completely loving the actual
flavor
of him. Nothing compares to putting my mouth on someone else, even so innocent a spot as his corded neck. I glide my tongue up his throat, slowly, firmly, and he swallows against the pressure. The breathy sound he makes spurs me on, tells me I'm doing good. I need the encouragement, his approval.
My new lover
. Because I want to make him mine. I smile against his skin, and he grunts a happy sound before pulling my head around to kiss me.

His kiss goes deeper now, rumbling and demanding. He’s staking his claim, and I know how to give in to that. I move over him, straddle his hips, grind down. But his hands hold me so tight, so close, and the desperation in how that feels, his need of me, sends me back to that emotional place where being with Duke is going to strip me down to my core over and over.

Suddenly, something soft but creepy is snuffling into the back of my head. I look around and discover a horse just in time for it to snort in my face.

With a wail of disgust and surprise, I fling myself to the other side of Duke. When I come to a stop on my back, it’s mostly because Duke’s laughing loud and crazy with his mouth open wide and a hand on his stomach. I flop on the grass and stare up at the clouds gliding by, wiping horse snot off my cheek and nose.

Cock-blocked by a horse. Only in Texas.