Authors: Ahren Sanders
After twenty minutes, Cindy gives me a small smile and motions me back to the bed.
“How is he?” I slide my hand under his.
“No change. The doctors will want to run a few tests in the morning to look at his brain activity.”
“Is that normal?”
“Yes, especially if they plan to move him.”
“Have you been doing this long, Cindy?”
“I’ve been a nurse for twenty-nine years.”
“Have you worked with a lot of patients in Bryce’s condition?”
“Too many to count.”
“How can I help him?”
“Keep doing what you’re doing. Touch him, talk to him, make sure he’s as comfortable as possible.”
“Can he hear me? Can he feel me?”
“Opinions vary, but I think so.”
“It doesn’t seem like enough.” My voice breaks. “I want to do everything in my power for him.”
“So far, you’re doing it.” She pats me on the arm and leaves.
I sink back into the chair and scoot in as close as possible. Carefully, I lay my head next to his ear. “Bryce, I love you so much. Can you hear me?” I whisper, trying not to wake Nate. Nothing happens, and I lean my head against his temple, fighting the urge to break down.
For the rest of the night, I talk about nothing specific, only stopping when Cindy comes in to check on him. Finally, I drift to sleep with my arms wrapped gently around him.
*****
“Dev, I’ll stay with him the whole time. You need to get some rest in a real bed,” Nate pleads with me, and I continue to refuse.
“Not happening.”
“We agreed he’d never be alone, not that you’d be here around the clock. You’re exhausted and need a decent meal.”
I cut my eyes and shoot him an evil glare. “Stop trying.”
“I promise if he so much as twitches, I’ll call you.”
“Nate, I can’t leave him. If he wakes up and I’m not here, it’ll kill me. He needs me.”
“He’ll kill you if he opens his eyes and sees you right now. Seriously, you look like you need your own hospital bed.”
I run my hands through my ratty ponytail and know he’s right. I must look like shit. It’s been two days since Bryce was moved to his own room, and I haven’t left his side for more than ten minutes. I’ve been sleeping in the recliner, unless Sheila and Dave need it, and then I go to the side of his bed and lay my head down. Usually, I prefer to be close, but it annoys the nurses when they come in. Even though we’ve gotten to know each other, I try to respect their space.
“I’ll make you a deal.” I get up and go to my bag in the corner. “If you promise to stay right here the whole time, I’m going to take a shower—a real one, where my hair gets washed and legs shaved. Then, if Sheila and Dave are here, I’ll go to the cafeteria and get a sandwich with you.”
“Can we eat it down there? Give you a change of scenery?”
“Don’t push your luck. We’ll eat it up here, and maybe the smell of food will make him realize he’s hungry and wake up.” I chuckle at my clever thinking.
Nate nods and turns on the TV while I go to the small bathroom. For the first time in days, I allow myself time to enjoy the pounding of the hot water on my aching neck and back. Washing my hair and shaving my legs feels like a luxury. When my skin starts to wrinkle, I force myself out and go through the routine of dressing in a clean sweat suit and putting on some make up. Nate’s voice drifts through the door as he tells Bryce about the rankings in the NCAA Basketball tournament.
My mind flashes to last year when we all watched the tournament together, and the familiar ache clutches in my chest. God, I wish I could crawl up in Bryce’s lap and watch the tournament for hours while he holds me.
“You done in there?” Quinn’s voice interrupts my thought as she knocks softly on the door.
“Yes.” I open it and walk out. She’s not alone. Our whole group has crowded in the small room.
“You look and smell a lot better.”
“I wasn’t that bad.” I try to defend myself but realize she is probably right. “Okay, maybe I was.”
“We made a plan this morning. Your parents are coming with us back to Charlottesville. I’ll pack you some more clothes, and anything you need for school, and they’ll drive your car back.”
“That’s a good idea. I’ll text you a list of things I need. I’ve already emailed all my professors, and they’ve understood. Most of my stuff can be done electronically.”
“I’ll send all my notes for as long as you need,” Crystal offers.
My mom walks up and puts an arm around my shoulder, tugging me gently into her. “We’ll be back in a few days. You need me, anytime, you call.”
“Okay.”
We say our goodbyes, and Sheila and Dave stay behind while Nate takes me downstairs. Before we get to the cafeteria, I see the blanket of snow on the ground outside and guide him toward the door. When we step outside, I pull my hoodie up and cross my arms. Even though I’m freezing, the fresh air is welcomed.
“I wonder if the fresh air would help Bryce? Maybe that’s exactly what he needs.”
“If you think the hospital staff is going to let you wheel him out here in the twenty degree weather, you’re crazy,” Nate informs me.
“I know. It was only a thought. I’d do anything if I knew it’d help.”
“Come here.” He holds his arms out and then closes me into his warm body. “I love him, too. We’ll get through this. Remember, the doctors said his brain is healing itself, and we can’t rush it.”
“What if they’re wrong? What if he stays like this forever?”
“He won’t.”
“How do you know? He hasn’t moved in three fucking days!”
“Devon.”
“No, Nate, you don’t know what I do. I’ve been researching online, and there is a myriad of outcomes, most of them not good.”
“What the fuck? Myriad of outcomes? What sort of bullshit have you been reading?”
“I googled brain injuries, and there are hundreds of thousands of articles on short term and long term complications. Amnesia, paralysis, loss of bodily functions to name a few. The longer he lays there, not responding, the greater the chances I’ll lose my Bryce!” People walking by glance our way as my voice gradually becomes louder. I duck my head in embarrassment, but the possibilities race through my mind.
“Researching online? You know better than that! Are these the same sites that said you had MRSA because of an infected mosquito bite?”
“It was scary!”
“The same sites that convinced Quinn she had a brain tumor because she had had a migraine.”
“It was a bad migraine, and she had it for more than four hours.”
“The same sites that—”
“Stop!” I hold up my hand to his face. “I get your point, but I had to do something. The doctors aren’t telling us anything.”
“The doctors are telling us what they can. This is not cut and dry, Devon! Is this what you’ve been doing at night? Staying up and filling your head with a bunch of crazy shit?”
I stare at the ground not answering.
“I’m scared. He’s more than my best friend.”
For the first time since arriving, I think about how this affects Nate. His fear and uncertainty are clear from his tone.
“I’m a selfish bitch.” I cling back to his arms. “You’re hurting, too.”
“Yeah, but I get where you’re coming from. Just don’t lose sight that other people love him, too, especially his parents.”
“I know that!” I step back, completely offended. “Why would you say that to me?”
“Because the same thing you’re thinking is most likely on their minds as well.”
“Oh, God, I didn’t think of that. I’ve been too lost in my own head.”
He stays quiet and lets me process what exactly has been going on around me. Realization comes crashing down and hits me square in the face. An idea pops into my head, and I grab Nate’s arm and drag him back into the hospital.
“Come on.”
“Where we going?”
“First stop is the gift shop. Then you’re buying me lunch while Sheila and Dave visit with Bryce. After that, you’re going back to your place to pick up the list I’m making for you.”
He gives me a grin and follows obediently.
By the time I get back to the room, Dave has dozed off in the recliner and Sheila is sitting on the side of the bed reading. She raises an eyebrow and looks between me and the bags I’m carrying.
“Did you go shopping?”
“Kinda, although my selection was limited.”
She watches me closely as I unload playing cards, magazines, snacks, and the only board game the gift shop had.
“I’m sorry, Sheila. I’ve never acknowledged how scared you must be. It was selfish.”
“Sweetheart, it wasn’t selfish. We know how much you love him.”
“Yes, but so does everyone else, too. So, starting now, we’re going to change our tactics. This room isn’t going to be sad and solemn.” I unwrap the cards and wave them in front of her. “Will you teach me some card games?”
She smiles for the first time in days, and her eyes brighten. “I’d be happy to.”
“Nate will be back with Jamie in a few hours. This afternoon, we’re watching the basketball games. I want Bryce to hear what’s happening.”
Her smile widens. “The guys will love that.”
“Then we need to get ready. The ship arrived today. Nate’s already fielding calls. I suspect we’ll start getting visitors soon.”
“Should we prepare the nurses?”
“Nate has strict orders while he’s out. One of those is to bring back the biggest fruit and chocolate baskets he can find. So I’m sure he’s already called Jamie to help.” I giggle, remembering the look on his face.
“Good call.”
“Now, I want to know how to play poker, so I can beat Bryce when he wakes up.” I hand her the cards and settle on the edge on the bed.
While she shuffles and deals, I reach over and bring Bryce’s hand to my lips. “Time to get up, baby. You’ve slept long enough.”
I don’t know what I expected, but like all the other times, he gives me no response.
“So after we have the third child, I’m calling it quits. And then, of course, we’ll need the five bedroom Victorian home I’ve been dreaming about. At that point, we’ll also need a guest house because our parents will be around all the time. You can have a man cave if you promise to keep a wine cooler stocked at all times for me and my craziness.
“Okay, enough daydreaming. Time for studying.” I reach inside my bag and get out my laptop to review the notes Crystal and Quinn scanned and emailed. “I’d read them to you out loud, but you’d never want to wake.”
The words mix together, and my eyes start to cross, so I decide to take a break and call Quinn.
“He up?” she asks in greeting.
“Not yet but anytime now. How are you?”
“I’m good. It’s your parents who are going crazy. Morgan came over this morning and put new snow chains on your car, and your dad said they’re leaving tomorrow morning no matter what. Should I take it personally that they can’t wait to get away from me?”
“No, it’s more about me. Y’all have been gone for three days. They think I’m going to shatter under pressure.”
“Are you?”
“Not today,” I answer honestly. “Tomorrow is another story.”
“Good deal. So tell me what’s happening today.”
“You already know about the visitors pouring in. Nate was right. People stop by throughout the day. There’s no way I’ll remember their names.”
“Put name tags at the nurse’s station.”
“Quinn, that’s the tackiest thing I’ve ever heard of.”
“Yeah, but it made you smile.”
“I miss you so much,” I admit.
“Chica, I’ll be there as soon as possible.”
A throat clears, and I look up and gasp. Tommy and Nicole stand in the doorway, waiting awkwardly.
“Quinn, I need to go. The Betts are here.”
“Oh, shit! Are you alone?”
“Bryce is here.”
“He’s comatose! Who’s going to bitch slap the traitor? Damn! I’m calling security.”
“Stop being stupid. They are staring at me. Need to go,” I whisper and hang up, setting my phone on the end of the hospital bed.
“May we come in?” Tommy asks uncomfortably.
I nod and remain seated.
They walk in slowly, and I watch Nicole’s eyes roam over the room. She stops at Bryce’s bedside and picks up a picture frame.
“This is a beautiful picture.” She refers to a photo of Bryce and me in Destin last summer.
“Thank you.”
“They’re all great.” She points at the dozen photos placed around the room of family and friends.
“I had Nate bring them from the townhouse. It makes the room more warm and welcoming.”
“How is he?” Tommy asks, stopping at his bedside.
“He’s the same. No changes, but we’re optimistic. His vitals are awesome.”
Tommy bites his bottom lip, and it’s obvious he wants to say something, but he refrains.
Nicole stands by his side and reaches to run her hand along Bryce’s arm. A tear slides down her cheek, and I swallow hard. Seeing others cry is what makes me the most vulnerable. I want to join them.
“He’s not responding to very much, but the swelling in his brain has decreased and his collarbone is set nicely.”
We stay silent for a few minutes, and I put my laptop and notes away, getting up. “I don’t like to leave him alone, but if you’d like a few minutes, I can step outside,” I offer.
“No, Devon, we only wanted to stop by and see him.” Tommy’s eyes come to mine full of sorrow. “He’s one of the best men I’ve known. Several times during OCS, I wanted to quit and come home. He pushed me hard to continue. His determination is contagious.”
“Don’t I know it! Bryce’s determination is unforgiving. Somehow, he convinced me to give him another chance after what he put me through.”
Tommy chuckles. “He said you gave him a scare. He had to work at it.”
“Not too hard! The fully decorated Christmas tree in the middle of Aspen was a nice touch though.”
We smile at one another, and Nicole looks extremely uncomfortable. In this moment, I’m no longer bitter and upset with them. I appreciate their respect for Bryce.
“Is there anything you need? Anything we can do?” Nicole asks nervously.
“No, Nate is back on shift, but he and Jamie are here at least once a day. Sheila and Dave spend the day here as well. We’ve gotten into a routine.”