Authors: Evelyn Rosado
I clutch his head and pull his lips on to mine. I know this is stupid. I know it’s not right. But it feels right. I want to let go. I can’t. I don’t want to. He grabs me, pulling me closer. He doesn’t want to let me go either. I can feel it. He doesn’t say it, but I know it. He pulls my tank top over my head as our tongues coil together and devour each other’s mouth. He buries his nails in my lower back, grating my skin. It feels amazing, I want more. It’s painful but it’s I need more of it. My hands trace over his chest, caressing his nipple. I swallow the moan he makes in his throat. I skim his nipple with my thumb, making him breathe heavier in his nose. His fingers release from my skin and up to my bra, yanking it off and throwing it against the bathroom door behind us.
I pull back, sucking breath after breath and my body is quivering beyond control.
“Brynn,” he says his face flushed, his eyes dripping with need. I fold my arms over my breasts looking down at the floor. “What’s wrong? Tell me what’s wrong.”
I want to speak, but the words lodge in my dry throat. I know this isn’t right. I just can’t be with someone who refuses to give all of him to me. I know the words I want to say to him. They ring clearly and loudly in my mind, but I can’t say it. I just can’t. I want to scream that I’m afraid without him. But I can’t. I put my thoughts in a dark corner of my mind.
I swallow hard and my gaze returns to him and at his abs, they constrict with each breath. I rush him again, mashing my mouth against his hot, sinful lips. I push him against the wall and yank his shorts down to his ankles revealing his fully erect cock. I grab it, first caressing it then stroking it violently. The back of his head hits the wall and he moans.
“It feels so good,” he says. I wrap my left arm around the back of his neck and crash my lips onto his, still pulling, massaging him with my right hand. I can feel his length hardening with each tug.
Pre-come drizzles out of his head, coating my fist. He’s ready. “Get a condom,” I say. My voice is commanding. He nods and rips my shorts off. Desperate, hungry, he picks me up and I tangle my legs around him. He throws me on the bed, my legs spread eagle and he buries his face between my thighs. Within moments I scream. I grab the back of his head and mash him deeper on to my clit. His sweltering tongue flicks up and down, left and right and then he purses his lips on my clit, swelling it. He slides a finger into me and I buck my hips at him. I breathe heavy and uncontrollably as I climax, rivers of bliss pour through me.
“Chase, I want you inside of me,” I say.
He grabs a condom out of his drawer, ripping open the packet and rolls it down his length. I lie on the middle of the bed and he pulls me to the edge. He grabs his cock and splashes into me, both of us moaning. He thrust is savage like, fast and unrestrained. He looks down at me, the seed of thirst in his eyes. He tucks his arm under my waist and slides me up on the bed. He mounts me but I flip him over and plant my hands on his chest, forcing him down on the bedspread. I reach around and grab the base of his cock and slide down on top of him. My eyes roll back in my head. His jaws clench as he grabs my waist, bracing himself for the ride. I rock back and forth with a slow, jagged rhythm, flicking his nipple, and then pinching it gently. He lets out a monstrous gasp. I speed up, rocking against him. I sway my hips so hard, his body launches back up the bed. His face fills with redness.
“You’re so amazing,” he says not taking his eyes off of me. His hands move up from my waist to my breasts, kneading them. I grab his hands, demanding him to squeeze my breasts harder and harder. I rotate my hips around him slow, feeling every inch of him fill me up. My pussy is drenching and I speed up my rhythm to a forceful pace, making a sloshing, sloppy sound.
“It’s so fucking good,” I scream.
He yells, but I’m moaning so loudly, I can’t make out what he yells. His cock jerks upwards repeatedly and he gasps, climaxing.
I lose control. “Yes! Yes! I’m coming!” He looks deep into my eyes, almost into my soul and then time slows down. I want this moment to never end. The way he holds me, the way he makes me feel. I feel alive. I know it won’t last. I wipe the mist away from my eye, fighting so hard not to burst into tears. I snap back into the moment, the feeling surmounts me.
My pussy clenches around his cock like a vice and I shudder as white heat towers over me, blinding me in a zillion bright glittery pieces.
I plop down on to him, the both of us spent, breathing heavy. I still feel his cock pulsing between my wet, quivering thighs. I’m wondering what just happened. I know he’s thinking the same. Where do we go from here? I have so many questions, but I ask none. I lie there, on top of him, his arms gently wrapped around me. I feel so good in his arms, even though I know he doesn’t want me in them.
***
I can’t sleep. I’ve been lying here for hours and I still can’t go to sleep. I look over and Chase is out like a light. I exhale deeply. Coming here felt like a good idea, but I know I can’t stay. It only complicates things. When we wake up tomorrow, things will be the same. Nothing will have changed. I’ll have no answers and he’ll still keep me out of his life. Why did I come here? I don’t really know. I wanted to feel his touch. Being around him comforts me. Maybe a part of me thought having sex with him would make him tell me whatever he was hiding. I don’t want to believe that. I slide out of bed, trying my best not to wake him up. I pull my tank and my shorts back on and ease out of his apartment, closing the door behind me. It feels like I wasn’t there at all.
Chapter 9
Back at my dorm and after I got no sleep even in my own bed, I sit on my couch tearing off pieces of a sesame seed bagel and tossing them in my mouth. Not knowing the secrets that Chase is keeping from me gnaws at me like a mosquito trying to suck blood out of my skin.
I head over to Starbucks and after sucking down latte after latte at, searching page beyond page of search engine links on the Internet trying to find any information regarding a Chase Knight Alexander, I still get nowhere. I find zilch, zero, nada. He has a Facebook, but the information is basic. I know we’re from the same hometown. I found that out at the hospital. I nearly leapt from my bed when he told me that. He bounced around several high schools after getting kicked out. It’s odd that we never crossed paths. Not that I was in a popular crowd to begin with anyways.
The rest of the stuff on his page is basic. Favorite movies and musicians. Favorite athlete is JJ Watt. If he’s keeping something from me, he sure as hell wouldn’t put it on Facebook for the entire world to see. I can only access the rest of his info if I was his friend. I click the ‘add’ button. Well that really narrows it down. I realize that I know little about him, but he knows everything about me; my mom, the drugs, he knows about Connor. And he still won’t let me
in
. I shut the top of my laptop and head to the gym for a workout before my block of classes in the late afternoon to the evening.
***
“Jeez, what’s your deal B-Dawg?” Tessa says restocking our mini-fridge with waters and flavored electrolyte drinks. She sees the scowl I’m wearing on my face.
“Just a lot on my mind,” I say slamming my book bag on the desk in the corner.
“Well perfect! It’s spa night. I got the popcorn here and the sparkling water, the cucumbers for our eyes and our mud masks. Are you ready to de-stress?”
“I’m ready.” It’s times like these I’d pop a pill or do a rail or two. But I’m done with that stuff for good.
“You don’t sound like it,” she says standing up reading my demeanor. “What’s wrong?”
“Chase broke up with me.” And I have a stalker…make that
two
stalkers. But she won’t know that. I already told her about Connor. If I tell her about Aiden, it’ll be Defcon Five on campus with her.
“What? Why? Already? You two just got serious.”
“He told me he couldn’t let me get close to him.”
She playfully sticks her tongue finger in her open mouth. “Gag me, okay? Fucking bullshit, man. All that means is he’s a player and he doesn’t want to break your heart.”
“That isn’t it. It’s deeper than that. It’s got to be.” I’m leaning more towards player, too, but all of this seems so strange.
“It’s not. You haven’t been around the block as much as I have. That’s bullshit guy talk for ‘I like you a lot, but I want to screw other girls. Let’s just cut this off before it gets messy. Before hearts are broken’. Primarily yours.” She points her index towards me like an arrow.
“He’s not like that. There’s really something else to this and it bothers me. I saw the look in his eyes. This didn’t seem like this was about other girls. He looked and sounded terrified. Like it was from a dark place he didn’t like to acknowledge.”
“Brynn, tell me if I’m out of line for saying this, but with everything that’s happening in with you, don’t you think it might be wise to fall back and say you’re good on any more drama? Because that’s all he sounds like.”
I look off into through the window behind Tessa. “He gets me, okay. I’ve only known him for a short time, but I can feel it in my gut. He’s special. He’d never hurt me. He saved my life.”
“Well did you Facebook him?”
“Yeah, but there’s nothing really on his page.”
“Really? No introspective posts full of angst? No posts about depression or how much he hates his family?”
“Nothing. Google’d his name. Nothing comes up.”
“Well, he’s no younger than eighteen and no older than twenty three right?
“Right.”
Tessa pulls up her laptop and Google’s his name. “Middle name?”
“Knight.”
“Last name?”
“Alexander.”
She looks at me with a gleeful shock as I flop down on the sofa next to her, cracking open a bottled water. “What is he a knighted British icon? Sir Chase Knight Alexander,” she says with a faux English accent.
I nudge her harm. “This isn’t the time to be funny Tessa,” I say holding back laughter. “This is serious.” It’s one of the few times I’ve laughed in what seems like weeks.
After a few searches of her own, she finds nothing either.
She sighs. “This may be extreme, but…how bad do you want to know?”
“What do you mean?” My voice is inquisitive.
“My brother’s a state cop. I can have him run Chase’s name and do a background check. We can find out instantly.”
“He won’t get in trouble?”
“Adam? Please. He’s so high up on the food chain there, it’s no big deal. I’ve had him do searches on guys I’ve dated and you wouldn’t believe the shit that comes back. Trust me, if it’s as bad as he’s making it out to be, you’ll be thanking yourself for a million lifetimes.”
I nod reluctantly. “I just feel so petty shitty for doing this.”
“Life ain’t pretty. Brynn. Life ain’t pretty at all.”
I smooth the top of my legs with my hands. “Do it.” I don’t feel good about this at all.
“I’ll call him in the morning and we’ll get to the bottom of this.”
***
Tessa calls him at eight in the morning. But it goes to voicemail. She leaves all the info about Chase on it. Name, ages, eye color, hometown. All the basics. Hopefully it’s enough. But I don’t think there’s more than one Chase Knight Alexander in the state of California. After breakfast we wait around, not really saying much to each other. The tension is so thick it’s suffocating.
“You’re worrying too much. I’m telling you, it’s about a girl,” Tessa says walking back to our room.
“It’s something else. I can feel it in here,” I say pointing to my gut.
I look at my watch. “I can’t sit around and wait forever. I have class in a minute. If I don’t go now I’m gonna be late.”
“Okay. When he calls—”
“
If
he calls.” I say interrupting.
“He’s going to call. And when he does, I’ll give him your number.”
“Whatever.” I grab my bag and walk out the door.
Tessa’s phone rings.
It feels like there’s a vice grip in my stomach tightening up.
I’m only a foot out of the doorway and I turn around. Tessa and I both look at the phone.
She answers.
“Hey! Sorry to bother you with this.” She nods. They talk about family and plans for Thanksgiving.
I bite my lip.
“You owe me anyways, remember?” She laughs and hand me the phone.
Now or never.
“Hello?” I answer with a timid, shaky voice.
“Hey there, Brynn. I’m sorry I couldn’t get back to you sooner, I’ve been busy working on a huge project,” he says. He has a typical police officer voice, authoritative and confident.
“That’s okay. I really appreciate you doing this.”
“You don’t know how many boys Tessa has had me run. This isn’t out of the ordinary.” He sighs.
“Are you sitting down? What I found wasn’t entirely pretty.”
I struggle to swallow the lump in my throat. I brace myself for the worst. Maybe it’s nothing. Maybe Chase is just making this out to be bigger than what it really seems and is just embarrassed. We all have a fucked up past, especially me.
Especially
me. It was probably from a DUI or he sold weed and got caught. What else could it be? He already told me about his father and how he beat him half to death. If that wasn’t scary enough. But it was in defense of his mom. Any kid thinks about doing that when they feel up against the wall in that situation. Lord knows I did. This had to be something deeper, something darker. Even Coach hesitated to tell me.
“Assault and battery…against his father,” he says Okay. Chase did mention that. “And—”
“And?” I ask desperately. There’s more?
“Destruction of property. A DUI. Third degree battery. Convicted of first degree rape—”
I think my heart just stopped.
“Wait I’m sorry. Go back. Did you say rape?”
“Yes. First degree rape. First degree meaning—”
I drop the phone out of my hands.
Part Two coming soon. Get Part One
here
Evelyn Rosado