Stephan (18 page)

“Hi. I’m sorry about everything. I’m glad
Derick didn’t get hurt. ”

“Jade, you have nothing to be sorry about.
You didn’t pull any triggers. You were innocent in all this.”

“Okay.” I didn’t know what else I was
supposed to say. “Is that all?”

“No. I wanted to say I was sorry—”

“You have nothing to apologize for.” My body
ached from missing Stephan. My heart was pounding so loud and it
hurt at the sight of him. I wanted so badly to jump into his arms
and hug him. I wouldn’t though, I would never touch him again. I
couldn’t. I had been shot at, had my body cut and bruised, but
nothing hurt more than Stephan leaving me. I didn’t have much in my
shitty life but what I had, Stephan had taken and stomped on it.
“Thanks for this stuff. I’ll see you around at school.” I turned
and he grabbed my cast halting me. I glanced down at his hand and
back to him.

“Wait. Little bit, I want you to come
home.”

I choked on a sob, as he called me by his pet
name, how could he? I fought him so hard because I couldn’t take
this heartbreak, there were only so many times someone could be
beaten down and I was done. I’d had my mum beat me down all my life
and I bounced back. I even had my grandpa do it and now the man I
loved had done it. No. I’d had enough.

“Get. Your. Hand. Off. Me. Now,” I gritted
out. “You stay away from me.” I backed away and dropped the gifts
he’d given me.

Stephan went white and I took an involuntary
step toward him only to stop when I realized what I did. “Just go,
Stephan.”

“I’ll see you at school tomorrow.”

I knew Stephan and he wouldn’t leave me
alone. I nodded and walked away. I went up to the room and called
the detective who’d given me his number, he was the nicest of the
bunch. He had a daughter my age. “Hi, Detective Web. I need a
restraining order please.”

*****

Everyone was staring at me. I kept my head
down and kept close to Cassie as we walked to lunch. With the
retaining order I had on Stephan I couldn’t sit with the girls
where we used to sit. They’d moved for me. We now sat in the quad
with all the younger people. Even after three days at school
everyone was still talking about me.

The first day I jumped at everything. The
second I hid in the library. I’d gotten Cassie to give the phone
back to Stephan. I didn’t want him knowing where I was. I
deliberately didn’t look for him. It hurt too much when I saw him.
I couldn’t even gaze upon Derick. I knew some of my friends thought
I was overreacting, but I didn’t give my trust easily and I’d given
it to Stephan. He’d stomped all over it and my growing love. He’d
abandoned me. When I’d woken in the hospital and he wasn’t there,
not even one of his family members, I’d never felt so alone in my
whole life.

I listened as the girls talked about going to
the movies this weekend. “Sure, sounds good.” Right now I’d agree
to anything.

I nibbled on my sandwich and halfheartedly
listened.

*****

Stephan

I didn’t want to go to school. I didn’t want
to leave the house. The bodyguards still watched Jade, but I had
received the restraining order. Derick wasn’t talking to me. He was
still angry with me over how I’d dealt with Jade after the
shooting. My parents had left me be, only putting their foot down
about school. So I went to school and rugby.

“I’m leaving. I can’t sit with you anymore.”
Derick got up and I followed.

“Where are you going?”

Derick walked toward the buildings. “Away
from you. I’m so pissed I can’t even look at you."

He entered the quad and that’s when I saw
her. Like a moth drawn to a flame I couldn’t stop myself. She was
so beautiful. I missed her so much. She looked almost lifeless as
she sat with her head down. I hadn’t slept in two weeks and I
couldn’t even lie on my bed. Fuck this shit. I’d had enough. I
wanted my little bit back.

Going to Jade, I picked her up. She squealed
and fought me coming to life.

“I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.” She
beat me with her cast hand and I let her, needing to feel
something.

I was numb since I left Jade.

“Why couldn’t you leave me alone? Why?” She
whacked me over and over, tears streaming down her face.

I heard teachers come over and try to break
it up but for once my bodyguards were around and stopped them.

“I hate you. I hate what you did to me. I
hate what you made me feel. I hate what you’ve done to me. I hate
you. I hate you.” The hitting stopped and her fingers gripped my
shirt. Tears rolled down her cheeks and I felt the worst I’d ever
felt at the broken look in her sad eyes. I needed to fix it. I’d
done this to her. I would do anything to have the look of pain and
hurt gone. She collapsed against me, giving up her fight and broke
down sobbing, “You left me. You left me.”

I didn’t care about school. I didn’t care
about the people watching and I didn’t care about the fucking
restraining order. I held Jade in my arms and walked out of the
quad and the school. David met me at the drop-off zone and I got in
the passenger side with my precious bundle.

Jade didn’t say any more and that scared me
more than when she fought me. Brand got in the passenger seat and
he looked back at Jade and me. “She was a fragile flower and you
had her blossoming and then you crushed her. You gave her
everything she’s never had then took it away. You broke her,
kid.”

“Fuck.” I held Jade tight as she sobbed in my
arms. Her gut wrenching cries cut me to my core and I knew I’d
never stop making this up to her. But make it up to her I would,
even if I spent the rest of my life doing it.

I took her home and I carried her up to
my—our—bed and lay with her in it. Jade cried herself to sleep and
I didn’t say a word. I didn’t know what to say. I knew she wouldn’t
hear what I said now anyway.

Laying there with her in my arms I came up
with a plan. I was never going a night without her again. I
couldn’t do it. I knew the gate and the security would only hold
the police and the restraining order for so long. I would beg her
on my hands and knees if I had to for the rest of my life, but she
was going to give me another chance.

I must have dozed off because the next thing
I knew my dad was tapping my shoulder.

“Stephan, Stephan. A Detective Web is at our
door with a couple of officers.”

Jade didn’t even stir in my arms. I knew she
was probably exhausted. “Send them up.”

“Son—”

“Dad, she hasn’t even woken up with us
talking. Look at her. She’s lost weight and is deathly pale. When
she was with me before she had a pink tinge on her cheeks, she
doesn't now. Bring them up.”

Dad shook his head as he walked out of my
room. I turned back to Jade and stroked her back. She snuggled
deeper against me and sighed.

“My daughter goes to your school. She’s in
the year below you. She’s told me the gossip story but I see there
is some truth to it.”

I gazed up to see who I assumed was Detective
Web. “What story is that?”

“A Silverman has been caught. That a bunch of
girls are now brokenhearted because they have a chance with one
less Silverman.” He dramatically rolled his eyes. “My daughter says
it’s love.”

“What do you think?”

Detective Web crossed his arms over his chest
and studied Jade and I. “I’ve seen Miss Black there almost every
day now for two weeks. She’s been a huge help in catching some huge
drug runners, but you know that. You Silverman have men
everywhere.”

I didn’t say anything, I didn’t need to. I
waited and listened, still rubbing Jade’s back.

“I don’t think she’s slept in weeks, and not
because of the shooting. That girl is broken. Until she got the
restraining order, I didn’t realize how broken. I see now though.
By law I have to take her, but as I stand here watching her, I
can’t. When she wakes, call me back. If you don’t, I won’t be as
nice the next time I visit and you will come with me in cuffs.”

I nodded and watched as the detective left.
Jade didn’t wake once and I settled back against the bed
headboard.

Jade

I was warm. I hadn’t been warm or comfortable
in weeks. I hadn’t slept for more than a couple of hours in weeks.
Vanilla and coco invaded my senses and I took deep breaths, taking
as much in as I could. My chest ached and I didn’t want to wake
from this dream. I didn’t want to wake and see I wasn’t home. I
hated what my heart and body felt was home. I should have learned
by now you can’t rely on people. I couldn’t trust anyone with any
part of me.

Sighing, I stretched my well-rested body and
slowly opened my eyes. I knew what I’d see. I knew who I’d see. I
tried to muster anger, but right now I didn’t have anything left.
“I still hate you.”

“Jade, I’m so, so, sorry. I love yo—”

“Don’t. Don’t you dare say it. I swear if you
finish that sentence I will never forgive you.” I could handle a
lot but hearing those words from him I couldn’t take, especially
now.

“I thought it was me and my family causing
you to get hurt and shot at.”

“Oh so it’s okay now because it was my family
who was trying to kill me?”

“Yes, no. Can’t you give me a break?”

“What like you gave me when I needed you
most, when I awoke in hospital all alone after being shot?” I
whacked him with my cast as I still couldn’t use my other one. I
don’t know why he brought out my violent side but he did.

“That was hard for me too.”

“Bullshit. You pushed your way into my life
from the get-go. I pretty much begged you to stay away from me. I
told you I couldn’t handle your kind of ‘love’. I can’t do this,
Stephan. I won’t put myself through this again.”

“I promise I won’t ever hurt you again.”

“You’re a liar.” I climbed off the bed. “You
don’t know how not to hurt me. All you’ve done since you met me is
hurt me.”

Stephan got of the bed and reached for
me.

“Stay back. Don’t you touch me. Don’t you
ever touch me again.”

In usual Silverman style Stephan didn’t
listen to me and gathered me to him, cupping my face and forcing me
to stare at him. “No. You’re mine. I will always want you and I
know you don’t want to hear this now but I need to say it. I love
you. I will always love you, Jade. I regret the last few weeks more
than I regret anything in my life. I was scared. Terrified. I never
wanted this. What you and me have. Before you I hadn’t ever had a
relationship with a woman or girl other than my aunties and mum.
I’d seen how us Silvermans acted with our mates and I didn’t want
any of it. Then I saw you and knew I wanted exactly what they had
and more with you. Please, Jade, give me another chance. ”

Shit. I could feel my will crumbling and any
fight I had against Stephan vanishing. Gazing into his deep blue
eyes, I groaned, “I hate you.”

“You’ve said that.”

“Well I mean it.” Jerking from his hold, I
paced. “You get one more chance. I swear, Stephan, that’s it. If I
feel any unwanted pressure I will never, and mean never, give you
another chance.”

He smiled and his damn dimples popped. I
prayed I’d done the right thing.

*****

Stephan

“Man, I advise against this. You’re young to
have a girl’s name tattooed on you.”

“Oh, my brother won’t regret this.” I grinned
over at Derick. I told him what I had booked and he was eager to
come and watch.

“If you say so, man.”

I okayed the design and laid back in the
chair. The outline started, which was the most painful needles.

“So why isn’t this girl with you here?”

“She’s having a movie night with her
girlfriends.” I closed my eyes and pictured her as he did his
work.

“You’ve had the tat booked in for weeks
though.”

“Yeah, I wanted it before her birthday. It’s
Saturday. I’ve planned a huge party and my parents have bought her
a car.”

“Wow, sounds like a lucky girl.”

“I didn’t know you’d had it booked for that
long, Stephan,” Derick said.

“I booked it when she moved in.” I opened my
eyes and looked down at Stew, the best tattoo artist in the state.
“She deserved that and much, much, more.”

Stew paused and looked up.

“She been through some things?”

“To hell and back over and over. She turns
eighteen this weekend and has one hand in a cast and the other in a
sling from being shot and that’s just her arms.”

“Christ, man. She sounds like one tough
bird.”

“That she is.”

“Well I hope she loves the tat.”

I wasn’t sure how Jade would react to the
tat. The last couple of days since Jade had come back home, she
wasn’t in the kitchen baking and dancing, and she wouldn’t sleep in
my bed. I came to her room to sleep and she wouldn’t let me in the
covers unless I at least had boxers on. She didn’t snuggle in the
morning and she wouldn’t go anywhere with my family. My mother had
invited her shopping, a spa day and just out to lunch, she’d
declined everything. She dropped the restraining order, but avoided
my touch. I needed something to show her how serious I was and
there was no one else for me, I loved her.

Yesterday she’d seen her doctor to check her
cast and to see if she could take the sling off her other arm. Jade
wouldn’t let me be in the room with her and the doctor and I
worried when she took longer than the fifteen minutes I was told
she’d be. Jade came out bright red and would barely look at me. I
asked her what took her so long and she turned a deeper shade of
red if at all possible. She was given prescriptions but refused me
taking her to get them, I left the subject when she begged me to
leave it alone and she promised as soon as we got home that she’d
get my mum to take her to the chemist. I was curious but left it
and tried to ask my mum but she wouldn’t tell me.