Rose was exhausted as she made her way through the shadowy woods.
A full moon cast dancing shadows as the wind blew, caressing her with its soft touch. For the first time since she had started her secret school, she found herself not wanting to go. She was too tired to care right now. The combination of caring for Mistress Cromwell, continuing her regular duties, and fighting the battles raging in her heart had left her physically and emotionally drained. She had nothing left to give others, but she knew her students were counting on her. She had not even gone down to her mama’s for dinner. When the day ended she had fallen across her bed, too exhausted even to sleep. She had simply lain there, staring out her tiny window until the moon told her it was time to leave. Her students were already waiting for her when she arrived.
“Rose!” Coral exclaimed.
“We thought you wasn’t coming.”
“
Weren’t
coming,” Rose corrected. “I’m sorry I’m late.” She looked up and her eyes caught Moses’s gaze across the flickering firelight. He said nothing, but she knew he was worried about her. Knowing that he cared somehow gave her the energy to do what she had to do. She smiled and settled down next to the fire.
“You done heard anything about Sadie and the others?”
“Have you heard anything,” Rose corrected gently. She had become even more adamant about her students speaking correctly. It was necessary to keep up their old way of speaking in the quarters so as to not arouse suspicion, but when they were here she was determined to make them speak correctly. Another chance for freedom could come at any time, and more of them might be ready. If her only connection with freedom was preparing others for a new life, she wanted to do it right.
“Have you heard anything about Sadie and the others, Rose?”
“Good, Coral.
But, no, I haven’t. A note came from Adams the other day but Sam didn’t get to look at it, and Marse Cromwell didn’t say anything about it. But we know one thing for certain. As long as Adams is gone, he hasn’t found our friends. Every day moves them that much closer to freedom.” She tried to make her voice sound confident and strong, but she was finding it more difficult to push beyond her fatigue.
Moses, obviously sensing she was at the end of her rope, leaned forward.
“I don’t think we need to do any bookwork tonight.”
Rose looked at him startled.
“What do you mean? That’s what a school is for.”
“Maybe so,” Moses conceded easily, “but I know one teacher who needs a break from teaching.”
Rose felt tears sting her eyes, and blinked them back quickly. She stared at Moses wordlessly, not able to think of one thing to say in response to his astute observation.
Moses grinned triumphantly and looked around at the students.
He let the silence of the woods wrap itself around them, and then he began to sing. His deep, bass voice rose to mingle with the shadows swaying around them.
Come down angel, and trouble the water,
Come down angel, and trouble the water,
Come down angel, and trouble the water,
And let God’s chilluns go.
The other students smiled and joined in, their voices rising to the heavens in a weave of sorrow and hope. Leaning back and staring into the luminescent moon, they allowed their spirits to soar as song gave them wing.
Canaan land is the land for me,
And let God’s chillun go,
Canaan land is the land for me,
And let God’s chillun go.
There was a wicked man
And let God’s chillun go.
He kept them children in Egypt land,
And let God’s chillun go.
God did say to Moses one day,
And let God’s chillun go.
Say Moses go to Egypt land
And let God’s chillun go.
And tell Pharaoh to let my people go
And let God’s chillun go.
And Pharaoh would not let them go,
And let God’s chillun go.
God did go to Moses’s house
And let God’s chillun go.
And God did tell him who he was,
And let God’s chillun go.
God and Moses walked and talked
And let God’s chillun go.
And God did show him who he was
And let God’s chillun go.
As the song rolled to an end, voices faded into the night and joined with the chorus of frogs and crickets. Rose smiled at Moses across the clearing and raised her clear soprano to lead them on.
Good Lord, in the mansions above,
Good Lord, in the mansions above,
My Lord, I hope to meet my Jesus
My Lord, in the mansions above.
If you get to heaven before I do
Lord, tell my Jesus I’m a comin’ too
To de mansions above
My Lord, I’ve had many crosses an’ trials here below,
My Lord, I hope to meet you
In de mansions above.
All the longings of hearts long held in cruel bondage rose on the wind and joined in the grandeur of the night. The moon shone brighter and the air grew softer as the melodious strains spoke the hearts of the people.
Rose lost all track of time as one song rolled into the next.
All she knew was that the pain of her heart found an outlet as her voice rose to pour out her fears and frustrations, just as generations before her had done. Tyranny, torture, and suffering had not been able to stop the singing. Song put hope where there was none. It gave courage when there was none to be found.
Moses finally raised his hand and said in his deep voice.
“It’s time to head back to the quarters.”
Rose came to with a start.
A quick look at the moon told her he was right. They must have been singing for hours. The clearing emptied quickly, each student moving with the hope and purpose the singing had renewed in their hearts. Rose looked up into Moses’s eyes. “Thank you,” she said simply. There was so much more to say, but her heart was too full to find the words.
Moses looked down into her eyes and smiled gently.
Then he reached out and enfolded her in his arms. Rose gave a deep sigh and rested her head on his chest. She knew she was safe. Nothing could touch her when she was with Moses. The moon dropped lower on the horizon as they stood there, denying the reality of their bondage. For just this time, they were free to love, and their love knew no bounds.
“Look at me, Rose.”
Rose leaned back in his arms and raised her eyes to meet his. “I love you,” Moses said simply, his deep voice deeper still with emotion. “You hear me, girl. I love you.”
Tears sprang to Rose’s eyes.
“I love you, too, Moses.” She did. The vow she had made that she would never marry and stand the chance of her husband being sold flashed into her mind. Suddenly, her vow meant nothing. She had found the man that made the risk worth taking. She could no more imagine life without Moses than she could imagine ever giving up the dream of someday being free. Both of them had become as natural in her mind as breathing.
“I want to marry you, Rose.
I want to be your husband.”
Rose reached up to touch his face with her hand.
“I can’t imagine anything that would make me happier.”
A joyous smile wreathed Moses’
s face as he stared down at her. “You’ll be my wife?” he whispered incredulously.
Rose nodded, her own smile matching his.
“Glory!” Moses whispered.
Then he bent his head until his lips found hers. Rose once again lost all track of time as Moses’s gentle kiss claimed every part of her heart, mind and soul. Fatigue dropped away as a new life spread before her. She pushed away any fears of what the future would bring. Now was
here
—here in the clearing where she was giving this man all she was. She would not let what might be mar her newfound joy.
Moses finally lifted his head.
“You’ve got to tell Miss Carrie so that we can plan our wedding time.”
Reality brought Rose jarring back to earth.
Her lips still thrilled to Moses’s gentle kiss, but her heart was once more a raging fire.
Moses pulled back and looked at her closely.
“What is it, Rose?” When Rose shook her head, he took her hand and pulled her over to sit on a log. “My mama always said locking things up inside made things turn into a poison that would eat your soul. Seems to me that your mama would say the same thing.”
Rose looked at him and sighed.
She was afraid the poison was already doing its work. “You’ve changed,” she said suddenly. “Why?”
Moses
smiled but was not to be dissuaded. “I’ll tell you, Rose. But not until you tell me what’s causing the shadow in those pretty eyes.”
Rose looked away and stared into the shadows.
Slowly, she began to speak. “I do indeed have poison in my heart, Moses.” She faltered but stumbled on, determined to be honest. “More than anything in the world I want to be free. I want to follow my dreams. I want to live a life with you that won’t include fear we may one day be sold away from each other.” Her voice drifted off. Then she looked at him and spoke fiercely. “My heart is burning with hate. I hate Miss Carrie. I hate that she can have everything I want. Every time I see her, my dreams are thrown in my face, mocking me with how silly I am to ever think I can be somebody.” Now that she had started, her words flowed like the waters of the mighty James. Nothing could stop them. “I hate being a slave. I hate being afraid. I hate sneaking around in the dark to teach people how to read and write. I want to have a normal school—one where folks can come and not have to hide.” Finally, her face contorted and her voice broke with the pain she had been pressing in. “Oh, Moses, the hate is eating my heart.”
Moses held her close as the sobs wracked her slender body.
He held her and rocked her gently as she huddled close to him. Finally, her tears began to abate and her body grew still. Softly, he began to speak. “You asked me why I had changed. I aim to tell you.”
Moses looked off, a faraway look in his eyes.
“You know what I was like when I got to Cromwell. I was angry and bitter. I reckon I had every right to be. Anybody would be. I hung on to that hate and anger, knowing I had every right to it. Your mama made me real mad that night in her cabin when she told me the anger would hurt nobody but myself.” Moses paused. “She got me to thinking, though. You got a lot of time for thinking when you’re standing at the other end of a hoe out in the fields. I thought a lot about my daddy. He had a powerful yearning to be free, but he never hated anyone. I never understood why. I knew my daddy was a strong man, but in this one area I was afraid he was weak. I vowed never to be that way. Then I got to watching Adams real close.”
“Adams?” Rose echoed.
“Yep, Ike Adams. The more I watched him, the more I saw the poison eating his soul. He is a man full of hate. It pours out of every part of him. I finally realized I didn’t want to be like him. One night, real late, I came out here to the woods by myself.”
“When Moses?
When did you come?”
Moses cocked his head, thinking.
“I reckon it was about a month ago.”
“Right after everyone escaped?”
“Yeah, I guess so. Making the decision to stay behind meant I needed to learn how to live here for now.” He paused. “Anyway, I came out into the woods by myself and stayed here a long time. I did a lot of thinking about what your mama had said. I realized she was right. My soul is all I truly have. People, black
or
white, can destroy my body, but they can’t touch what’s inside.” Then his huge eyes filled with tears. Rose watched in amazement as one escaped and trickled down his face. “Someone came to me that night.” He shook his head in amazement. “I don’t reckon I can explain it. I didn’t see anyone. I just know someone was here—someone a heap more powerful than me. I know your mama would say it was Jesus. I can’t rightly say I know for sure. It was just someone shining a lot of love.” His voice trailed away and his face filled with awe as he relived the experience. “I gave everything to whoever was with me that night. They took all my bitterness and hatred, and gave me back strength and determination—determination not to let the poison take my soul. I ain’t gonna hate no more, Rose. I have too much living to do to concentrate on hating.” His voice rang out with confidence as he turned his shining eyes toward her.