Rose stared up at him.
She was glad for Moses, but his words did nothing to calm her own heart. She wanted them to. Oh, how she wanted them to. She looked into his eyes and tried to draw the strength there into her own soul. Finally, she shook her head and laid it on his broad shoulder. “I’m so happy for you, Moses.”
Moses put a finger on her trembling lips.
“Shh... You’re fighting your own battle. I told you why
I
changed. You got to find your own answer.” He smiled gently. “Let’s go. It’s time to get back.”
Rose, when she reached the edge of the clearing, lifted her head and kissed Moses, then waited until she saw him disappear into his cabin.
Instead of heading for the big house, however, she glided across the clearing to her mama’s cabin.
“Mama?”
Rose whispered into the darkness from the open cabin door.
“Rose
, girl? You be alright?
Rose moved into the cabin.
“Yes, mama. I’m not sure why I’m here,” she said slowly.
Sarah rose from her chair by the dark fireplace.
“Mama!
You’re not in bed?”
Sarah smiled.
“I was waiting for you.”
Rose gasped.
Her eyes had adjusted to the darkness, and just enough moonlight shone in for her to see the soft smile on Sarah’s face. She didn’t know why she was surprised. Her mama always knew when something was going on with her. Sarah opened her arms and Rose walked right into them. Long minutes passed while her mama held her and stroked her hair. Rose finally slid down on the floor and sat with her head resting on her lap like she had done when she was a small child. She knew her mama would wait for her to talk.
“My insides are all jumbled up
.” The gentle hand never stopped its steady stroking—it just became a little more tender. Rose blinked back the tears trying to escape. She thought she had already cried herself dry. Now there seemed to be a never-ending fountain. The anger was consumed by her fatigue. She simply felt an overwhelming sadness and emptiness. “Moses asked me to marry him.”
“Is that a bad thin’?”
“Oh, no!” she cried. “It’s a
wonderful
thing. I love him the way you loved Daddy.”
“I still love your
daddy,” Sarah said softly.
“I know,” Rose said.
“And I know your heart still feels ripped apart because he was taken from you. I’ve always been afraid of falling in love—of wanting to marry a man. I didn’t want to take the chance of hurting like that.”
“Can’t run from hurt, Rose.
You might miss some hurt, but you’ll also miss all the joys of livin’.”
Rose sighed and shook her head.
“I got poison in my soul, Mama.”
“Cause of all the hate there.”
Rose didn’t even bother to ask how she knew. She just nodded and repeated what she had told Moses in the clearing. Sarah’s hand continued its gentle stroking. The connection with her mama’s love helped Rose to keep going. “I want to get rid of the hate, but I don’t know how. Moses has changed. I want to change too. I just don’t know how.”
“That ain’t true, Rose,” Sarah said calmly.
“You say you want to change, but you ain’t really got to the place where you want to do it.”
Rose opened her mouth to protest and then closed it again.
Sarah continued.
“You been buildin’ up this hate fer a long time. Envy and bitterness are bad bedfellows. They eat your heart and then leave you fer dead. I know. They ate mine for a long time. I said I wanted to change, but I didn’t—not really. I’d gotten used to holdin’ all that hate inside.”
Rose didn’t bother to deny what her mama was saying.
In the darkness of the cabin, surrounded by her mama’s love, she was finally facing the truth.
“You got to hate the hate, girl.
You say you want to be free. Having your body free ain’t gonna do you no good if your heart ain’t free. Your heart got to be free first.”
“But how?” Rose cried, closing her eyes.
Silence was her only answer. She’d known it would be when she’d asked the question. She already knew the answer. Silence fell on the cabin as Rose fought the biggest battle of her life. All the past hurts reared their ugly heads to shout for justice. Images of Carrie living the life she longed for ran before her eyes. Memories of all the years without her daddy caused pain to sear through her heart. Overlaying all of them was the image of a heart oozing bitterness and hate—pulsating with an evil that would soon cause it to explode and destroying the very life it sought to find. Just when Rose thought she couldn’t take any more, a gentle light began to slowly illuminate the whole ugly mess. She knew she had two choices. She could give in to the hate, or reach out for the light and invite it into her life. Her heart pounded harder as she stared at her life. It was her decision. Slowly, in her mind, she reached for the light. As she stretched forth her hand, the light’s glow strengthened and brightened. The ugly scenes began to recede into the background. The oozing of the heart slowed. Eagerly now, she reached forth as far as she could.
God, take all the hate. Take all the hurt.
The light glowed with an intensity that hurt her eyes. The past faded from view. Only the heart was left—a glowing, pulsating heart—whole and healthy.
Then the tears came.
Rose collapsed on her mother’s lap as wrenching sobs consumed her body. The tears in the clearing had been tears of pain. These were healing tears washing her soul of the residue that had built up and cleansing her body of all the poison.
Sarah never stopped the stroking.
Finally, Rose pulled back and looked up. The moon shone bright on her face, merely illuminating the glow already there.
Sarah nodded.
“I know, girl. I know.”
Rose laid her head back on her lap.
She knew her mama knew.
Sarah waited several minutes and then began to speak.
“You know why I gave you the name Rose?”
Rose shook her head.
“You be named Rose cause I knew your life was gonna be full of thorns. But God told me you would truly be like the rose—the purtiest flower in the whole world. Not only would you survive them thorns, you would thrive right in the middle of dem. Your beauty would shine out to every person that be ‘round you.”
Rose laughed weakly.
“I’m not feeling much like a rose right now.”
“Don’t matter none how you feel right now,” Sarah said firmly.
“I’m gonna tell you one of the secrets of living, girl.”
Rose sat up straighter.
It wasn’t often that her mama told things directly. She usually asked questions and let Rose figure it out herself. If she was just going to say it, then it was really important.
Sarah looked down at her tenderly.
“You got to bloom where you’re planted.”
Rose stared up at her.
That was it?
Sarah smiled gently.
“I know you was the one to help all them slaves escape last month.”
Rose gasped.
“How?”
Sarah shrugged.
“God gave me a dream. But that ain’t what’s important.” She paused. “I know you gave up your own chance to be free. And I know you gave it up for me. You knows I would want you to take your chance to be free. And
I
know you wouldn’t ever leave your old mama.” A tear trickled down her leathery cheeks as she gazed lovingly at her daughter. Her voice cracked, but she continued. “I’m too old to be escapin’, Rose. I’m gonna end my life right here.” Sarah paused. “For now, that means your life gonna be here on Cromwell Plantation. That leaves you only one thin’ to do. You got’s to live as hard as you can where you be. You got’s to look deep inside and find out all the thin’s you got to give the world. Then you got to give it. You can’t spend all your days lookin’ backward. And you can’t spend all your days lookin’ forward. It’s today that counts, Rose. You’s got to bloom where you be planted. God’s got you planted here for now.”
Rose listened hard.
She knew her mama was right.
“Girl, you’s already been doin’ some bloomin’.
That school you have is helpin’ to fight the evil people has put us under. Teachin’ them folks how to read and write—you letting off a powerful perfume, girl. But nows you can bloom bigger and brighter without that poison eatin’ your heart. Use the gifts God done give you, Rose. You give ever’thin’ you can. God will make sure them gifts don’t go to waste.”
Rose nodded and then suddenly stiffened.
The sound of wagon wheels rumbled in the distance, growing closer. It could only be one person. She stood and crept to the edge of the door and peered out. Sarah rose to join her. The rumbling grew louder as the wagon appeared as a dark speck against the moonlit glow of the road. Rose strained to see the wagon. Were there people in it? She held her breath and peered out into the night.
Slowly, the wagon drew even with the cabin.
Adams was hunched on the front seat, obviously exhausted. But the wagon...the wagon was empty. Adams had returned alone. Her friends were free. Great tears rolled down Rose’s face as she watched the wagon disappear into the dark night. On the very edge of the horizon, she could see a faint glimmer of dawn. The night was gone. She must get back to the big house. Sam was probably frantic.
“Them folks wouldn’t be free if it weren’t for you, Rose,” Sarah said quietly.
“I’m proud of you, girl.” Then she added, “Moses be a fine man. He’ll make you a good husband.” It was the first thing she had said about Rose’s announcement. They had taken care of the important things first.
Rose turned, threw her arms around her mother, and hugged her tightly.
“Thank you, Mama,” she whispered.
Sarah finally pulled back.
“I know you’s got to go, girl, but I got one more thin’ I want to tell you.” Sarah moved back to her chair and sank down. “I had a dream a few nights ago. In that dream I was free.
Free!
Walking the streets of heaven hand-in-hand with my Jesus. There weren’t no slave or free there. Everyone be equal.” She paused. “Jesus told me somethin’, girl.” Once again her eyes filled with tears. “He done told me that people be people. As long as we live here on this earth, the sin in people will make them try to dominate, to prove they be better than others. It don’t matter none whether it be black, or white, or Indian, or anythin’ else. There will always be hatred in people’s hearts. We can only do two things. We can fight that evil all we can, and we can fight the hate that be in our own hearts.”
Sarah leaned back and closed her eyes.
Rose kissed her forehead gently. “I love you, Mama.”
TWENTY-SIX
“Do you really think staring out the window is going to make him come faster, Carrie?”
Abigail’s voice, though weak, was amused.
Carrie turned and smiled at her mother.
“I suppose not,” she sighed. Robert was coming today. The long-awaited day had finally arrived. In her mind, she had pushed away the things that might divide them and spent the weeks caring for her mother, dreaming of the good times she and Robert had shared. She needed the memories of the good times to keep her going. Then she grinned. “But if wishing
will
make him get here faster, he should be here any minute.”
Abigail smiled and then doubled over in a fit of coughing.
Carrie frowned and hurried to her mother’s side. She had done nothing but grow weaker in the last two months. September had brought some relief from the searing heat, but Abigail’s strength had continued to fade. Carrie had done all she knew to do. Medicine didn’t work. The herbs didn’t work. The love Thomas lavished on his wife didn’t work. Daily, Carrie watched the life ebb from her mother’s eyes.
Finally, Abigail straightened and
lay back against the pillows. Her face was flushed with the effort and her eyes had a glazed look, but she forced herself to speak. “I want you to go out with Robert, Carrie.” Carrie opened her mouth to protest that she wouldn’t leave her mother’s side, but Abigail fluttered her hand to stop her. “I’ll be fine. Her voice strained to continue. “You need to be with Robert.”
Carrie reached for her hand and pressed it gently.
“Don’t, Mama. Don’t try to talk. I’ll do it. I’ll go out with Robert.” She tried to sound cheerful. “I promised him months ago that I would take him for a tour of the plantation on Granite. I’m going to keep my promise.”
Abigail smiled and squeezed Carrie’s hand weakly.
“That’s good,” she whispered. “You’re a good girl, Carrie.” Her voice dropped away as she leaned back and closed her eyes.
Carrie knew her strength had been spent.
She freed her hand and once again took up her post at the window. Her gaze alternated between the bed and the road. She and her mother had grown closer over the two months they had battled her illness. She held no illusions that her mother understood her, but they had achieved a peace of sorts.
Carrie straightened and pulled the curtains back to get a better look.
A bright smile spread across her face as Robert appeared in the distance. She stayed where she was for a long minute, admiring the way he rode his horse so effortlessly. Snatches of happy memories flitted across the screen of her mind. She turned away and moved to her mother’s side. Deep, even breathing convinced her she was sleeping soundly. She tucked the blankets in a little tighter, leaned forward to plant a light kiss on her forehead, and left the room to run lightly down the stairs.
Thomas joined his daughter on the porch just as Robert pulled his horse to a stop.
“Welcome once more to Cromwell, Robert!”
“Thank you, sir.”
Robert vaulted easily off his tall chestnut gelding, then strode up the stairs and gripped the older man’s hand firmly. “How are you, sir? And Abigail?”
Thomas frowned.
“She is no better I am afraid,” he murmured, shaking his head. “We have much to talk about. I’m glad you are here.”
“And I’m glad to be here, sir.”
Eagerly, Robert turned to Carrie. He reached out to take her hand and smiled into her eyes. “Hello, Carrie. It’s good to see you again.” His eyes told her how very glad.
Carrie’s returning smile was tremulous.
Now that he was actually here, she realized how much she had missed him. She gazed into his deep brown eyes and drew strength from what she saw there. “Hello, Robert. I’m glad you’re here.”
“I’ll be inside,” Thomas said.
“We’ll talk later.” He disappeared through the door.
Robert continued to hold Carrie’s hand, smiling down into her eyes.
Gently, he led her over to the porch swing. Carrie sank into it gratefully. They sat quietly for a few minutes, simply enjoying the sensation of being together again.
Carrie finally broke the silence.
“How is everything at Oak Meadows?” It was a safe topic. As Robert described the wonderful harvest of hay and tobacco, she watched the handsome lines of his face. It was enough to have him there.
“It’s everything I hoped it would be, Carrie,” he said with a little-boy lilt in his voice.
“There is nothing now to keep me from doing all the things I have dreamed about over the years. School is behind me and I am free to make all the improvements and do all the expansions I’ve wanted to for so long.” Robert leaned back and stared out over Cromwell. “One day, Oak Meadows will be as glorious as Cromwell Plantation,” he predicted firmly.
Just then Thomas appeared on the porch again.
“Dinner is served,” he announced.
For the first time in weeks, Carrie found she was actually hungry.
Even her early morning jaunts with Sarah hadn’t been able to raise much of an appetite in her. Caring for her mother, and the concerns of her heart, had slowly sapped her vitality. She laughed aloud when a rumble burst forth from her stomach. “I’m starving,” she exclaimed as they walked into the dining room.
Thomas smiled.
“You’re going to do my daughter good. I haven’t seen this light in her eyes since she came home.” Silence reigned as they attacked the huge meal set before them.
When they were done, Thomas pushed his chair back and lit his pipe.
“Fill me in on what’s happening in the world, Robert. I feel so isolated from everything.”
Carrie smiled and settled back to listen.
She didn’t care that they were getting ready to talk politics. She was already feeling stronger. Energy coursed through her body as the food rushed to all the deprived areas, giving strength and life. Not until this minute did she realize she had been robbing her body of the very things it needed to keep going. Silently she vowed that things were going to change.
Robert settled back in his own chair, accepting the pipe Thomas extended to him.
He seemed to be deep in thought as he carefully tamped his tobacco and lit it, sending small puffs of smoke into the air. He gazed at Thomas through the smoke. “I think you know what is happening, sir. Things are playing out just as we suspected.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a sheet of newspaper. “Douglas was in Norfolk at the end of August. I decided to go listen to what he was saying so I could see for myself if there remained anything to hope for.”
“And?” Thomas leaned forward.
C
arrie found herself leaning forward with him. She fixed her eyes on Robert and waited for him to read the paper he was smoothing out in front of him.
Robert scanned the paper
until he found what he wanted. “Douglas seems to be the only one who is trying to make a real campaign. He’s going against the popular notion that a candidate stays home and lets his supporters speak for him. He’s getting out there himself.” There was admiration in his voice. “He is a brave man. A brave man fighting a battle he is doomed to lose however.” Discouragement thickened his voice. “When I went to hear him in Norfolk, he was speaking from the steps of City Hall.”
Robert looked down
at the paper. “Here’s some of what he said.” Thomas and Carrie settled back to listen. “’I desire no man to vote for me unless he hopes and desires the Union maintained and preserved intact by the faithful execution of every act, every line, and every letter of the written Constitution which our fathers bequeathed to us.’” Robert paused and quit reading for a moment. “He said that sectional parties, whether born in the North or the South are the great evil and curse of this country. That it was time for men who loved the country to see whether they could not find some common principle on which they could stand and defeat both Northern and Southern agitators.”
Thomas nodded his head.
“He’s right, you know.”
“Yes,” Robert responded
, “but the country is in no mood to listen to him. Someone in the audience yelled out and asked him if Lincoln were to be elected, whether secession would not be justified.” He began to read again.
“’To this I emphatically answer ‘No’. The election of a man to the presidency by the American people, in conformity with the Constitution of the United States, would not justify any attempt at dissolving this glorious confederacy.’”
Thomas nodded again.
“It would be folly for the South to secede before they have a chance to know Lincoln’s intent.”
“There was another question thrown at him,” Robert said.
“Someone asked him where he would stand on Southern secession if the cotton states went ahead and seceded before there was some overt act against their constitutional rights.” Once again, he picked up the paper. “Douglas responded: ’It is the duty of the President of the United States, and of all others in authority under him, to enforce the laws of the United States passed by Congress and as the courts expound them: and I, as in duty bound by my oath of fidelity to the Constitution, would do all in my power to aid the government of the United States in maintaining the supremacy of the laws against all resistance to them, come from whatever quarter it might.’”