Starless Nights (Hale Brothers Series Book 2) (43 page)

“Beau, did you know that a pig’s orgasm can last up to thirty minutes? Can you even imagine?!” Nate says grinning.

“Oh my god, I cannot believe you just said that out loud.” Camille frowns at him in complete distaste.

The rest of us break out in laughter.

A light breeze blows over us and the twinkle lights that Matt and I had hung sway.

The weather for the happy hour turned out to be quite nice. Yes, it is briskly cold, but once we turned on the heater lamps, the roof turned out to be the perfect spot. We were lucky tonight to have a semi clear sky and together laughing the seven of us watched the sun set over the West Village.

Leila bought us a fire pit, and as I toss another log on to it, I look over and across our circle of friends at Nate.

“Why am I not surprised that you would drop a fact like that?” I say shaking my head at him.

“Just keeping it real man,” he smirks at me and winks at Camille.

“Speaking of keeping it real, let’s go around and say one fact about ourselves that people don’t know,” Leila suggests. “And I’ll go first.”

She looks over at me and smiles. My eyebrows shoot up, I’m curious.

“Next weekend, I’m moving in with Beau.” Her eyes lock on to mine and they are sparkling.

My breath catches in my throat. I just asked her, and even though I didn’t give her a chance to respond, I thought that she might need a little time to think about it. I guess not and I’m so happy I could burst. We’re sitting next to each other on the couch, and with everyone staring at us, all I can do is link our fingers together and squeeze her hand.

“Thank God! It’s about time,” says Charlie. “At least this way, I can find a roommate who actually lives with me.”

“Hey now, it hasn’t been that bad.” Leila breaks eye contact with me and fires back.

“Come on! When you aren’t with him, you are either talking to him or about him . . . and quite frankly,” he looks in my direction, “no offense Beau,” and then back to Leila, “that shit is girly and I can’t handle it.”

Everyone busts out laughing. Coming from Charlie, I know it must be bad.

“Okay, my turn,” he says waving his hands in excitement. “I just accepted a job at Interior Design Magazine.”

“Really! That’s so great, I didn’t even know you had applied.” Leila is beaming at him. “You’ve wanted this ever since I met you!”

“I know, I can’t believe it’s happening. It’s not a big job but it’s my foot in the door.”

“I’m so proud of you.” Leila gets up off the couch and gives him a hug.

“Congratulations, man.” We all raise our drinks to him and he smiles.

“Beau, your turn,” Leila says sitting back down.

I pause and smile at Leila. She gives me the biggest smile back and nods her head. She thinks that now is a good time too. I look over at Drew, his eyebrows furrow out of curiosity. “I’ve dropped out of Columbia, and I entered the pro-tour.”

Drew visibly relaxes and everyone looks at him to see his response, “I think that’s a great idea,” he says.

I smile at him and a moment of silence passes between us. I didn’t need his approval to do this, but knowing that he supports me, makes me so happy.

The others are staring at us, but they should know by now, this is our thing. He knows what I’m saying, without having to vocalize it, and vice versa for him.

“Hasn’t that always been your dream?” Ali asks.

My eyes shift left to her. “I wasn’t sure. I needed to come here, be by myself, and make these decisions. For so long I hated tennis because it was his chosen sport for me. And although I’ve always known I was really good at it, I wasn’t sure what it meant to me. I needed to be out from under his influence. Does that make sense?”

“Of course it does, and I think that most people would probably feel that way,” Camille chimes in.

She’s been pretty quiet most of the evening and we all look at her. She sinks back into her chair, not liking the attention.

“I just think it’s nice that you are getting to decide what’s best for you.” She shrugs her shoulders and gives me a small smile.

“Well, I think that just sucks.” Nate scowls.

“Oh shut it, Nate. You know you’re happy for him.” Leila returns his scowl, but squeezes my hand. I love that she supports me like she does. “Quit pouting, it’s your turn.”

“Nothing too much on my end. Reid is coming home, once the season’s over. I’m looking forward to seeing him. It’ll be good to spend some time with him.”

“Really! Do you think I can meet him?” Charlie’s excitement just shot through the roof.

“Sure, but man, tone down the fan-girling.”

Everyone laughs again.

“I promise,” Charlie says grinning from ear to ear.

Nate just shakes his head at him.

“Alright, I’m up,” Drew looks at Ali and then he looks at me. I chuckle because this is very déjà vu to a few minutes ago. “As of the first of the year, I’ll begin Olympic training, and in eighteen months, enter my first trials.”

There are some murmurs around the group, but it all drowns out as my eyes widen. “You’re really going to go for it.” I’m surprised by this and not, at the same time. I’m so proud of him.

He nods his head and smiles. “Seems so.”

Both of us stand up at the same and embrace each other.

“I’m proud of you.” I pat him on the back.

He pulls back, “And I’m proud of you.” He pats me on the shoulder. He knows me so well.

Sitting back down next to Leila, she has tears in her eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Concern instantly fills me. I still hate it when she cries.

“Nothing, that was just really nice,” she says.

I look at Ali, and she too has tears.

“Whatever, enough of that you two,” I say taking a sip of my beer.

Ali smiles at me and then shifts forward on her seat. “Well, I was just cast as lead principal in our spring production of Sleeping Beauty.”

“Yes, and she deserves every bit of it,” Camille says shining with pride at her.

“Congratulations Ali! We can’t wait to come and watch it.” Leila grins.

“It could have been yours,” Ali says quietly while looking at Camille.

“No it couldn’t have.” Camille frowns and lets out a big sigh. “Here goes nothing . . . I’m getting married in February”

“What?” Ali yells at her. “You’re engaged? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“When did this happen?” Leila’s frowning.

Tension builds in the air between Camille, Ali, and Leila. I can’t say I blame Ali and Leila, as much time as these three girls spend together, surely getting married should have come up by now.

“Before I moved to New York, and I don’t know why I didn’t tell you. Honestly, I really don’t want to talk about it, but I wanted to ask if you all would come for me.”

I remember her saying something about this guy the night I walked her home. She wasn’t happy then and she doesn’t look happy now. I feel bad for this girl.

“Of course we’ll come,” Ali says without hesitating. She gets out of her seat, looks over at Leila, and then back to Camille. “Let’s go inside for a bit.”

Camille smiles and the three of them head back into the house.

“Well, that’s enough sharing for me today. I need another beer after that,” Nate says.

“No kidding,” Charlie replies.

Drew reaches into the cooler next to him and tosses each of us a fresh beer, leaving me for last.

“So, you’re gonna go pro,” he says while smiling at me.

“And you’re headed to the Olympics.” I smile back.

A moment of silence passes between the four of us. No one says anything. Drew’s eyes are locked onto mine and all the smiling leaves his face. He tilts his head slightly to the side and looks at me earnestly. “I think it’s time, don’t you?”

I know there is so much more behind this statement than just sports. I can see it is his eyes and feel it pouring out of his heart.

It’s time to forgive them all. It’s time to let go. It’s time to move on. And it’s time to own our own futures. It’s time.

Letting out a deep sigh, in many ways it feels like a final release. A release that’s saying goodbye to a life that I’ve feared and hated, and goodbye to a life that I am no longer going to allow to consume me. I look up at the stars and then back to him.

“Yes, I do think it’s time.”

Everyone ended up leaving around eleven. Except for Charlie, the rest of us understand the dedication required to continue dance and sports on a higher level. Practices and rehearsals always start super early and go on for hours. A good night’s sleep isn’t required but it is highly encouraged, and after all these years of experience, necessary.

Instead of heading inside, Leila and I decided to hang out on the couch under a fleece blanket and let the last of the logs on the fire pit burn down. The night is so beautiful and calm, now that it’s just the two of us. I can hear hypnotic melodies floating through the air from the jazz bar across the street.

I’m so content in this moment, I feel completely at peace.

Since Leila and I have been back together, she has spent most nights with me. The nightmares haven’t come as often, but when they do, she cries. I hate it when she cries. So, I went back to see the psychologist. He said that dreams and nightmares are associated with anxiety and trauma, both of which have and are still affecting me. He also said that nightmares can be interpreted many different ways, but that the way he saw mine, after listening to the details of my past, is it’s not that I’m being made to choose between Leila and Matt, it’s that I’m afraid I’m going to lose one or both of them.

I’ve always felt this sense of responsibility to Matt, and even though I am just his brother, our relationship has always been so much more. And as for Leila, with how I felt about her always leaving me, he says that fear of abandonment is a huge part of it. We want to hang on to those that we love and when we fear losing them for one reason or another, our subconscious grasps on to that and sometimes it’s hard to escape it.

Every day, I feel like she and I are growing closer. It makes sense what he’s saying, because the more confident I feel in us, the less she appears in my dreams. I’m not afraid of losing her anymore. Instead, for the first time ever, I feel hopeful and eager about the future.

Shortly after we got back from Anna Maria Island, I sat down with my coach and we talked about me deferring out of Columbia. Although he’s sad to see me go, he said it’s where I should be, not competing on a collegiate level. I was also surprised to hear him say that amongst other professionals, I have been labeled as “The one to watch.” I’m excited about what this opportunity has the potential to bring, not only me, but to Leila and I both.

Looking down, her head is in my lap and she’s fallen asleep. I brush some of her hair out of her face and just admire her. She has the most beautiful face and heart, and I’m so lucky that she’s mine.

Daily I think about the fire. I think about how quickly that one night, that one thing, that small tiny ten minute window caused a domino effect in my life that changed everything I thought. But I guess that's life. Things are always going to be thrown our way and it's how we handle and deal with these changes that shapes and defines not only our future but our character as well.

Everyone has something that they have to deal with. Just thinking about mine and Leila’s circle of friends and family, life hasn’t been easy. Each of us have had challenges that we’ve had to overcome: abuse, abandonment, illness, death, divorce, disappointment, stereotyping, judgment, and loss. The struggles are there and some are still being dealt with, but we are all strong and in the end, we know we will prevail. We have to. That’s survival, right? Or should I say . . . that’s life.

Looking back, I do realize now just how young Leila and I really were. We were fourteen and we were too young to understand that we should have had faith over fear. Faith in each other, faith in ourselves, and faith to know that in the end, everything always works out the way it is supposed to.

Drew’s right, if the fire had happened yesterday, nothing could have kept me from finding her. I meant it on the beach when I said I've forgiven the fourteen-year-old me for giving up so quickly, because I know . . . I never will again. She's worth fighting for.

Laying my head on the back of the couch, I look up into the night sky. In the past, I would have taken a glance and seen that there weren’t any stars, but looking now, I know I was wrong. Past the haze that the lights of the city give off, if you focus on the darkness, one by one little specs of light begin to peek through. And then before you know it, an endless number of flickering silver dots appear, once again leaving me in awe of its beauty.

I’m not surprised that I never saw the stars before, maybe subconsciously I had blocked them out. Life with the stars meant a life with Leila. Without her, I felt lost, alone and generally like I was navigating through the dark. But with her by my side, everything is a little bit lighter. She will always be my North Star and together I know I can find my way anywhere.

Reaching into the pocket inside of my coat, I pull out the new journal that Leila bought for me. I’m so used to carrying one on me, that before our friends arrived, I replaced the old one with the new one. It’s so clean, fresh and pure. The pages are ivory and untouched. The possibilities of where our adventures will take us, are endless.