Starr Destined (Starr Series) (22 page)

“If something affects you, then it’s interesting to me.  It’s that simple,” he shrugged again.  Well, I guess I had to remember Liam was a micro managing control freak, wasn’t he?

“For now, let’s just be happy being together, and enjoy each other’s company.  Don't you think that makes sense?”  I probed, as I looked into his deep blue eyes.  I loved the intensity of that crystal sharp blueness; it matched his personality somehow - strong and true.

“Yes, I agree it does.  And that’s why it makes sense for you to move in with me, for us to get to know each other properly, just as you’re suggesting.  Look on it as a trial run to prove that getting married would definitely be the right step for us.  And as I know how much you like this apartment, it can still be yours if that makes you feel more secure.  In fact, I’ll get ownership transferred over to you, to prove I'm in this for the long haul, because as my wife, you would be joint owner of ever
ything I have anyway.”

“No!  That’s not necessary.  And anyway, say for arguments sake we did ever get married
.  Surely you’d want some sort of a pre-nup in place?”

“Why?  They only ever come into play if you get divorced.  And we will never be getting divorced.  Once I make you my wife, that’s it for life, Angel,” he grinned, and then kissed me as I rolled my eyes.

“No more talk of getting married. Or living together.  Let’s just collect what I need and get on with the day,” I said firmly, as I extracted myself from his arms and pushed him back on the bed.  He just lay there as he continued grinning.

“Okay, I’ll drop the subject for now.  But you might as well get used to the idea of being my wife, Sera.  You know it’s going to happen, because I’m going to do whatever it takes to convince you to say yes.”

On Tuesday morning, I insisted on returning to work.  Liam very reluctantly agreed, on condition that I had a proper break by letting him take me out to lunch.

Trouble was, I’d only just arrived at the office and made it to my desk, but already I could hear my heartbeat pounding in my ears, as a clammy chill ran through my body.  My hands were trembling, I felt sick and couldn’t seem to breathe properly.  I vaguely registered Tom’s worried face.

“Sera?  What’s the matter?  Are you still poorly?  Perhaps you shouldn’t have rushed back to work today.  Here, take a sip of the water I brought you.”

I stared at the glass he was holding out to me - but that’s what was causing the problem.  This was exactly what had happened before.  I’d had a seemingly innocent drink handed to me by a friend.  But then I'd lost control, lost part of my life forever, unable to recall more than a few hazy but terr
ifying images that kept replaying in my head when I tried to sleep.  Sick and bad things being done to me.  Scott’s voice telling me that I was a little whore. 

Only Liam's presence seemed to dispel the terror, but I couldn’t expect him to be constantly at my side forever, so that’s why I’d insisted on returning to work today.  I was absolutely determined to get back to normal as soon as possible, convinced it was the only way to get over what had turned out to be one of the worst weekends of my life. 

But now this.

“I…  I… can’t…
”  I stuttered.

“Come into the rest area and sit down for a while,” Tom said quietly, as he gently guided me to the kitchen area where everyone made their drinks, and closed the door to prying eyes.  Luckily, there was no one else in there, as he sat me down at the table, and then crouched down to my level.  His worried brown eyes were trying to work out what was going on, as he pushed his heavy black spe
ctacles back up his nose.

“Is it another migraine?  Do you need to go home?”

I shook my head, as I took a deep breath to try and calm myself, and slowly blew it out again.  I knew exactly what I needed to do when a panic attack like this hit me.  I just had to use some yoga techniques and exert some self-control to prevent it developing any further.

“I’ll be fine in a minute,” I managed to get the words out, as I slowed my breathing down, and felt the panic begin to subside.  I could see the relief on Tom’s face now that I was making slightly more sense.

“I’ll call The Boss, tell him you’re unwell and need to go home,” he said.

“No!  No need for that.”  I grabbed his arm to make sure he didn't go and make the call.  I’d only just got to work, and I really didn't want to go home.  Lounging around just dwelling on things was not going to make me feel better.

“Look, Sera, he gave me a lot of grief when you went home that time you had a migraine, and I didn't tell him.  He insisted I should have let him know immediately.”

“I’ll tell him myself in a minute,” I lied.  “But I’m already feeling much bet
ter.  It was just a stupid overreaction.”  I tried to make light of things as I began to get back to normal.

“What’s going on, Sera?  The Boss said you might not be back all week, yet here you are, rushing back before you're properly better.”

“I’m not ill, so there’d be no point in staying at home.”  I looked at Tom’s concerned face, and made a snap decision to trust him and explain why I was acting so bizarrely, when all he’d done was hand me a glass of water.  “I had a bad experience this weekend.  I don't want to talk about all the gory details, but basically, my drink was spiked at a club I went to with some uni friends, and I ended up in hospital.  I was lucky, nothing really bad happened to me, but it’s kind of freaked me out a bit and it’s playing with my mind.  So I wanted to come back to work, because I need to keep busy, to stop all that shit going round and round in my head.”

“Jesus.  That really sucks.  You poor thing, Sera.  I wondered why you were staring at the glass of water as if it was poisoned.”  He gently rubbed my arm, as he pulled up a chair to sit beside me.

“Tom, I don't want anyone else in the office to know - apart from Liam, he knows, obviously.  I think I’ve already provided enough gossip as it is,” I smiled wanly.

“Of course.  You have my word this will remain just between us.  Can I just ask, have you had any counselling yet?”

“The police gave me some leaflets, but I haven’t done anything about it.  Liam's been so great, so supportive, that I thought I’d be fine.  Then wham, I walk back into the office and throw a wobbly almost immediately,” I sighed.

“Don't be so hard on yourself.  The reason I ask is that my wife Alice is a fully qualified and very experienced counselling psychologist, a pretty good one actually.  So even though she’s on maternity leave at the moment, if you needed someone to talk to in confidence, I’m sure she’d be happy to see you.  And I think she’d tell you that rather than just trying to ignore things, it’s probably best to get help sooner rather than later.”  Tom’s face crinkled into a kind smile, and I was glad I'd confided in him.

“Thanks for the offer, and I’ll think about it.  But really, this is all a big fuss over nothing.  I’ll be just fine, once I get back into the swing of things.  Speaking of which, did you see I came up with some new variants on the Croydon designs?”

And so I forced myself back into work mode, convinced it was the best way of dealing with all the sick shit my mind was trying to deal with.  And it wasn’t that hard to throw myself into things, b
ecause I genuinely loved my work.

Obviously mindful of my wish for him not to draw attention to our relationship or provoke any more gossip, Liam acted totally professionally when he came down for his usual progress update.  Of course, I knew he was also making sure that I was okay, and I think he relaxed when he saw how well I was getting on with things. 

A little later that morning, I noticed there was a top priority, all users email sent out by Joy, Liam's PA.  I clicked it open curiously. 

Compulsory reading for all employees of Starr Capital Ventures

All employees must complete and sign off the regular reading and training module for dealing with Bullying and Ha
rassment in the workplace. 

It is strictly against company policy for any SCV employee to spread malicious or defamatory rumours or partake in any kind of intrusive gossip about another member of staff, and such behaviour will not be tolerated.  Immediate disc
iplinary action will be taken against any individual found to be contravening this policy.

Whoa - I realised that by getting Joy to personally send out this email, Liam surely intended it as a warning to her and her cronies to put a stop to their gossiping ways, as this kind of notification would normally be handled by his HR team.  I appreciated his efforts, but I knew it would do nothing to change people like Joy’s opinion of me.  You can't legislate people to like or approve of you, and she was entitled to her opinion, but at least now she had to be a bit more subtle about keeping those opinions to herself if she wanted to keep her job. 

“So, how’s this morning been for you?”  Liam asked, as we walked out of the building at lunchtime - I’d said I wanted to get out of the office and go to a favourite place of mine nearby.  It was a lovely sunny day, so Liam had left his jacket behind in the office.  After seeing him casually dressed all weekend, I liked seeing him all smart and sexy in his crisp pale blue pinstripe shirt a
nd dark blue tie, with his well-cut lightweight navy trousers.  He looked totally edible in fact, and I still had to pinch myself sometimes to believe he really was all mine.

“Okay.  I had a bit of a wobble early on, but it’s cool, I soon got myself together again.”

Liam grabbed my arm and pulled me to a stop so he could look at my face.

“What do you mean by ‘a bit of a wobble’?  What happened and why didn't you tell me sooner?”

“It was nothing, really.  I just had a moment when Tom got me a drink - it just reminded me… you know?  But he was really sweet when I told him what had happened.”

“I thought you didn't want anyone at the office to know about it?”

“I don't, but Tom’s different.  We work together all the time, he’s a really decent guy, and I know I can trust him.  He said if I needed someone to talk to, his wife Alice is a counsellor, which I thought was nice of him.”

“And do you?  Need someone to talk to, a counsellor?”

“I don't think so, not right now.  But it’s good to know of someone trustworthy, isn’t it?”

“Well, if felt you wanted to go that route, I’d still want to check her out.  Just because Tom says she’s good doesn’t mean she’s not some kind of quack,” Liam frowned.

“You are such a cynic, aren’t you?”  I sighed.  “I doubt I’ll ever have need of her services anyway.  I'm doing just fine,” I smiled, trying to convince him that he didn't need to worry so much.

We bought some lunch from Chapters, a great little deli just around the corner from the office, then headed for the quiet garden area I’d found tucked away nearby in the grounds of St
. Botolph’s church.  That’s one of the things I love about London - the way you can find beautiful old buildings tucked away amongst all the modern skyscrapers.  I also love how things like Roman artefacts are often discovered when foundations are being dug for new buildings - it’s so cool to think they’ve been right there under our feet for all those hundreds of years, just waiting to be found. 
So okay, I'm a bit of a history freak, but I don't broadcast the fact that I love watching ‘Time Team’.

“How did you know these gardens were here?  I didn’t know about them, and I’ve worked around this area for years,” Liam confessed, as he followed me to sit on a bench in the dappled shade of a large tree.

“I expect you were too busy.  But I like places like this, somewhere I can escape to for a while, to recharge my batteries, and let fresh ideas percolate through, because I find the office a bit constricting at times.  Look, see how the sunlight plays on the leaves there.  And then tomorrow it’ll be different again, in different weather, at different times of the day, different times of the year.  That’s what I like to see.  You miss all that stuck in an office all day every day, and I find it stifles my creativity.  ”

“Do you like to come out even if it’s raining?”

“Sometimes, yes.  Then I love how the rain makes the grass and the earth smell.  Oh, and I like to watch the squirrels,” I smiled as I pointed at one that was skilfully running along the edge of the wall, stopping now and again to sit and look round, as it curled its fluffy tail up behind it.

“Squirrels are nothing more than vermin.  Rats with big tails,” Liam grumbled as I batted his arm.

“Oh come on, you have to admit they’re cute.  Look at those shiny button eyes checking you out.”

The squirrel was staring at Liam, as if mesmerised.  I decided it must be a female squirrel, and I knew exactly how she felt.  I found it hard to tear my eyes away from him too.

“You wouldn’t think they were so cute if you’d had them destroying the wires inside the loft of your house,” he insisted.  “A bloody nuisance, that’s what squirrels are.”

“I can see I'm never going to convince you,” I sighed.  “So, I read that anti-bullying email from Joy.  I know what you’re up to, but you needn’t worry about her.”  I took a bite of my tuna melt Panini.  Liam was already making short work of his beef and horseradish sandwich - that man practically i
nhaled his food.