Authors: Ahren Sanders
“We’re here if you need anything,” Tommy reconfirms.
“Thank you, but we’re fine.”
“Can we continue to visit?” Tommy asks cautiously.
“Absolutely. He’d like that.”
They step back together and walk toward the door, and Tommy turns to me. “For what it’s worth, we’re so sorry about everything that happened. If we could go back and make different decisions, we would.”
“Thank you for that.” I look between the both of them and weigh my words carefully. Then I focus directly at Nicole and drive my point hard. “Hopefully neither of you are ever in a similar position.”
“With that being said, feel free to visit Bryce anytime you want. He’d appreciate it.”
They walk out, and I sink back in my chair, covering my face.
“Bryce, was I a bitch? That was unnecessary, right? They were trying to be nice, and I had to be ugly.”
I watch his sleeping form and try to will him to answer me. All of a sudden, his monitor starts beeping, and his chest convulses. His hand shoots up, swatting at the air.
I press the nurse button, but it’s useless because a team of people rushes into the room, forcing me away.
Bryce’s head starts to shake violently back and forth as they try to calm him down. Both of his hands fly around, and a nurse tries to brace the arm in the sling, protecting his collarbone.
The second his eyes open, I step into his line of sight, thinking I can help. He thrashes against everyone, swinging his good arm. His eyes land on me and darken. I shudder but step around the bed, reaching for his hand.
“Bryce?”
He looks around and tries to sit up. The nurse holding him gives me a chin jerk to come closer.
“It’s me, Devon,” I say softly, my heartbeat racing. “Focus on me. You’ve been asleep for a while.”
His eyes spin around the room and land on the ceiling. He swallows hard and breathes deep a few times.
One nurse relaxes her hold and lowers his injured hand. Another starts taking his temperature and blood pressure.
His face finally finds mine, and I brace myself. His eyes are blank and unknowing… The usual gleaming blue is pale and lifeless. Finally, he speaks.
“Who are you?”
*****
Who are you?
Who are you?
Who are you?
The words run through my mind every second of the day. Within seconds of Bryce waking up, he fell back into a coma. That was two days ago.
My parents try to comfort me, but I’m numb. Sheila and Dave stand vigil, hoping he’ll gain consciousness while I dread he’ll wake and again not recognize me.
Doctors say he’s confused and probably has no memory of his brief episode. This seems ironic to me because, while Bryce may have no recollection, I’ll never forget it for as long as I live.
“Sweetie, we’re going to take Sheila down for a coffee and some fresh air. You want to come?” Mom asks.
“No, I’m good.”
“Okay, Dave’s staying here.”
When they leave, Dave starts reading a magazine to Bryce, and I grab my bag. “I’m going to take a shower.”
“Devon, if you’d like to go back to our hotel room and get a shower, you are welcome to. Maybe lie down in a bed for a few hours.”
Even though he may not know who I am, the thought of leaving Bryce is terrifying. I shake my head and go to the small bathroom. Panic seizes me, and I fall onto the floor, trying to catch my breath. Hot tears spill down my face, and I bite my cheek with the effort not to cry out. The last thing Dave needs is to witness my breakdown.
I strip and sit in the tub, turning on the shower and letting the hot water pelt down on me. Rocking back and forth, I curl up and wail into my knees. My whole body tremors, and I let the stress, anxiety, and fear pour out.
What will happen if Bryce truly doesn’t remember me? What if he has no memory at all? His parents, his career, his friends? Questions fly around in my head until my ears are ringing and my heart thunders in my chest. Everything on my body hurts. The little bit of food in my stomach comes up, and I rush to the toilet, heaving violently until there’s nothing left.
When I’m confident I can stand, I move under the spray and go through the motions of washing my hair and body. Desperation and rejection spread through me. As pathetic as it sounds, I can’t imagine a life without Bryce loving me.
“Devon? You okay in there?” Dave calls through the door.
“Yes, I’m getting out now.” I cut off the water and step out, forcing myself to sound normal.
“I’m going to step into the hallway and make a call if you need me.”
“Take your time.”
The door to the room shuts, so I hurry to get dressed. A few minutes later, I hear it open and close again, so I slow down, hoping my splotchy cheeks will go back to normal. The voice on the other side of the door stops me all together and sends a chill down my spine.
“Bryce, I am so sorry. I had no idea this would happen. It was the only way you’d talk to me.” Liza’s voice trembles. “You wouldn’t talk to me!”
I swing the door open, and the scene in front of me makes my blood run cold. Liza is standing with Bryce’s hand in her own as tears coat her cheeks. Her eyes fly to mine and flash with surprise.
“What the fuck did you say?” I hiss. “What did you mean, you had no idea this would happen?”
“I thought we were alone,” she has the audacity to say.
“There is no ‘we’ when it comes to you and Bryce. But, apparently, you’re too much of a fucking dumbass bitch to understand that.” I stomp to her and take his hand away. “Step the fuck back.”
Wisely, she backs away.
“Now, tell me what you meant.”
The shock of seeing me wears off, and she straightens her shoulders, squaring off. “None of your business.”
Wrong thing to say. The look of guilt and despair on her face tells me immediately she has something to do with Bryce lying in this hospital bed.
Rage, fury, and hate boil to the surface and erupt. I drop Bryce’s hand and rear back. Before I can stop myself, I slap her with all the force in my body. There’s a loud crack as her head snaps to the side. She stumbles, falling into the wall. I try to lunge into her, but strong arms yank me back and restrain my movements.
“What in the ever loving fuck is going on?” Nate’s livid voice fuels my own anger even more.
“Liza is responsible for this.”
“What?” He back peddles us across the room, not letting me go. “Liza, what’s Devon talking about?”
She goes pale and looks at Bryce, holding her cheek. Finally, she takes a shaky breath and looks past me to my brother. “He was in the engine room because of me. I knew you were supposed to do the measurement testing the next morning, but I arranged for them to be ready. Once you went to bed that night, I had one of my guys tell him there were new data specs available. There was no doubt he’d go after them. It gave me a small window of opportunity to get him alone.”
“You lied?” His grip tightens around my chest, and he starts to shake.
“No, I did run new numbers. I had no idea there’d be an explosion.”
“The explosion was a freak accident. No one could have known. But that’s not the issue here. Why would you lure him down there?”
“He wouldn’t talk to me! For weeks, I’ve tried to apologize, but he avoided me. It’s bad enough I’m treated like a leper, but then I get the news I’m being transferred. This was an effort to beg him to make things right.”
“You need to leave now,” Nate growls. “We’ve all made it clear how we feel about you, yet you keep coming back. Get a fucking clue. You are a pathetic bitch. If you’re not out that door in five seconds, I’ll unleash Devon and turn my back.”
I struggle against him, wanting to claw her eyes out. She looks at Bryce once more then rushes out the door with her head hanging.
Nate lets me go and steps back. “What a fucking cunt.”
“Yep,” I agree and feel my adrenalin draining. “You should have let me after her.”
His face pops up, humor filling his eyes. “When did you become Manny Pacquiao?”
“Who?”
“Never mind.” He shakes his head but can’t hide his amusement.
“Seriously, Nate, I was so mad she didn’t have a chance.” I hop from foot to foot, punching the air. “Look at my stealth moves.”
He opens his mouth to speak, but a loud beeping cuts through the room. We both rush to the bed and see Bryce’s chest jerking. Deja vu hits me with memories from the last time this happened. A nurse comes in and shifts me to the side. Dave is right behind her.
“Did anything happen?” She hits a few buttons on the monitor.
“Yes, my sister was being a goofy idiot,” Nate answers and gives me a pointed look. As soon as the words leave his mouth, my parents and Sheila come back in.
The nurse looks at me with a smile. “I’d recommend continuing that. He seemed to like it.”
“You think he heard us?” I squeal.
“Sure do. Think he enjoyed what he heard, too. His heart rate increased, but he’s not in distress.”
“Is he waking up?”
“We can hope. This is a good sign. Keep up the good work.” She pats me on the shoulder and leaves.
“What exactly were you doing?” Sheila asks.
“I was showing Nate my boxing moves.” I step back and demonstrate again, getting a laugh from everyone.
“You certainly seem better than when we left,” Mom points out.
“I am.”
I try to tamper down the desperate emotions from earlier and concentrate on the hope that Bryce is coming out of this coma.
I glance at my watch for the hundredth time and wonder what’s taking Quinn so long. She drove into town thirty minutes ago. If she’s not here in five minutes, I’m leaving without her. She knows today is important.
“Sheila, I’m only going to be gone for a little while. If anything at all happens, you call me. We won’t be far.”
“We’ll be fine. It’s time you get out of this hospital.”
“Do you need me to get you anything?”
“Another board game?” Dave throws in. “I’m sick of the one we have.”
“You’re only sick of it because I beat you every time we play,” I point out. “But I’ll take pity and pick up something else.”
“Knock, knock!” Quinn comes through the door carrying an enormous bunch of balloons.
“What the hell?”
“Shut it! They’re my contribution to the room.” She sets them on the window sill and comes directly to me.
After we hug, she greets Sheila and Dave then goes to Bryce. “Buddy, naptime is over. Time to come play with the big kids. Promise not to make fun of you too much.” She leans in and whispers something in his ear then kisses his cheek gently.
“Anyone going to shave this beast?” She points to his scruffy beard.
“I kinda like it.”
“You would. Are you ready to go? We have an appointment.”
“Yeesh! Hold your horses.” She starts to sit. “Quinn—”
“Just kidding. Let’s go.”
I kiss Bryce’s forehead and rub my cheek along his jaw, enjoying the soft stubble. “Be back soon, baby, and I’ll have a surprise for you.”
We say our goodbyes and leave quickly. Once we get to her car, she looks at me with her face glowing. “Are we really doing this?”
“Yes.”
“Brilliant plan. Don’t know why I didn’t think of it.”
I give her directions and then fill her in on the last two days. When I’m done, her face is hard as stone.
“What a bitch! I wish I could have seen her face when you slapped her.”
“It was fantastic.”
“So what now? What do all the parents think?”
“We didn’t tell them. Nate wants to let Bryce make the decision what to do.”
“Why?”
“In a way, I understand his reasoning. She didn’t cause the accident. A team on the ship determined the explosion didn’t do too much damage. If Bryce had been even three feet to the left, he probably would have walked away. But it was his proximity to the machine that caused his fall and the injuries.”
“So why are we hiding the fact that she purposely and falsely lured him there?”
“Nate thinks it could destroy her career. Maybe not so much a discharge, but the fact that her reputation will never recover.”
“Who cares?”
“Bryce will care. You know how compassionate he is.”
“He loathes her! And when he wakes up and sees what her actions put you and the family through, he’ll be fucking furious.”
“That’s what I’m counting on, but we’re leaving it up to him.”
“Humph, I’d like to eviscerate her.”
“Studying the adult vocabulary again?” I giggle at my own attempt at a joke.
“Yes, not only adult vocabulary but adult conversation. It’s time you talk to me straight.”
“What do you mean?” I turn to her.
“Devon, it’s been over a week. This is your first time leaving the hospital. It isn’t healthy. How much longer are you going to keep this up?”
“As long as it takes.”
“I understand your feelings, but you have to think about long term.”
“I do, Quinn. I think about long term every single day. Each scenario of my long term includes Bryce by my side.” My voice spikes as I fight the ever-present fear. No one says it, but the unspoken question of him waking plagues us all.
“I don’t want to make you upset, but while you’re busy worrying about him, I’m worrying about you.”
“Thank you.”
She parks in front of the jewelry store and turns to me. “One more thing and then we’ll drop it. If it ever gets to be too much, the pain, the pressure, the depression, you promise to talk to me. I’m here for you, and even though I can’t even imagine the anguish you’re experiencing, I love him too. But he’s not the only one everyone’s concerned about. Watching you suffer guts us all.”
“I promise to talk to you if it becomes overwhelming—or more overwhelming than it already is.”
She searches my face then nods.
“Okay, let’s do this. Between your crazy idea and what I told Bryce before we left, he’s bound to wake up soon.”
“What did you say to him?”
She winks. “He’ll tell you soon enough.”
Oh, shit. Even unconscious, Quinn finds a way to bust his balls. For once, I can’t wait to see how this turns out.
*****
From the very day you walked through my kitchen door with Nate, I’ve loved you. Growing up, all my dreams centered on you loving me back. The moment our lips touched when I was fifteen years old, I was ruined for anyone else. Even through the time when I cut you out of my life, my heart still beat for you. Moving on was never an option. I know that now.