Still Water (30 page)

"I know he will. I just want him to make his choice. I'm not trying to be a jerk, I'm just watching out for my brother, my blood. Lily, you seem real good for him. This is the happiest I've seen him in years. But I'm just saying I hope you let him come to his decisions on his own. He doesn't need to get hurt again. You guys are just starting out. I'd hate if—"

"I understand," I interrupted and placed my towel on the counter. Todd needed space, he needed his daughter, and I was just a distraction. As much as I'd grown to love Todd in this short while, I couldn't let him make the wrong choice. I couldn't let Molly grow up in a one-parent household; she needed her mother and father. Colby was right, Todd and Emma were close, and I hindered them from trying to make it work. I loved Todd enough to let him go, to let him live the life he deserved. "Thanks for the advice."

CHAPTER FORTY-TWO

Todd

"
W
HAT ADVICE."
L
ILY LOOKED PALE, AND
Colby's face was lined with remorse. "What the hell did I miss?"

"Nothing Todd, do you mind if I use the restroom while you get our stuff ready to go?" Lily's eyes were blank, and her body was stiff. I suddenly had the urge to punch my fucking brother.

"No problem, baby." I watched Lily move uncomfortably from the kitchen. "What the hell did you say to her?" My hands bunched into fists.

Colby blanched. "Nothing man, I just told her she needs to step back and let you make your own choices." My jaw clenched, and I grabbed the collar of his shirt. "Dude, chill out, I was just looking out for you. I don't want some chick messing with your head again."

"I fucking care about this girl. I want her in my life." The fabric of his shirt strained as it twisted in my fist. "You need to mind your own goddamn business."

"You've known her little over a month, and I see how she controls you, man. I watched this shit go down with Lizzie," Colby's voice wavered. He exhaled harshly, and I released him from my grip. "I love you, and I can't watch you destroy yourself over another girl. All I was saying to her, and she didn't let me finish, was that she better be all in or all out, 'cause you deserve all in Todd, nothing less."

My little brother never had much tact, but his dumb ass heart was in the right place. "Colb, you gotta let me handle my own shit. I've changed. I've grown up. I have a little girl that means more to me than anything. Don't worry, I got this."

"You better, that's all I'm saying. I don't want you to disappear again, alright?"

"I'm not going anywhere." No matter what, I wouldn't lose myself again.

L
ILY WAS SO GOOD
with Molly. When they met for the first time, I was nervous all of this would really set in, and it would prove to be too much for her. But when I saw my daughter cling to Lily's leg on Wednesday in the kitchen, ice cream dripping down Molly's face, I could see how bright my future could be. There were times today I actually believed that my life was headed in the right direction. There were moments when Lily wasn't paying attention, and I watched as she naturally mothered Molly. Like how she played with Sailor and Molly on the floor, her smile bright as she braided their doll's hair, and how she wiped Molly's mouth during dinner and gave her Eskimo kisses every time Molly giggled. This woman had claimed my heart entirely over this past week. I was sure if I had to I could do this alone, but Lily's acceptance of Molly into her life so fully, had me wanting more, had me thinking crazy thoughts like what our children would look like.

But now, as the truck moved easily down the freeway, my earlier feelings of security were starting to fade. Lily had been quiet the whole way home, her silence expanded after we dropped off Molly. She didn't say one word. The night had been perfect until Colby opened his stupid mouth. I wasn't sure what Lily was thinking, but I could tell she was shutting down, and I wasn't having it. The small attempts I tried at getting her to open up were shot down with words like
'I'm fine'
and
'I'm just tired.'
The truck tires splashed the puddle in the pothole in front of my driveway. Before I even had the keys out of the ignition, Lily was out of the truck, door shut, and was walking up the front path. Seth's car wasn't here, and that was probably for the best because it felt as if things were about to get ugly.

I shut the front door while Lily dropped her bag on the sideboard. She stood there, stock still, her eyes casted down, and my breath caught. The tension was so thick I couldn't seem to make my lungs take in any valuable oxygen. My words were failing me. I had to fix the damage Colby had inflicted, and this was the only way I was capable. Lily's hair was pulled back in a bun, the long black and white striped skirt she had on just barely skimmed the floor, the black V-neck she wore fit her curves effortlessly. Everything in me cried out to touch her, to feel her skin, to taste her lips. It felt as if my time with her was fleeting. She was like sand, and I was going to watch her slip through my fingers. I lifted my foot to take the step I needed to be closer to her.

She held up her hand to stop me. "Don't."

"Don't what?" I didn't listen to the protest as I tried to draw her into a hug. She pressed against my chest attempting to push me away. My fingers enclosed around her arms gently and held her in place. The green in her eyes was vivid as she met my stare. "Don't what? Do this?" My mouth collided with hers; she resisted at first, but that only made me more anxious for her to submit. My lips eagerly moved against her still mouth, my tongue licked at the seam, and, like always, she finally let me in. The earlier tension subsided, and I moved my hands to her lower back, pulling her against me. I needed her to feel me. "Don't let what my brother said ruin our night. This is you, baby, see what you do to me?" She groaned as I pressed hard against her. I took her hand in mine and led her to the bedroom.

The door shut loudly behind us as I fitted her against me again. Our lips met once more, but this time it was much softer. She felt like satin and tasted like berries. Lily moaned into my mouth, her hands skated down my chest and pulled at the buckle of my jeans. I stopped her hand; I didn't want this time with her over too quickly. "Wait a second."

"I can't wait one more second, Todd," she said in a shaky voice and then pulled her shirt over her head. The pink color of her nipples showed through the navy blue lace of her bra. She looked incredible. Once she removed her bra, the peach color of her skin was only interrupted with the dusting of freckles. The curve of her hip taunted me, begged me to grab her and take her against the wall — to bury myself, take what I needed… what I wanted. My breathing became uneven as I knelt in front of her and effortlessly pulled her skirt and panties down. The tip of my nose brushed low across her stomach, my lips tasting her as my hands eased her legs apart.

"What are you doing?" she asked breathlessly.

"Taking what I want." I stood and removed my shirt. Lily's impatient hands undid my buckle, my clothes now on the floor. I grabbed Lily's ass and lifted her as she instinctively wrapped her legs around my waist. That was the thing with us, everything was second nature — we didn't hesitate, and we didn't fumble. With her it was always flawless motion. Lily's back hit the wall, and her breast pushed against my chest as she lowered herself down just enough to tease me, to make me groan.

"Take what you want, Todd." Lily's eyes were lit with desire as I thrust myself inside her, her body pulling me in deep. Our lips moved fiercely as I took her against the wall. Lily lifted her hips urging me on.

"Hold onto my shoulders." She complied as I carried her to the bed, not breaking our connection as I sat on the edge of the mattress. She started to roll her hips, taking control as my hands gripped her waist while roughly rocking into her. Lily ground her hips down, her thighs tightened their grip around me as she came, her body pulled me over the edge, and I came hard with her. Our moans were muted as we devoured each other, our mouths moved smoothly together and our breathing slowed.

"Damn." I was breathless. I rested my forehead against hers. Lily could be soft and tender one minute and rough and raw the next, but no matter what she did, she owned it, and I fucking loved every piece of her. I was ready to tell her how I really felt. "Lily, I lo—"

"I'm leaving, Todd." Lily pulled away from me, and it was then I noticed the tears, the tears that stained her cheeks and poured from her eyes.

"What? Right now?" I was confused. Had I been too rough? "I didn't hurt you did I?"

"No." She stood and started getting dressed. I grabbed my boxer briefs and pulled them on.

"Then why are you leaving?" My stomach started to ache as her crying became uncontrolled. She rummaged around my room gathering all of her things, and I started to panic.

"We shouldn't have… I didn't want to do that." She was gasping for air as she spoke.

"What baby, talk to me, say something that makes sense." I stood behind her as she filled her bag. I turned her and forced her to look at me. "Please Lily, I'm starting to feel sick. What's the matter? Is it…?" She attempted to pull away from my hold. The imaginary rope that bound us together was frayed and ready to snap "…
Just… goddamn it, just talk to me
." I swallowed down the metallic taste in my mouth.

"I'm moving back home, Todd." My pulse rushed with dread, and I tried to govern my breathing. "I made the decision tonight at your parents. I got a letter last weekend from the music college I was supposed to go to, the one my father always wanted me to attend, remember?" I nodded, my alarm building. I was losing her. "They're letting me back in, they're reinstating my scholarship. It was his dream… it was my dream."

"So this was a goodbye? You thought you would just fuck me and then leave?" My agony was turning to anger. This wasn't Lily; she wouldn't do this to me.

"No, oh God… Todd I… I didn't mean for that to happen, I never wanted to—"

"Hurt me." I finished the sentence for her. It was a statement that I was too familiar with.

Lily wiped the tears from her eyes. "
Shit!
Todd, I don't want to leave… but this is best for both of us. You have a daughter now… you have a child to raise. Getting into this school was everything he ever wanted."

"What do you want, Lily?" I didn't hold out hope that it was me.

"I want the dream, Todd."

Those five words chewed up my fucking heart and spit it out.

"If that's what you want, I can't keep you from it… I won't keep you from it. You do what you need to, Lily. I need to start taking care of myself." The desolation was like a thin layer of ice on my skin. My hands dropped from her shoulders, and the small distance was enough to pull me under.

She nodded and grabbed the last of her things. Every item she placed in her bag was like a stab to a vital organ, and I was bleeding out. I fucking loved this girl, and she was walking away.

CHAPTER FORTY-THREE

Lily

T
HE LIE LEFT A BITTER TASTE
in my mouth. I didn't want the dream — I wanted him, but in the end it didn't matter what I wanted. He needed to raise his little girl; he needed to start taking care of himself. Todd wouldn't look at me as I left his room. I inhaled one last breath of him before I opened the front door. I tried to memorize the feel of his body against mine, the way he always claimed me as his, the sound of his laughter, and the way he said my name with such devotion. The cool night air burned, and I started to feel anxious with the distance building between us. I couldn't let myself forget.

Just before the door shut, I heard a loud crack like glass breaking.

"FUCK!"
Todd yelled the word at the top of his lungs, it was drawn out, and the pain in his voice cut me. Every fiber of my being wanted me to go back and tell him I love him. Tell him I choose him, but that was selfish… and he deserved so much more.