Authors: Michael Griffo
Sitting next to her at the kitchen table, my own health-soaked cereal in a bowl in front of me, I take advantage of our alone time and start to tell her about last night's escapade.
“Sounds buzzworthy,” Arla jokes without smiling.
“More buzz than worthy,” I add. “Especially since Jess didn't show up.”
Scrunching up her forehead, Arla tilts her head and looks at me. Even first thing in the morning, even with no makeup on to cover the faint scar over her left eye, even with a super-short, close-cropped Afro, Arla is beautiful. Her words, however, are not as pretty.
“Maybe your relationship with Jess is changing,” she suggests. “Just like ours.”
So she senses it too! The problem is while my relationship with Arla is changing in a good wayâwe're moving closer to being sisters than being just friendsâmy relationship with Jess is moving in the opposite direction.
“But I don't want things to change with Jess,” I say.
“Dominy, haven't you realized by now that there is very little in this world that we can control,” Arla replies. “And since Jess is technically part of another world, the chances of your being in control of anything that includes her are automatically cut in half.”
Hmm, that's quite profound so early on a Saturday morning.
“Hence the reason I wear my wigs,” she adds.
Hmm, from profound to perplexing.
“I may not be able to control my future,” Arla says, “but I can control my futylesensiny.”
“Your
what?
”
“Sorry, my future style sense,” she clarifies. “I'm not good at making up new words like you are.”
“We all have our strengths,” I say. “You should've gone with something like fufashionista.”
“Subarashi!”
she cries.
Jess may not be around, but her Japanese slang remains.
Slurping up the last bits of her breakfast, Arla asks me if last night's transformation held any more surprises, other than it turning into a remake of
Attack of the Killer Bees
. Before I can elaborate on how the evening ended, the front door slams. Either Barnaby's finished shaving and has gone out to partake in some manly Saturday morning activity or Louis really has finally come home after partaking in his all-night hunt for the Full Moon Killer. Four seconds later when Louis bounds into the kitchen we know Barnaby is still preening and Louis is pissed.
Grunting something that resembles a “good morning,” Louis yanks open the refrigerator door, grabs the container of orange juice, and bangs the fridge shut. Next, he opens up the cupboard over the sink and slams that shut too, only to open another cabinet door that houses what he's looking for, a glass. He pours it full of OJ and takes a huge swig, swallows, and repeats.
The refrigerator door is abused once more as Louis opens it, rummages around inside for a few seconds, grabs some yogurt, and slams the door shut yet again. A kitchen drawer is pulled open, its metal contents jostling against each other, making more noise as Louis searches for a spoon, and is clanged shut, the noise of wood hitting wood making the harshest sound of all.
Since this is uncharacteristic behavior, Arla and I are stunned into silence. We don't know how to respond to Louis's aggressive actions. His back to us, Louis is shoving spoonfuls of yogurt into his mouth and making really gross swallowing noises that are so loud he probably wouldn't hear us if we spoke, but we don't risk it; we mouth our words.
“Melinda?”
Arla silently asks.
My eyebrows arch in shock-guilt at the non-sound of her name. Arla and I may not be psychically connected like she is with Napoleon's spirit, but the same uneasy thought is ricocheting in our brains. Maybe Louis ran into Melinda Jaffe, his ex-girlfriend, last night or early this morning and was reminded of his very public breakup, which I just happened to orchestrate, and that's what has put him in this obviously foul mood.
“Ask him,”
Arla voicelessly instructs.
I am not going to ask my sort-of stepfather if he stumbled upon his homicidal maniac ex-girlfriend! That is so not appropriate breakfast conversation.
Shaking my head wildly from side to side, I hope to convey to Arla that her instruction is absurd and will not be followed. The girl, however, won't take a silent no for an answer.
“Ask him what's wrong,”
she silently over-annunciates.
Different question, same response. Arla's become so desperate she resorts to whispeaking. “He won't yell at you.”
Arla may be smart, but she has terrible short-term memory. “He yelled at me the other day,” I remind her.
Waving her hand in the air, she now whisscoffs. “You ruined his best white shirt.”
If it was his best white shirt, it should've been protected underneath one of those plastic dry-cleaner-covering things and not laid out on the couch just asking to be drenched in somebody's midmorning blueberry shake. I had to spend most of the day using every stain-remover product known to mankind to try and get it out, and I have to admit I was quite successful. No one will notice the stain as long as Louis wears a really big tie and leans to the right so the tie can dangle a bit.
Just as I start to explain this to Arla in a voice that I know will more closely resemble a yell than a whisper, Barnaby's voice cuts me off.
“What's wrong with you?”
I can tell by the way Arla is looking at Barnaby that once again we're sharing the same thought: Unlike us, he's not afraid to go to the source. I'm a bit annoyed that my brother has guts that I lack, but again it's nice to know that he and Louis have a friendly, open relationship.
Louis drops the spoon into the sink, and once more metal clinks against metal. Avoiding all our gazes, he crosses to the garbage can and tosses the empty yogurt container into it. Unable to think of any other way to stall for time, he finally speaks.
“There was another attack last night,” he announces.
Shocked by this statement, Arla actually turns to face me, wearing a classic “Was there something you forgot to tell me?” expression. Luckily, Louis is staring straight at the kitchen floor and Barnaby is staring directly at Louis, so neither of them witnesses Arla's faux pas.
“Who?” Barnaby asks.
“Officer Gallegos,” Louis answers.
“So the whole full moon thing is more than just a joke,” Barnaby states, his voice sounding deeper and so much more masculine than I ever realized.
Shrugging his weary shoulders, Louis throws his hands up before he replies. “I don't know, but maybe, yeah,” he stammers. “Things have been quiet for the past few months, so I was hoping it had just been a stupid coincidence, but now this.” He stops talking to focus once more on the floor. We know there's nothing interesting about the linoleum; he's just choosing his next words carefully. “The town is going to go crazy again.”
I want to keep my mouth shut; I want to let this be the last word, but I must know.
“How is Gallegos?” I ask. “Was he hurt, you know, really bad?”
It feels like forever before Louis replies.
“He's incredibly lucky,” he confirms. “The doctors said he'll make a full recovery.”
I keep my relief to myself, but Arla senses it. She also knows that I had something to do with Gallegos's accident.
As Louis starts to leave the room, he says, “I have to take a quick shower and get back to the station.”
“Can I hitch a ride with you into town?” Barnaby asks.
“Sure,” Louis says. “But you can't play with the siren.”
Good to know he hasn't lost his sense of humor even though he's about to lose control of the entire town.
The moment Barnaby and Louis leave the room, I start to ramble on about how cute they are and how happy I am that they seem to be developing a deep bond and a sweet relationship despite all the heartache they've both been through. I mean every word I say, but it's only filler talk and Arla knows it.
“Bees,” she says.
“What?”
“All you tell me that happened last night is that you were chased by a bunch of bees and you leave out the part about attacking a cop,” Arla lays out.
“Deadly . . . um,
killer
bees,” I reply.
Based upon her reaction, Arla doesn't get my sense of humor. But the truth is she does get me.
“Dominy! Haven't you figured out that our relationship is changing?” she says. “Friends, sisters, whatever we are, you know that you can tell me anything. I'm not going to judge you; I just want to know what's going on so I can help you.”
She's right. Maybe it's human nature to want to keep secrets, but now that I'm only part human, I should really try mastering the art of disclosure.
“I attacked Gallegos last night because he was going to kill me,” I admit.
Unfazed, Arla seems greatly satisfied. “Now was that so hard?”
Actually, it wasn't.
“You defended yourself, totally understandable,” she says, fully supportive of my actions. “And the doctors said Gallegos is going to be okay, so obviously you restrained yourself. The girl didn't let the wolf have copfood.”
Vulgar and blunt, but at the same time reassuring.
“That's right! That's exactly what I did,” I cry. “I defended myself against Nadine and her insectisidekicks with the help of my inner-Jess,
and
I fought off Gallegos without doing any permanent damage.”
“You should feel really proud of yourself,” Arla says, shoving one last spoonful of cereal into her mouth.
It's a feeling that proves fleeting.
“Gallegos has slipped into a coma,” Louis announces after bursting back into the kitchen and grabbing his car keys. “He might not make it.”
Louis rushes out of the house with Barnaby and my pride right behind him.
Two days later, and my victim is still in a coma. Me? I'm in a bikini.
While my attire might be appropriate for an end-of-summer party on the banks of the Weeping Water River, which looks incredibly ordinary in the daylight, my attitude is completely inappropriate for someone who is responsible for assaulting a police officer.
“That's because it was self-defense,” Arla declares for I think the forty-second time, though I can't be certain because I've stopped counting.
“That's right, Dom,” Archie agrees. “You did what any self-respecting wrrgrrl would have done in the same situation.”
“Did you just call Dominy a wrrgrrl?” Arla asks.
“Yes, I took out the vowels like a fast-talking sassy urban youth would,” Archie replies. “Do you approve?”
Arla thinks for a moment and smiles before she answers. “I guess Dom isn't the only one with a way with words.”
Archie and Arla are sitting next to each other on a huge, silver-gray king-sized bed sheet that Archie swiped from his house. Typically, the sheet covers an ultra-firm mattress or the sleeping bodies of Mr. and Mrs. Angevene and not the grassy landscape leading down to a river, so it probably feels as uncomfortable being here as I do. My friends look perfectly at ease, and their encouraging attitude toward me and my involvement in this latest development engulfing our hometown should make me feel the same way, but it doesn't. Maybe it's their appearance that I find a little off-putting.
After Napoleon's death, Archie withdrew, kept to himself for a while, which was to be expected once the shock wore off and he had to accept the fact that he was a teenage widower and his Winter Wonderland had lost one of its cofounders. When he reemerged from his self-imposed isolation, I was grateful for two things: His eyes, although not as vibrant, were still violet, and he had not lost his sense of adventure; he shaved almost all his hair off. So now instead of white hair he has white fuzz.
Alone, he looks great, as if he's a clean blank slate from head to toe, a guy about to embark on a serious do-over. Lounging on the sheet next to Arla, he looks eerie. Her close-cropped hair is undyed and back to its natural color, the same shade as her skin, so it's a kind of dark mocha and a stark contrast to Archie, who's all albino-white. Together they look like the negative and positive resolutions of the same photo. To me they look like twins, except that one is good and one is evil. Just like Napoleon and Nadine.
“And if you hadn't fought back,” Archie adds. “Gallegos might've killed you.”
“Wrong,” Caleb announces.
I thought my boyfriend had dozed off, but it seems that he's been listening to every word we've said. He doesn't open his eyes or lift his head from our supersized beach towel, which makes his proclamation that much more intense. No need to back up his statement with any extraneous movement to make his point.
“What do you mean I'm wrong?” Archie asks. His body language mimics Caleb's; he's similarly relaxed. It's just that the tone of his voice is now much more agitated.
“Not might've,” Caleb corrects, finally opening his eyes and rolling over. Boy, does he look beautiful when the sunshine blends in with his blond curls. “If you hadn't fought back, Domgirl, Gallegos would definitely have killed you.”
How quickly beauty dies.
I wish I could disagree with him, but he's right; they're all right. During our confrontation Officer Gallegos had bloodlust in his eyes. Even without my ESPâenhanced sensory proficiencyâI would've been able to see his rage. But he only wanted me dead because he didn't know it was me. I know they're all coming to my defense and trying to make me feel better for putting a man in a coma, but why can't they see that I acted harshly? I'm the one who's wrong.
“Of course he wanted to kill me; he thought I was a killer wolf,” I say. “But if he had known it was me underneath all that fur, he would have acted differently.”
“No way,” Caleb says, now sitting up, suddenly energized. “He still would've wanted you dead.”
I am wrong. They're not trying to defend or protect me; they're trying to educate me. I feel as stupid as I do in any class that falls under the math-o-sphere. The only difference is that in class I feel dumb because the left side of my brain somehow got left back a few years while my right side continued to matriculate. Now I feel dumb because I'm avoiding reality.
“You really think so, Caleb?” I ask.
Hesitation is never a good sign. Caleb looks over to watch some kids roughhousing in the river, squinting at them as they try to dunk each other, their splashing adding waves to the slow, lazy current. He's not interested in their antics; he's merely contemplating how to tell his girlfriend what she should already know: that she's got a target on her back whether or not her back is covered in a mane of red fur.
Looks like Archie and Arla know exactly what Caleb wants to tell me, and they must agree with him, because they avoid conversation as well. Their bodies are carbon copies of each other, both languidly lying on the sheet, legs stretched out in front of them, ankles crossed. Their upper bodies resting on their elbows, heads leaning back so their faces are pointed toward the sun that looks like a ball of bright yellow flame in a cloudless blue sky. Their eyes and voices are closed to give Caleb as much time as he needs to find the right words to make me understand. Well, I can't wait.
“Should I repeat my question in sign language?” I snap. “I only know the individual letters of the alphabet and not complete words, so it could take a while.”
Slowly, Caleb turns to face me. His blond curls have gotten so light this summer; some strands of his hair are almost as white as Archie's, and there are golden flecks in his brown eyes. The sunlight that I feel is avoiding me is drenching Caleb in its glory. A few beads of sweat are starting to form on his tanned forehead, somehow making him look even more incredibly handsome. And he still sounds incredibly honest.
“Chances are that even if Gallegos knew it was you trapped within the body of the wolf,” Caleb starts, “he still would've killed you, because he would consider you the source of this town's nightmare.”
“There's also the possibility that he was only acting cop crazy 'cuz Nadine was lurking over us pulling his strings,” I add.
The twins suddenly get a sibling. Archie, Arla, and now Caleb all look alike thanks to their sharing the same shocked expression: jaws dropped, mouths open, staring at me like traumatized triplets.
“I guess, um, that I forgot to tell you Nadine was also there during the night in question?” I rhetoric-ask.
Archie speaks first: “Nadine was there?!”
Then Caleb: “When you transformed?!”
And finally Arla: “When Gallegos tried to kill you so he could mount your taxidermy-ized body on the wall of my father's office?!”
So many questions, only one answer.
“Yes,” I reply. And before they can start ricoshouting again, I continue. “I'm sorry! I wasn't deliberately trying to conceal information from you guys. I mean it! I've just been a little preoccupied knowing that some innocent man's life is in limbo because of my actions.”
“So once again it's all Nadine's fault.” Archie states what his non-biological siblings are both also starting to believe. “She probably lured Gallegos to the woods and worked her mumbo jumbo to get him to try and kill you.”
Half-right. “I'm sure she gave him a push,” I say. “But cops are like lemmings and criminals to them are like cliffs; they have to take that leap no matter what unseen danger lies on the other side.”
“Nicely said, Dom,” Arla replies. “The not-so-nice translation is that Nadine's just a bitch.”
“No, she's a bitchjaffe!”
I don't know what's more surprising, my boyfriend's self-satisfied smile at coming up with a new word or the fact that the atmosphere can change so abruptly. From effed-up to effervescent in less than sixty seconds. And it appears that our new bubbly take on life is contagious.
“Holy transformation, Batman!”
Archie isn't making a sly comment about my monthly conversion; he's voicing an opinion we all share. About the brand-spanking-new Gwenevere Schültzenhoggen.
Even if I hadn't already buried “The Hog” last year when I realized it was a hateful nickname, Gwen herself could do the honors without a shovel or an ounce of dirt just by emerging from the river like she's doing right now. It's the boys' turn to act like pigs.
“When did
that
happen?” Caleb asks.
“While I was in mourning, I guess,” Archie replies, shrugging his shoulders. “This is the first I'm noticing, but I'm gay, so heterific changes sometimes fly over my head. What's your excuse?”
“I only have eyes for Domgirl,” Caleb replies instantly, if not sincerely.
My boyfriend knows what I want to hear. “Good answer.”
“But when-the-vere did that miracle happen?” he adds.
On both sides of Caleb, Arla and I playfully slap him in the arm, but we can't blame him for thinking he's witnessing yet another miraculous transformation. At some point between the last day of school and today, Gwen has become U.S.-certified babelicious.
The basic architecture is the same. Gwen is still tall, 5'11”, with long limbs and, as expected, less-than-petite hands and feet. But her shape has changed drastically. Broad shoulders have rounded, thick neck has become slender, her once-soft stomach is hard and flat, and her legs no longer resemble tree trunks, but elongated branches. Her German-Korean ancestry no longer plays out like a multicultural mishmash on her face, but like an exotic smorgasbord. High cheekbones, slightly slanted eyes, square chin all add up to serious beauty. And serious attention.
Male, female, gay, straight, all eyes are on Gwen, soaking in her new body like the river water is soaking into the material of her emerald green bikini. Arla and I catch each other's eye, and I know we're thinking the same exact thing: If Gwen weren't so oblivious to the commotion she's causing, we'd be jealous. We both fall into the category of pretty, and when we pull out all of the stops cosmetically we can barge our way into borderline stunning, but we made our ascent gradually, so no one's ever really made much of a fuss. Somehow Gwen went from harsh to heart-stopping in roughly two months. Such a feat shouldn't inspire jealousy, only admiration. As well as the occasional proposal.
“Gwen!” Archie shouts. “You look
subarashi!
”
“Thanks,” Gwen replies. “I think.”
The girl obviously doesn't speak Jess.
“It's Japanese for above and beyond amazing!” Archie explains.
Blushing and awkwardly trying to cover her body with her beach towel to dry herself, Gwen obviously isn't used to hearing such accolades.
“Thanks, Archie,” she starts. Then she proves that the old Gwen is still alive and living in nuGwen's body, by rambling. “My whole family went on a crash diet, and we started doing step aerobics together because my mother was going through the attic to find things to sell at the annual town-wide yard sale and she found an old videotape of Jane Fonda, do you know her? She was this actress, then became like this physical fitness guru, kind of started the craze. Anyway, my dad had to go back up to the attic to find his old VHS player, have you ever seen one of those things? It's like a DVD player, but humongous and really clunky. Anyway, we all started doing step aerobics and eating super healthy and in no time at all we all started losing weight. Except my sister, she was skinny to begin with, so she would just watch us, but last week I think she noticed an improvement in all of us, and she's joined in, so now it's all four of us. The family that aer-obicizes together, stays together!”
I stifle a gigglaugh because I'm so happy to hear that while Gwen's physical appearance has improved, her personality has remained the same. She's as quirky and sweet and good-natured as ever. But since I don't want her to think I'm laughing at her when I'm really proud of her achievement, I keep quiet. Truth is, Gwen knows exactly who she is, and she has no desire to change. Just like Archie.
Then again, maybe not.
“If I were straight, Gwen, I would totally ask you out.”
“Archibald Angevene, that is so super sweet!” Gwen yelps. “But I'd have to turn you down.”
I can stifle no longer. And neither can Arla and Caleb. Our raucous laughter almost drowns out Archie's reply.
“You would turn me down?” Archie cries, his question rife with disbelief. “Is it my new hair? I know it's radical, but it grows in really fast.”
Now Gwen joins in and laughs so fully at Archie's comment that she bends over and clutches her stomach, letting her towel fall to the ground to expose her bouncing boobs. If I didn't know her better, I'd think she was aiming for slutty and not just giving in to the hilarity of the sentiment. If her body doesn't silence everyone, her explanation does.
“I can't go out with you or anyone, Archie,” Gwen says. “I already have a boyfriend.”
“What?!”
The sound of our collective cry is so loud I swear it startles a family of birds nestled in the crook of a branch of a nearby tree. Before Gwen can take offense to the fact that we're all stunned to find out she's someone's girlfriend, she's pummeled with more questions.
“Who?!”
“Do we know him?!”
“How long have you two been together?!”
Regaining her composure, Gwen wraps her towel around her like a little girl donning a superhero cape. She's all grown up and childish at the same time.
“None of your business, yes, and five and a half weeks,” she replies, answering all three of our questions.
Archie is about to protest and demand a more detailed response, but I throw a bottle of suntan lotion that lands right in the little dip in the middle of his chest and shuts him up. “A girl's entitled to her secrets, Arch,” I declare.