Stork Naked (31 page)

“And a cat,” Pyra added. Both dissolved back into laughter.

Woe turned to Morgan. “Did I do it right? I screwed your kitty.”

The Sorceress turned angrily away without bothering to curse again. For half an instant the child's expression darkened because of the rejection, but in the other half of the instant it brightened into secret satisfaction. The spell had been broken; she was no one's love-slave.

“What am I missing?” Surprise asked, annoyed. “I have no idea what's going on.”

The stasis spell broke. Che came trotting over. “Nothing,” he said to Surprise. “You are missing nothing you need to know, you sweet person, and are the better for it.” Then to the child: “That was very good, Woe. Thank you for intercepting the spell meant for me.”

“I had to help,” Woe said bashfully. She seemed to have about half of a childish crush on him, perhaps a fading legacy of the dissipated spell.

“You did. You saved me from an extremely awkward enslavement.” He glared at Morgan. “Get dressed, you lady canine. You wasted your Hell-spell and can have no further power over me.”

“Bleep,” the Sorceress muttered with extremely bad grace.

Surprise gave up on the baffling riddle. “Why did she want to stop you? You were only bringing the children back after she agreed to free them.”

“To silence me, when she discovered that I had been rendered partly immune to the stasis/silence spell,” he said. “Because I bear the news that she did not honor her part of the deal. She did not free the children.”

“That was an accident of timing,” Morgan said.

He ignored her. “They freed themselves, and Cadence was carrying them here when I intercepted them.”

“Cadence?”

“Cadence Centiger.” The creature came forward. She had the body of a white tiger, the forepart of a female centaur, and wings. “The children freed her too,” Che explained. “Actually they worked together. They were already free before you talked with Morgan, and I think she knew it.”

“Already free?” Surprise repeated blankly.

“Therefore she reneged on her part of the deal. So you aren't bound by yours. You can take your baby.”

“I can take Prize?”

“As I understand it, yes.” He glanced at the others. “Do you agree?”

Stymy nodded. “I agree.”

Pyra considered, then nodded also. “As I understand it, yes.”

“Dang tooting!” the peeve said.

“And we can all go home,” Che concluded.

“Not yet,” Monica said, her tone oddly mature for her age.

Surprise looked at the child. “You aren't ready?”

“We have to free all the others the Sorceress sent to the other realm, now that we know how to do it.”

“Of course,” Surprise said. “I'll take the baby, and support you in what you have to do.”

“I think not,” Morgan said from by the house. She picked Prize up from the bassinet. “I am keeping the baby.” She stepped quickly into the house and slammed the door behind her.

“Bleep,” Che said, uttering a rare imprecation. “She acted too quickly. I should have blocked her.”

“She won't hurt the baby physically,” Stymy said. “She wants to save that body for herself.”

“I'm not completely sure of that,” Pyra said. “She might choose to sacrifice the baby rather than lose it.”

“Then I must go in and take it from her,” Surprise said.

Che shook his head. “She's a Sorceress. She can throw magic at you that you've never seen.”

“I've seen it all,” the peeve said. “I'll help.”

“You will need more,” Pyra said. “I'll help.”

“So will I,” Stymy said. “I will try to find the baby and take it outside.” His beak curved somewhat. “I promise not to take it away from you again.”

“In that confined space, more of us might only get in each other's way,” Che said. “Suppose I go with the children to free the other captives? Woe Betide knows how to do it.”

“Whatever works,” Surprise agreed, heading for the house. Most of what she could think of was her baby. She had almost been cheated of her most precious thing!

The peeve settled on her head, and Stymy and Pyra flanked her. They went up and tried the door, but it was locked. “I can burn through it,” Pyra said.

“Whatever,” Surprise repeated. Her heart was pounding.

Pyra put one hand on the knob. It heated, and the wood around it smoldered. Then it came loose in her hand, together with the lock. She pushed the door with her other hand and it swung open. She hadn't had to burn the whole door, just the lock.

They entered. Surprise didn't know what to expect, and wasn't disappointed: there was nothing. They were in the antechamber.

She was about to go to the main room, but the peeve halted her. “It's a trap,” it whispered. “She's hiding behind something, ready to attack you.”

“How do you know that?” Stymy whispered.

“It's standard operating procedure, SOP. I learned all about it in Hell, from some of the worst in the business.”

“Then I'll spring the trap,” Pyra whispered. She walked into the room.

The Sorceress pounced on her from behind something, stabbing downward with a knife. The blade touched Pyra's shoulder—and melted.

“Well, now,” Pyra flared, the flames brightening the room.

Morgan hit her with a freeze spell. The flames were snuffed, and ice formed on Pyra's head and shoulders. She dropped to the floor, stunned. It seemed the Sorceress had been ready for her.

Surprise stepped into the room. “I want my baby.”

Morgan whirled, another knife appearing in her hand. She stabbed underhanded this time, aiming for the gut. “Knife,” the peeve said belatedly.

The knifepoint touched Surprise's stomach—and stuck there. She had made her skin develop a surface of tarry cork. The knife was caught. “I want my baby,” she repeated.

“It's mine,” Morgan said. She picked up a chair and hammered at Surprise with it.

“Club,” the peeve said. “Third weapon will be a rope or net.” Meanwhile Pyra was recovering and getting to her feet.

The knife dropped to the floor as Surprise let that talent go and took another. This time her skin became like steel. The chair crashed against it and splintered.

A net appeared in Morgan's hands. She flung it over Surprise. But Surprise's body became like Pyra's, with little flames dancing on its surface.

The net puffed into fire and ashes. The peeve's warnings, now coming just before the events, gave Surprise the leeway she needed to prepare counters to the threats.

“Dragon next,” the peeve murmured in her ear. “SOP.”

“Then try this,” Morgan said. A dragon appeared, a steamer, blowing out white vapor that could cook whatever flesh it touched.

Surprise became an ice dragon, whose breath sucked the heat out of everything it touched. It nullified the steamer's heat and sent it running. Then she oriented her nose on Morgan herself, but the Sorceress was already retreating.

Where was the baby? That was all Surprise really wanted. She saw Stymy checking around, searching for it.

“Small monsters,” the peeve said.

There was a loud scuttling. Half a slew of nickelpedes appeared, heading for her legs. It would be difficult and distracting for the dragon to freeze them all. So she conjured a local flood of mild acid. It didn't burn her own legs, but stifled the nickelpedes, who could not breathe. They scuttled desperately, mainly out of the house.

“Medium monsters,” the peeve said.

They appeared almost but not quite immediately. Huge mean dogs, blood red including their blazing eyes and glistening teeth. They massed and charged, and Surprise lacked room to evade them.

“Bloodhounds,” the peeve said. “Make a lake of blood.”

“Thanks, peeve.” Surprise conjured the lake, filling the cellar of the house.

The hounds smelled it and dived into it, utterly diverted. They had no further interest in the living folk, who had very little blood in comparison. In hardly more than a moment they disappeared.

“Foiled again,” Morgan muttered.

“Take the offense,” the peeve advised.

Morgan threw a fireball at it, but the peeve jumped clear so that it passed harmlessly, then settled back on Surprise's shoulder. “Nice try, harridan.”

“How?” Surprise asked. She was unable to concentrate properly amidst all this distressing violence.

“Make the house invisible,” Stymy suggested. “So you can see only the people—and the baby.”

Brilliant! Surprise focused, and the house disappeared, along with the pool of blood. All that was visible were Surprise, Pyra, Stymy, the peeve, Morgan—and the baby, nestled in a little hammock that had been concealed by two items of furniture: an easy chair and a difficult chair.

“Curses!” the Sorceress swore. She ran toward the hammock.

“Blast her!” Pyra urged. “While she's distracted.”

It was possible. But Surprise could not bring herself to do such harm to a living person, even an enemy. Instead she conjured the baby to herself. As she did, the house reappeared, as she could not exert two talents at the same time. But now she had the baby in her arms.

“You spared her,” Pyra said.

“It was the right thing to do.”

“So it was,” Pyra agreed, seeming oddly relieved. Surprise didn't have time to wonder why the fire woman should be relieved that Surprise had not done what she urged. Surprise had to get away from the Sorceress before worse happened. She turned and started for the door.

“Not so fast, innocent,” Morgan said. “Now choose: protect the baby, or protect yourself.”

“Huge monster,” the peeve said.

There was a ghastly bellowing roar that shivered the timbers of the house. “What is that?” Stymy asked.

“The Prime Monister,” Morgan answered. “Returned from the other realm.”

“Oh, poop!” the peeve said. “Conjure yourself away from here. Now.”

“And leave you, Stymy, and Pyra? I can't.”

“Use your magic to protect the baby,” Morgan suggested.

“Don't listen to her,” Pyra said. “Save yourself.”

Surprise conjured an invulnerable capsule around the baby, proof against heat, cold, or magic. But that left the rest of them vulnerable. She couldn't borrow another talent without losing the one that protected the baby. “Carry this away to safety,” she told the stork.

Stymy hooked his beak into the loop on top and lifted the capsule. But before he could depart, the Monister's feet landed on the house, splintering it. Its head crashed through the roof. All they could see was its gaping mouth. Rancid drool rained down around them.

“My turn,” Pyra said. “If you die, I lose.” She leaped as the jaws snapped shut, her body blocking them so that they could not close on Surprise.

But the teeth did not crunch Pyra. Instead she flared so hotly that they melted. She became a veritable fireball, charring the Monister's tongue, lips, and the roof of its mouth. Then the fireball rolled on into its throat, roasting its flesh along the way.

The Monister screamed in agony and fled, smoke pouring from its nostrils.

“Thank you, Pyra,” Surprise said weakly, disturbed by the Monister's pain.

“Oops,” Stymy said.

Surprise looked at the capsule. It was empty. “But it can't be!” she exclaimed. “It's proof against magic.”

“The witch pulled another fast one,” the peeve said. “That was a mock baby. It disappeared when the capsule cut off the magic.”

“But then where is the real baby?” Surprise asked, dismayed.

“Where you'll never find it,” Morgan said. “Ha ha ha.”

“What can I do?” Surprise asked desperately. “She's too devious for me.”

“You can agree to let me keep the brat, and get your nice little behind out of here,” Morgan said.

“I can't do that.”

“Maybe I can persuade you. Where she is now she will die slowly of exposure, with much crying along the way. If I can't have her, you can't either. At least with me, she'll survive.”

“Don't make any deal with the Sorceress,” Stymy said. “You can't trust her; you know that.”

“But I don't want Prize to suffer.”

“The female hound will make her suffer worse, in the long run,” Stymy said.

“But still—”

“There's bound to be a trick,” the peeve said. “Take time to fathom it before you make any decision.”

That seemed to make sense. “I'll wait.”

“It's the brat's funeral,” Morgan said. “Assuming they ever find the body.”

“Cover your ears, Surprise,” the peeve said. “I'm going to get rid of her. I don't want you to hear what I'm about to say to her.”

Surprise did so. That blocked off the sounds the peeve sent hurtling toward the Sorceress. Even so, Surprise's hair curled and frizzled, the backs of her hands stung, and the few splinters of house timbers that hadn't already burned charred now. It was the verbal torrent from Hell.

The Sorceress retreated before the barrage, and was gone. The peeve went silent, with only a few wisps of smoke drifting from its beak. Cautiously, Surprise uncovered her ears.

“Well spoken,” Stymy said, brushing off singed feathers. “That would have done a harpy proud.”

“Someone had to say it,” the peeve said. “I do have harpy ancestry.”

They made their way out of the wreckage of the house. And paused, amazed.

There were children, people, and creatures all across the landscape. King Dolph, with several members of his party. The centiger Cadence, who evidently knew them all, was checking them off a list she had. She saw Surprise emerge, and called to her. “I am making sure no child gets left behind. Then we'll have to see about getting them returned to their families. Ted, Monica, and Woe Betide are with Che Centaur, locating them, bringing them across, and teaching them how to do it so they can never be trapped that way again.”

“Trapped where?” Surprise asked.

“In the other realm. It's like Xanth but largely unoccupied. The Prime Monister built a castle there and enslaved all those the Sorceress Morgan le Fey sent across. Now all of us are free, or will be as we liberate them. We owe it all to Ted, Monica, and Woe Betide. I don't know how we can ever thank you.”

“I didn't do it,” Surprise said. “I'm just trying to recover my baby.”

“I saw the Prime Monister come to the house,” Cadence said. “I saw him flee, so knew you had somehow bested him. The Sorceress must have brought him and the bloodhounds across. We are so glad to be rid of them! Are you a Sorceress yourself?”