Still Fine at Forty (9 page)

“Time for me to unwrap my gift,” he said as he pulled down my bra straps and unhooked my bra. He cupped my breasts in his hands and kissed each one. I moaned with excitement.

His fingers drifted down to the top of my underwear and he playfully lingered there, teasing me with his light touch on my stomach and hips. Then he pushed my underwear down and my panties dropped to the floor. No more material stood between our naked bodies.

“I noticed the large bathtub,” he said and lifted an eyebrow. “Want to give it a try?”

I nodded. Every time I looked at that tub, I imagined Cody and me in it.

He grabbed my hand and led me into the bathroom. When he bent down to fill the tub, I was treated to a wonderful view of his scrumptious backside. Everything about Cody was incredibly hot.

As the bathtub filled, Cody turned to me and nuzzled my neck with shiver-inducing kisses. He grabbed my earlobe between his teeth and nibbled on it, which sent another roll of shivers down my entire body. Then he grabbed my face and kissed me, trusting his tongue in my mouth. Our tongues danced as the sound of water ran in the background. I was incredibly turned on.

Cody ran his fingers lightly up my thighs until he just reached the top and teasingly held there. I could feel myself dampen between my legs. When he ran his fingers up my thighs a second time, I moaned.

He released me and said, “I think the bath is ready.” He turned the faucet off the stepped into the tub. “The temperature feels perfect.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me into the tub with him.

As he sat down in the tub, he pulled me with him so that I was positioned between his legs, my back resting against his chest. He took a washcloth and soaped it up. He pushed me away from him a bit and lightly washed my back. The act was so sensual, it nearly took my breath away. I had my eyes closed, but I could hear him gathering water. Then I felt him pour it down my back.

For as long as Rob and I were married, we had never bathed together, not even on our honeymoon. I had no idea what I had been missing.

Cody moved his attention to my arms and washed both of them. He gathered water in his cupped hands and poured it over my arms. When he was done, he pulled me into him again and began to caress my breasts. His touch on my nipples was so light, my breath caught. As he continued to circle my nipples with his thumbs, I squirmed in delight. I had never been so turned on in my life.

“I want you so badly,” I said. “I need to feel you inside me.”

The yearning I had for him was incredibly intense. I wanted him to fill me up. I longed for the ultimate connection between our bodies.

Cody rose from the bathtub and pulled me with him. “I have to dry you off first,” he whispered in my ear. “But don’t worry, I’ll make you wet again.”

We stepped out of the tub and he grabbed two towels. He wrapped one around his waist then took the other and dried my body very carefully. I was amazed that something as simple as being rubbed with a bath towel could be such a turn on. But Cody did everything with such a loving and careful touch, it kept me in constant arousal.

When he kissed me again, I could feel his hunger and desire for me. As our tongues entwined, my passion ignited and I longed for release. To my surprise, he grabbed me into his arms, cradling me, and carried me to the bed. He placed me on the bed and straddled me.

As he kissed me, his fingers moved down between my legs and when he felt how wet I was, he moaned.

“I want you so badly, Jenny,” he whispered into my ear.

I needed to feel him inside me, to relieve the tension building deep in my core. “I want you,” I replied back. “Please.”

This time I had strategically placed a condom on the nightstand in full view. He grabbed the package, ripped it open and slipped it on. Within seconds, he was inside me, filling me with his manhood, where he belonged.

We were both so excited, it didn’t take long for us to climax together and fall into a heap of spent desire on the bed.

After he cleaned up, he lay down still naked beside me. We were both facing each other. I couldn’t help but notice the full extent of the scars on both of his upper arm and chest. 

“What happened?” I asked, as I carefully touched the scar on his shoulder.

He carefully removed my hand from his shoulder and kissed my fingers. “It was a long time ago,” he said. My question seemed to shut him down. I didn’t like it when he closed down so quickly and completely. I sensed there were things he wasn’t telling me and that they were important.

It hurt that he wouldn’t talk to me about his past. That he didn’t want to share that part of himself with me, especially after we had just shared every part of our bodies with each other. I moved away from him.

“What’s wrong, Jenny?” he asked, reaching for me. I moved further away.

“I want to know everything about you,” I replied with a bit of anger in my voice. “We’ve shared our bodies, but you don’t want to share anything else with me.”

“That’s not it,” he said. He had a pleading look in his eyes. “I had a terrible childhood. It was really bad.
Obviously.” He motioned toward the scars. “I don’t want you to have to hear about all of that nasty stuff.”

I took his face into my hands. “Maybe I want to hear about it. Maybe I want to know everything about you.”
Because maybe I’m falling in love with you. Those were the words I longed to say, but was still too afraid. I felt like it was too soon.

“Maybe I don’t want you to realize that you’re too good for me,” he said. “What does it say about a person when his own mother can scar him for life?”

When I looked into his eyes I saw pain and anger so intense it scared me to the core. I gave Cody a light kiss on the lips. “Maybe you’re perfect for me,” I whispered. With those words, I could feel the tension that had been building in Cody release from his body.

“I’m glad you think so,” he said as he leaned over and kissed my forehead. He didn’t seem convinced though. 

Now what, I wondered? Here I was snuggling in the arms of one of the most beautiful men I had ever seen. A man who wanted me, who made me feel desirable, and who thought I was too good for him. I never wanted to leave the warmth and security of his chest. Did I really have to go back to Phoenix?

What was I thinking? Of course, I had to go back. My home was in Phoenix. My job was in Phoenix.
Pugsy was in Phoenix. But I was conflicted. I wanted to see where our relationship would lead.

“I don’t want to leave tomorrow,” I admitted. “I’m not ready to go.”

“I don’t want you to go either. Is there any way you can come back?” he asked. He had a pained expression in his eyes. 

“Not that easy on a teacher’s salary. Maybe you could come to Phoenix? You could stay with me. It wouldn’t cost very much.”

He was hesitant. “That past I told you about that I want to forget? A lot of that past is in Phoenix.”

I put my hand on his face and looked into his eyes. “I don’t care about your past. We both want this. We have to find a way to make it work. Please think about it.”

I could see the wheels spinning as he thought about it. “My parents were very bad people, but some of the things I’ve done were very bad, too. I’m not that person anymore, but I don’t want who I was to interfere with who I’ve become and who I am with you now.”

A darkness
fell into his eyes. I wondered what could be that bad that he was afraid of losing me if I found out. I was both scared and intrigued. I didn’t want there to be any secrets between us but I wasn’t sure I wanted to know about those days from his past. Especially if they had the ability to jeopardize our future.

I leaned over and gave him what I hoped would be a reassu
ring kiss. It turned into much more as our passion for each other was reignited.

When he pulled away, he left me breathless. I longed for his touch, his taste, his scent like I had never longed for anything in my life. Would I really be able to handle being away from him for any length of time?

“You convinced me,” he said. “I’ll see if I can get some time off from my jobs in a few weeks.”

A few weeks seemed a really long time.

“But you have to promise me something,” he said, his tone serious. “You have to promise that no matter what happens, no matter what you find out, you will not let my past come between us.”

“I promise,” I said quickly, without realizing the implications of the deal I had struck.

Eight

On the drive home, Mel was quieter and more introspective than I had ever seen her.

“What’s on your mind?” I finally asked.

“Marvin,” she admitted.

“You said you’re going to see him again in a few weeks. He’s flying out to Scottsdale and renting a condo for a long weekend.”

“I don’t think I can wait a few weeks,” she whined. “I miss him already.”

I shook my head in disbelief. “I didn’t think I’d live to see the day when Mel fell hopelessly in love.”

“Do I really have it that bad?” she asked.

I nodded.

“Oh, God, what have I done,” she moaned.

I chuckled. “It’s not a bad thing,” I said trying to reassure her. “Marvin’s a good guy and he’s obviously crazy about you.”

“He is that.” She blushed.

“At least you and Marvin have made definite plans to see each other again,” I said with a bit of envy in my voice. Cody expressed his desire for me then let me go. I had no idea when I would see him again. I dreaded the inevitable follow-up; if I’d ever see him again. 

“What are you talking about?” Mel asked. She seemed truly puzzled by my remark.

“Cody,” I said. “I don’t know when I’ll see him again.”

She laughed. “That was a vacation fling, Jen. Please don’t take it so seriously.”

I felt like she had slapped me in the face. She considered her time with Marvin a relationship, but the time I spent with Cody was just a fling. I didn’t think I could let it go.

“I have feelings for Cody,” I said. I could feel a lump forming in my throat. The last thing I wanted to do was start crying. I swallowed and took a deep breath.

“He’s twenty-nine. You’re forty. Did you really think the two of you were going to settle down and live happily ever after?” she asked a bit too harshly.

I could feel the anger building and I tried to hold back long as I could. She had a lot of nerve, was all I thought. I tried to remain as calm as possible but I could have spit bullets at her. “Marvin is 55 years old and you’re only 40. That’s a fifteen-year age diffe
rence,” I said.

Mel let out a single laugh. “That’s completely different.”

“Why?” I asked a little too forcefully. “Is it different in your case because the man is older and that’s what society expects?”

She didn’t respond.

I shook my head. “I really didn’t think you were that kind of person, Mel. You typically thumb your nose at social norms of any kind. Great time to start bending to social pressure.”

She exhaled a deep sigh. “I just don’t want to see you get hurt.” 

“I guess it’s too late for that because I’m crazy about him,” I said completely throwing all caution out the window.

“Prepare for an uphill battle,” she said. “Love doesn’t always conquer all. He’s a good looking guy. You’re far away. I don’t think it will be easy to maintain the long distance thing.”

Then I realized what she was saying. Not that he was too young for me; that I was too old to hang on to him. Every ounce of self-doubt I had as a woman in middle age came crashing down on me and I felt overwhelmed by it. Maybe Mel wasn’t just saying what she said to be mean. Maybe she was speaking the truth and I was just too caught up in the afterglow of a glorious week to see it.

When Mel dropped me off at my house, I felt exhausted and glad to be home. I was excited to see
Pugsy. But I also missed Cody already. How was the even possible? It had only been a few hours seen I’d seen him. Yet the longing in my heart was very real. At this rate, how would I ever survive the weeks or months until I saw him again? If I saw him again. What if he did find someone else? Someone closer to his own age. How could I ever compete? I knew I couldn’t.

When I walked inside, I noticed Lizzie was sitting o
n the couch watching The Stock Exchange. Unbelievably, Pugsy was sleeping on her lap. I always wondered if deep down Lizzie had a bit of affection for the pug. I approached quietly, trying not to wake the sleeping dog.

“How was the trip?” Lizzie asked when she saw me.

Pugsy lifted his head and when he saw it was me, he hopped down from Lizzie’s lap and scampered up to me with his tail wagging.

“I had a much better time than I ever imagined,” I replied, bending down to give
Pugsy some attention. I scratched his back, then he rolled over and I scratched his belly.

Lizzie rose from the couch and eyed me suspiciously. “Did you meet someone?”

I debated the pros and cons of telling my sister about Cody but before I could make a decision, she jumped to her own conclusion.

“You did,” she said. “I can see it in your eyes.”

“And just what do you think you can see in my eyes?” I asked in disbelief.

She continued staring at me. “You had sex, didn’t you?”

Sex was definitely not something my sister and I discussed on a regular basis. I didn’t respond.

“I’m taking your nonresponse as a yes,” she said. “Was he cute?”

“That’s not exactly the word I would use to describe him,” I said thinking about his muscles and rugged good looks.

“He wasn’t a nerd like Rob, was he?”

“Rob wasn’t a nerd,” I said a bit too defensively.

“I always thought your ex was too big of a nerd to be such an asshole,” she said.

“Don’t be afraid to tell me how you really feel,” I said and smiled. It felt nice to joke around with my sister. I didn’t get to see that this side of her very often. “So, why are you in such a good mood?” I asked.

“I finally get to go back to my own house and not have to deal with
Pugsy anymore,” she said.

On hearing his name,
Pugsy whined. I bent down and gave him a quick scratch behind the ears.

“The two of you looked like you were getting cozy on the couch,” I joked.

“Pugsy was sucking up to me because I just made a boatload of cash playing the market.” She pointed a finger at me. “Don’t think for a minute that means I’m not going to collect for dog-sitting.”

Lizzie grabbed her purse from the living room table and rifled through it. She handed me two receipts. “One’s for
Pugsy’s food. The other is for a new toy I bought him.”

I grabbed the receipts then looked around. I didn’t see a new toy anywhere. “Where’s the toy?”

“I had to throw it away. He tore it up a few minutes after I gave it to him.” 

Now you know why I don’t buy him toys, I thought. I looked more closely at the receipt.
“Twelve dollars for a toy!” I shrieked.

She shrugged. “
Pugsy has expensive taste. And don’t forget I charge twenty dollars per day sitting fee.”

My sister was quite a shark when it came to money. She said she wanted to retire by the time she was forty and I thought she could probably do it.

I grabbed my wallet from my purse and handed her $130 dollars.

She grabbed the cash. “You never did tell me about the guy. What does he do?”

Oh, no, I thought. How do I explain his situation? I treaded very carefully. “He’s an artist.”

She frowned. My sister, the actuary, did not like artistic types. She liked Wall Street types and CPA types. “Is he famous?” she asked.

I shook my head. “Not yet.” I dreaded the next question and the inevitable look of disdain that was sure to follow.

“Does he support himself as an artist?” she sneered.

I hesitated, which was probably even worse than responding. She glared at me. “If he doesn’t make money as an artist then you can’t really call him one, can you?”

I realized what a horrible mistake I had made even mentio
ning anything about him to my sister. But if I was going to have a future with Cody, she’d have to find out about him eventually. She was, after all, my only real family.

When I looked at her again, she was still glaring at me. “How does he support himself then?” she continued. I now felt like I was being interrogated.

I took a deep breath and said, “He has several jobs. He’s a Jeep tour guide and he works at a coffee shop,” I said.

I could see a look of sheer and utter disgust cross her face. “Please tell me you’re joking,” she said.

I shook my head.

“Was it some kind of drunken one-night stand to finally get over Rob?” she asked.

“First of all, I hardly drink. So no, I wasn’t drunk. And second of all, I’m not the type of person to have a one-night stand. Trying to get over Rob, maybe a little at first, until I really got to know Cody.”

“This isn’t going to turn into some kind of relationship, is it?” she scoffed.

“And what if it is?” I shot back.

“You can’t honestly be thinking about having a relationship with a Jeep driving coffee server.” She glared at me.

“Why not?” Now I was the one glaring at her.

“You’re an educated woman.
An English teacher. You’re still attractive for your age. You can do so much better.”

I knew my sister was trying console me in her own warped way but she sounded so smug and superior. I wondered what she would say when she found out he was 29, three years younger than her.

“Men aren’t exactly beating down the door to take me out,” I admitted.

“Have you even tried? I mean really tried?” I detected a note of sincerity in her voice, even though it was slight.

“I really like Cody.” At this point I had zero interest in going out with anyone else.

“How can a man in his forties not even have a career?” Lizzie asked more as a judgment than a question.

When I didn’t respond, my sister furrowed her brows. “How old is he?”

I gulped. This was it. No turning back.
“Twenty-nine.”

“Twenty-nine!” she screamed back at me. “Are you insane? He’s younger than me!”

“I may be an English teacher but I can do the math,” I said.

She grabbed her purse and headed toward the door. “I can’t even deal with you right now. Call me when you regain your sanity.” Before I could stop her, she had slammed the door behind her.

Was I really insane to think I could sustain a long distance relationship with someone eleven years younger than me? I wasn’t sure but I knew I wanted to try.

***

Cody phoned me every night after he got off work. Sometimes we talked until the wee hours of the morning. I was off from school, so I knew I could sleep late, but I was worried about Cody, since I knew he had to get up early most mornings for Jeep tours.

“Are you sure I’m not keeping you up too late?” I asked one night as it approached midnight. It had been about three weeks after I’d gotten back to town.

“It’s worth it to hear your voice,” he replied. “And I’ve got some great news.”

I hoped it was that he was coming to visit. My body was going into withdrawal. Now that I had sex again, and it was beyond good, it was difficult to think about anything else.

“Do you have plans this weekend?” he asked.

“Are you asking me out?” I teased.

“I got the weekend off so I could come down to visit.”

“I can’t wait to see you,” I admitted.

“I can’t wait to see you, and feel you, and touch you, and taste you,” he said.  

My heart fluttered with excitement and anticipation.

***

On Friday evening, I had already bought groceries and planned on cooking a special meal for Cody. I wanted to stay in and have the evening to ourselves.

When I let him in, Cody radiated with so much charm and testosterone, my knees got weak. Luckily, he swept me into his arms and gave me a passionate kiss. It didn’t take long for his mouth to become familiar with mine and for our tongues to find our erotic rhythm. I loved the way he tasted, like cinnamon. And as I inhaled his familiar musky scent, I was overcome with a wave of desire so intense, my body shuddered.

We both stopped to take a breath before the intensity of our reunion consumed us.

“You must be starving,” I said.

“For you.” He gave me a mischievous grin.

“I just went shopping and got tons of groceries,” I said as I grabbed his hand and let him into the kitchen.

“I love your house. It’s so warm and inviting. Just like you.”

I smiled.

As soon as Pugsy heard us enter the kitchen, he lifted his head from his pillow and perked up his ears. He ran over to Cody and sniffed his leg. “I assume this is Pugsy.”

I nodded.

Cody hunched down and scratched Pugsy’s back.

“Keep that up and he’ll be your best friend,” I said.

Pugsy jumped up and tried licking Cody’s face. “I guess you’re not the only one who wants to kiss me,” he joked.

Cody rose and
Pugsy lumbered back over to his pillow for a snooze.

“What do you feel like having?” I asked opening the refriger
ator. “I bought fresh tortellini and we can make a quick marina sauce and a salad.”