Stories From the Shadowlands (25 page)

Day 5

Today I had a class called physical education, and I had to change clothes in a locker room with other young men. A few of them, named Aden, Ian, and Levi, seemed somewhat shocked by my scars. I am so used to them that I had forgotten that they would set me apart, but when I look at my body next to theirs, the contrast is striking.

So was their attitude toward them. They seemed to think these scars of mine were somewhat awe-inspiring. One of them used the words “bad ass” but apparently this is not an insult, though it certainly sounds like one. Of course I could not tell them the truth, that all of my scars—the slashes, the stab wounds, the bite and claw marks—they come from Mazikin, and they accumulated over the course of twenty-five-thousand days in the underworld, the afterlife. Death.

Instead I told them that Bratislava, though a beautiful city, is sometimes a rough place. I also told them that I once spent a summer with an uncle in a traveling circus and wrestled a bear. It was hard to explain the slash marks across my back otherwise. I thought none of them would believe me. They asked me if I was “shitting” them, and I said I most certainly was not. How utterly disgusting. Once I assured them that I would never do such a thing, they seemed to accept my lies as truth.

We played football during the class. Except here it is called soccer. It has been so long since I played. I think I did not embarrass myself, but I tried not to stand out either. I’m not sure I was successful. Many of them, both male and female, stare at me as if they know I don’t belong here.

Lela drove me home. She had another doctor’s appointment this afternoon. But she stood just inside the entryway of the Guard house and kissed me for a few minutes, sweet and frantic. It has left me aching. I never thought I could want like this. Because I don’t just want her body; I want to see inside her and know her mind.

I want so many other things, too. I look at these people around me, and their lives appear free of violence and fear, at least the kind of fear that I lived in my life, that invaded every moment until at the end we were all soaked and weary with it. It is amazing how many thoughts you can have when you don’t have to worry constantly about attack. I have had a taste of that now, and I cannot help but crave more. What might it be like, to live a whole life like that? So many things would be possible.

Day 6

The Mazikin have revealed themselves. Here, we do not need to wander aimlessly on the streets, because technology helps us hunt them. One of them was filmed in a nearby city, loping down the street on all fours. Lela says she knows the location and said she is going to ask her foster mother, Diane, if we can “go out.” With any luck, tomorrow we will patrol.

Day 7

Lela and I are going to patrol tonight, but we are telling Diane we are going to the theater. Diane insisted that she meet me and my host father before she allows Lela to go anywhere with me, and so Raphael and I are going over there in a few hours.

This is rather exciting for me in a few different ways. I am eager to patrol again, to begin to kill the Mazikin before they have much chance to spread. But I am also eager to meet Lela’s foster mother, and to show Lela that I am serious about courting her.

I must go now. A terrible yet familiar racket is coming up from the basement of this house, and I suspect Michael has arrived to arm us.

Day 8

Things have changed yet again.

Lela and I patrolled last night. We caught no sign of Mazikin, but we were set upon by two young men who wanted to rob us. One of them had a gun, and the feeling of it against my back aroused such intense anger in me that if it weren’t for Lela, I think I might have killed them both.

I disappointed her. Well, she says I scared her, but to me it is the same thing. I made a mistake. I could have gotten myself, and worse, her, in trouble. I wanted to talk to her about it. More than that, I wanted her to kiss me and wrap herself around me and make me forget what I had done and felt toward those boys, just for a moment. But when we arrived here at the Guard house, we discovered a surprise.

Two more Guards have been assigned to this unit. The elder, Henry, is from the Wasteland. He is quiet and hollow-eyed, but I think he is very serious about the mission. The other, Jim, who looks Lela’s age (I suppose I look that age, too), appears very un-serious. I heard him sneak out of the house last night, and I have no idea where he went, but he has not returned yet. Something tells me he is not patrolling.

Lela will be picking me up for school soon. Again, I cannot wait to see her face, to learn what it can tell me about her mood, what she thinks of all of this. She was sharp and focused last night as she discussed strategy with all of us, but I could tell she felt unsure of herself. I had no idea how to support her apart from taking her orders, because we are not alone anymore, and I will not embarrass her or undermine her by expecting special treatment. I will follow her lead in this, and I will not let her down again.

Day 9

Another eventful night. Where to begin.

We suspected the Mazikin might be possessing people who are living on the streets, people without homes. We patrolled in an area where more Mazikin have been filmed.

Lela chose to patrol with Jim instead of with me or Henry, but with good reason. When I returned home from school yesterday, he was here, but he had ingested a large quantity of alcohol and made himself sick and intoxicated. Henry helped me deal with him, and seemed as annoyed as I was, but perhaps not as angry.

“You will disappoint the Captain,” I told Jim as I dunked his head in the shower, trying to bring him back to his senses. He had just vomited all over our bathroom, including in the bathtub.

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” Jim said. “Definitely won’t be the last, either.”

I wanted to slam his head against the wall. “Watch yourself. The mission here is critical, and our Captain needs our help.”

“Oh, I’ll help her.” This came with a leering, lewd sort of look that brought my rage to the surface, but before I acted thoughtlessly, Henry intervened.

“He’s drunk and stupid, Malachi,” Henry said. He has a flat, loose sort of accent. Very different than Philip’s was, but still very American. “Let me take him for a while. You can get more towels. And maybe some bleach or something.” The place reeked of alcohol and vomit.

By the time Lela came to pick us up, we had Jim presentable. But Lela has a canny way of reading me sometimes, and I suspect my loathing of Jim made Lela choose to patrol with him simply out of a desire to keep us apart and to keep an eye on him. This left me with Henry. It was a quiet evening and we saw no Mazikin—but Lela and Jim did, and Jim’s rash actions nearly got Lela arrested. The first I heard of it was a terse text message to my portable telephone (this is properly called a “cell phone” or sometimes just a “cell”).

Jim had been insubordinate. But when we tried to talk to him about it, he jumped out of the car and fled. We spent hours searching for him. Lela was terribly upset, I think, but trying to maintain her composure, and she did a fine job of it considering the circumstances. Jim has still not returned, and part of me hopes he won’t. If he does, though, he and I will have a talk. He put Lela’s life in unnecessary danger last night. That is inexcusable.

It is Saturday, so Lela and I will not go to school. Instead, we are going to “volunteer” at a local shelter where people who are homeless can go to get free food. I think this is a rather nice thing, but we will mostly be there because it is near the area where the Mazikin were sighted, and we wonder if the nest is in the area. It is a good plan, and I cannot help but be proud of Lela for taking the opportunity offered by Tegan, despite her distaste for the girl. Really, they could not be more different, and I can tell Lela is put off by the girl’s wealth and privilege. Lela is not from that social class, and she is not comfortable with Nadia’s friends, though they seem to be trying to reach out to her. But then again, Lela has been hurt, and I think she isn’t comfortable with many people, and sometimes isn’t comfortable in her own skin.

I wish she could see what I see.

I can hear from the clatter in the kitchen that Henry is awake. Perhaps he’ll be interested in training with me. But first maybe I should teach him how to use the microwave.

Lela is due to come over in a few hours. And again, I can’t wait to see her, to touch her, to know what she is thinking about today. I believe Henry senses how I feel about her, but he also seems to be a discreet man who is able to keep his opinions to himself. The only thing he has said was late last night, when we got home from searching for Jim.

“Seems like you know the Captain pretty well.”

“Well enough,” I said.

His brownish-gray eyes seemed to see more than I wanted them to. “Seems personal between you two.”

My guard immediately went up. “She is the Captain and I follow her orders.”

“She’s also a beautiful girl with a spitfire attitude. Must be hard to keep your thoughts where they belong. All I’m saying. No judgment here.” He walked up the stairs to his room, like he knew I wouldn’t—couldn’t—argue.

Because he was right.

Day 9 [2
^nd
entry]

I killed a boy today. A few hours ago. I thought he was a Mazikin, and he was chasing Lela, and all I could think was that I would not allow his dirty fingernails to tear her skin. It seemed so simple in that moment. So clear. I saw her face, wide-eyed and scared. I saw him, skinny and filthy and reaching for her.

I buried two knives in his chest. I killed a second Mazikin as it charged down the stairs. I got Lela out of there, and Henry drove the car. I was so angry with her for putting herself in that kind of danger, and so relieved to have her alive and close, and then she made me understand the truth.

The person I killed was a boy she was trying to rescue. An innocent boy captured by the Mazikin. An innocent boy. Innocent.

And with distance, of course I can see it, how scared he was. It was not the eager, greedy look of a Mazikin as it reaches for its victim—it was the desperate, terrified look of a boy reaching for his savior. If I had been thinking, if I had paid attention, I would have seen that.

But because Lela was between us, because I thought she was in danger, I didn’t think. I just killed.

It made me realize how warped my thinking has become. Though I should have seen it long before now. Ana called me out on it days ago, when she was still with me, and I ignored her. I was blinded by Lela, lost in her, and now a boy has died because of it.

So I made a decision: there can be nothing between me and Lela. Whatever love and affection I have felt for her, I am going to crush it, burn it, forget it. She doesn’t understand yet. She tried to argue with me. But she’s not the one who killed a CHILD. She does not have to live with that on her conscience forever.

I hurt her. I hurt her, and that is unforgivable, too, and the look on her face as I told her I didn’t love her made me want to fall to my knees and wrap my arms around her waist and press my face to her body and beg, beg for her to forgive

She will come around. She is the Captain of the Guard, and I will be professional, and she will be professional, and things will work much better.

Day 10

Last night I dreamed that I stopped myself. I saw the look on the boy’s face, and I helped him and Lela out of the nest, and then we burned it down. And then Lela looked at me, her face practically glowing, her amber eyes undoing me, and she

I’m fine. I’ve trained for a few hours. I’ve examined maps of the area where the Mazikin nest was—the creatures have cleared out and burned it down themselves, but they’ll need another place to stay. The Captain is coming by shortly to take us on patrol. Jim seems ready to do his duty. Henry is steady. This is good. We are a unit. We have a mission. I will devote everything I have to seeing it through.

Day 11

Every time I close my eyes I see him, and her, and the way they looked as I destroyed their hearts, one with blades, one with words
.

We got home from patrol late last night. All was quiet. We followed our orders. I think the Captain was satisfied. I trained for a few more hours once we got home. I will be faster and stronger the next time I find a Mazikin.

I have asked Henry to drive me to school. I think it will be less
painful
awkward that way.

Day 11 [2
^nd
entry]

The Mazikin possessed a classmate of mine named Aden Matthews. I knew this boy; he was among the friends of Nadia that
Lela
the Captain and I sit with at lunch. We suspect it was Ibram who took the boy’s body and, using the boy’s memories, realized that the Captain and I are here. He called her from the roof of the school, where he taunted her, then promptly jumped, committing suicide in front of at least a hundred of our fellow students.

The Captain was self-possessed and commanding during this incident and in the hours since. She gave us clear orders and we followed them. Now she has come up with a plan to infiltrate one of the camps where homeless people congregate, as they appear to be targets of the Mazikin.

I have just been with her, preparing her to face this challenge. We sparred, and for the first time, she bested me. She caught me by surprise, and used her quickness, her explosive power, her ability to keep moving and not freeze up when under threat. She is such a fighter. So fierce.

She was like an avenging goddess, and I wanted her to devour me. And then she dropped her blades and put her hands on me, and it was all I could do not to give in. I wanted to roll her over and crush her to the floor and kiss her hard enough to make her forget everything I have done

We remained professional. I believe she is ready. I am glad to see her fighting so well. It means I do not have to worry about the Captain’s safety, which means I can focus on doing my job.

I do think she needs a pair of gloves, though. Her fingers get so cold, and she needs full mobility in them to handle her knives. I will acquire a pair for her and have Henry take them to her.